₦airaland Forum

It sounds neurological to me. I think you should see a neurologist

They still do things like this in Nigerian schools. A private school for that matter. It is the parents duty to speak up about it. I will never understand why people think that humiliation is a normal part of teaching discipline

chaircover:
A few people are implying that the poster is being advised to be a mrs by all means possible and endure and bear whatever is being thrown at her.

Noooooooooooo  Marriage is not a do or die affair. if your physical or mental life of you or your children are in any way at risk, then it will be a very silly thing to remain in the marriage.

There are a few things that I still don't understand, and that is why I am reluctant to advise her to pack her suitcase on her head and leave. For example I still don't understand why the man refuses her to work after he has lost his job, I don't understand why the poster is more concerned about the verbal abuse even though she is certain that her own husband hurt their own baby and by her own admission he could have killed them both with that one kick to the stomach. Is a baby's life not more important than a few choice abusive words? She even covered up for him.

I am mindful that the poster has asked for coping strategies & not ways on how to split from her husband.

The poster also said that her father is in the know of the situation; ( I want to believe that her dad has a better knowledge of the whole situation than us here) and If he hasnt asked his daughter to pack her things and come back home, then what right do I then have to advise her to seek for a split based on a few lines that she has shared here?

It is quite a complex situation and the poster really needs to take time out and do what is best for her and her children.

Haba chaircover. You counsel women abi? So you know that a woman will lie even to herself because she is afraid to confront the truth about the man she loves especially if he is the father of her children. I have never seen an abused woman that did not beat about the bush before she finally said it. I HAVE NOT SEEN ONE. I know that you know this. By the time you hear it you realize that it had probably happened before they even got married and continued and she did not say anything until she is almost ready to be admitted to a psych ward. Many women are foolish this way especially in our culture that divorce or even a temporary separation might come with a stigma. It is very complicated.
You also know that if her father were to say pack your things but he sees that she cannot even feed herself one meal he might be in a tight situation. Her father cannot help her. She has to help herself even as hard as that might be. It is her call to change things. Daddy can express his displeasure but the man is old and can probably not provide for them financially. She is an adult. In my opinion her father does not even need this stress. She needs to stand and make adult decisions. If she is in Nigeria we know that child support is out of the question. Our society does not encourage men to be responsible so there is a lot for this woman to do but the journey of a 1000 miles starts with 1 step. She has to have a very detailed plan and I believe she will figure it out eventually. Sooner than later I hope

chaircover:
Ok we have all talked about different things.

What specific step by step advise do we have for this lady based on the information that she has given.

Good question.

I think the first step is for her to get a job. She is an accountant.
Save money (Nobody knows tomorrow)
If he insists on being abusive to her while she is working on her plan she needs to protect her children from it especially if she chooses to stay there until she is financially able to take care of all of them
She does not need to tell me but I am pretty sure she has no friends. With her husbands personality he would not let her keep friends or even be free with her family. I would suggest that she builds a network. She does not have to share her problems but someone she can call for a few times a day and just unwind with small talk. I am lucky to have the best friend in the world and I am very close to my siblings and cousins (both male and female).

I think you should go to the wedding. Your wife might not be able to go though even though it is her brother. I would not take my 10 day old baby out of the house especially to something like a wedding with all the germs from people.

To be honest I have to say that if I had heard all this talk about how marriage is equal to suffering I would have been single now. I am glad I did not hear all this before I got married. I don't have the strength to go on and on but I will just talk as quickly as I can about a friend of mine. She is a little older. Her husband used to hit her every now and then. She was even on anti depressants for a while. Recently we talked and she told me that he hit her again and as usual her teenage kids saw it. I was crying but not for her since it is her choice to put up with it. It was for the kids. This man is in his early 50s now and she in her mid forties. In my mind, your forties is when you should be on cruise control. You would have worked hard on your marriage, raising your kids, your career and all that and now you can just tweak things as they come. Can you imagine being in your 40s and wondering everyday the next time you will chop slap. What a life. The worst part is what this does to the kids. She could have broken that cycle but did not. You can tell that her daughter is very bitter and one of her sons is so timid but he can swing into rages at the drop of a hat.

Let me tell you something. This poster is very bitter. She might not show it but she is. The other thing is that she might be angry about what this man has done to her but it is what she believes he did to her child that that makes her bitter. Please marriage is not a war zone neither is it supposed to be a test to see how much of a woman you are. You should not endure your marriage. You should enjoy it. This woman has tried. The man is not teachable. He does not want to learn. At this stage in his life he probably will never change.

What is left for this man to do to her before people say she has done enough. She should be encouraged to go back to work but she is being encouraged to focus on making this man calm down. A man that it seems has some serious psychological issues. This man has accused her of having a spirit husband and also sees spiritualists. Haba. Does any of you know what it is like to have a child that has medical issues? Rather than focus on that with her partner all that energy is going to worrying about how to keep this man happy. A man that has chosen not to be happy. Madam abeg get a job because if he has hit you when you were pregnant and does not seem to have changed he will do it again. Good husbands do not call their wives names. Good husbands do not hit their pregnant wives. Notice that I did not say perfect husbands. I said good husbands because there is no such thing as a perfect husband or wife. You have to value yourself if you want someone else to value you. Get a job. I know it will be hard because you have a child that has some medical issues. Work hard and give her/him the best in life. The best thing you can give your children is a happy and healthy mother.

Thank God for his life. Our prayers have been answered.

Don't blame them o. It is the woman's fault. No it is witches and wizards in the village. Em no it is american system. No in fact it is her family that is controlling her but then again it could even be those her bad american friends telling her what to do. It is everybody's fault but the person who pulled the trigger

She is actually a 6 now. I think she should stop now. She has lost enough

How much do you want to bet he "imported" her to come here and work for him. I hope she recovers and learns her lesson. Others have not been so lucky. I pray for her speedy recovery and her quick reunion with her children

Beating you when you were pregnant? Listening to spiritualists that have convinced him that you are witch(this is even more dangerous than the beating during pregnancy)? I am sorry but common sense will not work in this case. You cannot approach this with "a plan". I am not sure the man is okay. In my opinion she has to go back to work. The man is wicked and inconsiderate. If he leaves her today then she has no way to take care of herself or her children. She simply needs to go back to work. It's for her own and the kids benefits. This is bigger than verbal abuse. I know some crazy men that can be scary but it takes a shameless person to beat his pregnant wife. The first step for her in my opinion is to go back to work.

cold:
When i was still running a poultry i suffered from the op's predicament.Ol' boy those rats were a menace,i'd arrive the poultry one morning and discover a chicken had been decapitated   no exaggerations.So i consulted some of my customers on how they preserve their eggs from rats & one of them recommended some kind of poison,it's called shayin bera (rat tea).It's bluish in color,you sprinkle it in water and put it in strategic places.The first time I tried it i arrived the next day & counted 112 dead rats  .It worked like magic,the next day 89 & the next 64 it kept decreasing to the barest minimum cuz in truth you can't entirely decimate a rat population around a farm.

When they start to avoid the water i'll apply it all over fish or sprinkle it in cracked eggs & also through crevices whilst patching up holes & fumigating breeding grounds.Damn!Those days were hectic  

Thats like 200 rats right there. I would have left the chickens for them. Thats the kind of crap you see in horror movies. Imagine all those tails all moving at the same time. Scary

gohome:
So countries with more homos should have load of HIV cases, I hear you, compare the U.S to South Africa, HIV statistics
Stop making useless assumptions and guess work, back your opinion with logic as well

Ignorance is bliss

tithe:
I have tried all these suggestions,

A, Gum trap is just for 2days old rat not for these ones, when i used it they turned it upside down, even if they didn't they will walk over it like working over the sea.

B, Indocide is already in their awareness program, they don't dare


C, Snake? i have not thought of that, am only getting rid of rats not myself.

ROTFLMAO. Please this is getting too much. Are you sure they are rats? Maybe they are grasscutters

Are you sure it was not a small hungry child? Pushed the stone away ke

gohome:
sister, are you sure you are straight? i am scared for you seriously, why are you supporting this boy like this, this guy is not british ohhh he hold a nigerian passport oohh he is just 17, and you want him to be 18 by force. we blame him for feeding or accepting lies from his lawyers on the ground of force marraige you keep saying otherwise, this last example on HIV is just plain silly, you can get HIV from anybody straight or not, infact most people contact HIV from otherwise,

No she is not silly. It's a fact. You are more likely to contract HIV from that kind of sex. Why would she make that up? Men who live on the down low are even more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors because they cannot be open about their sexuality so they are less likely to be in a nurturing monogamous relationship with another man

She was asked to apologize to Mike who is a elder in Nollywood.

[Basketmouth]COULD THIS BE LOVE?[/Basketmouth]




To be honest though Segun Arinze is not ugly.

I cry when I watch babies on tv. So I do cry but it's usually not sad cry. I watched Joan and Melissa Rivers' show last night. I cried when her mother apologized and they were talking about how much they missed each other. It made me cry because the bond was so precious to watch. I cried when I read about that baby that was kidnapped in Nigeria yesterday. Ok I fit cry sha but I can be quite emotional so it should be expected LOL

I guess I am not strange I don't share towels unless I have to. If I have to share with anybody in the world though it would be him. I have used his deodorant and his toothpaste if I run out of mine. The only thing I know I definitely wear is his shirts and boxers. I have even worn his underwear. I stopped wearing his socks because he kept complaining that I put them with my girl stuff.

oyb:
is leilana the leila of old with the abusive ibo husband who wanted some backdoor action , among other things

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-110064.32.html
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-142032.32.html
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-63503.96.html

just a little. . .

Actually it crossed my mind that it might be that Leila. If Leila really hates her husband so much I don't know why she is still married to him. Please free the man. No be by force

I really doubt that he was checking out that booty

The picture of his wife wiping their daughters tears in so sad. May his soul rest in peace.

We just got emails from our church notifying everyone that it is a scam. It was exactly as you said with the 880.00 fee.

LOL. Are you serious? If there is nothing to feed on won't they just go away. Maybe you need to make sure everything stays in the freezer and not out. They have to have something they are feeding on to love your place so much

This is horrible. The child just had surgery so he is probably still on antibiotic medication. I hope she also took his medicine abeg. If this woman has only worked for two weeks it means that they had been watching this family for a while planning this and she took the job specifically to kidnap this child. They know that this couple have been waiting 6 years for a child and will do almost anything for their childs safety. This is horrible. I just pray for this baby. There are many lessons to be learned from this about hiring staff. God please let this baby come back safe and healthy

You take them for deliverance first? What if your boss asks you to go to his church first for deliverance before you get a job. That is so wrong. If you want to hire people you can start by treating them like your fellow human being.

I did not see the first unedited post but I think she is saying that her husband told her something about the culture and she is trying to find out if this is actually the case. They both work and she has said he is not lazy. She feels she should not have to contribute like he expects her to. Many Nigerian women have the same mentality as this one. Maybe her original post was very offensive otherwise I don't see how she has said anything different from what many educated and working Nigerian women would say.

@ poster you said you have children together so it is safe to say that you have been in this relationship for a while. Why is it a problem all of a sudden? The other thing is that you are already comparing your friends marriages to yours. That's a big mistake. It seems you are talking to other people and all of a sudden your husband is not good enough. I personally see absolutely nothing wrong with a 50/50 financial contribution. In fact if you make more then you should contribute more. As long as you have long term financial goals that you both are contributing to and also that no one is taking the other for granted. What is wrong in you contributing to better your own family.

If it is indeed true that he was showing homosexual tendencies and his mother sent him to Nigeria to be straightened out then it is safe to say that he needs to be sent back to the UK where he will not be abused. I believe the forced marriage allegation especially if you people are saying he might be gay. I am sure that people are ignorant enough to think that if they force him to marry he will all of sudden see the light

Aww Jenny is fighting for me

I am happy for her

Where is the picture of the nanny. They need to put up information that is useful. I hope they find her. Her people need to be more proactive and put out useful information to find this baby