₦airaland Forum

How from double figures to single digits .
Something isn’t right ?
Which kain jobs Agbero and tout and yahoo boys are jobs ?

addmole:
I and My wife have been married for 5 years. We are based here in Lagos. She's 35 years old. We are doing very okay and living comfortably. Since we got married, my wife hated sex so much. I am not even trying to sugarcoat this. She doesn't want to hear you talk about it or she does it. There's no one in the family that haven't tried to settle our differences since we got married. She was never like this when we were dating. It's been 1 issue to the other. She doesn't initiate sex, and when she does accept you to have sex, it's missionary style and it's just 1 round. Ah, me wey dey like knack wella. This woman begin change am for me. Lol. She doesn't want to hear you discuss sex.

Anyway sha, lets move on...

5 YEARS ago, her mum came to my house to kneel down and tell me I am stressing her daughter that I should not kill her with sex. Her then-unmarried sister then asked if I ama dog? Ah, insult. Anyway, I don forgive her. I spoke to my wife and told her what is the meaning of this? What kind of lies are you feeding your family with? This is the same person who happens to make just 1 round of sex. Just 1 round. She lies flat on her back. Once you are done, she quickly pushes you away if you stay on top of her for more than 10 to 15 minutes. There were times she would hit me if I try to initiate sex. I reported to her elder brother. He elder brother warned her. She stopped. She moved to kicking me anytime we initiate sex on bed, i reported to my pastor, he spoke to her and then, she stopped. My pastor told me i have to be patient with her. I said OK.

Omo...
The only time we make love is just 1 round, missionary style and that's it. She says she has pain on her stomach. I have been patient for 5 years with her. I told her anytime she's strong enough, we can make out. That there's no problem.

I have been pressured to cheat on her many times. i HAVE BEEN REALLY PRESSURED. Its just not easy. Her family have insulted me for demanding sex from her. Lol. The thing tire me. I see no where i am demanding. We don't do any other position apart from the missionary style. We do not even kiss. This is a woman that doesn't want you to kiss in in anyway. Even sometimes, she shouts at you when you try to be romantic to kiss her unexpectedly just to spies up our love life. She doesn't even want you to cuddle her on bed. She wants to be alone. Make money, attend to her business, vibes, laugh with friends and family and that's it. When it comes to sex, don't go there discussing that with her about making out.

I even had to retort to preparing her mind for sex by sending her a position we would try on WhatsApp, she would leave the message on read and not respond. When you talk to her about what you sent to her, she would just tell you, she's not strong to make love.

ANOTHER PART OF HER:
My wife is a very bitter person full of anger. If you try to tickle her when she's cooking in the kitchen to play with her, she gets angry and warns you not to try such. My wife doesn't want you to play with her. I am not writing all these to make it look I am a victim here. But all these are my experiences. I have to pour it out. I NEED SOME ADVICE.

There were many times, we agreed on separating. But we have already children and we used to think about these because the quarrels and the disrespect, sex and everything is causing a whole lot on us.

We do not have any form of healthy discussion very well. Before you know it, we are quarrelling over the place, she's shouting. There was a time we quarrelled that after throwing a Gotv remote at her, she fainted. She woke up before we got to the hospital. She almost died. I told her, she needs to stop her anger and control herself and enjoy her marriage. She just won't listen. She's an Edo woman.

I have tried many times to leave the marriage because it's affecting my mental health. Sometimes I regret about getting married to her. Sometimes, I just feel, maybe I CAN TRY MORE and give her a chance. When you call her to discuss our sex life, about her anger and bitterness, she doesn't apologise. She hardly apologise. Even when I get to explain her part on why she was wrong, she claims she's right until maybe someone hears us arguing before she would reluctantly apologise.

I have been battling a really starved sex life, full of a woman with bitterness, anger and pride who never apologise. She's quick to advice other women on Facebook, She would video call friends, give them advice and her family how they need to maintain peace with their relationship. But she never seem to give me respect in anyway in her own own. Hmmmm.

Recently, my wife brought out another timetable that she cannot cope making out with me the way she does. Which is 3 times a week. That she can only be available to make love 2 times a week. This 2 times is just 1 round each. This is how she wants it. I immediately responded to her that I feel her pain. I understand. She cannot be pressured just to make it look like she wants to please me that I would rather get a side chic. Yes, i know this was wrong to tell her, but i am frustrated. She disrespects me and starve me of sex and she's even bending the rules again. She responded that 'ok that I am free to do what i LIKE'.

i decided to bring this here to know the comments from people. I would like to get advice from persons who are going through similar things like this and advice me on what to do.

Some of you might say, call her and talk to her. I have done that several times since in the last 5years. I did it last night and twice today. I have spoken to her. She promised she would change, she would not only repeat the same thing but make things worst the next time.

She disrespects me a lot. I have sometimes left the house but come back after families get to call me. She would change for a week and return to her old self.

What do I DO? Please make your responses constructive enough.

Ok, I am not going to sugarcoat it.
You are not compatible and she doesn’t love you anymore .
She very likely is having a side relationship and is finding it very hard to fake her love for you.
Dude, don’t be stuck with her for the next 50 years in a loveless relationship.
You have sought counsel opened doors of communication and yet things are not improving means that her heart is dark and made up.
LEAVE ! You deserve better.

werisetogether:
If they don't take advice, are they REALLY smart?

Don’t mind him ojare … see country since 1960.

Look at your country and tell me again ?
Nigeria’s problem is we lack humility. Everyone is smart and wants to outsmart the next person.

Wow! I remember every year —- Christmas into new year being packed into a Peugeot 505 from Lagos to Ile IFE for the holidays. We had a fridge in our room for drinks but that clay pot was were we drank water from .
The water there was cooler and colder than the one in the fridge. I used to hate people drinking from the cup directly and when I grew tired to complaining , I just dipped my cup and went on my way.
Times were better back then and family was all that mattered.
What nostalgia you have evoked !!!!

That’s why being authentic is the right way - what’s stoping you from saying babe - I’m tired we will chat tomorrow

thesilentman:
She is married and a senior in my department. She never got tired complimenting my eloquence-always says she likes the way i speak.

Everyday,she'd wait for me so we can work together out of the plant and anyday i tell her i ain't ready for home yet,she gets clearly pissed.We chit-chat a lot.

Yesterday,she cosied up to my desk,as usual and said,in the presence of fellow colleagues,"Baby...oh,sorry,mr bla bla bla..."

Everyone was gobsmacked cos that's the same way she addresses her hubby who ocassionally drops her at work.

Now tongues have been wagging on account of that incidence-that both of us are probably...

I tried to dismiss the matter by saying that it was a freudian slip but my colleagues who were not having any of it,just told me to be careful.

Wahala dey o!

It was deliberate.
It’s like me hearing a lady with a British accent.
Makes my temp cool.
But wait… must you open a Front Page for this.
If you have no feelings towards her then call her aside and let her know what’s happening.

It’s a mistake - why would he do it in full glare of cameras.

Wike is serving 4 years - could be in other ministry but he’s too loud to cut loose.
Plus why should it matter - your building is illegal bring it down !!!!

Flangelo12:
Depends on which country you live ans which culture you've adopted.

It is quite common for Caucasians of all standings, especially the females to have tattoos.

Some would be large and in your face, whilst some would be discreet.

From Medical Doctirs to Lawyers to strippers.

How many you wan reject?

I disagree- all those religious belt abhor tattoos. And even some that have represent something - medical tattoos or something gentle to the eyes.

There are still Mexican , African Sisters, Europeans ( Ukrainian ) . Indians that don’t have tats!

slowice:
Most Men find them sexy for sex but not sexy enough for serious relationship

Exactly bro … same mindset

I’ll be honest , it depends on where it is .
If it’s hidden - I may not mind but if it’s seductively placed, it screams “ loose” “ slut “ to me. So, I’ll date her but she’ll never be a wife material to me….. I know I have to change my mindset 😉.

You are two individuals who never grew up together, shared a womb , or household.
To add to it - we are in a microwave era where nobody courts the other. 6months dating , let’s get married.
Even sibling quarrel and they share the above.
Talkless of 2 unique individuals who were brought up differently. Love will only take you so far . Marriage takes work . What I find is that people marry and expect things to work out !
Love doesn’t pay bills.
Money does that .
Money doesn’t raise kids - love does that.
Compatibility - affection or love for most things will help sustain the relationship.
If one loves Jazz and the other can’t stand it !
Or one loves to travel and the other loves a quiet life - things will not work out well.
What I am saying is - marriage is work ! So when you leave your 9-5job, you have another work at home . The secret is if you love your job … you’ll never work a day in your life cause you both understand each other and it’s natural.

Ok - this is why the good book talks about being sexually pure because now she has a PHD in it and you seem like a JSS cert dude … but I digress .

You both have to move to the center on this topic.
She has to learn to initiate and you have to keep to your promise on when to have sex .
If she doesn’t want to be forward - she can put on a red or blue scarf and say “ honey , look what I have on “ so you make the move . But it also has to be planned out 4 days a week 5 days a week .
At beginnings of relationship such are spontaneous but when work comes in to play, you have to schedule it and plan it.

Good Luck .

Saifullah01:
Don't we have better ways do do these things. How long is this supposed to last for an entire household? Half day?

How shameful.

They can’t give money as they have noticed it doesn’t get to the people in need.
I won’t be shocked that trailers would be diverted - those bags ripped and poured into bigger bags and resold again.

There was childlike friend of mine back in the days at Ifako International school Agege. We were 5 friends.
We called him the blue lion ( the Voltron lion that stayed in water ) because he had to spit every 15 secs. He had a cup in which he would spit in. At that age we just saw it funny . I tried finding him after all these years but couldn’t.

LibertyRep:
Meaning, a reunion is possible. I don't see it as merger.

Something they could have done before the elections.

Atiku had structure and thought the 8 years of Buhari was enough for people to choose a different party. Obi had the youth momentum despite no structure.

If the two can merge LP-PDP with Obi leading the ticket there is a chance. But they have to silence the shareholders… too many talking heads from PDP.

For starters it’s too early. I’d say 2 years in the mandate once it’s obvious that the agbado accountant policies aren’t working.
Not sure why you need Kwansako. Merge LP and PDP where Obi is president and Atiku Vice. Any other combo will not work.

Abdulsaddiq:
See the real conclusion, only rice, ata gun gun and oil

How you dey find money feed cat in this economy

What cost of ingredients?

janeedema:
As much as I love your stories. I believe what it simply shows is people who have done their homework as per how to act on a date. It proves nothing about being a wife or his an material.

Some of us just love acting, sha.

If this would be the basis of your choosing a spouse, I can already start laughing in Spanish. Ladies especially the enlightened ones know how to do their homework.The female gender is a born actress, I can tell you this for free. Don't be fooled. I am a female, so I know what I am talking about. A lady can act to get anything.

You are looking at sustainability. So, as much as possible, you would want to keep off the drama and keep it real. And that hardly ever happens during dates.

Where people pretend to laugh at boring jokes and scream "awwwwnn", when all they want to say is, "You talk too much".

Dates prove nothing.

Love who you marry, not marry who you love.

So, first sort things out from the spiritual before bringing it to the mental and then, the sensual realm.

Good manners during a date does not translate to marriage material.



tquote author=rickleye post=125243721]

How do you get to know the person without going on a date. This is potentially someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with, of course I’ll go on a date and see if we are compatible.
Does she attempt to pay , bring along her wallet .
How does she eat ? Is she loud , quiet . Does she laugh at my jokes ? Does she tell jokes ? Does she pray before eating , does she eat with her mouth open. ? Does she talk with food in her mouth ?
Does she smell nice ? What does she order ?

I went out with a lady to a restaurant and when the menu was brought , she ordered an expensive meal , pop and 4 pieces of meat. That was the beginning of the end. What concluded was on our way back we took an Uber was having issue with transfer . I had cash but asked her to pay the cab driver N3000. She said she had no money . So I quibbled if I didn’t pay for dinner how would she pay , she just laughed .
I just pecked her on the cheek and told her cab man to drop her off at home.
She’s wasn’t serious 🧐

I went out with someone else. I ordered first - she said she would have want I was having . She wasn’t loud. Did everything lady like. When the bill came she said 2 bills please . I almost kissed her then and there . I told her no that I am still old fashioned. And I paid. Guess what she paid the cab fare home. We had an amazing 3 days affair .

Thanks for taking the time to write.

I agree on some of your points. Yes we all act but before I’d ask you out of date it would have been because during phone conversations and interactions you came across as authentic . Let me give an example. Instead of me asking if you go to church or are a believer. I’d ask you what do you do on a Sunday. Most authentic people would say they go to church others might skip that all together in order to hide that fact.

Good manners to me mean a lot . It’s so sexy finding someone who loves her p’s and q’s. Yeah it doesn’t automatically mean you’re a wife material but it shows to me that we may love something in common.
Dates help me weaned out those with whom we are compatible with. It doesn’t have to be a meal just a simple ice cream and talking . Dates also don’t translate to marriage material just like exams are not a true test that one is smart but it’s a measure.

Spiritually to a certain degree but I know a lot of couples who do not go to the same church yet have been married for a long time .

Cheers

imoh4king:
Are you guys still dating or married?

Abi, one person don give the other person red card.

We broke it off. I relocated plus I wasn’t prepared to be solely inclusive and she was ready to get married

sarutobi:
This is it.

We should not generalize women. They are humans and humans behave differently depends on if they like you or not.

The first girl did not give a shit about you. There are many of them like that who go on dates with guys they dont like, just to eat free food and get free gifts. Some of these girls dont spend a dime of their own money on food.

The second girl is also not a good girl. There is nothing like good/bad girl. It is just that this one might like you and want to play it safe. Trust me, if the second girl runs into a guy she does not give a shit about, the experience will be like the first girl.

BOTTOMLINE is that DO NOT take a girl out on an expensive date. Getting to know someone is not about spending money. Its is about spending time with each other.

I usually pick a free place to go. A place that is fun or cheap. Once the girl reaches the place, you will know if she is genuinely interested in you or just want to use you for free food. If she does not like the place, her body language will change. Thats how i filter them out.

It is usually funny to see a girls face when she realizes that you cannot be played. They usually go nuts. You willl hear things like "he is stingy" etc. Once you hear that, give yourself a pat on the back. You have overcome her. They don't like it especially when they know you can easily afford it BUt chose not to. It destroys their ego.

Very true !

frankson1:
Are you minding all these grown boys giving us
'bobo juice' . Lots of them are running after 'plantain seller', 'iya ewa agoin beans seller' and little girls who haven't learnt to properly clean up themselves.

You get to learn alot when you take a lady out and at the first date, you should know if there's going to be a second.

As for me, I don't sit-out, na phone conversation all the way o

Lol 😂 ….exactly … forgot phone conversation very important. As I invest in the relationship so has the lady. Anyone asking me for data on first date is suspect .

henryadex:
Proverb 9:17,18 stolen waters are sweet and bread eaten in secret but he knoweth not that the dead are there and that her guests are in the depth of hell

Been looking for this verse for a while . Thanks

Poten111:
I have fallen in love with my colleague. She has been so helpful and close to me. We hangout a lot and she creates time for me. She dots me. She is always in a hurry to help and support. If i have a complaint she scampers to look for solution. She buys me lunch and surprises me with snacks and gifts.

I a have a place to go and I impromptu tell her. She volunteers to drive me there. She has a car and I don't. E speak at length every day. Morning and night.

In all this, I reciprocate the gestures. I show her love and respect.

After about a year. I came to the conclusion that I want to date her against my principle of dating colleagues. We once lodged in a hotel where i made my intentions clear. She said she was in a relationship. A distant one but the guy is ready to marry her. He has met her parents.

I know women love to keep their options open to avoid disappointment but i felt betrayed because how is she making out time for me.

I have re-emphasized my interest on two more occasions. She is thinking about it. I feel she wants to go ahead with the marriage plans.

So i have moved on. Cut off consistent communications with her. I rarely respond to her message especially if they are not work related. I have subtly told her that we cannot be having a subtle affair.

She doesn't seem to keep off. She has maintained her fake interest in me.

What do i do?

🤔hmm - you never clearly said if you did the deed in the hotel. I’ll assume you did.
You certainly are not ready to marry her.
Enjoy the times you have together but do not be a stumbling block to her marriage.
Very few people get to settle down with those they really love. She unfortunately is adding to the statistics. But she will be happy, have kids and life goes on.

SpartaOfLagos:
Peter Obi is obviously and unarguably the most influential Nigerian politician right now and everywhere he goes, He's cheered, loved and respected even without spending shishi.

His Excellency, Mr Peter Obi walked into wedding ceremony and the people already present forgot the reason why they were at the ceremony and started hailing him.

See photos below

He shouldn’t be walking without security. Plus the more accessible you are the more people take you for granted .

I am not sure what the aim of this post is meant for . If other post have a caveat before they can comment then create one for such posts like these. I am yet to find any positive comments and there are two NL threads for the same story ! Why !

BoldBrainz:
LMAO!

These Ecowas countries must think themselves to be lords over Western Africa. It's the audacity with which they're trying to make decisions for a sovereign country, that has me in stitches.

Niger is a member of Ecowas. Ecowas is force meant to assist in terms of political instability. A democratic leader was disposed- what happens if that happens in Nigeria again. We can’t go backwards.if they want to remove a leader go to courts or ballot boxes.
I don’t vote for Tinubu and if he stole the ballot we have nobody but our fellow citizens who assisted to blame.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economic_Community_of_West_African_States

Darlingme:
Honestly things are really getting crazy with the nature of story that spring forth everyday. I was in counseling session with a woman days ago and I lack what to adviced.

What can you advise in a situation where the husband refused to go out to get a job nor engage in any form of business or do anything to provide for his home? He always complain and turn down any job suggestion from his wife, thereby watching her do all the struggles all alone?
He stays back at home and wait for what his wife's beings?
What kind of situation is this?
Are they men out there who really practice this kind of lifestyle?
What would you advise such a wife?
Is this enough reason for a woman to cheat?

What kain counsellor advises a woman to cheat ?
That’s one side of the story - what’s the man side .
If I were to counsel it would Be to suggest that she try and bring the man along .
Leave the marriage .

Saintinoo:
Going on a date with a woman just to know her kind of person is the worst decision a man can ever make, you think a woman will bring her true self to a date?

Though, I just don't see reason to spend unnecessarily on a woman.

I just don’t let anyone come to my home. And we aren’t working together so how on earth do I get to meet someone than somewhere neutral .

squash47:
you can't live life without a wife or a woman ?

Nope I can’t . I ve found I am wired that way. I love the female body .
Plus growing old without someone is painful . I’ve experienced it first hand with uncles whose wives lived abroad. They died and we didn’t know until 2 days later when their corpses were smelling . He lived a good life but lonely .
Who do you share successful moments with ? Or call upon when you have an emergency. - there was a day I played soccer with a bunch of guys abroad . One of them tackled me and I walked away later on around 10pm, my ankle got swollen . I was in so much pain, I called all my friends - straight to voicemail . That when I knew that being lonely is terrible . Even the trinity is 3 in. 1. I had to call an ambulance. Cost be $150 for something that Ibruprofen would have solved.
Whatever you may think about marriage , living alone is the worst decision you can ever make.