₦airaland Forum

You really believe that the woman will go to court and say I used my childs ssn to fraudulently obtain credit. That child will have to come to the states and fight to clear her name. Do you even believe the crap you type. Paralegal in training

It's so funny how a Nigerian man will talk about 50/50 as criteria to respect your spouse. I tire. How many of these same men come here and criticize imported wives that come here and refuse to hand over paychecks to their husbands. Should those wives then start sending the earned income in the home to their families back home as they choose because they came here and are now earning more than their husbands? Somethings will never change.


OP my suggestion is that you focus on your family. Especially your son. I encourage you to work hard. If I lived nearby I would babysit him so you could try to work more outside the home You really need to take your focus off this woman. Your husband has already said he does not want long visits anymore (though that is next to impossible). Also maybe as she keeps coming things will change. Your husband needs to be the one setting the tone. You have a lot to do that you really should not have time to cry over this woman. The kids are getting older so it is time for you to focus on your career and yourself

moremi2008:
Aunty Psalmist, I demonstrated perfect etiquette by pointing out the lie. Sorry that your feelings were hurt.

She is not lying. She is absolutely right. Her sister can use the childs ssn to get credit and build up credit with the childs name. All she needs to do is give a false age and it happens everyday. Secondly oga teacher it can affect someone for life if the creditor wants it to. If a judgement or lien is put on that debt it can be on the childs neck for more than 7 years and then they can renew it again if they want to. So you do the math and come back and say that she is lying.

Maybe he does not want to walk because there is a payoff for him. Makes no sense. To the point that even the girls parents welcome her sugar daddy into the home and discuss with him. I wonder why I am still commenting on this post for real I

It seems you just wanted someone to listen to you. Goodluck as you keep working on yourself and your relationship with mom

Do you know the atrocities that are commited to get these babies. From stealing peoples babies in the hospitals or enslaving women to get these babies. Many women in Nigeria today thinking that their child died but is being raised by some angry bitter woman. A woman who wants a child and uses this method gets anything that comes to her

With your way of thinking I am not surprised that you names yourself smallwoman. Small indeed

ronkebp:
^^^^ why is she proving not to be a wife material?? because of her past?? The truth is that both of them have acted like babies, the girl carry boyfriend go show ''baba-isale'', the dude gan sef follow babe go see ''uncle'' for approval and other mistakes followed. This is not the time for the poster to just run away from the relationship without ironing the issues out with her, Now, if he does and she is not willing to break the ties with her ''so-called partner'', then he can MOVE-ON.

The man was married when she was sleeping with him. He was not her boyfriend. That alone shows that she does not respect the sanctity of marriage. Unless I am wrong and this old man was not married at the time

do not send your child's social security number to anybody. don't say i did not tell you.

jennykadry:
Lol outstrip I am fine. BB has been drugging me in yaba left with what she calls anti psychotic medications. I told her Its not hallucinations as I know what my eyes are seeing.

Not on drugs Outstrip, just joking. Was on call.

Happy Belated Birthday o. I hope Mr. Kadry did not do too much damage o LOL

Debrief I have to disagree with you. How can you say that she is making her mother in law work. It is every grand mothers joy to enjoy her grand children. If as you said she had never seen the kids before do you not think that that should be the more reason whys he should be super excited to be there. I am sure the OP was not planning on crossing her legs and dumping the children on the woman. You are insinuating that. if yoou truly believe that then how can you on the other hand say that maybe when the children cry that she might take the children and not let them bond. You cannot hit her on both sides. She is either a mother that wants the Grand mother to participate or one that does not want her to participate. She cannot be both.

Secondly she should not have to force the children to love their grandmother. Children can tell if someone is interested in them or not. It is that simple. My mom is very tough and she does not really see her grandkids a lot and when she finally came in all her excitement she realized that because of her toughness she was not bonding with the kids like she would want. She had to amend her ways. Mothers discipline. Grandmothers spoil. It has always been like that. It is the job of the grandmother to spoil their Grandchildren silly. You cannot tear my kids away from my mother now. Sometimes when they are together I even feel like an outsider. But grandma had to change for that to happen. I was nto going to force my children simply because she is my mom. I even knew that it would cause problems with the kids dad if she did not lighten up. She got it and now she is benefitting from it.

The woman was not born in Nigeria but she has made great strides to keep her family together. She even made enough sacrifices and had to leave her own family. It is a shame that her MIL does not care. She should have called her and said "don't feel like you do not have a mother because I will be your mother".

As for those acting like they don't know that this is the norm. I have to admit that I have seen this same behavior in many Nigerian parents and it has nothing to do with being Yoruba. In fact the worst one I know would insist on only name brand food stuff that she would take to the village and give to people to show off. Kroger and Walmart brand food where not good enough. Meanwhile her children are living paycheck to paycheck.

jennykadry:
Not all women do that, trust me. My mum was totally against any daughter of hers asking a bf or fiancé for money.

But a large number of Nigerian women tend to think this is the case. If their girlfriend has a nicer phone they blame their boyfriend as if he is the one that created them. They wonder why they get treated like crap when they do not even respect themselves

There really should be finishing school for over 50 years of age in Nigeria. Our culture encourages rude behavior from adults. can you imagine teaching yoru 4 year old manners and then realize that grandma does not even bother about manners. For the people saying "it is her son's money" No it is not her sons money or her money. Her(MIL) money was her husbands money. This is a new generation. I still blame the oga. He is the only one that can fix it. The only advice I can give the OP is to be nice to her and maybe through your niceness she might learn a thing or two though I suspect that it might just make her think you are weak. Be nice to her and talk to your husband. He knows the best way to address it. You did not have a lifetime of living with this sort of bahavior so I am not sure that there is any way that you will approach it that will not make the situation worse.

Jenny what are you taking medicine for? Are you okay?

If her weight is an issue for you then move on. You met her that way. If she wants to lose weight the silliest reason will be to lose it for someone else. It is something she needs to decide to do on her own. If weight is such a big deal to you then I suggest you stick with the type of women who look the way you prefer

moremi2008:
Madam Outstrip, I think you're being a little daft here. Where in the thread have you gathered evidence that the wife didn't consent to the sex? They have Were Intimate multiple times after that incidence and still live under the same roof. How would you explain that? Please stop giving feminists a bad name.

SO what? Did you miss the part where he says he is not sure if he forced her? Really? And you are asking me if I am daft. Rubbish. I don't think there is amy man on earth who will not be clear as to if he r4ped a woman on not especially his wife. He did something and he feels guilty about it. Rather than minimize it why don't you encourage him to find help for his issues. If you have doubts about what r4pe is and what it is not then you (moremi2008) have a serious problem. Any person especially a man who knows that someone is worried about his conduct in reference to non consensual sex and blows is off is just as guilty if not even worse than the person seeking help for his wrong

drnoel:
Guys, just finished speaking with my cousin about some issues. He seems 2 need help cos its tearing him apart but his wifey refuses to discuss it. He is not in NL and though I asked his permission 2 post it and he didn't refuse. He is crushed and needs some kind of advice.

He had a major fight with Wifey a few days 2 their wedding. The issues causing the fight were major ones, about family and in-laws. She wasn't sure his family accepted her but they had tackled this issue over and over and he has asked her 2 trust him. They've dated since University and they are both working. They've been 2gether 4 six years. They wanted 2 get 2 know themselves, build individual independence 4rm each other b4 they tired the knot, which they were about 2 do then this issue came up.

The major fight: The major fight they had was so bad that she said some nasty things about his mom and his family. U can't blame the girl, she has been almost on her head organizing their wedding. He was so hurt that he told her something nasty, then they started shouting, and then screaming at each other. She was really mad she attacked him and they came 2 blows off which she was doing the blowing and he was trying to hold her off. They ended up making luv.

What is killing him? Now he is convinced he must have forced her 2 make luv wit him that day, even though it solve the problem then. He says he really can't remember how it happened but things happened so fast. Beside since then they have not had any re-occurrence of the issue. The only time he tried to discuss it with her, she was really so depressed that after he helped her out of her depression he was really scared to bring it up again. They've been making luv since then without problems but he hopes she'd talk 2 him about it so he can relax his mind. Its killing him cos he luvs her and he didn't mean 2 hurt her if he did, but then how can he know if she doesn't talk 2 him about it. Their marriage is fine, she is crazy about him and he is also really in2 her. How can he make her talk 2 him?

drnoel:
why?

Why ke? For the same reason you thought your wife would not find it funny

I like this kid o. He said just in care Grandma forgets let us just address it right now

Nice. Wish her a happy birthday from us on Nairaland. I wish we could celebrate more mother in laws like her. Does she have another son for my sister. She has vowed to marry a Nigerian no matter how many non Nigerians I bring LOL

No wonder he is an ex. If your boyfriend was an agbero like him he would have given him the beating of his life to teach him not to put his hands on another person. I still think your boyfriend should just drop the charges. I am sure your ex has learned his lesson

I would be totally mortified. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I think people are missing the point. The issue here is that the man very possibly r4ped her. He feels guilty and it is apparent from his behavior that even she believes that he r4ped her. This is my take. You cannot be confused about forcing someone to be intimate with you. Night and day. The fact that she was traumatized by it also shows that. I honestly don't know what to say. If you guys are not in Nigeria I would say put a hold on the wedding and talk to a proffessional. This is very serious

God bless your mother in law for making it easier for you. Sounds like my sisters mother in law. I don't think she even remembers that she has a son LOL

Bush woman. Admit it. You were pricing that fish like you were in the market

2buff:
You don't have to do it all, especially if oga is there to help with some things. The key thing is to not feel like you are sub-class for doing it.
I would rather my wife doesn't cook for me if she doesn't want to. It must be out of  the joy of her own heart and her love for me. If not, she can keep it. Been feeding myself just fine before she showed up.

Men & Women just gotta CHOOSE to better their home and marriage out of love without waiting on someone to force them with "rules" and "regulations".

Simple and short. Gbam right there. There is absolutely nothing and I cannot even emphasize enough NOTHING that I do for my family that I do because I have to. I do it all because I love to and brings me immense joy. If you are doing it simply because it is your role as a woman then, I don't even know how to address that. I think we should have evolved past that stage by now. The idea of a husband sitting somewhere pleased with himself because a woman is doing something out of obligation rather than out of love for him just makes me wonder what the point of being a husband or wife.
If you have the mentality that this is what a woman does and this is what a man does you will take your partner for granted. I even make a point to go out of my way to make it like he is doing something grand when our lawn looks perfect even though he kind of enjoys doing it. I cannot make shakara and say I am mad and refuse to cook he will walk into that kitchen and whip up something that will put me to shame. Who cooks most of the time? I do. Who cuts the grass most of the time? okay all the time. He does. Who watches the kids most of the time? I cannot honestly even say I do because many a time he has come to take them from me so I can rest. I cannot even remember the last time I ironed something. Both our income contributes to everything that applies to our family. There is nothing like "chop money" in my house or pocket money.

Charcon you are not helping your kids by letting them watch their father assault you. The only thing you are doing is potentially carrying that behavior into another generation. I don't know why you are searching for a secret. you already know. The man is obviously cheating and he constantly accuses you of cheating. He has hidden money. he beats you. What else is left to do. I know people always say talk to a family member. I am not a big fan of talk to family member or pastor but I know the atmosphere in Nigeria is very different. If he hides money and it is a significant amount of money then it is possible that he even has a separate family outside of the marriage. By the time a man gets to the point that he beating his wife then he does not have those husbandly feelings towards you eg protect you and cherish you, love your kids and make them feel safe. That is what a husband does. What are you teaching your children. Pray to God but row to the shore. Simple and short

nene1:
@ Outstrip and Mrs. Chima, y'all need to take a chill pill. My posts seem to hit a nerve. Also, I was talking in GENERAL not at anyone specifically. If it doesn't apply to you, then let it fly. Also, outstrip what is your point exactly?

My point is read what you wrote. I am not sure why you need me to take a chill pill. Because I disagreed with you? I just stated a fact. If you feel like you hit a nerve because I disagreed with you then you need to look within. You cannot make statements like you will do your part if he does his part and then follow it up with if he loses his job he will have to do more and then act like you disagree with people who say that there is not an assigned role to any sex. After you are married with kids for a couple of years then maybe you can come back and discuss what a man or womans role is in a marriage. The fact is you have no clue and you have no clue because it is just a fantasy for you. Simple. I hope my point was more clear this time

Siena:
If any Caucasian gives me funny looks, I don't really notice, neither do I care. It's nice to stand out sometimes. I love baiting police in their patrol cars. I will deliberately overtake them, stare at them when we're driving level before I leave them behind, taking care not to exceed the speed limit whilst I do so.

Sometime Caucasians don't expect a Negro to cruise around in a nice expensive, luxury car, I'd love to get pulled over one day, I've always been 100% legit, and I'd like nothing more than to rub their noses in it.

Are you sure you are not my long lost brother. Okay I do not bait the police but when people slow down when they see a police officer I will over take them and pass the officer if he is going slower than the speed limit. They tend to do that crap when they are on a power trip. Unless they want wahala they will not stop you.

nene1 is arguing with herself. You are saying what everybody said and yet you claim that they are too westernized. SMH. read your posts again