₦airaland Forum

Please to the poster who has a friend that lives in the US and let her husband turn her into a cripple please tell your friend to have her head examined. She is wicked. To raise a child in that environment. For what reason. She needs to be careful because God has entrusted those children to her and it is a sin to put those children through that mess. i cannot even imagine. God please because I will be happy to dance to the music for running someone over for doing that to my sister not even to me. What nonsense. I cannot imagine the horrow that child went through that moment when he was screaming. some women really need to stop being so stupid.

Aww sorry. I feel bad for you. 3-5 times a month?? Have you talked to her the way you are sharing here with us? Maybe if you get some good tips here you might have her read them. If you know she will not be offended though. i wish you two well

May his soul rest in peace

My senegalese friend has NTA and I was watching it at her house the other day. The woman accent went from British to American and at a point she even sounded indian. I tire

Beyond crazy. If he cannot meet up with some of his responsibilities is she then allowed to go out and get it from another man? Sad part is some women will say it is okay. How much sex can he possibly have that a normal humanbeing cannot keep up. Does he not go to work? Does he not sleep?

What is all this leave to God people keep saying in Nigeria. These teachers should be locked up. I am sure their are enough canes in kirikiri. A woman too.

Nigerians of all people. A country where people enjoy breaking the law and see violence as the naswer to everything. Just let me know when they pass that law because I know that even market women will be shooting people that price their wares too low

women beaters on the prowl

BootyOnMe:
If this happened indeed, it is very unprofessional.
I would not be surprised.
Anyhoo, ghetto rat must be ghetto rat.
Nor be Compton she grow up?

But getting banned over this act of frustration would be quite excessive. Haba!
Person nor go 'vent' again?

Why is it ghetto? Because a black girl did it? Would you say ghetto if a blond Russian did it??

wasn't he talking about how much money he gives to his children every month? I should have known something was up. No one goes in public talking about the exact amount of money they spend on their kids without a reason

LMAO. Aloy why now?

This man should really give up this "I must be hip" stance. It is not a good look

27naira:
hehe

Is not a bad thing. I bet you're still in school or don't have a job yet, so its understandable.

I bet your boyfriend doesnt have to dodge your calls

That statement kind of turned me off. Maybe it is this giving money that makes girls think it is okay to ask boyfriends for money. I see it specifically with Nigerian girls. None of my American friends do it and when it happened those girls would have every intention of paying back LOL.

debrief08:
Dayo you are so right. I think what I struggled with most and still struggle with is societial attitude, we need to look into our sterotypes, women don't ask to be beaten, churches need to take a stand and stop telling and already broken woman to still submit, when a woman is abused if you know her its bests she is out of d situation and if the man is willing get help. Nigerian Men beat their wives cos they know they will get away with it, fellow women will ask you to stay, the church will ask you to stay I know Islam doesn't permit it, if you beat your wife u will be forced to divorce her or pay a hefty fine, your family in most cases will send u back and ask you to endure. This attitude needs to change, no woman wants her marriage to fail, if she is beaten and she speaks out be sure that she endured and submitted and it didn't work that's why she is crying out. Hmmm, it is complex, like cotton said someone had to threaten her ex before he stopped just like in my case my dad called me to order before I left cos even with my broken ribs and my sore stomach without spleen I was thinking of going home and cooking, cooling his beer and arranging his clothes this was someone who sent me to the hospital and didn't bother to come. I was used to the whole cycle, beat me, refuse to talk to me have me come begging then tell me its my fault and kiss and make up. If someone had not stopped me I will still be doing dat, my dad didn't want me to divorce I made d decision myself after a trial seperation, cos I thought time apart will make him change and get help but he refused and kept insisting he had not done half of what his dad had done to his mom to me. That's why when I see women going tru this I always advice leave the place let him get help first. Women should also be industrious even if u don't ve a job ve a business so you can stand on your own u will need to support urself for a while. I don't wish this for my worst enemy, it takes a lot to recover from abuse, Cotton said any man dat touches her she will kill, I understand her anger and it takes a lot of prayers and counseling to overcome years of pent up bitterness and hurt. Most importantly, support a woman who walks away from an abuser, she is very brave, don't make her an outcast

Nigerian churches? I laugh in french. Nigerian churches are the worst. They will sweep everything under the rug. The "christian sisters" are the one that will carry the gossip. The pastors themsleves are beating their own wives. Abeg. I even advice Nigerians who feel like they will benefit from some marital counselling not to go to Nigerian pastors. Lai lie. They will say you should suffer like Jesus suffered. I still remembered the advice my sisters ex fiances pastor gave my sister. My Lord God. It still sends shivers down my spine. There are very few Nigerian male pastors that I can vouch for and they are here in the US.

The other thing that goes hand in hand with women taking control of hteir lives is what women say. Nigerian women should stop making comments like "my husband's house". Start using the term "our home". "our property". The day he says pack out of my house you will look at him and say you mean our house? If your in laws com e to visit you do not need to be aggressive to show them that it is your home. The words you say let them know whose home it is. You don't have to fight your people or kill yourself with stress to show that you make as much sacrifices for your marraige as their brother does. In many ways the woman sets the tone of things. If the man decides to be physically abusive then that is on him but you are the one who also makes the choice on what you will hang around and put up with.

We have to start from the homes. We need to educate out children and not just tell them but let them see t us.

27naira:
Wow!

Thats cool but don't get me wrong, i aint contending what you said. In essence, you started making your own money from age 16 right?

Thats just about the age for a freshman in college. Now, when you where in high school, didnt you ever get tips and stipends for hair pins, taxi fares, chocolate and "being a good girl with good grades"? when you said you never got money from your parents, you're blowing it out of proportion.

Anyway, kudos to your independent spirit, I like girls like you.

Nope. Did not get anything for birthdays, christmas, good grades. I was just expected to get good grades. i remember I got a book once for coming top 10. A freaking book LOL. When I look back though I realize that it just made me not ever want what everybody had. If I did nothave it and everybody else did it never even occured to me.  We are 5 kids  and it was the last two that actually got spoiled a little. When they misbehave we remnd my parents that they caused it. We just did not get things like that and it never occured to me that it was strange or different. We were not allowed to use public transport and chocolate for that matter was practically band in our home. If an uncle or aunty bought any fr us my mother would line us up before we even swalloed the last piece so she can brush our teeth. You could not even enjoy the chocolate. Bottom line is I think sometimes you do not miss what you never had so I never felt like I was deprived

27naira:
nice one. i guess you were already out of school before this happened.




Nobody will believe that. There must be a time you depended on your parents for coins.

They don't have to believe. My parents did not believe in giving kids money. I was 16 when I got my first job. The way my parents saw it was anything I needed they already got it for me. My parents never handed me money. When I got in college my dad actually bought me a laptop and it felt strange to me. I felt it ashould be my responsibility.

badesco:
That cannot work but merely a paper law. How do you explain a student that got his mate impregnated? will he be liable or his parents? This so call is an Bottom which not work not only in Lagos but all over the country. Instead of the legislators wasting valuable time and tax payers money on such a fruitless law, they should devote their time to more tangible things that will be of immense benefits to lagosians.

Why should the parents be held liable. If his parents do not want him to drop out of school to work then they will have to cough up the money. otherwise he will need to find work to take care of his child. It is really not that complicated at all.

chaircover:
I wasn't even thinking about the violence aspect. You are right; there is violence everywhere. Everything seems to be done by force and that transfers into the homes.

Seeing street fights between danfo drivers is no big deal these days and these same men go home to their wives everyday.

I dont know where we can start from; do we arrest and lock up wife beaters (what about the police man that will arrest him and the judge that will try him) are they not wife beaters them selves?

Do we fine them? wont that affect the family finances?

Do we name and shame them on TV?

What exactly is the answer?

Outstrip many times, women dont leave because they will be made to leave with nothing especially in our dear country. Many have kids and say that they dont want their kids to suffer, so they stay put. To you and I watching in from the outside it seems like a death wish but many of these women will no budge no matter what you tell them until sometimes it is way too late

The woman married for 20 years was probably thinking that she was doing her kids a favour by staying put in spite of the beatings, but in reality she has done them no favours but has turned them into angry young men.

It is still not a excuse. What of widows. How do they manage. My aunty was widowed at an early age and raised 4 children on her own. she even chose not to remarry. The widows who raise these kids do not plan for their husbands to die. The cold hand of death just natches them away. They still manage. The woman that is holding on to an animal for her kids is lying. she is doing it for herself. She will manage just like a widow. If you think you failed by picking the man you married then imagine how you should be graded when you then let your children repeat the same thing. Sons turning into angry beasts and daughters who let their husbands beat them like animals and then in most cases they transfer their agression to their children and house helps. The cycle continues. No excuse abeg

Kobojunkie:
Funny that happens to be one of the biggest contributors to our current state of living. That so-called confidence as some claim that all is well and good when in reality we are inching closer and closer to the abyss . . .

As a matter of fact there is a picture here on nairaland that summarizes it quite nicely. A picture of men sitting in a beer parlour during the floods in Lagos drinking. They were sitting knee deep in the water that probably had feaces and all kinds of crap in it like it was just another day in paradise. With that much craziness around you why are you drinking and carrying on? I guess waiting on Fashola to come vacuum up the water around them. Nigerians need to truly learn to help themselves. There is no government that will ever come and fix everything. It has never been done before and it will not start in Nigeria

I think it will only take a miracle. You are right about it being largely about the culture. I also strongly believe that this issue of abuse would not be such a problem if the women thmselves did not contribute to it. Nigerian women have to start taking responsibility for themselves. You cannot sit there and hope that he will change. You change. change your mindset that makes you think it is okay to sit there and pray while he is beating you until you are coughing up blood. Sometimes I feel very irritated when I hear these stories. I know of a woman here in the US married 20 years. She is so beautiful and if she is in a room you will not know she is there because she will sit in one corner so no one will know she is there. Her husband treats her like crap and she still stays there and suffers. How do her sons stand a chance in life. One of her kids has been suspended from different schools already. It breaks my heart. She has let that anger transfer to another generation. Women need to break the cycle. There are Nigerian women who are so downright ignorant that they will even be the ones criticising a woman who called the police on her abusive husband. I saw a man caution his wife when she said a woman was crazy because of how she dealt with her husband. He had to look at her and say "is it because you don't go through that" that she can criticize that woman. I don't know when things will changein Nigeria but it will need a total upheaval of the choices we make and the way we live our lives as a people

My parents never gave me money

The unique ability to have the world falling apart around us but work around smiling like everything will automatically fix itself. What a gift.

I don't know why anyone will kick against such a law. Why should the governement foot the bill for irresponsible parents. I am so over the whole give them contraceptives thing. In this day and age why should people not try to educate themselves on certain things. Even if you live under a rock in a remote village you should understand the basic things like have sex means more children and you might not be able to cater for them. They should be held responsible period. the fact that they have a brain is enough reason to hold them accountible. Threaten them with jail time and see how more people will take things seriously. Necessity is the mother of invention. They will figure out a way to stop having children if they know that they will have to for the rest of their lives have to cough up money and time to raise that child

[quote author=phuck_NL link=topic=757618.msg9134687#msg9134687 date=1315879718]Okay so how does the runaway guy that gets imprisoned help the situtation.
Will he now help in Prison?
Stop doing copy copy. Face Lagos road repairs.
This is the least of the problems in Lagos[/quote]Abandoning children is not as important as the roads in Lagos abi. Nigeria will never get anywhere until Nigerians start putting some value on it's citizens. Things will never change until we start to recognize the value in each other. Especially women and children

So it's not clear what the new law says exactly. I agree in making the man carry his financial responsibility but you cannot force two people to marry or go to jail

Nothing wrong with it. Do you expect him to leave her in the street if it would be unsafe

No record of implementation 9 months into the year. I can't say what I really want to say.

My sister wore black and gold on her wedding day

Never found the time to watch bettany ever after but I saw some episodes of bettany getting married. The process of watching her separate from Jill and gain confidence to run her business, marry a wonderful man, and have a child was so nice. I was so happy for her. She is still crazy though. I am glad she married such a grounded man because that is exactly what she needs. He is the only normal thing in her life. Any other man would have run 4-40 by now