₦airaland Forum

sisisioge:
Thanks for the summary. Please look at the new posts to update

I have already... it was my Sunday gift to the op..hope you are doing great..

Okay... let me summarise for those who wants to help but could not because the story was too long...

If I understand clearly...
He was from a broken home and was raised by his grandma...His dad and mom has moved on and both have remarried... He himself got 2 kids from his marriage.. but before he got married... His parents did not have money to train him..

He went to Lagos @ the age of 13 and learned trade and @ 24, his grandmother advised him to get married.. luckily for him , he found a girl who loved him but her brother who lives in Lagos with her was not fond of him .. another challenge was that the church rules says that he can't cohabit with a female if they are not married... so he decides to abandon his housing project to get married...

His father kicked against it and said he wouldn't come for the introduction... so he went with an uncle..the uncle insisted that they pay #1,000 as dowry.. he said no he wants to pay #10,000 because the family needed it for drugs and hospital bills..because his mother inlaw was not well @ that time..

Fast forward 6yrs later. ...His mother inlaw eventually died.. the wife's family was divided, Large and a polygamous home of 7...on the day of the funeral, He wanted to perform customary rite as demanded by tradition.. .They picked up a microphone in the precence of every one including OP 's people and said he has not paid dowry.... that they don't recognise him as an inlaw.... Therefore he has no right to perform anything... he was embarrassed and humiliated that day while the father in law who received the dowry watches... and even denied collecting anything...He was later told that dowry were collected and shared between families... that he should not have given it to one person even if that one person was the father in law... As far as marriage between him and their daughter is concern he is still single...

The wife knew about all these... since that day, She has capitalized on it and has been giving OP hell and intense sorrow at home... all she talks about was her pride price.. Dowry etc... He is no longer enjoying the relationship because of the wife's attitude towards him... and he felt like he has paid for the Dowry and doesn't need to pay for the second time..please advise him..... THE END

N.B... I must comment on the level of maturity on this thread so far is overwhelming... Family section is indeed the most matured section on Nairaland... I thank you on behalf of OP for your patience..

My first question would have been how old are you? Because that sounds to me like what a 15yr old can pass through...

God has blessed you so much that you have not suffered any heartache all this while that you are in this world..And u decided I must get my Virgin heart broken..and i must do it by stalking someone that doesn't like me right?

Please get a grip on your self man... Need I remind you that Stalkers are liable to commit suicide..even develop a high blood pressure...why not You stay calm...stand still and wait...for your achievements to speak for you... That girl is really a good girl that was simply ignoring you... others will take advantage of your simple mind and dry up your account balance... jezzz!!!! you really have a lot to learn in love department...

Oh!! FYI, there's no professional advisers on Nairaland...

Nice one...at least one good news today... Yesterday's frontpage was as if the moderators swore to the highest heaven to produce all the bad news in Nigeria..

I can't believe I read this Nonsense from A-Z

O'boy... the list is way too long for one person alone

I don't understand Nigeria institutions...

In this era of technology.. are they still finding it challenging to communicate with their students.. Don't they have students portal where they can communicate one on one with students...

I'm not even sure the young man knows the reason why he was rusticated... communication gap between students and authorities... And no ombudsman in Nigeria to report to...

How can one pay school fees from 100 level to final and u tell him he was no longer a student.. is that a fair practice... Court would be a better solution to this in Nigeria... . Most school in advance country is still better.. when certain decisions were taken, they still give an alternative places to turn to for solutions until all means were exhausted..

I can even bet that there are no students guidance and councilors in that school.. Check the lawyers man.. The money you paid.. the time u invested cannot be a waste..

Some time ago... Here on front page a certain ruler in Nasarawa state bows to greet a Governor.. every one was shouting here on how he has disgraced his royal crown... no one mentioned humility... now Pope kissed some leg, it is now humility... Am I missing something here? Or is this Nairalanders today different from those that commented that day..

Why are people disappointed when they saw pic...

He pulled that pic off... How many people will look good taking pictures in such an environment... even the background will make the quality of the pic look like you were watching Delta state Television in the early 2000..

I like your half sister... she is just a smart young woman...
While you tune off your family and turned a blind eye to what was going on because according to you, you have received Christ.... She was busy taking care of Documents and changing things where necessary.... Only for u to wake up when it was late to imagine and question how she managed to do that.. Assuming u were paying attention u would have known..

However, I will simply suggest that you asked her to provide an authentic prove that she has spent so and so...let her get the bank statements, Receipt etc that shows evidence of what she has spent (hospital bills, drugs etc) totally reject all handwritten record because she can't use that to prove anything... anyone can write that... moreover that kind of amount she was claiming is not something small like bread or pepper bought in the market....

Please man, in future the fact that you are a Christian does not mean you should over look things concerning your family... The only thing I am hoping is that you people did not abandon your dad for your half sister to carter for while he was alive only to jump out from nowhere like vultures to eat the carcass(property ).

I would have suggested he stay with his parents... and save that accommodation money for rainy days...

His sponsor got a seasonal job which is risky for your friend.. What if the cash flow analysis your friend has forecasted was not actualized or fund ceases in the middle of the project (degree) due to the nature of the job of the sponsor and he needed fund, what will he fall back on?... the opportunity cost of enduring the parents to comfortable accommodation/peace of mind that might last just for one year....

Anyways the choice is his...

OP, before u start writing to Pope John Paul the II, regional, national and international over this issue I need to know certain things ..

I know that The Good Book says somewhere that blessed are the peace makers for they shall be called Children of God.. so apart from separating that free for all fight that day, what have u done to ensure that they have peace and harmony in their home..? have you called them separately and advised them?.., Do you pray for peace to be restored in their home or you are prophesying doom of how divorce would be imminent?

Secondly.. I want to correct an impression u made.. I have no idea that one's niece could be called a house help... if u got that notion then it is incorrect.... Also my bible tells me that one can divorce on the grounds of infidelity...

Thirdly...Since u know the root cause of the family problems and u wants to help, can I give you an assignment? The assignment is this;
I want you to book an appointment to meet that lady's pastor, tell him what has been going on in your neighbour's house and how he has contributed in disintegrating your neighbour's home... Tell that to him in a calm manner... no fighting... Also quote the scripture that u quoted before about putting asunder what God has joined together... if the pastor is married, then get your wife to ask the pastors wife if it was OK for a married women to stay out of her matrimonial home late against the husband's wish.. That can she herself do that? All of this should be said without confrontational stance... Just a concern neighbour way...

If u do this, Then I will truly know that you wanted to help.. but if not.. I will know also that u don't mind your business.. u are kinda nosey... That is a challenge to u Bro..

Soooo none of the Governors nor Governor's wives past/ present knew about this? Is that really beliveable..

Coming to NYSC, So none of them posted around that regions all this years have heard about this barbaric act...and inform those who can change the situation especially now that there are smart phones Blog it since social media is now the world highest pulpit ...at least to be a sort of change.. Haba!!!

sweetilicious:
I believe you.I couldn't judge the lady because my colleague admitted to always beating the girl then.Meanwhile,the girl was insecure because her family rejected her at first coupled with the fact that she doesn't understand the guys's language.She always felt threatened each time the guy's family spoke in Igbo. If you want to be fair in judgement,find out the remote cause so as to solve the problem amicably.The most important thing to me now is the welfare and sanity of the child.It is his basic right.As well,i don't want my collegue to make a mistake that awaits karma.We are always quick to forget how we treated people,but always quick to condemn them when they leave.Life keeps record of everything we do.

I am glad you came to Nairaland...and that you have the child's welfare at heart... But as far as advising people based on relationship goes, please stop doing it.

The fact that he physically abused the lady those days... or that she was insecure over language barrier... was that even remotely a yardstick for marriage? And to become a happy family as u stated...

Kama got nothing to do with individuals who are not compatible and decided to split..... Assuming he promised to marry her.. and when she got her pregnant, asked her for abortion and she did and he went and got married to someone else then we will be talking about kama...

All u got to tell ur collegue was to seek for custody right of the child and his warfare... if he looses the custody in court, he can still step up as the dad and provide for him

Assuming your colleague was in a serious relationship, invested maybe 4 or 3 years into that relationship.. would you have advised him to leave that and go and pay dowry on the other lady because he had a child with him?
please in this day and age when a child is involved, it is not compulsory the individuals involved must marry Biko..

Since the day of John the Baptist.. the kingdom of God sufferth violence and the violent shall take it by force

He has updated... Finally...

If all Nigerian news channel can follow this case up... at least make a scapegoat of this murderer... Others officers will learn from it.. that human life matters..

Where is the moderator... Oya update

Mizwisdom:
All I will say is this; if he has two heads, he should go and collect his child.

He will... and it is too easy....ie if he was surrounded with good advisers... Not like the OP that wants to sentence him to an everlasting unhappiness...

He is right... Every one both male and female are responsible for what makes them happy..... He owes u love and respect..But as for how u feel about that is up to you.... Asking him to make u happy is just being unrealistic... U have to draw happiness from what he can offer...

Why do you think Jennifer Lopez keeps on getting married.. do u think she likes it?.. I think she realised that she was the Archetect of her happiness...

Mizwisdom:
He put their daughter in a family way without approaching the family afterwards. Do you think they won't be angry with him?

Dear it was a consensual relationship between two adults.. He doesn't need to apologise to any particular family because he did nothing wrong. .

She was not held at gun or knife point when it happened... in my own opinion which does not count, it's between the two of them to iron out the mess.. yes her family has the right to be angry but not at the man.. they should channel their anger to their daughter because they believe they raised her well enough...

OP what kinda advice were u trying to give to that young man? To go and pay dowry to become a happy family?

So u are implying that it is compulsory to marry someone whom an individual had a child with even when the chemistry is not there?.. even when they were not compatible just to be I quote "happy family "

It's been long that I 've heard this kinda outdated advice..so in the 80's

Sorry about your loss... But tell them you guys have been handling your family affaires... u can still do it.... please do not say it as if they owe you something...

Only be angry when they try to impose something that you guys cannot accept...

Quick question... If they give you guys money for the funeral would u accept it? Before answering this, First think.. what would mum do or think in such situations

Doctorjames:
Please how can we get the video evidence and probably the victim? And please we work with confirmed evidence...

Check Nairaland...It even made front page last week.. "soldier torture and punished a man for wearing camouflage..."

Do you guys just handle it only on Nairaland or just out there in Nigeria (offline )?

I saw a video about some one being brutalised by a Nigerian military. His crime was that he was wearing a camouflage .. it could be that he was poor.. if your organisation is really serious.. u would have looked for that guy... ask him to allow you to take up that case... involve the media.. make a strong case... win or loose, u will be making name for yourselves... you will be a brand name in any one's mouth when it comes to human rights violation... that's how lawyers make name for themselves /Organisation abroad...

You guys would have been super busy and rich in Nigeria that is full of human rights violation...The reason why there are lots of human right violations in Nigeria was because there are no lawsuit / summon on the mail box of most of this uniformed personnel..

dkronicle:
Funny thung about this sars issue is that, senators ans government are nor talking about it

There's nothing to say... Election is over... They would have used it to score a cheap goal for campaign...

I don't comment on politics but I can clearly see a type II error made by Nigerians in this election.. Those that studied Statistics 101 will know...(Incorrect decision of not rejecting null hypothesis when null hypothesis is false )

frankblinkz:
don't u see churches on social medias and tv stations... he's advertising his own believe

Really!!! Those churches on social media goes about without clothes on right?

I know that in a sane nation, That man would have been charged for public exposure... having a maximum sentence of 6 months or a fine of $600... But a lot of people here sees nothing wrong with the pic... which is unfortunate..

I kinda understand what he was doing which was praying....

But the part I don't understand was the picture.. was it necessary... Why not just pray to whatever you believed in without the publicity....

Assuming a woman did this and posted the pic, it would have been a different outcry or reaction from the public...

She is normal... To summarise every thing u have said, u were a substitute, or second-best... not that she was cheating on u.. just in terms of preferences...

I remembered that advertisement way back of Panadol... "if e nobe Panadol e no fit be like panadol"..

People said she doesn't like social media attention. Yet she was active on social media.. she posts pic of work colleague... post pic of her wedding alone only herself..will it hurt so much just to include the OP on that pic .. did she marry herself?..

Lots of people are scared of people having them as second best... no matter what you do.. u can never measure up...

I believe that the marriage is still young.and it will be ok . As time goes on she will start seeing you as the best thing that has ever happened to her

Some people are naturally sadists... Just derives joy in making another person unhappy... just to make themselves feel ok in their unhappy lives. ... The grandmother may have raised him... so Why will he post a pic of a mother who might not have been in his life...

Insecurity and stupidity at it's best...

That's what I was talking about... It is not wrong to address people by their first name... but when they are older, it seems as if u are not their equal.. U have to show some respect ( African origins more especially are always particular about it)

But some how some where around the world, it is just nothing and importance were not attached to it...

Some times, we really need to sit ourselves down and ask/ think logically... who made all this rules.... who said it was morally wrong not to accept gift using left hand...
who really said u can't wear a short as a woman in the church or in an occasion...when you feel like without being judged by people (ie "morality police " ) ...who said as a young boy u can not wear a haircut / style of your choice while in school so that u can appear responsible while somewhere around the world their hair are longer and the appear like that. . .. who defined responsible/ decency in appearance ...
There are lots of things that really needs an answer to in this world