₦airaland Forum

olanajim:
WHY IS DIVORCE RATE PREVALENCE IN THE WEST AND FAMILY VALUES BROKEN DOWN IN THOSE COUNTRIES IN SPITE OF THEIR LEGALIZED MONOGAMOUS SOCIETY AND STRICT LAW AGAINST IT?

WHY IS THE REVERSE THE CASE IN COUNTRIES WHERE POLYGAMY IS "AN OPTION" AND LAWS ALLOW FOR DIVORCE YET, FAMILY VALUES REMAINS HIGHIER THAN THOSE CHAMPIONING MONOGAMY?

because in these western countries women have a choice to stay in a marriage or to leave. in the so called countries where your polygamous is an option women really do not have a choice. come hell or highwater she is expected to remain in that marriage no matter how hellish or even at a risk to her life!

WHY IS IT THAT ON NAIRALAND, MOST OF THE CASES OF BROKEN HEARTS, CHEATINGS, AND FAMILY PROBLEMS ARE FROM THE APOSTLES OF MONOGAMY SINGLE/MARRIED?

and bros how did you come about this conclusion. your personal poll?

I still posit that the reason some people avoid polygamy had not been mentioned so far by any of the "polybad, monogood" proponents. And that reason may have nothing to do with polygamy. So far, it is all sentiment and frustration

.

one thing i know is that experience truly is the best teacher! if they are frustrated its because they have lived it!

dakmanzero:
Insulting her isnt the way forward. Find out from her whether, now that she is well, she still feels the same way.

no one insulted her. and i believe she typed that post now that she is well! not unless she is still typing from her sick bed. (no pun intended ejo)

whatever arguements one brings to the table should be able to work both ways. and by that i mean for males and females. when a woman is really sick, its seen as an opportunity for another woman to be brought to see to the husbands needs. his needs?! you guys have got to be kidding right?
when a man is bedridden his wife takes position by his bedside and virtually wears a chastity belt till he gets well. make person hear word abeg.

i read that post again.
and the more i read it, the more ridiculous it seems. i guess men and women react differently. a man may be at death's door but he wants his wife to be faithful till the very end and even after. even in extreme situations they expect 100% faithfulness. afterall nelson mandela was imprisoned for 27 years, came out and was shell shocked that winnie was having an affair. . maybe if she had married a second husband while he was put away heaven would have fallen.

Tanna:
Personally - I wouldn't mind if my husband had a second wife who lived with us.

My reason is that some years ago I had become EXTREMELY ill and my condition lasted almost 2 years. I could not work, rarely could I cook and take care of my home, and I was in a lot of pain constantly and could not perform my wifely duties. My poor children had to do sooo much to wait on me, and they were quite young. My dear husband was working very hard to pay all the bills and the added expense of medical bills. I was still young and very attractive, but we could not even sleep in the same bed because of all of my medical needs.

A second wife could have helped with the house, the children, and serviced my husband.

tell me this post is a trick of the light! 
and if it was your husband who was deathly ill, a second husband could have paid the bills, helped with the kids and serviced you too abi? quit tripping woman!   

If all of you advocating spanking think that thats all you have to do in order to raise a perfect child then you have another think coming.
spanking is a last resort. a lot of spanking dished out can be chalked down to misplaced aggression and short tempers. where a stern caution could have sufficed, blows are instead dished out. i personally feel very uncomfortable when im in friends' or relatives' houses and they are torturing their children in the name of the bible and quoting spare the rod spoil the child. often times the child only becomes immune and starts acting out due to resentment. those blows if they really worked would have made nigeria a place of abundance with perfect robots a long time ago!!!

I met my soulmate in the workplace.
its strange how 2 people can go for so long without even noticing each other. One day, we locked eyes and held each other's gaze and he smiled at me. I felt this big bang in my chest. dang! im not kidding you guys , in that instant i knew it. dude was is  handome as heck. with the biggest smile you ever saw. i had never had that reaction to any man's charms before.i was flustered and incoherent and what have you.  he wrote me a note and had someone pass it to me. In the note he asked me to hang out with him that wknd. i usually dont hang out in guy's cribs but that was one sweet offer i wasnt about to refuse. Baby girl was down!!  I was high on this guy already. I still am.   That same day another guy asked me out. The second guy even drew me a map showing me how to get to his house.I let him down as gently as i could. There was no way. No way i was gonna say yeah to any other guy after the way this dude had me breathing heavy. I went to his house that saturday and stayed the whole day. He was and has always been really good to me. Many years and a beautiful child later we are still honeymooning.

babyosisi:
you would not have dropped dead if you just told us the woman was Nigerian or you have another subtle point to raise?

i tire oh. i had the same thought but i was going to let it go.

FlyLyde:
Rabbit
Crocodile
Antelope
Locust
Snail
Squirrel

u ate a squirrel? omigosh! was it crunchy?

dont intend to spank my kids or yell at them. i have an eight month old. i handle her with kid gloves. children are not wild animals that dont heed you or take directions. live by example and half your work is done already.

aysometin:
Well i had to laugh out loud when uncle bros posted that you will have to forgive her beatings.


Well all said and done, everyone has a right to his or her own opinions, those that want their husbands there and those that wont be there at all and so on, thats why we are individuals.
Initially when i started reading this thread, i felt like he must be there , why not?Coincidentally i was chatting with my fiance on yahoo so i just poped in the question stylishly and he said hell NO, only if i want to kill me, that he can't stand the whole sight of blood and pains and agony and that does not mean he loves me less. I advise all the girls insisting their husbands will follow them to find out if he is willing to, i think its best when the guy is willing and not a case of forcing the guy based on the ''we are in this together factor''. You know they say you can only force a horse to the river you can't force it to drink water.
Just be sure it is what he wants so you wont become repulsive to him after the whole thing, as for me i know i wont have my husband beside me during childbirth, and most definately i don't want him dead too because he said the whole thing might kill him,its all good as long as i still have all is love and attention afterwards.You know the baby will be needing its father afterwards.
Anyhow you have your baby, the most important thing is a lovely child and the means to take care of the child, i wish everyone all the best during this phase we have to go through in life. ONE LOVE

its ok to do things inspite of yourself.
you are not in the labor room because you enjoy the sight of blood and amniotic fluid and you want to watch a woman travailing. or to watch an epistiomy being done. you are there to give support to your woman because she needs you. even morticians still make love to their wives with gusto so who are these guys bleating about being turned off forever and ever?

obirin kpele.
drastic situations do need drastic measures.i love that phrase like you have no idea! im real glad you took decisive action to ensure your safety. when i see how women are killed by obsessed love struck men its scary. ive been stalked before. long ago. and you are right. on the outside they look like people who anyone would give an arm and a leg to get with. but on the inside they have issues. my stalker showed up at my place of work unannounced everyday, sent me expensive stuff all the time,found out where i lived, told everyone he was sleeping with me everyday (and night might i add).he wrote me explicit letters and poems cataloguing what he wanted to do to me. i would get home and he would be sitting on my front porch. i was seriously under attack.

people tend to think you are doing 'shakara' and a few of my friends joked that i should pass him to them.
it wasnt funny. because its the most terrifying thing ever. i developed the habit of looking over my shoulder always. i moved.i had to. and that didnt end it. recently heard from a few friends that he is still frantically looking for me. begging everyone to spill as to my whereabouts. i am happily married with a baby and he still cant snap out of it.
honestly i still dread bumping into him. and its a disturbing thought.
so back to the matter at hand. there's a difference between devotion and obsession. if anyone has the traits of a stalker or is so forceful and forward please take it seriously and take measures for your safety. and let me add that one date is all it takes to let you know if someone is for you or is a psycho on the loose.

i cant. not appropriate tots!

good army?where? those flat footed, overaged, unathletic, beer swigging , illiterate last resorts? please!

congrats! it feels good to be a daddy. doesnt it?

PTH:
talk this one infront of the army barracks. . .

ha! i would probably be stripped and dragged by the hair and my head shaved with a blunt razor on their parade ground. (isnt that what they are good at?)
but when real threat comes, a good number of dem cowards will malinger or bail.

what army! the hags i see extorting from defenceless citizens? army my crusty feet!

omoge:
hehehe software na real business man

well, we don't buy garri in our house.

. what!!

Chiekezi:
what I am now being repaid with is a constant bombardment of phonecalls, unscheduled visits and emails from Lola to tell me what a mistake i'm making and how right she is for me. I kid you not i have been called by her aunt, her colleagues and other strangers too numerous to mention to the point where i screen my calls and now ppep from behind my curtains whenever a visitor toots their horn.

surely you are kidding!  
she has her colleagues and strangers calling you?   you don enter wahala. you can do what earl did. he faked his own death to break up with a girl. didnt they say that drastic situations require drastic measures.  


@obirin
the fulani wannabe joke just made sense. you no well!  
and yeah im gonna see this thing to the conclusive end . i'll have my ben-gay ready for my arthritic knee caps and phalanges. hopefully it wont take me that long to see a man make an honest woman of you.
and pls call one of those hot young men. i'm telling you. call!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he has been prophesying. but it now begs the questions "are those prophesies from God" ?
sometimes hallucinations are misinterpreted as being visions.

i wish the police would take to the streets with such gusto to arrest real criminals. flexing their muscles on defenceless women will help no one.

no





ever been fired?

i have a child and believe me delivery is such a clinical procedure.
the nurses and doctors have seen this procedure so many times that the whole process for them is just a job.just another night in the ward. when a woman is in labor she is vulnerable. people are racing back and forth around her passing instruments and stuff as though they are in a lab. it only takes the one person who is concerned about her welfare to make it more bearable. seriously no one says that person should be your husband. some people would rely on the strength of their mums. my sister had my mom with her for her first 2kids. her husband wasnt around.

that being said, witnessing a birth is a miracle.especially if the child is yours. most men i know would not give up the singular honor of cutting that umbilical cord. wouldnt for go that experience for a bag of gold. its almost a right!  but unfortunately men in naija are still denied accessed to delivery rooms in many hospitals for "cultural reasons"

my husband missed the birth of our baby. this was despite all our planning. i didnt make an issue about it or beat him up about it. i knew it pained him even more than it did me.  i guess some things are just not meant to be.   he has promised me that for the second (if there's a second! we are still negotiating that one) he will move the heavens if need be to get there in time.

i know how i felt in that labour room. all the bizarre thoughts going through my head in that moment. my soul was crying for him.

Leilah:
Well my husband can only cook noodles and even when he does that (when I'm out) they are moulded into the pot at the end. I just wonder how he would manage if he had to live alone

I was so eager to learn how to cook all the naija recipes although I can cook middle eastern dishes and western. I had to resort to the back of maggi packs and the internet now I'm a killer culinare. It is annoying in the sense that he cannot make a sandwich for his lunch at work. I just love cooking and I knew many men that did but they were not naija men so don't know really.

One day on his way home I asked him to pick up a bag of hot peppers in the african foodstore and guess what he came back with? one big red bell pepper!!!!! another day he used bean flour for his fufu and wondered what was going on. I had to explain to him to leave the kitchen that in future I will make him his fufu also.

lawdy lord! thats hecka funny! his case is really bad.
my husband cant cook either but he tries at least. one day he cooked for me cos i was got in from a long journey. it was rice with fried plantains. it was all burnt and charred. but i ate it with great gusto. i did. i gave him A for effort.

@lawyerchap
good write up.but what struck me about your post is how very judgemental you were about that couple's marriage. i just wondered to myself how its even possible to be so judgemental when you know absolutely nothing about them or their relationship? . gaddamn! i think its best to say nothing about what you know nothing about.

is it just me or didnt Jesus wear a dress or a gown back in the day? no one ever mentions that.
quit splitting hairs people and live by what's important.

dietolive:
WTF? A fugly ghanian babe looking for some hot nigerian men?

You better stick to your monkeys cause we don't like wide pu***

.

i had a big bag of ijebu garri. i would just put my hand into the bag with my cup and scoop the usual quantity out without looking. and today i did just that only to realize that the bag was empty.

no more garri. without warning.

the ad is finally working! guys are now gonna be crawling out of the boardworks in search of obirin. the heifer is gonna need a catcher's mitt to grab all that attention.
chiekezi should keep waxing poetic. its great fun to read. he may have a chance with obirin. he does seem to have his own share of dry wit! its all about the humour.

i have 2 nigerian events this evening. maybe i should put on my wedding band which i hardly wear these days and play the tormentor for once. . make the single girls jealous. i'll make them salivate like pavlov dogs over my shiny commitment band. aaaah! it might be great fun.
ladies, you know i'm kidding. whoever wants my wedding band can have it. this marriage thing is hard work.



@salsera
how are you doing? my baby is doing fine.thanks for asking jare. the kid is right now fighting me for my keyboard. i cant even type in peace.

ok obirin. good to know there was no herding this time. hehehe. i still havent recovered from that word. i still howl with laughter whenever i remember it. kindly clarify the fulani-wannabe thing too. why would she try to front as a fulani woman? so you guys actually got to discuss solar energy? hmmm. who would have thought? the conversation usually is deftly directed towards the marriage lane. you must have had a group of sane people.
so did you get any guys to put your number on speed dial? hope so.
glad you acknowledeged the younger men. i am proud of you. . you'll be suprised how younger guys go where the older ones fear to tread.

and so your madam God forbid surfaced again? she'll have you under her radar incase you are hoping her marriage kaputs and you fill in her shoes.

the thing about being single is that you have all this opportunity before you. enjoy it and revel in all the attention you get jare. i am so uncomfortable with male attention since my marriage. i wouldnt know what to do with it sef! my eyes dont even dare stray when i am with oga lest my chop money be revoked!

ronnie-slimz:
contact software. . dts his area of specialization

@spoilt: bin a longtym, wts gd?

gaddam! seriously soft ware has it bad. Garri is his drug of choice! 

ronnie work no gree. i was up to my eyelids in work and i recently moved house. no time for nairaland.