₦airaland Forum

@poster,
Is she your girlfriend or someone you picked from the street?

@poster,
As for if the man find out in future. Just find a way of being far from them. Your friend will beg you to appeal to the guy and the guy will also accuse you of conspiracy.

The way out? Tell your friend now the grave danger looming ahead and make her promise never to involve you should there be trouble over the issue in future. If she can do that, just stay out of it.

Whatever the guy would say in future. All you have to tell him if he eventually know and he accuse u of any wrong doing is that : YOU THOUGHT YOUR FRIEND ALREADY TOLD HIM. AND IT WON'T BE POLITE OF YOU TO SPREAD THE GHOSPEL WHEN HE ALREADY KNOW. That is all. Then let them both trash it out.

Now, when I said that he should "accept the worst", I am not saying that he should "resign to fate!". I am saying that he should accept that the worst had happened and then take a positive outlook to improving his lot. You cannot solve a problem properly when you are drown in the pool of fear and mental depression.

So back to the issue, he should accept that SOME women want his money and learn to live by that.

Next, he should change his approach from one desperate for marriage to one who cares about others. You know if I were a woman, I can think that all he want is kids and not me! So why waste time on him?

He should then start working toward recognizing women who would accept him for what he is. This is the hard part and it require his inner reservour of faith and humility. There are many As women out there who would risk marrying As men all for love. So, there would of course be many AA out there who are ready to marry SS, as long as he meet their specifications.

He need to realize that the chance of meeting such women is greatly dependent on his attitude to God and Men (both joined).

Any other thing on that theory would be explained later.

@yemo,
Being the only son doesn't mean you have to marry to please anybody. Pegging the age you'll marry at 29 without even a girlfriend is setting unrealistic goal. Being a single parent may be a solution but to what extent? Have you bothered to find the lady who will volunteer to get pregnant for you without wanting the child? Don't make a double mistake as an AS lady can fool you and get pregnant for you, leaving you with the problem you are avoiding!

So what is the way out? Let me meditate on it! Am sure members would put in great input before I wake up.

@The N,
Why are you currrious?Well, I assure you that statement is one of the most important lesson I learn in life. It is the root of my calm disposition when faced with mountainous problems. Sometime, I would simply be nonchalant to the problem. But then, I am going to expantiate. Maybe someone out there would see the wisdom behind it.

To start with, men loathe the sight of problems so they do everything under the sun to avoid problems. Fortunately or unfortunately, it seem what they fear have a way of overtaking them. Why? Because our fear have a way of assuming life that eventually bring them to reality. And when the problems eventually descend on them they lose the courage to live and some of them never fully recovered from it. Conversely, people who already have the problems have nothing to fear anymore. The worst had happened. What is now left for them is to do one of the two things:
1. To accept to live with the problem forever without doing anything. These people lose hope, and eventually lose their lives. They often die, unsung. Look at the thousands of beggars on the roads who had, due to their infirmities, chosen to live their entry lives in shamble. That is an example.
2. To accept to live with the problem but with positive conviction that they could still live a balanced lives. With this, the wise among them quietly, and calmly work toward the solution. If they find the solution, they're going to be talked about for generation to come.And if they don't find solution, they would still live average lives devoid of deep-seated sorrow or recentment about life.If they die in that process,the world would at least acknowledge their passing.Think of people like Helen Keller (blind and deaf from childhood), John Forppe (born without arms), think about people who have turned adversity to blessing & you wil understand d two choices.

Now,what a better choice to make than accept the worst when it, unavoidably confront you?What a bigger victory than overcoming it?

And I am asking what you mean by true affection. And how you want to be loved and what way he had shown otherwise.

It is important one know so one won't run into error.

We all have difference way of showing love. What is your own ways?

@poster,
you'd better stay away from the couple. It may lead you to umpleasant situation if you carry bad news. Let the man find out on his own. You know some day, he will know. Your friend is just being stupid to want to ruin her own future by keeping such secret. The only way she can keep it forever is if the child is dead. That is if people like you simply shut up.

Stay out of troubles.

The man is becoming a comedian.

He won't stay that long.

Al zaidi, the shoe legend!

Take her along with you.

Check their websites. They run open house. You can also write directly to the ministry concerned.

Cheers!

Yemo,
I read your story with deepest empathy. I feel you from the depth of my heart. I think you need luck and prayer to get through.

Well, you have been able to managed your condition quite well. I am grateful to God for that.

This is what I will do if I were in your shoe.

First I will evaluate my own condition and look at the positive side of my life. I used to have a sickle cell friend when I was young. She was very kind and intelligent. In spite of that, we still love to be around her. I don't know where she is now. I am sure God is kind to her.

2. Stop seeing every ladies you meet as a potential wife. I suspect that is what you have been doing. Even if you are AA, asking every ladies you met about their genotype is like you see them as potential wives. That won't make you look decent at all. It will make you look desperate and as such, the ladies would naturally exploit that loophole to rip you off. What you should do is to be friend with them. Until they know you deep inside.

3. How do you then know their genotypes? Simple. Be discreet about the way you ask. You may just let the conversation drift to that side on it own or you can use a third party. Her friend or your friend. That will save you alot of energy.

Finally, I have one big advise for you. I won't want to spoil the thread though. But then, it all depend on you,

At this stage in my life, I do not see marriage as the most important thing in life. I think you worries alot about marriages and that is why you let your emotion betrayed you. You can be happy in life if you just make up your mind to be happy.

My advice is that you start acting normally as if you have no genotype disadvantage. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen if you don't marry. Accept the worst and pretend as if it had happened. Then calmly begin to work toward getting the best from it, (I will expantiate later if need be)

cheer

@poster,
Love is more than calling girls several times a day. If I were you, I will just flash her several times a day until she beg me to stop!

Love is not about giving gifts or money everytime. You give only once awhile. But just anything can do. I for one show utter disdain to anyone that buy love with gifts or money. Believe me, it is like building castle in the air. Wait, what if you are poor and can't afford the expenses?

Love is not about someone sleeping with her ex and dare tell you that it IS NOTHING NEW!

The lady is already made up unless you are ready to buy her love. Maybe you can't find another lady again.

Let me tell you, most people fear to lose their love because they have poor self image. They think that if lose this partner, they won't find another! It is normal to feel that way once a while. But it is worrisome when you find people ready to die for something that is already another man's.

I blame you for going that long before you see the signs of discord. Nevertheless, you can win your woman back if you have the wisdom and the gut to try.

Adam,
do you mind chatting me on YIM? My email is on my profile. Just add me. When I am online, we would talk.

Have a wonderful nyte.

Nothing!

If Yar'adua think lecturers are all corrupt, he should remember he was once one of them!

@folarina,
yours is a great input. Very thought provoking. I would have said some of things you mentioned. Though not all.

Over to dapo!

@kobo,
I am glad you are understanding me. At least from your last post, I can see that. But there is this insistence that a boy of 18 is old enough to take responsibility for his action. This is not the right thread to rise the issue but I can tell you from my experience in mentoring youths that it is only a scientific guesswork. It is an average assumption. It is not accurate. I have seen youth of 16 year old displayed utmost maturity as if he were 22 year old. I have also seen those at 20 with minds of 15 year old child. 18 is just an average. But then, you are free to use it. However, in my own standard, 20 is the best year to assess a child maturity. Why? Because at 18, a child had just reached the age of maturity (by the law of average) and from phychological point of view, his habit has not been permanently moulded. Meaning that anything he does at that time can still undergo reform.

At our current education level, most kids coming out of our schools (at SSS 3) are not grown up at all. You can find clue to what I mean by analysing post made by 18 year old people on nairaland. That is if they tell their real ages. On romance section, you can easily recognize immatured adults by their posts.

What I am saying is that, we can ask dapo about his youth but we must not conclude that he is still the same person that pass through that stage until we have seen what he real is. Our best bet are those living in Ibadan. They should look at what he had been doing in the last two to three years and compare with what he did as teenager. If the partern are the same, then it is easy to make final conclusion.

On my dad, well my dad actually dislike western education but he is not a dictator. Well like you rightly observed, I have made my own choice and you can see the choice I made by going through my past posts.

No, I am not new on nairaland. I didn't register when I join. Altogether, I am almost 2 years here. But I don't do politics. That is it! Maybe I am in it now!

My dear Dora,
Please keep up the good work. Remember to outshine, outspoke and outperform Fani kayode, Jerry Gana, and Alex Akinyele.

May fly not enter your mouth and may your mouth never dry.

God bless you!

Yemmyse,
you paid your tax to crooks; you casted your vote to the man with the largest party; you know they won't perform yet you say nothing, do nothing, and just think that someday GOD will take care of everything.

In Ghana, election is not a do or die affair;
In Thailand, people forced their govt to step aside when the later was found to be corrupt;
In US people spent time to know who their leader is before casting their vote;
In South Africa, men of like minds re-unite to form a new party when the largest party was soiled with corruption;
In Greece, youths mobilized themselves in thousands to protest against unemployment;

But in 9ja, everyone expect God to interfene on their behalf. They don't want to die of bullet wound, yet armed robbers turned the country to training ground;
They don't want to suffer, yet they live in the darkness;

how can the country be functional when the majority of the people are dysfunctional?

Black or white, the man can be chase out if the people do the right thing. Mugabe is just a one man. After all Idi Amin was chased out in the end. Why not mugabe?

Kobo,
I am not in a position to know how old dapo was when his father was a gov. But I can tell you that in yorubaland, children have little or no chance of influencing their parents decisions. I happen to have a mother who had made some public mistakes that I strongly opposed. Of course, I talked to her but she had her ways and I suffered! I have my brothers who simply kept quiet.

Looking at my own experience, I can understand why anyone can claim not to have influence over their parents or even leaders.

If he were muhamed Abacha what will I do? Let me tell you the truth from the depth of my heart. I don't know what I would have done. Yes, I will ask him questions but my personal principle is not to judge people until I know them. FYI, I have some deep sympathy for Abacha family and I am not ashame to say. That does not mean I supported what their father did. Neither am I happey at how they use their father's position to enrich themselves. And if dapo were to be Abacha son, I will still probe his personality.

I grew up with a man everyone considered to be cruel and bad tempered. He was known for being extravagance and loves women. Maybe I too should be given that tags because I am very, very close to him. Guilt by association you mean. Maybe each time seun banned anyone on nl, I should hold you responsible. Guilt by association. If any of your friends commit theft, you are a thief too. Guilt by association. My dad is a polygamous and resent western education, therefore, I am also like him. Guilt by association!

Lol dayokanu!

Funny, yet it is in order.

They have right to criticize him if need be. They have right to ask him questions and let him reply. They are very right to do that and I go with that.

What I am saying is that, he can't have possibly influenced his father's decisions while in govt. I don't know about Ibadan politics since I am not living there. So I wouldn't even been in a position to judge his father and compare him with Ladoja or Alao Akala. That is for you guys to do.

A question for you, kobo, do you expect dapo to have answer on all his father's policy when he is not even in govt at that time?

Why not take up dape on his own instead of lambasting him for his father's mistakes?

If I were you, I would pick up some of his father's unpopular policies and then ask him what he think about it. Not all children agreed with their parents.

Gbenga obasanjo didn't agreed with all his father's actions while in office. He even openly lambasted his father's friend while the later was still in power. What stop you from probing dapo? The guy even posted his worth on the forum. Can you do that?

Kobo,
you have one around. If he does not want to be criticized, I doubt if he will reply to the thread. By the way, he didn't start the thread. He saw it and then replied. He know that Nigerian youths are very critical of their leaders. He know that alot of things are wrong, but he never run away from us when he know that we are angry at our leaders.

Also, I doubt if dapo had held political office in the current dispensation. Therefore it is unfair to accuse him of the ills of the society just because his father was once a governor.

While I am not holding brief for dapo, I think what the guy is doing is more like expression of interest. He is not yet there. He want our opinions and assessments.

Yes, we must scrutinize him. But must we attack him to do that? Maccain, obama were closely srutinized, but not abused or humiliated. That is the difference between the Amerian and Nigerian electorates.

Dayokanu,
there is no link between ibb and dapo. Get it right pls. I will go with cre8tivity on that.

As for me voting ibb, seriously no. I didn't even vote at all during the last election because I don't have a candidate. Ok?

On dapo, like cre8tivity have said, you don't judge people by what the do in their youths or their pasts. Judge them by what they think of their youths or their pasts. And what they do about it. You have the best opportunity to know the real dapo. If only you just use the medium to drill him.

Everyone had been hearing of Nobel prize for peace, have we forgotten how it came about or who Nobel was?

A man woke up one day and find that his obituary was in paper! He paused to read what people were saying after his "death". He sat in his room and started reading how people are cursing him for inventing man deadliest invention. There and then, he change his life mission and then spent the rest of his life, working for world peace. He died a hero ! Not only that he was immotalized on account of his later works and not the gun.

Were he to be a Nigerian, he would never have got a chance to serve humanity again.

If Nigeria is not working or is dysfunctional, it is because the people AND NOT THE LEADERS, are dysfunctional. The people are getting what they worked or lazed for!

On?

@stilwater,
you want to exterminate him? Don't you know that kind of job is the only thing that would make him relevance? I beg leave the man o. Afterall OBJ was also sent to congo. That will keep them, at least for a short time, from getting involved in govt at home.

Giving Lagos more would not help lagos. It will turn Lagos to begger with far reaching negative consequences to the whole federation. When you give Lagos more, Kano will come out too. It will justified it claim by using the last population censor. Then Anambra will appear, cap in hands and claim maginalisation. If Amambra got his own, Niger Delta would up their demand since they produce the oil. Then other states would tow the line and we are soon back to square one, If other states don't get their demands as they will continues to migrate to Lagos!

Developing Niger Delta won't solve the problem either. Quote me. When Niger Delta is fully developed, there would be mass migration from other states, just like they did with Lagos. The result would eventually be the same. But unlike Lagos, it is likely that ethics problem sprout up. The native will try to resist the settlers from taking away their birthright. And in the end, it is possible to turn the place to another "Jos".

The solution in my own thinking is for Nigeria to embrace true federalism. Nothing would stop other states from tapping their own resources when they know that they will reap from it if they work hard.

Power must be decentralized. VAT must be retained in states generating them and FG should have nothing to do with VAT.

Yar'adua was appointed not because ecowas need him, anyway. Like someone had said, it is just a ceremonial post. But beyond that, we all know that ecowas cannot survive without "Santa Nigeria" the big brother that always take care of his neighbours while his home is in urgent need of attention.

Again at a time world global economic is undergoing depression, only Nigeria has the economic wherewithal to remain extravagence in west Africa. So the body need Nigeria's money and not leadership. That to me, is why Yar'adua was elected.

They don't even bother to sell their fatherland before leaving it for vultures to colonised. They are waiting for whitemen to help them turn around the mess they created. No wonder, Nigeria is dysfunctional!

A man woke up and find that his rooftop is leaking, his door broken down and one of the four walls of his house is about to collapse,

He then left the house and journey to another land to become a slave!

Weird world!