₦airaland Forum

I think flogging is not the answer to correcting kids this days...

Growing up as a kid, If my dad looks at us.. without saying anything we will basically know the meaning of what he was saying expecially when there are visitors....

As a kid then I can't remember him flogging us or anything... but I would have preferred flogging to waking me up by 1am or 12am in the morning just to talk to me over any bad report that needed corrections.... he knows that I hated it so much so he kinda capitalize on it...

Mother in law: My daughter, the mirror I was holding
has broken... please get a broom and
sweep it while I check on the soup...

Daughter in law: Yes mother...
Is that a big deal? Was she asked to sweep a cathedral?
I remembered the story of Macbeth..when he said " there's no art to find minds construction on the face "

Your mother must have been genuinely laughing and joking with her daughter inlaw for over two years that both of you were married ...No one knows that she was faking her own affection... I don't know what to say but to ask if she was from ALUU in port Harcourt?

prizequest:
Richy4, you're right but i've meticulously monitored this and it has been a pattern. so it forcloses all your assumptions.

nevertheless, i understand that anything that causes pain to the body, discomfort, lack of flow of blood to any body part, lack of air and insufficient in breathing will trigger nightmare by the brain

Reading between the lines.. I know you were into those superstitious believe stuffs... I have no right whatsoever to tell u what to believe man... I wish I could have helped more... but don't worry your head, our NL family section prayer warrior and deliverance team will soon grace your thread.. ... They will tell u what was going on

CHoccolaTE:
I focused on the financial part of marriage because that is the area I wanted to discuss and because I am well aware of the mentality of many men towards women being co providers.

At the bolded part of your post,

Yes, marriage is team work. I agree.

Submission and team work are not even the same thing. Submission implies yielding to the will and authority of another person whether or not you have a different opinion. Team work involves taking final decisions after considering the opinions of every member of the team and coming to a suitable compromise that favours everyone.
Many men don't want team work. They want to be bosses that delicate roles and give orders and make final decisions in every aspect they feel like.

What is worse is that this attitude is more pronounced in men who have richer wives or wives that earn more than them. They become very sensitive to any thing she does and start seeing disrespectfulness in all her actions and want her to go out of her way to show she is still submissive.

That is unrealistic as far as I am concerned. Wives shouldn't disrespect their husbands if they earn more but husbands themselves should stop expecting wives to become extra submissive 100% obedient slave just because she wants to show that she is still respectful even while she takes care of the house and feeds the man.
Her opinions still matter to a large extent and the man will have to let her take final decisions in some affairs involving running of the house. Again this doesn't mean she should disrespect her husband. She can present her opinions in a loving and respectful manner.

You can't have a woman feeding you and paying part of your utility bills then you still insist that you and you alone must make final decisions on every issue concerning the house.

No.

I loved how u defined team work and cleverly omitted who was gonna take that final decisions.. the leader right? (The man )

in every social animal , there's always a hierarchy... Try and study the elephants.. even Lions to some extent( I said to some extent because in the case of the Lions, the lionesses provides and are still submissive to the lion which I believe if u hear it one more times u might remove your wigs and it will spoil your holiday mood )

Going by the Good Book's teaching, It says that a woman should be a help mate... since you wanna talk about this in financial bases... if the man decide to pay for the mortgage...and takes care of other bulky expenses, and the woman being the help-mate uses her income to buy groceries for the family... does that mean she was feeding the family? How did u know that the word submit means total slavery...?

Since we're talking about financial angle of marriage
Are u gonna Okay it for a woman to totally submit to the rich husband who was really abusive... Yes, he provided all her need.. she was not lacking in anything money can buy therefore it is politically correct for him to have every right overy her.... and she should submit totally because he was providing.... is that how marriage is viewed this days...?

Are we gonna base our argument on submission on percentage of provision in the family? .. If we provide 50-50, I can't totally submit... if I provide 100% you have all my submission... then if I provide 40% and u provide 60%, who am I to tell u what to do? Haba!! Even my grandma will roll in her grave in astonishment if she hears what the daughters of the land were implying

First guess...Wall geckos... Find it and kill it.. U must have transferred that annoying nuisance from the old house into your new home... just search for it ...

Second guess... Rat or coacroaches ...It kinda taps...and do annoying stuff to people's psych..

Third guess.... Wind...rattles the doors and windows sometimes...

Final Guess.. mattresses... Change it so u can have a decent sleep...My youth service way back taught me or will I say opened my eyes.. there, I learned that bad bed and mattress could make one to see vision... even when you were far from being a prophet

I was given this flat mattress by the principal... It was like pentecost... I started dreaming and seeing vision at the same time.. Two weeks into my ordeal, I approached the principal and told him that I'm done dreaming... he should change the mattress or give me 1 month leave to organise money to buy a mattress... of course there's no way he will grant me a one month absent( which was what I was looking for ) just for a mattress... Be bought me one and all my vision and bad/funny dreams stopped...

Wow!!! This looks like a holiday bashing on Most male folks in Nigeria..The only thing I'm glad about was that you didn't say it was all male...

But If I may ask you... why do u see marriage as if it was an institution based on financial gain.. just asking because 96% of all u have written centered only on money... what the woman will gain from it.. such thinking is super narrow and it is not the major bases on why people found themselves in a relationship...

I also want to know Why u think it was difficult for a woman that earn more salary than the man( successful woman) to submit to the man..have you considered the fact that it could be her choice to do so? Is marriage really about whoever that is earning less must submit to the one earning more?

For the family to function correctly, someone either the man or the woman must be on top of financial affairs (usually the one that prudent in spending ) both might decide to plan their Finances together...It could be that the man might tells the wife where he thinks his earnings should go to... and ask if she can handle the other part... That's what working as a team is all about in a home. ... and in every team, there's always a captain...

In a relationship, u can't claim u loved someone.. as a woman.. and u are a working class lady... and u allowed the man to provide for u from food to shelter.. clothes.. to sanitary ware.. because u want him to fulfill what the good book says about him being the provider or else you won't submit totally... in some cases even if he abuses you, as long as he totally provides I will submit.. (that's what u implied that if he doesn't measure up financially no submission )

Please try and look at marriage in different angle sometimes.. like... I am in this because I want to be with u, or we are compatible, or we love each other and can't get our hands away from each other ... Not because this guy is rich.. he is the ideal guy for me to submit to...

Assuming your write up was centered on.. Why should a woman submit when the man doesn't love her as written in the good book.. I would have agreed totally with you.. because respect is reciprocal... but your write is based on money as if that was the only bases for a woman to submit..

The fact that the perpetrators of this dastardly act is gonna go scot free is what was most annoying...

No country database to determine who was responsible incase some evidence was found around the body...finger prints.. Body fluid etc... Nothing...no name or face to march up with anything..

benji93:
giving that you are suggesting that Paul could have been expressing his opinion, without inspiration by the holyspirit, then how can you tell which part of his work was actually inspired by the holyspirit?

God's wisdom is needed while reading his words man not only the New testaments..even the old testament.

Check out 1 corth. 7 vs 1-8.. he was acting as the marriage Councillor though he was single... He was giving his own opinion on what he felt an ideal marriage should be like.. he even said he wished everyone was single..... Just read it...try it in Message Bible because the English there is kinda self explanatory... it desolve all doubt.. Paul is human... and he isn't different from any man that God was using as his vessel around the world... Only that he suffered more for Christ's sakes..

Paul wrote his teachings which I have no doubt was inspired by Holyspirit ... but some of it was in his own opinion just like Some Good Pastors that write Books... which they said was inspired by God... if u follow some of their teaching.. it helps really well for spiritual growth but some part of their write ups, U might find it difficult to rap your hands around it... Just like this teaching of Paul about women holding position in church...

If u read Joel 2.. u will find out when he was prophesying that in the last days... Spirit will be poured on all human.. no one was excluded.. when it happened on the day of pentecost.. women where also there... they were not excluded... If such gift was given to women by the holyspirit ' himself ' do u think such gift was given so that they can sit and do nothing with it?...
A lot of people read the bible like that Ethiopian Prince whom Philip encountered in Act 8 vs 26-28... they read it like literature but don't understand..

Every one including me should pray for wisdom while reading his words... because if u read a potion today and digest it nicely . it might mean another thing tomorrow if u read that same potion... that is bible...it speaks on situation and circumstances differently...That's why I like that book..

Rajman45:
I believe that u understand simple Phrases correctly, before quoting nd directing me to read the op statement again.
Without missing words, Should a person opinion which u believed is wrongfully stated be part of a Holy book. I thought the Bible was inspired by God, and everything stated are all words of God.
Please don't get urself confused and follow the scripture directly to learn the truth. Women are not allowed to preach or hold key positions like Pastors in the church.. Period..... Wise up.

I know English language is not your first language try reading 1 Tim 2 vs 11 in your mother tongue this time.. even telling u to read it in Message Bible in English will be a waste of time because u won't understand...

Act 15 vs 36-40 When Paul had a heated argument with Barnabas on whom to choose while going on their missionary journey... was it inspired by God or was that his own opinion ? ..was that the holyspirit directing / inspiring them to argue angrily... just asking u since u assumed that every thing u read in the bible was inspired by God...
When God regretted that he has made man... was that inspired by him...? Because according to you every thing u see in the bible was inspired by God...

And who didn't allow women to hold KEY POSITIONS OR PREACH IN CHURCH HOLYSPIRT OR PAUL?
When the Bible said in Joel 2 vs 28-29...In the last days I will pour out my spirit on all flesh... your son and your Daughter shall prophesy.... Were women excluded in that gift?
When it happened on the day of pentecost... Did the holyspirit select only men because they were the ones to only preach in the house of the lord...? In case if u said no the holyspirit did not select only men.. then what will women be doing with their gifts of prophesy.. . .. seat at home wash nappies and be silent in the church because the gift given to them by the Same holyspirit was inferior to that of the men ...?

I Wish that God should give you the wisdom to understand while reading his words... Because the spirit of understanding is what you needed at this time... please don't argue blindly with me without facts from the Bible just in case u wanna quote me again...

princeking2:
CC 0 - 4 Liverpool.

Don't say that man... I'm always scared of teams that are going on relegation... They got an angry and annoying way of defiance just to show that they were not push overs.. This Everton that defeated Man U.. they heard it and learned that lesson from relegated Fulham last week...

But I am hoping for the best Today...

And they are doing this show of shame on an Easter Sunday..

No one even asked the vital question like what was the living situation of the guy... it could be that he got his resident permit and needed no help... People can't help themselves in terms of jumping into conclusion recklessly with two feet. . ...

@OP
1...I suggest that you believe in your man until you find a reason not to...
2... Some men like wearing rings.. even when they are single some wear necklaces.. .. it's individual choices...
3... Do not let anyone here make u doubt your man... No one here knows the circumstances surrounding you meeting him and fallen in love with him..
4....When next they are inviting you over to Nigeria.... try and clear your schedule and go... so u can see things for yourself. .. open your pretty eyes and see so that you can have reason( or no reason) to doubt your man...over there u will know if the kid is his or truly his sibling...

People here are about to sow a seed of discord between you two if u let them....

I know it's difficult but it's just a fiancee... No heavy ring was attached to it... u can start all over again... and do not overlook any trace this time or look at things in a rosy spectacle.. .. if it walks like a duck..talks like a duck...swims like a duck... it is definitely a DUCK..

Rajman45:
So, Paul was only giving his own opinion, which later form part's of the Bible. It means that Paul opinion was wrong and the Bible contains wrong opinion from Apostles Paul ( from ur statement). This is getting very interesting

Before u wet your pants, Those were letters written to churches and to his best friend Timothy... and those were his teachings... why are u guys acting as if all what he was saying / teaching was directed from the holyspirit and he has no say on his own accord? Is he not human like u and me?... All I am saying is that he is entitled to his opinion and was teaching what he felt was right?

Please go back to the front page and read that 1 Tim 2 vs 12 that op quoted and tell me what you make out of the English language there...it is a simple phrase.. then u come back to me..

Kdon2:
Your level of understanding is terribly flawed!

That's what some one with no defence will say... I will not argue or debate with u on this matter because u are "extremely intelligent " have a good day

Kdon2:
My brother, no where in Israel can a woman lead a congregation it's a sacriledge. The Bible says so. Stop rearranging God's order!

You don't know your bible man... Go to the book of judges... and look it up...

I wish you understand English properly... U will see that 1 Tim 2 vs 12, Paul was making use of " I" I DO NOT PERMIT IT..". meaning that it was Paul himself that was saying he will not premit women to speak... not the holyspirit.. or something. . Just simple english language... u should learn to read your bible and distinguish when a character in it was speaking in his own accord and when he was lead by the spirit... I am guessing that it's not every thing the pastor says that u believed right? So also Paul is human like u....

Akuruoulo:
. Oga what u are Saying is far from the writer topic

Please explain to me what the writer was talking about...since you were the only one that understands the topic..

Ever heard a name in the bible Deborah who served while being a woman....What so special about a woman preaching in the church

But Deborah was a woman... She was one of the judges in Israel...They should have said haba!! Madam u are a woman, u should be quite..

Women where the first that proclaimed the resurrection of Jesus while their male counterparts were sleeping or hiding...
That temple veil that slits in half when Jesus gave up the ghost got lots significance...including what we are talking about on this thread...

clive2u:
Carry over boiling

let's just hope she is smart book-wise

Can OP confidently swear before the Ogugu shrine that the lady pictured was a housemaid...

Jezzz!!! I missed those Nollywood movies wayback and that popular shrine (ogugu ) that was always mentioned in every local movie

Guilderland1:
Hmm, I wish words could solve his problem, I am a guy but I possess a wife character, despite have younger siblings, at my age of 24, I do wash his clothes each time I am washing, just to see him neat, because he hardly even care about his neatness.

In terms of what you said, despite that Nigeria is not rosy to anyone again, I can't remembering him having any past experiences that could have pushed him into alcoholic, it is not a new thing, I have always known my Dad as a drunkard. The only difference now is that he has become more violent than ever...

All the little money he makes automatically goes for drinks and cigarettes.

You are looking for solutions yet you sound more negative than that woman...what's her name again..that Nigerian journalist that is after the life of all Nigerian celebrity..

Could you be a little positive man... that will at least be ok with your psych.... you never know how little thing that's done could go a long way to help even if it's a little bit of peace for a short while

@ OP I wish I got something tangible to say to ease your pain... I can see that you wrote this from the heart.....I wish Nigeria is ripe enough as a country to handle those suffering from substance abuse.....

Anyone who can read between the lines would know that you were proud of his smartness and his sense of business acumen ... but it is unfortunate that this whole thing is happening... I have never been close and personal with an alcoholic... but do u think that he was trying to suppress something... Pains due to family shabby treatment, loss of friend, Business or something.... I have heard of intervention...maybe you guys should try it...

It might sound oyiboish.. but it might work ( that's a way by which real friends of the said person comes to his house wrote something nice about the person... how the person has helped them in the past...His past positive impact... and how his present situation is affecting you as friends and family ...) If u wanna do it, then I suggest you look for those that your dad respects... Those he held with high esteem..10 people is enought. ...You his kids should also write an emotional stuffs on how you missed your dad and you want him back...remember no negative things or confrontation on intervention..always things from the heart ..do it on the day he is sober.. Good luck man

Quality20:
Their problem. pls who recommend a bank for me thats just like GTB in terms of bank deposit and no charges stuff. I want a bank i can withdraw all my money down to d last thousand whenever i want with no hidden charges. Im having Zenith in mind,but im not too sure of their ways

There's no bank that can do that for u in this world except if are a student....
how do u think the bank make their money without those fees... all the administration fees, withdrawal fee etc is part of it...

How many banks in Nigeria got good customer service?.. I know that bankers here in NL will support their own bank.... First Bank those days could make any well bodied gentle man dizzy after they must have dealt with u in their sluggish customer service ways... I don't know if they have changed..

What kind of help do u need?.. That's how your mum gets her groove

She has chosen her own path... you can't change it..if your dad couldn't all these years.....All u need is to work hard..get ur own apartment.. make money.. and keep money aside for bailing purposes... Some cross that family bears..

I understand that you are depressed... Just humble yourself and go to him and ask for assistance... whoever advised you or was encouraging you to tread on that part of court did not give u a wise advice... Because you are an adult no longer a baby..... , so whatever he is doing for u@ 27 is out of generosity....

Just do the I WILL Arise... and go to my father and I will say unto him Father, I have sinned against heaven and before thee.. . I just pray and hope he kill some Goat and welcome you home..

Lots of people are suffering from Comprehension issues on this thread.....

According to what was written there, It was not in connection with the recent robbery in March 2019... these robbery happened in 2016 and ithe cold be any Nigerian..... and the mischievous reporter did his best to confuse those who can't read...by using the same name of 2019 in place of 2016... because he/ she wasn't bothered to find the 8 names of the suspects

Shila16:
I only came to shek names and am not disappointed

That means you got comprehension problems...

The name you thought you saw and the images was the recent ones that happened in march this year.. they said 8 Nigerians... if u look properly it's 5 people on that pic ... no name was mentioned... it could be anyone... any Nigerian.

So...every bad business decisions is caused by someone who does not wish anyone well correct? ...

Tell your brother to own up to his bad business decisions and stop looking at things that doesn't exist...
A lot of businesses are struggling around the world... even the multinational ones are folding... talk less of sole trade type of business....

When some people surrounds themselves with naive and ignorant people, They began to act and see things the way those people do...OP if I may ask,..what about you what do u think, do you think the girl's family was responsible for what was happening...

Don't you know up till now the style the Nigerian pastors use in getting new people into their fold?.. Don't u know up till now that it is (operation disintegrate family)... if it was not your mother killing u, then it is your brother, sister, uncle etc...even the ancestors who should be resting in peace were not left out...

Look I don't have the right to tell you how or what to believe...But if I were you I will tell that aunt to stop doing something that might cause unhappiness, sadness and disintegration in a home.. she should just stop going around bringing havoc..

kingvincenteze:
thank u all for ur wonderful comments; I don't like to post more post but to be calm and listen to every ones comments but fraking speaking am I married ? because I don't know if I am married

Stop all these man... U are acting more like someone that was raised in Abuja instead of Lagos...

Just follow your heart man... don't let any one bully you into doing what u don't want...In my opinion, u are married FULL STOP. unnecessary double payment of dowry to me is a waste of resources evenue if it's 5K.... you don't have to spend limited resources just to be politically correct...

If you are worried about you and your wife who will die first.. then you need not to worry.. u might even outlived those who think that one of u will die first so that they can punish u guys...

Please ignore your inconsiderate wife... Try and be immune to her nagging.. Develop a mechanism to give yourself peace... either you leave home early or come back late.. do this for some weeks and see the outcome... if nothing changes.. sit her down and talk.. tell her that you have decided that u won't pay for the silly dowry.. what does she want to do.. to leave you or to stay with u

My only advice...

1.. You cares a lot about traditional things that's why they are taking advantage of you.. Just ignore them and continue to be the loving and caring father that u are to your kids... and your wife as if nothing is happening...

2...You have consumed your marriage.. and the result is the two kids... the money that will be used for dowry , use it to provide food, clothes etc for your kids... if I were to be in your shoes, I will only go forward because looking else where (ie thinking about the dowry that I have done paying already) and starting all over again is like setting my alarm clock backwards..

3... If your wife is causing you some grief.. remind her of the family she was coming from... How your journey with her started till now... If she wants to go, let her go but let her not take the kids... I can't believe that she has forgotten how you gave #10, 000 6yrs ago when it was needed the most... There are lots of single ladies out there who will happily take her place without dowry .she is already a mother of 2.. what she's doing is gragra...Instead of giving those people your money go to the church and do small church wedding with 20 or 30 people in attendance. .

I can't imagine that some people still place price tag on women at this day and age... As if they were commodities.. and some people supporting this issue, I just don't know if they really know the meaning of marriage..

I was thinking that if a woman loves a man, and wants to be with that man, she will not directly cause him pain and grief vis-a-vis ... Do not let anyone dictate to you on how to run your family... Sorry to say this but your wife is an ungrateful cloth pole.. sitting or standing there and letting u get humiliated was not what anyone who claimed to love her spouse will do..