₦airaland Forum

of course i fear the side effects.who wouldnt. but what drug doesnt have side effects?
i know a female doctor who hasnt had a period in almost a year! according to her , she has no time to menstruate. too busy saving lives and racing round wards like a psycho.

Obirin0521:
Ha Salsera! Please don't tell me its' the same thing over in Naija. That would just totally stink!

Anyway, the thing over here is yes, I put myself out there but there are no Naija 'Berra' to see. All I get is Oyinbo, Hispa and the occasional Asian. What next?

dearie im sure you know that there is a marriage squeeze. there simply arent enough black naija men to go round. its the trend that a lot of our men have looked outside the race to find love. its not a bad thing but its tragic that our women are in denial as to this squeeze and seem to want to be in a black marriage at all costs.even at the cost of menopause. . if you get attention from a caucaian, asian, american indian or hispanic man please take it. ive told all my single friends to take love for what it is and not wait for that perfect naija man wherever he is. but seriously whats wrong with a guy from another race? surely he can at least laugh at your jokes!

some men are just jerks and will bore you with their accomplishments. it seems they hit 20 and just eternally stay there and 'mark time'. having a conversation with such 'frat' boys is anguish raised to the power of torture. you cant change them just avoid them.seems to me that they try to show you how you are lucky to even be on a date with them afterall arent there an ocean of desperate women out there?

i tended to go for the more reserved, unassuming guys. the loud, know-it-alls scared me. the show offs were such a turn off. i guess its even harder when you are at the top in your career. you meet all kinds of painfully shallow guys with dough. they have money but the brains of birds.


i had my own list of what i wanted in a man. i thought i was going to end up with someone at least ten years older who was going to baby me and spoil me.my sister when i met my husband i tore that list and set it ablaze.

have you ever had a period ruin an outing? a vacation? an exam? an interview? it shows up at the wrongest time and throws your whole system out of balance.
my life is already difficult enough without me being bled dry. i had to plan my wedding date so that i would not be doubled over with cramps on that day. its a personal choice. if bleeding is your thing, knock yourself out. if its not, get the drugs and supress it and get about your daily business! each to her own

salsera:
okay spoilt

what's your story

i'm itching to hear about how u hooked up with a younger man

how i hooked up with my younger man? Lol.
ive considered writing my story several times. maybe someday.

@ leilah
no one hates you. i know that many white women who marry africans are eager to please and want to be accepted. i dont even know you but what i noticed was the incessant mention of the ngozis in your posts. it strikes me as odd that you would be so worried about other assumed nigerian rivals who would be glad to push you out and take your man. if i was married to a white man, no samantha, carla or tweetie would be able to make me so insecure. why would they do it i wonder? no one can put you down without your permission. get some self confidence. your man is all yours.

i love shoes too. its an obsession. the thing is, after wearing them about 2 or 3 times i lose interest in them. is it even healthy to love material stuff so much?

when i see a correct shoe with a 'damn it" heel i get very excited. i honestly feel compelled to get it. if i dont i cant sleep and i have to go back to the store the next day to see if its still there. i tire oh.

Obirin0521:
MonkeyLeg - O that I could give you a huge live smooch over the net. Thank you for approaching this in the way that makes sense to my quizzical, befuddled and trembling mind.

i think he did a good job too.

Obirin0521:
In my earlier write up on July 4th, I wrote out my 'non compromise' items. Please review and let me know, are they unreasonable? I believe the 3 items are reasonable.

i read your list too. truth be told, i don't think its asking too much. i think you deserve all those things.
but monkeyleg was right. sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone. do something you've never done before. sometimes its ok to 'compromise'.
what if you find your ideal man but he was younger than you desire? would you let him go? (i hope to goodness not!) i married a younger man.who would have thought? never dreamt i would. never considered myself a nanny. 
its been smooth sailing ever since . im glad i 'compromised' on that one!

to me love knows no color and no boundaries. last time i checked you can date and marry who you want.
some people are irked that others may tend more towards a particular race of men or women for cultural, financial or career reasons plus sexual reasons. its allowed. they have found a strategy that works for them. mind your business.

kpele dear. only time will soothe the pain and make it better. may her soul rest in peace. my heart is with you.

ive been married to my best friend for one and a half years.

poverty is a scourge. that i know. poverty spirit to me doesnt really involve a demonic being. some people just dont think they deserve good things of life. even when they can afford it. i like to tell my friends to treat thdmselves good cos once they close their eyes in death, its all over. infact your body wont even 'block' in the mortuary before people will start sharing your worldly posessions left behind.

is your friend more concerned that the person who was alleged to have gotten her pregnant is white? is so then that's absurd!
could it be that the baby was your friend's but she just wasnt ready for another child considering all the problems they are having?
all said and done, its best to stay out of husband and wife palaver. seriously they are adults and can sort themselves out. good intentions often backfire and when they get back together. (like husband and wives always have a way of doing. ) you will become the enemy.

n-guage:
this overweight irish woman sef. u should be happy a Nigerian man stooped so low to marry your frigid self

you dont need to be so harsh.

ok ikamefa. i think im going to do it.
but i guess i'll just keep to the hair extensions . i'll just stop retouching. its gonna be wierd. wonder what loverboy will think when he sees the real me?

ha!

roflmao! gosh that's funny. and so true. they will be shocked! (no pun intended!)

mamaput:
This Ladys Doctor has a big mouth.

i actually thought the same thing.
when a man or woman visits the family doctor alone, whatever transpires during that visit isnt supposed to be divulged to the spouse.its called confidentiality!
that is just by the way!!!

ok so you guys have me wanting to go natural now.
ive always had a perm. always. dont even remember what my natural hair is like. just remember crying a lot during hair braiding when i was younger. (it hurt so bad!)
after having my baby my hair is falling out. im into serious hair extensions. maybe its time to just go nappy. i dunno. dont even know how to make the transition.help a sister here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why singapore? why the desperation?

when i was in nigeria initially i would just sit in my car and tell them how much worth of fuel i wanted. i couldnt be bothered getting out. but after a while i smartened up.i would get out of my car and stand right by the attendant and his pump. not even a diamond necklace could have distracted me. even before pumping i would tell him " dont even try to play games with me cos im watching every move". well it seemed to work cos i never got cheated again . but i know for sure that their pumps are tampered with. what they say is one litre is a whole lot less.

davidylan:
the marriage is effectively over, ngozi this, ngozi that. Madam pack your load and go!

she mentions the ngozis in every other post. its baffling. i wonder how many times the poor guy has heard it.

Leilah:
Lets put it this way, its a good way of loosong weight and keeping the ngozies away - joke I'll never be able to shift them away!!!

you dearie are so obsessed with the ngozis.the ngozis! the ngozis! if anything will end this marriage it would be your insecurities. not everyone wants your man.

Leilah:
The reality of it is nigerian men are best with their own women becuase they will put up with them. don't be disheartened, they do worse to their own women and I can verify that.

how did you come about this inference leilah? "they do worse to their own women"? too bad you got a bad man! too bad. dont go around spreading this fallacy. its ok to say your marriage wasnt such a good idea. dont lump our nigerian men into one big ball of bad news aiight? gosh!

running from problems is like trying to outrun your shadow. is that even possible? and leave the children for who? her? he cant leave those children since it has been proven that he's the stable one. .

didnt he know her before they married?
anyway he has forgiven her severally and she has finally squandered all her second chances. its time to move on. he's scared of humiliation from people? yeah right! the only one who has been humiliated is her. there are too many women out there who will lay down their lives for their husbands and be faithful come hell or highwaters. why should one have to put up with such drastic drama i wonder?

@poster

first of all congratulations on your new job. often times it seems that when a good thing happens to you it becomes a bad thing.
its not often that plum jobs come our way.
as a wife and mother, ive been there. oh my God i cant even begin to describe to you the way guilt will rip your heart out. i wont go into details but i can tell you this, whichever decision you make wont be easy. its either you pick the job and improve your lot and be apart from your family or you decline the job offer and live with your family in not- too -good living situations which wont make you feel better either. isnt the whole essence of life to make life better for our children than the lives we had growing up?

being apart from your children will be anguish. add to that the doubt that nay sayers will sprinkle into your head about your husband's fidelity. (there will always be people who think they know your business more than you)
at the end of the day, you know your husband, you know your family, you know your situation.

have you guys reconsidered your husband relocating? sometimes the person who earns less may have to make adjustments afterall its not everyday one's spouse lands an oil job. . ( some will scream that its not a manly thing to do but its between you two and people can talk all they want)
how soon after you start can you ask for a transfer to abuja? have you talked to HR?

so what if your husband has to look after the kinds while you are gone? (if you decide to go). i believe a man is as capable of holding down the forte as women are. often times we underestimate the devotion men have to their families and children.

families are supposed to live together. protracted seperations are not the best but at the end of the day it boils down to compromise.as long as you work out an arrangement that will work for the family you dont owe anyone any explanations.

my opinion which is debatable is that you should accept the job. work something out. shuttling for a while wont hurt, though it may be expensive. make the best of your weekends. weekends no cell phones,no interlopers.its family time. that is not negotiable. your husband is supportive( that's the jackpot right there!) many husbands arent.

soulpatrol:
@spoilt. i'm apologizing on her behalf and i hope she's woman enough to do the same. i have a mother and anyone that attacks a mother's ability won't find it funny.

thanks for being so gracious.

kevinn:
to tonim,
ive read your posts and seriously you went way too far. you blew everything way out of proportion. i honestly don't see anything in spoilt's post that triggered off all your name calling. it was seriously uncalled for. you really should apologize.

thanks

ikamefa:
All this wahala c o s of the word Damn?

HOT Dayuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmm!

hot damn ikamefa? this simple statement will make them call for your public execution or upside down crucifixion . and even though you arent married and have no kids, you must be a bad mother in the making. that's how we draw conclusions these days.

anyway its good to know that not everyone lacks humour and is so uptight about nothing and is blindly judgemental.

lets get back to the matter at hand. tonight i will ask oga extra nicely if he can back the baby.(we get wrapper for house sef?) i really want to see his reaction! maybe heaven will fall. maybe i wont get any 'chop money' for the next 6 months. who knows. i will report back.

i think my job is very stressful. i am in the financial industry and its cut throat.but thats all ive ever known how to do. some days im like "how did i get into this" ?  some days i get home and i fall asleep in my shoes. i should try being a house wife and get some respite.

i stumbled upon this thread again after so long and after reading the stories again i got a nice warm feeling. marriage is great. someday i'll write about my marriage.it has been pretty eventful but well worth it. 

lagos started off as abuja. trust us. no maintenance culture. abuja will decay too. dont mean to be pessimistic but with everyone moving there it will crumble in no time.

contacts are cool. you dont even remember there's something in your eyes. i have perfect vision. i just wear different colored contacts for shakara.

if only men would cry a little and ease some of that pent up tension and stress.

@ poster

seems to me like you are unsecure. your secret fear is that he married you for papers? you want to beat him at his game before he gets those papers? those are the the vibes im getting.
you know the details.we dont. its possible he married you for love. have you thought about that? have you been reading threads on nairalanad about nigerian men marrying white women only for citizenships and residency cards? i know we have plenty of those. and they are quite hurtful.
well you know the situation. hope you make the decision best for you.

as to how to go about a divorce, i have no idea .i have never filed or petitioned for one!