₦airaland Forum

I'm delighted for you.
I hope this overflowing love will be there during the hospital admissions and exhaustion.We hope you won't become a daddy in diaspora.

On a lighter note sha�, there's preconception genetic testing.I just hope your bank account is not as selfish as you are

The pain I feel having to read victims recounting their rape experience.Hard thing is people listen with rapt attention only to punch holes in the story.
Why this?why not this?How did you?
Really Nigeria is not what it should be.
In saner climes,this lady would be talking to psychologists and a crisis team.
Here,there's even a struggle to get her emergency contraception and PEP.
My heart is exhausted #sigh

Wait!
Are you Jesus?

Please call family meeting, I'm just curious to see how stupid you'll look trying to explain this thing to them.
If I'm your sister-in-law, that'll be the last meal you eat in my house.
Shol'ostupid ni

This is painful to watch.
So with all the licence guns private individuals over there have,no one could blow the knee cap off that mad cop?
He played God,he doesn't deserve to be tried.If he's not asphyxiated to death the same way then there's no Justice in the world.

Girl,move on!
He may seem like the world right now but in a few years,when you know what you're truly deserving of, you'll know you made a good decision to move on right about now.

Have you taken the medication back to the hospital to point this out to them?
Have you complained to them about it?

Nairaland is not a conflict resolution centre,hospitals have Patient Advisory and Liaison Service officers for a reason-put those to good use!

bukatyne:
@Bold:

Honestly, there is a war against marriages.

How spouses would be more tender to bosses, subordinates, friends, random people, neighbors, colleagues, classmates than themselves is worrisome.

When it comes to their spouse, 'I won't take it, I can't do it, I can't compromise a little, it is my way or no way'...

'I, I, I, I' and yet will place on their CV as 'team players; ability to negotiate; ability to work under pressure' bla bla.

Practice these skills at home.

Beats my imagination all the time
@your boldened is hilarious

The sooner we realize we're on the same side,the earlier we can enjoy this thing for long enough.

Absent communication wrecks a lot of marriages.
Husband thinks wife should know what he'll like to eat
Wife thinks husband should know what she wants for her birthday......una mouth na for decoration?

Husband is shouting 'respect'
Wife is shouting 'love'...no one is listening to the other.

No spontaneity!That date night keeps getting postponed till there's enough money in the bank,we all know that date will pend for 7 years if you wait for 'the right amount of hammer to nack ya account'...whenever you promise a woman an outing,even if you can't meet up with what you had initially planned,just take your woman on a stroll to buy boli and epa 3 streets away...

Call and check on their spouse,MBA but they'll be writing 'dear' after every sentence with a random person.

We put 1&1 together and we decide not to waste our talent, save your 'interest' for when you have hypertension,diabetes or an enlarged prostate and a gulley in your funds and you require devoted attention ,then we will check how far you've come on 'balanced diet'.

The grass is greener on the other side because it's constantly watered.

LinLinGentle:
Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

I was glad to read your update.
My brother is in the same mess only thing is he has chosen to cut off his entire family back home and only sneaks in a call or two when madam lets him come out for air.
Before the update came in,I was going to say install inconspicuous cameras in the house,that way you have evidence of her misbehaviour.
That was probably what kept a friend of mine out of police custody-he had been secretly filming the arguments.
Your wife eye go soon clear,no be abroad?
All hens eventually come home to roost.

This is what I feared may be a likely aftermath of the grounded planes affected by the global lockdown.
Maintenance is key for aircrafts,the fact that they haven't been in use doesn't mean you'll meet them the way they were left.
God help us all.

Dear Op,
I feel so pained that you brought trauma to your uncle and his family.What a way to repay their kindness with such recklessness BUT let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Forging ahead,start a journey to self discovery.
Hopefully,you can remember your kids' birthdays-you can make an archive of memories on their special days,assumed valedictory ceremonies and basically celebrate any milestones-record (video) these heartfelt congratulatory messages consistently and keep them well.
Genuinely seek help and hang around supportive people who can potentially act as a character reference for you in the foreseeable future.
Build yourself into a woman your children will want to seek after even if you have to wait till they can make a choice when they turn 18.

Look towards starting a group and teach teenagers about how to avoid earning the scars you got.You will find fulfilment by the grace of God.

Best wishes.

Millenniumlady:
This is deep but i think those men played you for having kids for them try to get custody of the kids so you can start earning from child support.

No be Naija o
With the heroin in the newborn's blood,she is the one who played herself.That's the price she gets to pay for her desperately sought immature freedom.
Na divine intervention go do am.

Hmmm.I hate to hear stories about spousal abuse especially when there are kids in the picture.
I for one am twice as likely to pardon a cheating spouse than a physically abusive one (don't get me wrong, he'll still sweat if he cheats).This is why even when my husband taps me in a way that's supposed to be sexy and it feels too harsh,I 'tap' my own back with these words 'let me do my own back niw so that the day you start to beat me, I'll not be confused to think that it's the 'normal ass tap'.

I don't involve family members into my nuclear business but the only clause to that is if for some reason physical abuse occurs.I'll never excuse it, I'll summon all the notable members of the family for them to talk to him.If it ever recurrs, I'm gone like the wind and with my kids too.
That's not a sight I want etched in my kids' minds.

Tell your neighbor she deserves better and if she doesn't leave, she's inadvertently setting up her kids to be placed at the mercy of one of her husband's mistresses should she die or become mentally unstable.
Harsh truth but truth anyway...My heart goes out to her.

delkuf:
Thank bro. this is what I am thinking of doing

This is not the time to listen to such an advice Mr Op.
First off,your wife is pregnant,you don't want to start another world war.Trust me,it will be petty-let anyone argue this with themselves!

Look, she's vulnerable at this point,will probably be hormonal,twick this to your advantage and negotiate with her conscience.You're both bringing a child into the world that didn't ask for the mess you're thinking of creating,maybe she's feeling insecure about the future... whatever it is,hold your wife and have a decent talk with her about how marriage is a partnership.
Make an effort.A reasonable woman who sees you consistent in little things will not be brash with you.
Don't start threatening to burn bridges you made no attempt to build in the first place.

Let the red cap chiefs help you with advice with the sex (if it was a pre-existing occurrence before she got pregnant,then she too do but if it started after she got pregnant,please cut her some slack,the young one you deposited there is trying to dabaru her settings and she can't can yet!!)

Pls OP,interact with this man from a safe distance.He's not entitled to know the slightest thing about what your story was after you left his place,what you do and certainly not where you live.He traded that right the moment he turned his back on you.
If he needs help,do your best for him.
Be open to meeting him but in open places and maybe in the company of someone else.
A person that forgets all the kindness your family showed him and mistreats you is capable of anything.

Once bitten,forever shy.

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

Exactly!
Every woman needs 'vex money' stashed up somewhere.It helps you stay sane and puts off that feeling of near hopelessness that threatens every once in a while.
That's the first thing I deduct from my salary o and then regular savings in the kids' names.

Take the quoted advice o,stay sane for your kids and bring that beauty back!
This too shall pass.

Garrieveryday:
Corona will reach unimaginable number in Nigeria if care is not taken.

Unfortunately,care is not being taken

Awwww...OP is lovestruck!
While I was in uni,there was this guy I had unspoken chemistry with.In lecture halls, we said a zillion things with our eyes only-was often awkward but I always looked forward to lectures just because of him.
This went on for 4 while years-i think we only spoke once at an event.
Fast forward to final year,I asked for his number from a course mate and sent him a message,he replied in less than a minute and that was it.
It was the first time I made a move on a guy but it was totally worth it.I've checked that off my bucket list.

See ehn,if you like him go for it,just have at the back of your mind that it could go smoothly or otherwise and be emotiinally prepared to handle the aftermath-good or bad.

P.S:if somebody is cooking for this guy, he's probably not naive with the ladies so don't fall for it if he tells you he doesn't know how to wear a condom because the thing that will burn you is if you get a STD after shooting your shot

psucc:
Except you have never committed sin, I will advice you go on with the divorce. But if you have, even for once, try and forgive her. She must have played that game to quit single.

Again, if you can accomidate her, yöu can as well build her into her own dream. Millions are married to illitrates and still build great homes.

Remember, you swore to an oath to love her till the end.

The oath was dead on arrival..Not with all the mistruths she latched herself onto him with.
Anyone who can camouflage like that can do anything vile.

Your husband isn't broken,don't try to fix him.

Whatever you see as the Lagos figures,just be adding 1000 o.Believe these numbers at your own risk.

I admire the man's courage.It must not have been an easy decision to make but he's obviously informed about the disaster that a potential exposure could pose to the entire family.
All these things we hear in the news na story until it hits close to home,that's when you'll know that there's an ongoing chaos that the press isn't bringing to fore.By the time you start calling NCDC a thousand times,na then you go know say
e no be '911'.

And that dolo that is using thermometer to say the guy is ok is indeed not ok.Fever comes in much later if the person shows symptoms at all.

Be critical of the next person,your survival depends on it!

jchioma:
Pray it's not coronavirus, cos everyone in that vehicle needs to be quarantined,
including the police officers, especially if they were not on face masks.

Or if they collected vehicle particulars to look at...chei

This is a sad one.
That's a whole investment ,gone just like that.But these things happen,people make bad business deals,cargoes sink, properties get lost in fires.Treat it as a bad business deal,sulk a bit but be intentional about moving on by putting an expiry date on counting your loss,then pick yourself up.
She will come back,but in whatever form she advertises herself,don't be available to find out how to move along from where you left off.
Resist the temptation to find out how she's doing,that's someone else's business now.
Don't make excuses for her, she's an adult and she has made her decision.
It won't be easy but you'll be fine.
Whatever you do,don't snooze on your hustle so that whenever karma brings her back your way, she'll meet you right at the top.

aleeyus:
I test almost 500 sex positions with my fiancee this period

if u think you had any secret technique, your brother is begging u to share with him

Well brother,congratulations will be due in December..e fit be double sef if twins gbori wole

Mutemenot:
Our oloshos won't be happy. Where do you want them to expand their bumbum

Dr Laser to the rescue

This is heart warming.
I am an avid supporter of this lockdown in an attempt to slow down the spread of the virus but I'm extremely worried about the devastation that hunger is threatening on the other hand.
It is gestures like this that make tomorrow worth looking forward to for the masses.

To those naysayers speaking about the items donated (in terms of quality/duration it'll last),the fact that you mock honey doesn't make it any less sweeter.The happiness and contentment in the heart of the recipients is the answer you are seeking.

In Nigeria, undernutrition is a very common denominator, it's only the extent of it that makes a difference.
May the brains,minds,hands and feet behind this golden gesture continually be blessed.More oil on your heads.

#Impactamidstthepandemic

These guys are an unenlightened lot.Imagine!another life taken.You contributed nothing to his existence yet you ended him like a blown out candle...so unceremoniously and left pain in the hearts of his loved ones for whom he was risking his wellbeing for a meagre livelihood.

This will be the reason why this lockdown will ultimately overturned.Wait and see.
One death here,another there.The masses are keeping score and when they can no longer forgive this brutality,they will come out in defiance.
It is senselessness like this that makes me stand by the fact that Nigeria is undeserving of Patriots.
This is just painful.Could have been anyone.
RIP young man.

Josephobaz1985:
80 percent of Nigerians have low self esteem. They believe in already made life. Nigeria is a blessed country just as every other nation in the world. When Trump called Nigeria shithole many Nigerians were jubilant. Now that America has over 350, 000 cases of covid19 and over 12000 deaths with a projection of over 2million infections and over 200,000 deaths , who will Trump call shit hole now? He said our president was lifeless and ineffective. Now between him , his useless and over hyped country and Buhari who is lifeless, shithole , and ineffective

Let's re-visit the statistics in a few weeks time,only then will we know if your ascertion is correct.A month ago,the US had only a handful of cases and Trump was mouthing off about how his government was on top of the situation.The tables have turned now and he's being served steady with his humble pie.
Even the UK has said they are a few weeks behind Italy and Spain.
In summary,it may be too soon to mock the US or any country that is currently knee-deep in this.
My hope is that the climate theory being postulated will shield us from what's unfolding.
That being said,Nigeria isn't a shot hole country.

photon3106:
Yes, you're right I don't understand your logic because they are no logic by every reasoning standard. No offense sir

It's obvious, you don't read my comments. I'm restating this as stated in my previous comment.

No one is forcing anyone to do anything. Nobody wants the doctor to endanger their lives. All we are saying is that those people deserving medical examination unrelated to Covid 19 should be helped to get it and not be told to get a COVID 19 test. In my opinion, i believ that this was the Prof's stance when he made that statement.

Well,
1.Covid is a retrospective diagnosis unless in advanced stages when its symptoms appear.
2.It's not a luminous virus and patients with it don't come with halos so the case of 'unrelated to covid' is unfathomable even for specialists in herbal medicine .The common sense thing for any healthcare professional to do is treat everyone as a potential carrier.
So oga should tell the people who received 10billion+ funds to make PPEs available.

Jamesilvar:
You are mad!!

Why wouldn't the doctor be scared of examining such a patient when he/she doesn't have PPE to protect him/herself?

Since you people are hoarding the PPEs for yourselves, do the examinations yourselves.

Loud it!