₦airaland Forum

I actually enjoy being in places like that First you can just see their brains forming an opinion and then when you start speaking to them you can almost see the intimidation on their face because you did not say "is you the person in charge" or "i fina run to the store real quick". I actually feel empowered when they feel the need to act stupid. The one thing I can say about the US though is that if people are enlightened, educated, well travelled, cultured they will typically not even mingle with white people like these. They will be more comfortable with black people with the same background. We know though that only a minority of white people are actually this exposed. So,

You should not even speak to this man anymore. It has passed the stage of drawing a line. There are already feelings involved. Change your phone number and ask him not to try to contact you. I would even go as far as to say quit your job. You are playing with fire

How can there possibly be a law banning protests in a democracy

May his soul rest in peace. He was a good actor

May her soul rest in peace

I think having the mentality that this is woman's work or this is man's work leads to taking each other for granted which leads to resentment. When you have that mentality you tend to minimize what the other person contributes afterall it is what they are supposed to do. No big deal. Having said that though I am willing to lean towards roles that women typically play as some of the ones he listed. Are those roles as a result of nuturing or they are actually a biological disposition as he has stated. Everything on his list works both ways in my household and in the households of my close circle of married friends and it works. The list you have on there basically in summary says the woman does every single thing the man does. The whole assist the man thing simply means that if the man fails the woman picks up the slack. Then who is the assistant to the woman. It is not a balanced formular and it is doomed to fail

tundecaled:
Pls go for prayer of deliverance. What you need at this time is God's intervention for total healing. The enemy of your soul is around the corner to terminate your precious soul. You need Jesus the Christ in your life.God loves you.

Nobody is terminating his soul. Prophet of doom. He just needs to get some sleep not have demons cast out of him. rollseyes

If it starts affecting the quality of your life and you have tried everything here then maybe you should discuss with your doctor about a sleep aid. I really don't like anything that someone could get addicted to but I have used excedrine PM (not a sleep aid) for my migraines and it helped me gently fall asleep. It does not knock you out but it helps it make it easier to sleep. Goodluck

I sympathize with the above 30s in Nigeria but it does not mean life is over. As for the ones overseas they have no excuse.

Can't believe I did not respond to this thread. I think it is the opposite. I think American guys are open to dating and marrying African women. I just think african women are more hesitant especially when they are around "marriageable age". I have quite a few friends that are married to americans and of all of them only two are married to whites and the rest are african american. None of these men are even the afrocentric african american men you would maybe expect them to be. At the end of the day I think it depends on the background of the woman and her family. That definitely will play a role

I will NOT watch any of those shows. This is why I say my children will not do any sleep overs or crap like that. Some of these parents are delusional. When you paint the face of a 3 year old like a cheap sidewalk prostitute and convince her that she is cute and the world revolves around her then don't be suprised when she is 7 years old and has outgrown childhood pageants and no one is around to kiss her ass and she turns her viciousness unto you - the mother who created that monster in the first place. Those children are just simply being damaged by these clueless parents who never achieved anything in their lives but now want to live it through their children.

smh

I agree with kids not being giving total control of the clothes that are bought for them but it is not your place to dress her appropriately. You will be out of line. If you are cool with your sister in law then talk to her about how you feel. You are a man so you are coming from a place that your sister in law does not understand. People think it is harmeless to dress kids anyway. When you have little girls having c cup boobs at 10 years of age then you know it is very sensible to teach her eaarly what is appropriate. At the end of the day tread carefully before it blows up in your face

davidylan:
you figured all that out in 6 posts or less? Amazing!

Nope. I noticed what Richv wrote and I went back to read his previous posts. It seems that he has always been obsessed with his wife cheating even with no evidence. It is very possible that she just wants to get out. I don't feel anyone should cheat in a marriage. If you don't like it then do the honorable thing and be honest and leave. That is probably the one thing I see with the women. Let's call a spade a spade. This is more than the wife now wanting to leave him. there is a history

You just come across like the kind of husband that hides in the bushes and puts tracking devices in his wife's car. Anyway maybe you guys need to be at the very least separated for now. The fact that she just walked out quietly shows that she has already checked out of the marriage. She was even shopping for replacement daddy for the child. That is really bad. Your marriage has been damaged for a long time and it is not what happened even a year ago that caused it. Everything about you shows that you are over bearing and sneaky. Even this last fight was a conversation you were eaves dropping on. Bottom line is she does not respect you and you do not respect her. I feel bad for the child.

Totally unacceptable. To even use his name too. Sola is a dedicated family man. This shows the OP for what it is. Thankfully those with a little bit of sense know that this is just a story started by a spiteful person. Shame on you

I would not slap back but she cannot come back to my house until she apologizes. I imagined what my mother would do if I was fighting with my siblings. We never actually fight but that would be the highest level of disrespect to fist fight in front of other people. If the woman is the kind that slaps her own children she would likely do it to her own children also and since I don't know if the man was winnign the fight it is somewhat hard to judge. I personally think it takes a shameless person to fight in the presense of in laws. You even tend to act better around in laws

You have to tell her that it is not your place. She should ask her son. She saw it with her own eyes so why does she want to talk to you instead of him. Let him take control of his life and tell his parents himself. Give them the chance to get used to it. All you can do is support him as a friend

Okay for me things like these are black and white. When a parent tells a child that they should abandone their own child then nothing that parent has to say is worth listening to. I know it will be hard for people to swallow but I do not consider someone who says a thing like that to be the one you listen to when you need to make a honorable decision that you will carry for the rest of your life. When they threatened to disown you you should have told them that you were disowning them for asking you to throw away your child.

I agree. I do feel like I am enabling it. I really don't feel I owe her anything per se. It is more the kids I feel for. My mom has a friend that always calls and cries about her husband and I always get upset. The last time she called I had a few choice words and my mom was quick to point out that my friend was no different LOL. It is sad to see how a person with so much potential can just totally let themselves waste because of another person. This is not just women though women tend to do this more. It is really a shame

lmao

Funny how people rush in here to attack diasporans. We are talking from experience. It is what we do. No one will tell her to go use someone's child as a slave when we have our own. She is hell bent on doing it that is why she keeps coming up with one excuse or the other. Ify is in Nigeria and I believe so is CC. The rest of us are in diaspora and we have all said the same thing. If it is all about the baby then all she needs is someone who will be there when she is not. She wants someone who will not only take care of the baby but also work around the house. As for the person who asked about leaving a baby with a 12 year old. My answer to that is NO. I would not leave an infant for a period of time with a 12 year old.

chioma134:
It's easy to be judgemental if u're not affected by some situations. I didn't need a househelp until I had my baby. It's not easy taking care of a baby,and doing chores at d same time. One would suffer. My mum is still working,my mum in-law has some businesses to take care of,I live far away in Abuja with no close relative around.
I do shift duty,and I'm yet to see any 24hr creche service where I reside. My husband works long hours,so counting on him is out of it. I also can't tie down neighbours by asking them to take care of my baby while I'm at work.
Employing a help who comes and goes in d evening also doesn't work for me cos of my job. Mature women r good,but they come with baggages of problems- unpaid children school fees,house rent etc. Some even want to live with their kids in your house.
For d judges,life is not black and white. Some parents willingly send out their kids because they want a better life for them. Some househelps become great in life due to d training they received while serving. Although there r many instances of abuse,there r still some good outcomes.

So you will trust a child to care for your baby properly? Why are you angry at people. I too was shocked to read yoru question. It is not about judgement. Even if your husband works 16 hours a day he can come home and take care of your baby. Then you after working your 27 hrs in the day you come home and give him a break. Maybe if people actually took care of their babies themselves they will stop having litters of them. Get an employee that is old enough to handle a baby. She only needs to be there in the hours neither parent is home. When you or your husband gets back home then she can go. That is what it takes to have a child and that is what countless other mothers and fathers do all over the world everyday

jennykadry:
First off outstrip I wouldnt have that kind of person as a friend, second off, I would have told her off a long time ago. Third off such a person is not allowed in my house.

I remember sometime last year, I was writing a note on a clients file and there was this nurse telling her fellow nurses how her partner was treating her like crap and stuff and mind you It wasn't the first time I've heard her talk about this partner of hers As If the advise she has received from her fellow workers was not  Enough for her, she asked for my opinion . I told her to learn to shut her mouth if she is insisting on staying with this abuser and let everyone rest, I also told her that the next time she wants to date she should consider dating someone mature in mind and in age and not some little boy in his 20's who she expects to be faithful to her when he has younger girls of his age he really wants to be with and share a life with. . ,  . .

Believe me you that woman hasn't said a word to me since last year and I don't care, and guess what? When she walked away from me see her fellow colleagues were like "wow you hit the nail on the head, we never knew you to be such a person" before they even finished heir statements I told them off as well, told them the world will be a better place if friends Like them opened their mouths and said the truth sometimes instead of acting like they were really her friends and then go behind her and act like biatches.

You know her kids have become so dear to me. She has one daughter who my heart just bleeds for. She is a very good person but she has let her self to be treated so poorly that she is now so bitter. If I did not have this woman in my life I would say that I could not keep someone like her alive. I don't understand the power he has over her. She wanted to give up her growing business and move out of state. I could not understand why she would not ust face him instead of giving up her hard work just to run somewhere were he would find her anyway. I plan on being totally honest with her. I know she values my opinion. I just need to tell her bluntly. It is hurting the kids and that part I cannot stomach much longer

I have a friend who is going through something similar right now. I have decided that this year I will have to tell her to either keep the man and shut up about his bad behavior or just let him go. I say this because I see how it affects her children. I am very uncomfortable when she brings him up around the kids. They are children. They love their dad. It puts them in a diffeicult position. Anytime they fight she asks him to leave. he is happy because he can go and shack up for a while with another woman. After that woman has finished him and he is dry he runs back and she takes him back until the next fight. How will her daughter ever understand how to live in peace with a man when her mother is constantly angry and raining abuses on their father. STD carrier, shameless man, diseased dog etc. I cannot even imagine. The man on the other hand is a serial cheater but always afraid that she is cheating. He pulls the children to the side to question them about any possible "uncles" that their mom might take them to go visit. I just hate it. If you are going to stay then stay but shut up. If you know you do not like it then let him go and save the children the pain




@ Jenifa I have/had a friend who told me that she would put condoms in her husband's bag though when he goes to Nigeria. The thing though is that i cannotput it past her either to creep on him. I do not believe that there is any faithful wife out there who is in a loving and commited relationship that would be okay with her husband cheating. Anyone of them who tells you that and says they are still happy are lying. Nobody on earth will want to share something that they want to be exclusively theirs. Unless of course she does not want him to be exclusively hers. It is not logical that she will want something but at the same time not want it. Something just does not add up. If she is saying it is okay then maybe she has done something that she cannot forgive herself for. There's something that makes her think that way and that thing has nothing to do with love and respect