₦airaland Forum

^^^

Search for riddles instead of jokes next time after all the subject says it all

LouisThoru:
and this makes front page news on NairaLand?

Please moderators, put this on the front page also:

Why do you move your p enis in and out when you are on top of a woman and not just keep it still inside?

You really love the P[/i]enis and I bet you wished you had one constantly [i]inside with you
Where's d link to the topic and make sure it stays in this section

beautyline:
When the mouth opens, the eyelids open wider ( by reflex) making it easier to apply mascara.

(It may interest you to note that the v.g.n.a also opens wider when the mouth opens)

Really interesting
I hope you apply your mascara whilst being [i]n[/i]aked?

beautyline:
Please, this is not a joke. It is a scientific fact.

Ask my Doctor. When my mouth opens, other parts of the body open by reflex esp my [i]v[/i]agina.

How do I meet your doctor?
Seriously you've cracked me seriously today reading those lines of yours.

LouisThoru:
Beautyline

Does it mean the vagi na does an open and close rythm anytime we females talk? As in, open, close, open, close, flap, flip, flop, especially the wide ones, the noise will be like, flop, flap, flop, flap, flop, flap, thank God men dont listen when we talk.

You sure say nor be wet cloth you dey flip flap flop?
Jst wondering the kinda sound yours wud make due to the width (NoSmall pun intended)
But you funny sha

Beautyline, I need to hear more of your facts and please link me up with your doctor and try to show yourself in this section and crack us up abeg
LouisThoru, same applies to you too, make you dey post consitently for here oo. Una thank u wellu wellu.

ehie:
dumb post!
why is this front page?

Ask Mukina2 wen don step foot in our house.

Where the laffs?

So people like una still dey consider Africa as country? Yet una type dey laff the likes of Sarah Palin.

^^^

Since when did males start having kpekus and toto Or is that dude just privileged to be herma or you don see for yourself or na jst mistake on your part?

Have a great day.

Ya all have been April fooled in October

They were shooting a REAL LIFE MOVIE and what the heck, she got robbed, so?

We should be thankful the MOVIE didn't exceed that scene else there'd be no director to shout "CUT" when the bullet(s) is/are released.

Next!

Idowu, so you sabi vex?

I go make you smell the stench from ur yansh

How body? Hope u wear cloth sha

xynerise:
It was really a sad experience. Imagine I dey do like that, the next thing dust come enter my nose from her kpekus. I baptised her kpekus with kelebe sneeze. Well I dontdon sabi now.

She must have [i]f[/i]ucked a guy earlier who came in her and it turned dust or she has been over-dried in her kpekus for so long that you the UNLUCKY [i]b[/i]astardsoul put your nose there thinking twas an inhaler.

Xynerise, you're doomed!

And you must be learning to type an english language you copied over time.

MODS, help move this outta this section into the Literature/Writing section.

Thanks

In as much as tis late Tanimz, u'd never catch me in the ROMANCE thread unless it makes homepage and is worth contributing my 2 naira. No vex. . .sorry!

Idowuogbo:
sledge hammer wetin u bring , u hammmer come fine boi

Sometimes I dey wonder if na d same pidgin language me and you dey speak. Still dey use punctuations so I go know if you dey make statement or you dey ask question. All these na to make am easier for me to direct my reply to you.
Now you can rephrase.

Efemena_xy:
Pharoh
**waves a white flag to him and offers him an olive branch**

**holds her breath in anticipation!!**

Just when this line of PEACE is waved in the air, the guy who thinks he can be a smart yansh is nowhere to accept the truce.
Really na so una con be for hia now?


Anyway I wan see blood oo. Dis place too cool for my liking and so many love making everywhere. I nor mind sha if una put me for one of the NAILING scenes. Who will welcome me with open legsarms? God punish person wen link me to any male for hia.

You get beef for the way wen she dey hola me?
Abeg cut that Miss some slack make I still collect some free e-kisses and e-tears wen dey follow thereafter.

I bam o. Now close your black teeth!

fed govt college ogbomoso 95 -2000
mehnn!!twas crazy jss1-jss3 had seperate hostels called juniors and sss1-sss3 had thiers too
jss3 students were da kings of juniors while sss1 were da slaves of seniors
imagine being asked to push a car dat is drawn on da wall cos da fuel is finished!!
imagine aving days called general lashing!
or is dos crazy labors days when mi and ma pips wld go into da jungle in order not to do labor?(skool had massive jungle surronding it)
wld post da rest later
lest i forget i rem a guy shitting in food for a senior!

I was wondering where my Gbomze peeps @ (FGC Ogbomoso) which is why I'll drop my few lines that comes to play.

For starters, I had the then Vice Principal as my "Guardian" so you wudn't wanna test me (Who dares Enahoro's bois) Those who crossed that line got horse whips on their backs cos I snitched (Why I nor go snitch at my very young age then Na me dem wan use shine amongst all other young and fresh blood)

Few mischiefs:
J.S 1- On a cool night, I and a host of others actually had RED NIGHT (not on the so called day before holidays) planned on one weakling. Toothpaste underneath his eyelids also rubbed on and at the back of his palms, everyone well positioned close to the beds (belt and socks rolled like a ball in hand), one person close to the light's switch and walla! You need to see flogging in micro seconds and immediately the light turned off, everyone in their beds and pretence all the way. Our target woke up and was screaming (not for the floggings but the pain in his eyes and one very wicked guy---don't wanna mention names---took some dirty pant soaked in dirty water and gave to him to clean his eyes )

I also had my slice of the cake as I learnt my wrist watch (which I slept with most times) was removed from my hand and worn for minutes and put back on me without my knowledge---basically I used to be a heavy sleeper (NOW, I'm way passed all that)

You needed to see Masters of "Silent-monging"- where one would sit close to you but you'd be unable to figure if he's eating cos of the CODINGS

Stewpid seniors would stage fights for juniors and threaten whoever got beaten and was on the verge of filing a report.

[i]B[/i]astard JS3 seniors (due to the partitioning of hostels for males to be JS1 - JS 3---Junior Hostels and SS1 - SS3---Senior Hostels) few days after our resumption in JS1 called out on few entrants and told us to sit on the bunk one after another. I noticed wet clothes spread on a metal bunk and one He[/b]diot close to the switch ([i]n[/i]aked wire) but you gotta trust guy man like me na cos I never went first . The first guy sat down and while the wires were placed on the bunk, you needed to see shocks and another unlucky dude was flung due to the high voltage. Ol boy. I turn to beggar when them say I MUST SIDDON. [b]"Senior, please nah" was my anthem and well I played a fast one when I cudn't convince them and when I sat down and saw the same Hediot tryna connect the wires, I jumped and pretended like I was shocked

Based on my growing up, I had some strong lyrics when it came to yabs so I had my respect and was sorted out for by peeps and mates alike when they needed entertainmen. I never dared the SENIOR hostels for a long time till my JS2 - JS3 when they came scouting for ALL junior students.

That said, other UNLUCKY folks had their "MY JOURNEY SHALL NEVER END" novel they were told to get from other seniors by a particular senior who has beefs for them. Some had cars drown on floors and told to push from point A to a point B, others baskets drawn on the floor and given a folded paper and told to dunk it in (Now this is how you go about all those stunts, after so many tries and getting the senior bored, he'd turn away for a while. That is the time you quickly draw a similar copy (say drawing the car in point B and wiping off car in point A or simply sketching a ball in the baskets when he's not looking)

Just a few tips of my Junior life and yes I was good when it came to "JUNGLING"-running to far away hideouts-during labour days (Tues and Thursday) as to avoid this uncalled for act and yet the school had labourers who were paid to do these things. I had blisters and sores from these acts overtime and jungling was a necessity.

SS1, a new life for me as a JUNIOR in the Senior Hostels and yes, I intensified my jungling ina bid to avoid harrassment such as fetching countless buckets of water, buy this and that for 'em seniors, being obtained, being bullied (not like I couldn't handle few of those animals if we engaged in a one on one battle ). I had to sleep in classrooms at nights and wake as early as 5-6am to go shower at the popular "12 taps" and look so fresh so clean for the day yet those babes in my class never knew what went down over night. I had a small padlock which I used in locking my drawer in the CLASSROOM and in it I had my gadgets . Whoever opened it don buy my market so no gal knew my secret .

SS2, I stuck my foot to the ground, pallied with few of 'em final seniors and even gambled with them in a game of poker or WHOT and I never LOST. Infact I lent these suckers money on few occassions . The day I got a beating I would never forget was in this SS2 when one weakling (I know I can handle him if I came to life a second time and met him) asked me to go fetch water for him and in his room, her had SS1 students. I simply told him I could not without any real reason and this guy pounced on me (well in the midst of his mates) and trashed me. Chei! I cry sha and twas of the fact I could not do what I had in mind. When the sucker was tired, I stood up to leave and he asked I come back and lie under his bunk. Death! Lucky for him sha cos na Morakinyo or Mr. Lawal house na im I been dey head for to file my report make matter open and close When I was relaxed, the mofo fed me to stupor, first with golden morn and later ordered for Oyen's rice with fish and I was a KING Anyway I kinda mellowed for him that day and forgot about it and funny as it is in the SMALL WORLD, we were mates in the same UNI (he tried ignoring me at first and I walked to him and introduced myself) and now tell me if I wouldn't have done something WORSE to him if not for the way our ordeal back in Gbomze ended

To cap it all, SS2 3^rd term (after the present SS3 had finished their exams and left) and SS3 was the BOMB and it ranged from scaling the school fences at various times of the day to night without permission (was never a fan of that either) to BENDING the school rules and regulations just as it is still done till date in NairaLand . Was it the palmwine that was bought in 10 litre kegs (Emu oguro) or iya spag's rice and spaghetti and plantaindodo with fish and the assorted coupled with the bike race back to school with mates alike. On a particular incident, 2 of 'em fell of the bike including the rider himself and the guy whilst wiping the blood from the side of his face was saying "Eje Jesu (blood of Jesus) and further asked the guys, owo mi da (where's my money)"
The stingy juniors had their lockers picked and their provisions utilised properly to feed the MORE-IN-NEED but sure it was fun all round.
Remember going to town with another colleague who had his hair braided few months to our graduation (with exams around the corner) to buy gin and also smokes. We neva waka far na im we jam this guy Guardian with 2 women dey come from church (But seriously, it is easy to spot a student from an indigene no matter the disguise). Last last sha, We got whooped on our backs and a^sses and he was told to loosen the hair and return it within hours. (Lucky boi sha cos his Guardian-Mr Aramide-never forwarded the matter to his folks)

Kudos to Mr. Lawal (Yoruba teesha turn English teacher-what a disaster for the students he taught cos if I happened to be in his class, I would stabbed them ALL) for his uncountable and unforgettable GBAGUAN on different occassions in the midst of students when gathered. Here are a few of them;

How can seven person be fighting one people?
Open the tap to the loudest.
You are in the car and rolling up the glass, c'mon, roll down the glass and let the atmosphere jump in.
Why are you twice on a bunk? Come down each by each.
Apply your white and green and follow me. (Our school uniforms)
Enter your shoes and follow me
Why hid your talented? And she can ran o!

This one is exceptional though and it is a real reason I laugh at the Yoruba language whenever I am opporunted to mock it (No offence my Yoruba people)
Instead of you people to be counting your books, you are there busy killing the noise (Ke ma ka iwe yin, e den kpa riwo). . .notice the bolded (Yoruba where 1 word has at least 2 meanings)

Less I forget, we had out "Planting sessions" where friends would gather together to kaka in the bush. Visited Sanyaolu's crib to gredge raps of fufu and eba. Visited Jagi which was meant for only Master and Teachers.

I borrowed 2 runner (FOWL) from one mistress like that and this chicken cooperated as not to have given me away by shouting (funny thing is my side-kick who we told to go scout came back saying NO FOWL in the whole of FEGO---HOW) But I left with him in my boxers and shirt during prep time and we got our obstacle in the meal and twas then I knew the dude was scared of 'em chicken but was ashamed to say it. -Na my first and only time I run dat parade oo.
Some others went as far as 4 runners (goats) but me I nor fit for crowd mentality.

Well well well, I guess I have said a lot out of the LOADS that I have in my head and I tell you, if I was to ever come again and go to FEGO, I would do some bizzare stunts I never tried-prolly with 'em chicks dis time-but will never change my person back then and trust me, if you never went to a boarding school (not some private kinda boarding school with your 50 by 100 land and no space for activities, then you missed and I mean you missed your TEENAGE LIFE.




About someone calling on students to count on his BUSH (pubic hair) strand by strand, yea I remember one of my friend who transferred from Olivett in Ibadan narrating the story to me and if you dared pulled on strand to hard, you received a VALID knock on your head

Maybe I'll drop some more when I remember or feel like it and make una nor vex say e too long o but tis worth sharing.

I nor dey house for wetin nor get head.

Capish!

I'm no mafia. Just Sledge!

Per the clarification, I go take am as I see am o.

Is this the new ROMANCE thread?

Just curious!

tpiah:
you obviously feel you're all that.


what a bore.

Rubbish!
To think you had some sort of faya in you. Lucky you, I for make your eyes see your ear just now (without mirror). IMP!

@ Youngichou

Dem don chook hand for your prickeyes


@OP. . .Reason you see me post here is cos tis on the homepage "I tell you". Like how old are you (no offence- else you wanna pick one) that you come to a place asking a question such as this to know what guys want? Ask yourself what you want and then you'd see the right guy for you (and just so you know, a guy can PRETEND to be the right person for you having studied your ways and what you cravce for-kpata kpata, 2 to 3 months of sincerity and loyalty and he's swimming in your so called honey well abi na honey pot). You aint a virgin and no matter what you do, I can state with authority that you'll get [i]f[/i]ucked as far as the mood is right should you have someone who happens to play the game right with you.

Having said all these, maybe you should just be yourself and think more of WHAT YOU WANT and take people for WHO they are and try to change them for the best whilst you also keep yourself as the proclaimed saint you've shown in here and I bet, you'd be the one begging the guy to [b]f[/b]uck you. I won't be surprise to see another thread of yours hit the homepage again stating that your boyfriend (by that time) doesn't wanna NAIL you (prolly going as far as stating if he's gay, cheating or whatever comes to play in your head).

Now what else should I say?

Just go arrange your life and take my words seriously.

After reading the first paragraph, it was pretty clear a retard had walked in here (no offence-unless you wanna pick one )

How would you post a crap such as this which's been in existence for over 3 years and still call it a joke? I can bet you just got yourself an email address and must be new to the IT world. Now scram!

My advice for you: Read more, be acquainted and you know what is and isn't.

da-whizkid:
Jigsox Chwist!! See GBAGAUN!!!

AqRiUs Age:
lol whizkid se ko si? what does "gbagaun" mean?

Which skool you go? Dem nor dey ring bell for there? Now when you don hear am, how e dey sound for ear wen u ring bell?

Anyway, make you check da-Winchkid reply to you and concentrate on the bolded and then you go see say you nor only [i]s[/i]hit for shursh but you use bible take clean yansh.

rasputinn:
Whoa sledge.
These questions of yours,are they honest or they derive from your siggy

Gotta love my Siggy, right?

I asked only one question though as all I needed was clarity.

True Story:

In 1985 Ibrahim Badamosu Babangida (IBB) was the Head of State in Nigeria and our teachers told us we were the leaders of tomorrow. . .25 years later, IBB is contesting for President of Nigeria. . .Either our teachers lied to us or tomorrow hasn't come and is yet to.

ola olabiy:
Incorrect: He's a masters degree holder.

Incorrect: He's a master degree holder.

Correct: He's a master's degree holder.

Why isn't it Masters' degree holder?

ola olabiy:
POSER.

He's contesting under the platform of PDP.

He's contesting on the platform of PDP.

Which one ni, abi none?

He's contesting the platform of PDP.

tpiah:
in that case, is it by force to reply?

people like you and the other dolt who just posted, are the reason why nigeria doesnt progress.

celebrating mediocrity and saluting corruption.

imagine- you could at least keep your mouth shut while i'm doing what needs to be done. Not everyone can be an arse kisser like you.

"humor" indeed.

try another explanation.

95% [or whatever] fail rate and you're still running mouth anyhow.

what a great shame.

Little wonder 2 peeps have commented after I did to confirm your online personality. They've summarised you already. . .too bad (a newbie on first read on your posts can authoritatively say this and that about you and be very much on point).

Just so you know about the bolded above, I just wikipedia-ed Nigeria problem. Lo and behold all your details appeared as you are synonymous with Naija's problem. Try dieing and see if things will not change for the better in my beloved country.

Bring your [i]y[/i]ansh over here lemme kiss since I sabi kiss arse and tell me if you won't have your head driven into a wall.

tpiah:
when he gets support from people like you, why would he see any value in not being subpar.

if you found it funny, then kudos.

Your type go like quarrel pass fight. I don notice am. Abeg shift!

Composed by Mbofung Ikenna
Editted by sLeDgE

In life one sure constant is change, change in nature, position, beings, status, change in life even in death, change is always a constant. What we don’t seem to realise is that this change is just a revolving circle. Well am not here to do a brainstorm on change as most people end up in the psych ward for trying. I prefer starting from the end of change which in a way is also the gate way to a new beginning, talking about death, when one dies another is born, giving way to continuity. . .bla bla bla seriously am beginning to confuse myself.

Death is the one thing most people don’t really pay attention to, well not until you’re 69, using walking sticks or you see your 3rd and 4th grey hair then you think about it every now and then. When you wake, your first thought will be “wow! I’m alive” and when going to bed you always remember to pray and ask for forgiveness just in case your time expires that night but before that, most young people don’t give death a second thought. True words, not everyone wakes up in the morning and think “wow! I didn’t die in my sleep”, for me my first thoughts are; "Damn I need a cup of coffee. . .wait, first brush your teeth, no! First go tell mumsie good morning". For some, it’s; “Oh crap! I’m going to work today” or “Where am I? Oh yeah I remember, last night was wild, 6 bottles, who’s this guy/girl beside me?” For the righteous ones and the unknowing hypocrites (they don’t realise they are hypocrites), they say their morning prayers and then the day begins-with no thought of death-and at night you go to bed planning the next day, Why? Because you’re oblivious to the fact that death lurks around. The cycle continues but what we don’t realise is that death circles us just about the same way air is around us, just waiting and hoping it gets lucky.

The question now is, “is it because people are afraid of death that we keep it locked in a small room at the back of our brains, avoiding the thought or we choose not to acknowledge that it exists? For that reason you see people doing obscene life-threatening-death-welcoming-things or maybe we know its timetable and are definitely sure the time is not coming soon. (Don’t say that to the family members of October 1st attack)

What ever the reason, we can’t avoid the basic truth that we all have an expiry date. How? When? Is the question we all don’t know, but if you where to ask people, “How would you want to die?” majority of the reply would be; "In my sleep, peacefully and when I’m old”. Why do people have the notion that dying in ones sleep is always peaceful? 99% of the times it happens, the die (ee) is always alone, next morning we all say the dead (ee) died peacefully. Please! Chances are the person had a heart attack, was choking or possibly had a spasm/convulsion which led to death.

It is hard to picture death as painless, even "The Reaper" holds a scythe (curve knife) which I definitely don’t think is for slicing bread or farm work. Please quit being unrealistic and be a realist. Embrace death, might not be painless but you could always picture your seven virgins waiting for you in paradise. That way you see a bright light at the end of the tunnel. (Quick question: If guys get seven virgins, what beget females? Seven hot studs? )

So in the end, what if we were given the choice to pick how to leave this world, which would it be?

AMO:
Russian roulette
Firing squad
Bullet to the head/mouth
Grenade
War

BLADE:
Stabbing
Neck slicing
Wrist slicing
Beheading

EXPLOSION/FIRE:
Gas explosion
Petrol
Nuclear weapon
Missiles
Land mine
Terrorist attack

CRASH:
Plane
Car
Okada
Train (not possible in Nigeria-well for now )

DROWNING:
Swimming pool
Titanic
Bath tub

OLD SCHOOL:
Crucifixion
Staking
Hanging
Beheading
Gladiator
Stoning

MEDCINE:
Drugs (illegal/overdose)

ETC:
Diseases
Virus
Lethal injection
Bad health.

In the end, death is inevitable. What matters is how ready and prepared we are for it. A huge percentage of humans don’t wake up with the knowledge of death except er. . . probably those on death row, wanting to commit suicide, probably grand parents like mine that have lived up to 95. The people that died from the bomb blast on Nigeria's Independence Day never woke up with the knowledge of their inevitable end. Most times our choices point us in the direction of our downfall other times it turns us away but in the end it catches up with us. The only difference is the timing in which it does catch up.

My advice, be not afraid for eventually we all have to accept it. See it as a gateway to the end, an end that opens to a new beginning. You have only one life so why not make the best of it? Death can’t be outrun. Even if you’ve gotten jet engines, death is definitely on faster wheels.

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150287411760402&comments&il=0&notif_t=note_reply

I have a reason to say I hate you "NOT FOR POSTING A STALE JOKE" but "FOR THE CAPTION TO THIS TOPIC"

Na ur belle go burst after reading my own!

^^^

What makes you think he did not spell it incorrectly on purpose? Sometimes, learn to see the humour in things before picking on someone 'cos I can bet if he's to come hard insulting you, he'll be the bad one forgetting you quoted him in the first place hence buying his trouble.

Afterall it was placed in BOLD.