₦airaland Forum

@poster,

I understand how it is for a woman with 3 kids to face such a situation. When you look at it from the outside, especially if you are not married, your thought impulse would go with majority that blame her. For marrying him, for staying with and all sorts. I perceived that lady to be a responsible lady who had committed a costly mistake of marrying an uncaring man. We must never add to her pains as she's probably reading this. We must not condemn her anyhow until we understand the complex nature of the problem.

The story goes like this: a man was once madly in love with a lady. Both of them love one another and they had shared secrets together. After many years of wild courtship. The man's parents began urging him to marry. And then, he marry his lover. He know the imperfection of his would be wife, but was hoping that it would be jettisoned in marriage. Then come the big blow. The wife may not be able to conceive again having blocked her womb. The man couldn't swallow the bitter pill. And the love started losing steam. Then, the woman began extra marrital flings again. Caught, argument ensued and it eventually lead to break up. Divorce. Both agreed to part way but to remain friends!

The man met another woman, who is homely and highly domesticated. He know what she wanted. He know her failing. In the name of love, he brainwashed her. Impregnated her and marry her. The joy of finally having a kid overshadowed every other things & they lives together without looking at the signs on the wall.

Raising kids can sometimes make a women blind to other thing. Meanwhile, the man goes out early and come home late. Picks up strange calls that he would not want his wife to know. Their love is not as it used to be. Then the bubble burst. Caught, the man later confessed about his ex. And from there, the woman started observing him and noticed how much she had been neglected.

Sad, pained, she tried to win him back. But it seen the man is past caring, Now she's here

Babeelove,
just read you own words again and see how it rhyme.

You don't need help.



If you want her to play her game. Then when next you meet her just say a cheerful 'hi' without betraying emotion. Let her play her game. She is probably testing the strenth of your character. You may remind her of the piano lesson and watch her reply. Just don't be a wussy. I am afraid, you may turn to one if you keep letting your emotion speak for you.

However, if you are a mature man with a character, and you want her so badly. Then go for her. You have the clue on what she want and how to start. Your piano. Just don't show her you are desperate.

Babeelove,
if you want to know my opinion, I think you have enough pool to draw from.

My sentiment is the tendency to generalise. I don't subscribe to it.

It is not everytime something go wrong in a relationship that a man is at fault. Women know better how to prevent pregnancies. For instance, only a woman know the time she can conceive. Her ovulation period is exclusively within her knowledge. And it doesn't happen everyday. A man will never know when a woman is ovulating unless the woman tell him.

If she willingly sleep with a man and get pregnant without the man's knowledge, problem arises. The man start thinking of taking responsibility. What can he do?

There is also cases of women getting pregnant delibrately for a man to trap him in marriage.


All these are not to make an excuse for irresponsible men but a clear testimony to the fact that most women are to blame in event of unwanted belle.

@topic,

Let try and take a look at the underlying problems. I think, the impact of the civilisation cannot be underestimated. When we embraced western culture, some of us threw away our culture altogether. Both moral and spiritual ethics were sacrificed for western civilisation. In so doing, we traded our social tradition by barter in exchange for Akata traditions. Ironically the Oyinbos are tired of their own failed culture. Look at the dimension it had taken. Same sex marriage, single parenthood, high divorce rate, cheating partners, uncultured progenies etc


When choosing partners in most African societies, beauty is not the primary consideration but manner and family background. But they have limitations. Eg they choose wives for their children regardless of the children wish. And they have the reputation of killing lovers dream if parents oppose the union.

When we embraced western culture, it seem we just threw away everything from our side and embraced everything on their side. Oyinbos appear to place more emphasis on beauty and little on moral and character.

Another example has to do with wealth. In traditional African societies, wealth is not the primary factor. In fact, Africans encourage youths to marry early and support one another till they make it. It is very common to hear that a particular couple married, when they "have nothing". I think in conventional African settings, one of the reason the first wife in a polygamous family commanded respect and sometimes weird enormous power is because she is the foundation of the husband wealth. Even responsible husbands respected them. Admittedly, this practice had some drawbacks, especially in polygamous setting.

With western culture however, most couple want to be 'comfortable' before even thinking of a partner. They don't want to suffer with one another. This why there are so many upsets in the system.

While I do not campaign for return to dark age, I  believe there is need for deeper reflection.

Lies!

Somebody said I am suffering from the bug of multiple posting. He was wrong. You are right, I wasn't to blame but my provider. I hope it is corrected sooner.

Well, thanks. It is still growing. Maybe you should kill it. What do you think?

I am sorry I am far from home. My mum is from there. But I know little about the town. I hope we can share info on the town in general.

So, I have so many questions for you Egba people. And I want replies.

1, what is BAA WAA? Does it mean if we exist? Sorry to say that my Yoruba is little to write home about.

2, can anyone tell me the spiritual significant of Olumo, it history and why it is so glorified? Is it still that spiritually relevant or it is just a tourist haven?

3, Why is it that Ogun people in power always work against their kinsmen at National level? Eg Obasanjo frustrated Awolowo in the later's bid to rule the country during his time as HOS. Likewise, Shonekan allowed himself to be used to bastardize MKO legacy. When OBJ was in power, he hardly even make reference to MKO talkless of honouring him. Even as the whole country praise MKO for dying for the nation.

4, Ogun state had the benefit of being the only state in south west to have produced Nigerian president, what are the positive impact this priviledge brought to the state?

Finally, what are we doing to put the state on the track?

More later.

Tell us!

You are probably wondering if I can guess what you are thinking. Is that not your thought?

I read this thread right from the time it was posted. I was trying to see how people would respond. Just as rightly pointed out society tend to flow toward the tide that deviate from traditional ethos.

Our youths want to hear, read, and feel sex. Post a thread on manner, and you find most of then shy away from it. Post another on sex, you finds them rushing to take a look.

@topic,
your observations was accurate. And the respond posted, appropriate. But will this generation ever learn?

I read this thread right from the time it was posted. I was trying to see how people would respond. Just as rightly pointed out society tend to flow toward the tide that deviate from traditional ethos.

Our youths want to hear, read, and feel sex. Post a thread on manner, and you find most of then shy away from it. Post another on sex, you finds them rushing to take a look.

@topic,
your observations was accurate. And the respond posted, appropriate. But will this generation ever learn?

Yeah, the way to toasting a small girl is to learn toasting bread!

Plenty plenty works. One of them is that I use it to read people minds. I don't do voodoo. I hate it. So, I could say, with my mirror, I learn to understand other people and treat them nicely without leaving negative impact

Babelove,
there is no point in acting ignorant. You are intelligent enough to read the line. The frivolity is actually on Mili-Babe you adopted.

Talking about being careless to sleep with a knukle head, the sermon is unnecesary. You need it more than anyone in the forum. Have you ever heard, or caught me romancing? I am real Mili-Babe! Please stop acting.

Yeah

Rubbish. You have nothing to say. A wiseman don't eat words like kolanut. They speaks their mind without mincing words. Only a person with devillish intent hide is motive from others.

Until you could proof you are clean, people would not take you serious.

Your hutuba is unnecesary. The guy is real and unlike some in the house hiding under annonymity. Check it out. You would not have to insinuate anything.

Rubbish. You have nothing to say. A wiseman don't eat words like kolanut. They speaks their mind without mincing words. Only a person with devillish intent hide is motive from others.

Until you could proof you are clean, people would not take you serious.

Your hutuba is unnecesary. The guy is real and unlike some in the house hiding under annonymity. Check it out. You would not have to insinuate anything.

If you want to toast a gal. You don't a formular or abracadabra.

Why not be yourself? If you have healthy self image, and you are not the type with devilish intent, my advice is JUST TALK!

Stop embarasing yourself just because you want to chat a lady. I suspect, you are still young. If I am correct, please face your study!

If you still feel you must toast something, TOAST BREAD.

Joker!!! I know more than you think I know. But I have no time for frivolities.

Let forget it. Can we, Babeelove? You know very well that once I start again, I would not rest till I exhume the corpse that had been burried?

Let me take you back to the topic mili-babelove.


Is it proper to marry a woman just because a man blow im belle?

Why? She didn't say that you know? Abi you are her new PRO?

What does that mean Seun?

Tosin wole,

It is wonderful to hear people sing joy after  someone had beaten the drum of humiliation. I am confidence that the glorious God is ever near to show His love and compassion on any one willing to embrace His ordinance. Whatever you do, always remember, the third law of motion: ACTION AND REACTIONS ARE EQUAL AND OPPOSITE. It is great to know you are living in Lagos. You would get more than my friendship. Just be informed that I don't post numbers on forum. I have my email on my profile. Get it and email me. I would contact you loruko jesu, inshah Allah, Orunmila!

"as selfishness and complaint pervert the minds, so love with it joy clear and sharpen the vision"

peace, be still!

Yar'adua's luck is for real. Don't forget, Abacha an IBB are both dictator. I am optimistic Yar'adua would be better. After all baba Iyabo didn't bring any gold.

Laudate,

I am really surprise at you. If there is any one that should know better, it show be you. Frow your citation of Quran, I know you are either a muslim apologist or a christain jingoist. Either way, I am not the best candidate to engaged with you on Religion because you know my stand on Religion.

Somehow, I took time off to research your contributions on Nairaland, I was perplexed that 70% of them are on Religion. And you are so passionate about your argument, It is gladdening to know god people reside in Naija.

Just to let you know, I have no religion. I defend what I believe regardless of the faith.

I am very conversant with three religions so I enjoy seeing people hit one another in the name of religion. God is never far away!

I am a realist. I don't argue with professional arguers. So long sentiment is dilluted with reasons, there may never be a positive outcome. It is useless debating in that circumstance. My point is clear to a sane mind.

I am just laughing at you all.

As if you don't know. My talent plenty plenty. One of them is mirror talent. That is the least of them anyway.

Mcdoe,
I didn't say your point is wrong. I am saying that YOUR DEFINITION OF LAZY WOMAN WAS WRONG.

Naijacutee,

if the truth must be told, there 'appeared' to be more men with heartbreak from women than we see.

Let make a simple reasoning, using Nigeria as our case study. The official censor figure shows that Men outnumbered women. Yet, we have women crying daily for husbands. Where are the men? Why are they affraid of getting married or attached to women? It ought to be the men crying for wives yet, the reverse is the case.

It is easy for you to say men are unserious. But a survey show that men are themselves willing to marry but searching for "the right woman".

Next, men are emotionally strong and don't broadcast their pains to womenfolks. Most of them don't cry in the open but in the bedroom when they are hurt.

I had witnessed that scenerio alot of time. In fact, someone close to me had experienced one of such! Yet, the lady in question received more sympathy because the guy didn't have to lean his heavy head on sanyone to cry on. Ironically, he did her no harm! She was lured away by a stupid trick- CAMERA PHONE! When I look at that experience, I am compelled to brand all women as idiots, irrational. But I never did. Why? Because I know that one exception does not speak for all.

Also, in my relation with other people, I had observed that most of the women that are hurt have themselves to blame by shutting their eyes against the reality.

A man would spend 90% of his money and energy chasing a lady: being nice and all sort of. The woman have the opportunity to study the man and reject him. But most women were blinded by materialism and other physical factors and ignore the man's behaviour probably hoping that he would change. The man get worse and the woman taste the bitter pill. Meanwhile, she would have humiliated good men on the same road.

I therefore refuse to judge until I get my facts.

My point is simple. Don't generalize. Yeah, there are some guys, I admit, whose primary goal is to use women like rags.

We must be alert to any possibility.

I am only trying to give my mirror a better job. To work on you and unravel a mystey. If you ask me to keep my mirror done. I don't go for trouble because TROUBLE TROUBLES THOSE WHO TROUBLES TROUBLE.

Naijacutee,
Don't put ALL Nigerian men into this. Are you saying you have never seen a worthy Nigerian man. Keep searching he would find you out.

@poster,
Are the couple married or just living together? Have they kids between them? Is the man always like that or had only recently behaving badly? Why did he seperate( or divorced) mother of his child?

Is the lady working? Or dependent on the man? What is their religion?

Please supply answer to all the questions.

Naijacutee,
Don't put ALL Nigerian men into this. Are you saying you have never seen a worthy Nigerian man. Keep searching he would find you out.

@poster,
Are the couple married or just living together? Have they kids between them? Is the man always like that or had only recently behaving badly? Why did he seperate( or divorced) mother of his child?

Is the lady working? Or dependent on the man? What is their religion?

Please supply answer to all the questions.