₦airaland Forum

Sure, it can, if we have the will to make it happen. Job alone can't curb robbery. Change of attitude can.

I didn't call him yeye man o. I just have a feeling that he delibrately changed the FAshola to BABAshola and RAJI to RHODE. I may be wrong though. But if that is his motive, then he deserve a special KAI treatment.

Has anybody bother to ask the poster what he meant by originality? Has anyone bother to ask him to clarify by giving examples?

What did you mean by being yourself? If you have a detestable habits or you are endowed with repulsive character; if you have been acting quite (rightly) immatured, sensitive etc. Then you need to knnw that "originality" would reduce you to a slowpoke! While it is good to be yourself, it is best to understand what you are and how people see that "originality" you talked about.

Sometimes, you may be stunned to discover that your "originality" is anti social. You don't have to be somebody else. All you have to do is realise that something must change. Either you have to change, or you change the people you flock with. You cannot hate water and sit on the beach all day long.

If you haven't find people meant for you, then change your environment.

First I don't support polygamy because of the way children are being wasted. The parents, especially the fathers often get away with their carelessness while the mothers suffer to raise the kids.

Second, I am the nature of this case is delicate. And in truth, only Shariah court can adjudicate upon it. Human right groups are blind in their assumption that that the man is being victimise. All in all, the case does not attract capital punishment. In fact, the right groups are misplacing their priority. Many people are in jails standing trial for offence they never committed. Most of them forgotten in maximum security prisons. Condemned to death. Sadly, the right groups were just talking on newspapers instead of helping them.

Here is a man who committed what many of the right groups detested. An offence that is purely religious in nature and delicate, even in that religion. And then, the right groups are out to ensure the case is killed.

There were indication that Masaba charmed his victims before marrying them. There is a fact that his forthy something wife is related to the Emir. And many more.

While we should not condemn the man for being a moses who "hears" from God, we must be wary of encouraging "evil" to promote "Good".

I personally am keen to know the outcome of this case. It is a classical study for those of us that know little about the polygamy laws

Lol
you must be a clown! Well your man is ruling the most populous city in Africa. Kindly check him at Lagos State Secretariat on a week day. Or better still, place an advert in a newspaper.

@poster,
It is not too late. You may end up in early grave if you consume d negative comments you would get from people. Don't dispair. I read in paper every week of men looking for spouses who are around that age. What it mean is that you can find one ready man. But be careful. Don't try to wash of acid on your body with boiling water.

Oh topup, a mix-up there. Sorry. It wasn't chessguru I was trying to quote. At least not the above. Error regretted.


The relationship actually lasted 3 days! If she said yes to the guy after two days and then the guy stopped communicating after 5 days then, they merely related for 3 days. they are not really dating probably familiarising! I think from your experience, you should figure out something interesting about this strange affair. Let assume they lasted 5 days. Questions have to be asked. Are they meeting everyday? We know the guy calls up to ten times a day. Are they meeting one on one? How many times within the 5 days?

Next, an excitement about relationship must be borne out of the fact that there is something that trigggered expectation. Since the poster didn't provide that, then it is unwise to conclude for her.

I also wish to draw your attention to the fact that providence can bring 2 people together. You meet a lady who is in need and then helped her. Whatever the reason. Then you feel you want to "know her better" and told her so. Note that many ladies equate that statement to mean a "guy want a date". Aside from that, the man may as well just have platonic relation in mind, while the lady want to go deeper. She might have assume that the man's caring and friendly disposition to her mean special interest.

When the man noted this, he beat a retreat!

That is my own understanding. I have acted like that man on countless times. Often with the ladies disappointed. That is why I gave that explanation. I know from my experience, a finding that would astound ladies, that NOT every guys that is good to them want a date! Take it or leave it. Some guys just want to be friend and nothing more. Just don't follow him to his bedroom.

That stat you gave as 99.9% cannot be accurate. I strongly doubt it accuracy. Anyway, it doesn't matter. What matter is to be able to recognize whether the relationship is for real or not. Love shouldn't be blind.

@topup,
why must you assume that the lady want to curry favour from the man? What is so special about being in a media that would make any lady jump at a man?

I read through the post, but there is nothing suggestive of that assumption.

Chessguru was a bit right in a way.

By the way, topup, I strongly disagree with the notion that every partner get excited at the first few days of the relationship. People who had had broken relationship don't often get excited. Don't forget the man is matured. Possibly nearing his 30s or above. There are men who just play along. I don't know of women though.

@poster,
you might not have done anything wrong just as you might have done something wrong. In truth, reading your post, it appear you might have shown desperation. At least in his own reasoning. All the while you have been pestering him with calls, you are actually radiating desperation as far as he could see.

Next time it happen, always use a third party. For instance, the friend through whom you met him. Or someone that know the two of you. The third person would then do the job for you. That would save you this kind of humiliation in future.

Secondly, in truth, he might be busy. I refused to subscribe to the extremist thoughts till confirmed. You see, both of you are just less than a week in the relationship. This implies that you know virtualy nothing about him beyond "hello, how are you and work?". It is clear that he is avoiding you because:
1. You don't meet his specification and is trying to quietly walk out of the affair before it get deeper. I know this, because I have been there. A guy that don't want to use and dump you would not allow the relationship to grow beyond "how are you" category. If he sense it is getting to that level, he would start avoiding you until you get the message. Ladies should learn to respect such guys rather than condemn them. Some of them are just plain conservative and wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

2. He might have heard something negative about you that made him change his mind.

The above, are valid on the condition that he had not slept with you! If he had slept with you, then I can add more reasons to it. But I wouldn't want to be negative about anyone.

Solution.
Forget him. If he want you, he would return. If he doesn't return, then look elsewhere. But remember to learn your lesson. That is not to say that you must be rigid in future. Rigidity hurts more than heartbreak, sometimes.

I am impressed too.

Any pros and cons?

Yes and No!

Persona,
I think you are right there. Most of us pretend at the begining of r/ship. But many people don't see their own back until someone show them.

whitelexi,
rightly said.

Some guys pretend they are perfect when they meet a lady. Ladies are the greatest pretenders. Some wear make up that make the look beautiful. Once the make up are removed, one see a shadow of ugliness! Men pretend by buying gifts they know they can't afford, just to impress the ladies. Some brutes pretend to be complete gentlemen only to marry and become terror.

People said "Be yourself". But we know that many of us could not find it easy to do.

It takes courage to Be oneself. People who can do that are often unnoticed. That is why many young men and women pretend alot.

The guy want to add the drug to his innocent gal's food and make it look like miscarriage. Maybe the lady refused the D n C .nd the guy know it is better with drugs.

Anyway, why not post this on health section? Let doctors help you.

I am speechless!

So there is no one on nairaland that have underwent court marriage? That is interesting.

Let us also know the pros and cons. And the type of documents needed,

Lol
Yahoo! Very faulty tales!

Brash!
Pretenders don't always lose! Pretenders can tell you the truth and still hurt you. Every pretenders do it for a purpose. I think good men also pretend,

Unless you limit pretenders to the bad ones.

Why laugh, iice? You know, given an option between a Chamelon and a Pretender, I would honestly choose a pretender. Why? Because you will always find a pretender out if you are smart enough. But a chamellon? You must be extra-careful!

I am not supporting pretenders, but our world is full of chamelons, dangerous chamelons, more than the pretenders. Most of the harms that had been reported in relationship emanated from chamelons. They are saints and full of live. They are pleasant to us. They are angels who swept us off our feet at once. But once they found another "prey", we would be abandoned and their nature change to the new environment. Leaving us empty, foolish, cheated and used.

Who are the chamelons? The men and women who can be whatever their target want them to be and still retain their own nature! They blend easily. Love easily. Quick on the edge. Chamelons are dangerous because you may never find them out until it is too late. Chamelons don't pretend. It is just that while they are with us, they adapt to us. But once they are through with us, they change colours! They don't pretend. It is their nature to manipulate other people and still achieve their goals. I think this is why they are dangerous.

Pretenders on the other hand are just lying. A simple lie test would expose them.

Sorry, I interchanged the gender. Error noted but message remains.

Beeola,
thanks for that addition. That is why I always recommend looking at the root of matter before judging on issue like this.

It is clear that you have phobia. And that phobia was a result of your first heartbreak. I think, every disappointment we experienced must leave us better than it found us and not the other way. It must be stepping stone and not obstacle to our getting ahead. You need to let go of the past so that you can live in the present. You cannot hold grudge in your heart against "LOVE" just because you were disappointed at your first trial and still expect to reap full benefit of love.

My dear, it is hard but very possible. The only help you can get is in you. If you have done due diligent on your current relationship and have found nothing incriminating about your man, then commit to him and don't look back at the past. If you keep looking back you may not know when you would stumble upon a roadblock!

How do you go about it?
First change your negative mental attitude and replace hate with love.
Second, recognize that as long as you behave like that, you are hurting yourself and giving victory to the man that hurt you. The best way to make your ex regret breaking your heart is to find "real love" elsewhere and make a success of it! Believe me, he would wish he had not parted from you.
Third, focus on your man and recognize that you are hurting him. He may not complain yet. But the truth is nothing hurt as much as unreciprocated love,
Finally, when a child stumble at the first attempt to walk, we encourage him to try again. This time, cautiously, and taking the "right step". We know that if he choose to remain sitting, he may never walk again. Therefore, learn from the child parable. Instead of fearing another "fall", start looking at the brighter side of life. As long as your man meet your requirement, you are on safe side. Those who are afraid of falling may never rise!

Seriously, hairy chests are just natural on men. If you are endowed with it, great. If you are not, great.

However, I have noticed that some men tend to shave it off for whatever reasons. Often that created another problem. Once you start shaving it, you either go on shaving it on inconvinience your woman when you are on top.

You see, I observe (I don't know if it is applicable to all men) that when you shave that part of the body, the subsequent hair strands would be as hard as thorns. Often, it prick your woman and she may, if she is bold enough complain about it. Moreover, it would be more bushy and harder.

I don't know why ladies love the smooth, curly ones. I have heard a lady said she is crazy about it. Whatever the case, the hairy chest is a sign of manliness.

Very inspiring! And that is what is happening today. Parents thought it is just about making money and buying kids anything.

Lol

you know you are right?

Try her out!

That is great! Give it a trial.

Hero worship? Lol

Maybe he had gone to acquire more chics!

Lol, david. Why not try polydating? Afterall someone married 86 wives and is now a national hero. I am sure topup won't mind. As long as you have the words and wits to make her listen to you.

Give it a try. Stillwater? Hmmm

Well said. But, is the guy alone? Being lonely is not the same as beimg alone. I was in that state at that age. No gal, no date. Initially, I thought I would lose out. But then, I discovered that I wasn't even interested. There are many single ladies around. Single, lonely, and alone. You can't get them unless you are seen! Take to topup. Or remain a monk! I used to be a monk too.

I have seen enough to fear anymore! The only thing to fear now is "Fear". People that run away from problems eventually found themselves neckdeep in it. Have you ever noticed that cancer patients. AID patients always wish for death that never come? But many men with Malaria or headaches, that fear death are already in the graveyard!

There lies the irony of life. Man can only die once.

It is nothing special. Just a grace of God. Anybody could have said the same.

Look, the case is beyond rape. You said she still works in the same office? That is unfortunate. I don't want to believe she left because of rape. She wanted to leave.

On the religious issue, I am one of those that disbelieve that only death or adultery can make a man or woman remarry after parting from his/her spouse. That law is inhuman and very faulty.

Many pastors and men of God have violated. Pastor chris okotie is an example. We have scores of people that have discountenanced it. I think your friend would bring more pains to himself if he ignore those clear warning signals. If he were my relation, I won't let him take the lady back.

My number? Oh not on the forum. But my email is on the forum. Email me and I will send you my number. I am not a phone person though. Try send me YIM.

I really feel for that guy. He need to pray hard. That lady is not for him. Couples must be ready to live together, through thick and thin. To allow an In-law to rum the home from the backyard is a sure way to kill the joy in that home.

Cheers!

Definitely! Believe me, it is better to be a responsible single parent than a wayward man. I am sure many great men had been raised by single parents. Barak Obama is an example.