₦airaland Forum

coogar:
when babyosisi & her soldiers of fortune dug mutter's past and called her a hypocrite, we didn't see the above sermon.

hypocrisy can be flipped both ways, you know!

All of you are birds of the same feathers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

coogar:
i am not who you think i am.......
the only human being i have physically met on this forum is tpia.

Lol. Stillwater knows.

marbee:
Some strangers will just claim to know you,your age,your marital status if you are a frustrated single or not,if you are happily or sadly married, if you are fat or slim,if your husband is working three times a day or not,if you are married to an old man or not. ... The list is endless.

I fear who no fear them.

That is the pattern of NL from time immemorial o . People hating from the screen, lol and go as far as to dig or formulate details about people. Is NL that serious? Rotflmao! NL is many people's lifeline for real. Very embarrassing.

coogar:
where did you hear it from? have you been dreaming about me?



but the ladies replying them since morning must be brain surgeons.

I've heard that statement before. Welcome home! I understand, I'll help keep your secret.

marbee:
And they are the most religious, imagine if they can behave like this in a faceless forum,I wonder what they can do in reality.

Don't fret!
Most men on Nairaland are weaklings and dejected in reality and massively unemployed especially from the UK axis .
If you know the kind of people you are talking to, you would never reply with more than two quotes . If you've been here long enough, you would realize the noisemakers have absolutely nothing to write home about. And they are ugliest Nigerian men ever! It was when I joined NL I knew Naija men are ugly!

Why was this transferred to Romance section? Eww!

centjamie:
I got your point....but i still think it is more dignifying and honourable for the man to fix the bride price without involving his bride.if she wants to help,she can come in on other things.

Can this tradition still be as rigid when today more men do not have the economical power to handle the costs citing unemployment. I believe tradition should evolve and change with times. By change I mean amended to fit the state of the times and age.

Woged2005:
This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)

Let's continue this tradition talk.

It is also tradition that a man can marry more than one wife. Today most women won't accept that, but would like to continue the bride price thing. Isn't that hypocritical? You talk about dealing about the identity crisis. I think this is a good place to start. Should we keep our original tradition or scrap everything OR amend it. Who dictates what to keep and what to discard?

Woged2005:
Please don't weep for Africa. Think and make Africa work. . Every continent has it's challenges. What we have in Africa is the challenge of identity crises, where people are confused between western and African culture which one to embrace. Many try to eat their cake and have it by trying to combine both cultures and end up in a well of confusion. Otherwise why should a brother travel all the way from Europe to Nigeria to marry a lady he believes will be more African than those in Europe, then turn around to force her to behave and act European (forcing her to work 2 jobs to help pay bills,when African men, by tradition, provide for their wives and children)? Isn't that confusion right there?

Still weeping for Africa.
Maybe you can teach me how the average Nigerian female thinks because apparently I don't understand. I need to understand the level you guys operate.

You say 'acting European' and your example was a woman working and paying bills?
Let's talk about this thing we call tradition a bit...
The original Western culture relegated women to the back seat, refused them to work and primitively usurped their rights. It was different in Africa. Women worked and most importantly were not silenced. They knew their rights and their voices were heard. So who copied who?
The African man is backed by tradition that the wife work as well and contribute her quota to the house.

I weep for Africa.

You guys should go and find work o. Since morning...on top one thread . There's no denying the fact that 99% of the men here are unemployed. Hanhan!

coogar:
good night.....
you must have conceived via anäl sëx to post the above. do i know your poverty-stricken self? oh - so you carry the frustrations of your generational curse to this thread because you weren't babe enough to address it where i posted it?
the last time i saw something like you - i covered it with fat rolls of tissue paper and pressed the flush button.
this heifer has been stalking my posts everywhere and she's not even ashamed to admit it. it's unfortunate, i don't join issues with brain-dead bimbos like yourself.
if you have any problem with me, please write it nicely on a piece of paper, fold it up, and shove it up your rectüm. my opinion is my opinion. attack the message, leave me out of it.
the kinda women i take to bed are the ones you beg for $$$, undies & hair attachments every month of your life. minus the internet, there's no way your type would associate with my type. like i told you earlier, forget these wet dreams you keep having.
your vagińa isn't worth a nickel!
i mean - out of all the sophisticated väginas around me, it's yours that would entice me. a vagińa that has not seen any proper treatment since your grandmother stuck limestone in it to numb your clitöral hood.
these firewood-background bitchës don't know their level sha.
moisten your middle finger, stiffen it and sit on it...... you disgusting asswax. stay in my lane? do i fùcking even know you from anywhere? you carried your family frustrations to this thread from God knows where and you have the gall to type the above?
you are a disgrace to womanhood!

I've heard this line before... hehehe I see you!

oshaosha2014:
You shld ask the women whose husbands hacked the hell outa them.

The dead cannot speak. Makes sense to ask you instead. So how does it feel drenched in your wife's blood?

Nonso23:
The photos above are the reason why all the advancements in science and technology is due to men. Risk taking thanks to testosterone.

I hope African men do not count themselves as men responsible for advancements in science and technology.

oshaosha2014:
The pple wey born u really train you gan, and u sef train yourself well well. By their words you shall know them.

Too much freedom is turning women to something else. I agree with you 1000%

This is a terribly wrong premise. Too much freedom is not good for anyone because power is the human race' most intoxicating drug. That is why Patriarchy/men could run along with impunity without being challenged for centuries. It seriously dealt with women. The tide has changed in the West, and the men are crying, how does it feel being at the end of such impunity? Rotflmao!

bukatyne:
You seem to know history well
What was the punishment of erring men?
We might as well go back to it

Let me go dig up that my thread on how Igbo women dealt with erring men circa 1960 before Nigeria 'fake traditions' started.

[url]http://www.artsrn.ualberta.ca/amcdouga/Hist247/winter%202010/additional%20rdgs/sitting_on_man.pdf[/url]

"Sitting on a man" or a woman, boycotts and strikes were the women's
main weapons. To "sit on" or "make war on" a man involved gathering at his
compound, sometimes late at night, dancing, singing scurrilous songs which
detailed the women's grievances against him and often called his manhood into
question, banging on his hut with the pestles women used for pounding yams,
and perhaps demolishing his hut or plastering it with mud and roughing him up
a bit. A man might be sanctioned in this way for mistreating his wife, for
violating the women's market rules, or for letting his cows eat the women's crops.
The women would stay at his hut throughout the day, and late into the night,
if necessary, until he repented and promised to mend his ways.24 Although this
could hardly have been a pleasant experience for the offending man, it was
considered legitimate and no man would consider intervening.

In tackling men as a group, women used boycotts and strikes. Harris
describes a case in which, after repeated requests by the women for the paths to
the market to be cleared (a male responsibility), all the women refused to cook
for their husbands until the request was carried out.25 For this boycott to be
effective, all women had to cooperate so that men could not go and eat with their
brothers. Another time the men of a village decided that the women should stop
trading at the more distant markets from which they did not return until late at
night because the men feared that the women were having sexual relations with
men in those towns. The women, however, refused to comply since opportunity
to buy in one market and sell in another was basic to profit-making. Threats of
collective retaliation were enough to make the men capitulate.

A woman could also bring complaints about her husband to the mikiri.
If most of the women agreed that the husband was at fault, they would
collectively support her. They might send spokeswomen to tell the husband to
apologize and to give her a present, and, if he was recalcitrant they might "sit on"
him. They might also act to protect a right of wives. Harris describes a case of
women's solidarity to maintain sexual freedom:
The men... were very angry because their wives were openly having
relations with their lovers. The men... met and passed a law to the effect
that every woman... should renounce her lover and present a goat to her
husband as a token of repentance... The women held... secret meetings
and, a few mornings later, they went to a neighboring [village], leaving
all but suckling children behind them... [The men] endured it for a day
and a half and then they went to the women and begged their return...
[T]he men gave [the women] one goat and apologized informally and
formally.27
Thus through mikiri women acted to force a resolution of their individual and
collective grievances.

Rotflmao!

I pity the man though. He doesn't deserve this.

Aww, I pity the guy. Nobody deserves this. I'm not even offended by his generalized statements. People say all sorts when angry.
Anyway I hope the red pant and bra, pray and fast crew see how it feels when you've been cheated on.

@topic
The foundation of these stories are faulty. I don't expect any less from such a foundation. Both husband and wife go into these marriages with their own sadistic agendas, and problem starts when one of them begin to lose the upper hand. I only pity the children in such arrangements.

Also you need to know how to Network.
This is where I have problems with. I'm introverted, chatting with people is not my strongest forte. At networking events that is open to all, I take my sister along...helps to break the ice.

You can also network by, looking up the names of people in your field and their contact. You may find these kind of information on web resources like Linkedin. Send them an email or call and say you are interested in their field and would like for them to give you a summary of what they do. What's the worst that could happen...them not answering your mail?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDTTfoFnHrY

This is a Nigerian woman that is practically doing well in her profession as a physicist encouraging young girls to aim high and climb to the pinnacle of success. These are the kind of people I would like to have a cup of tea with.

bellong:
@Stillfire,
Thanks for the link.

You're welcome.

Still on girls (and boys ) in the science field.
Another thing you need to know is that you need to be involved in some undergraduate research with your professors, internships and programs that enhance technical skills. I didn't take any internship during my undergraduate degree (yup I was busy enjoying my summers ) because nobody told me these things and I didn't bother, but I did some undergraduate research. What undergraduate degrees just do is to give you coursework and exams, but not necessarily the technical skills needed to get a job. The link below are examples of technical skills you can start looking into.

http://jobsearch.about.com/od/skills/fl/technical-skills.htm

They look good on your resume and cover letter.

http://www.unilevernigeria.com/careers-jobs/graduates/internships/

http://www.gsk.com.ng/careers/graduate_opportunities.htm

Don't limit your job search though to just your specific field. By that I mean even if you want to be an engineer, you can still find an engineering job in the pharmaceutical industry. These industries have opportunities for not only the science, but also finance, regulatory affairs, human resources, MBA candidates, etc.

Interesting thread.
For the young Nigerian girls out there who want to go into the scientific field, there are resources out there to get you started. Growing up, I was confused on what exactly I wanted to do. I was interested in science but not necessarily as a doctor or engineer because that's the traditional and stereotypical profession your parents and society automatically assumes for you because you found yourself in science class in senior secondary school. So if anyone asked what I wanted to do I just said Pharmacy because that was the only positions other than being a doctor I could think of . I did not even what to be a pharmacist. Anyway, I had to do a lot of research and I'm still researching on the career path I would like to take. Currently my academic/career track is in drug design, discovery, development and commercialization. I found out I would like to be the person between the science and the business. I speak to a lot of professors and many of them are not even doing what they studied during their undergraduate degree. You have to realize it's a journey not a destination.

First things to do is to go to sites like this

http://myidp.sciencecareers.org/

myIDP provides:
•Exercises to help you examine your skills, interests, and values
•A list of 20 scientific career paths with a prediction of which ones best fit your skills and interests
•A tool for setting strategic goals for the coming year, with optional reminders to keep you on track
•Articles and resources to guide you through the process

This will help gauge your strengths and weaknesses. There are a lot of possibilities in the scientific field. You should also diversify your interests like maybe having a minor in marketing, business, law.

Chillisauce:
Ok, so Wetin you wan make we do for you

I don't gerrit

I don't get it either.

LostMermaid:
I know. But he's what I want... Like a soulmate, like the dream guy.

OMG where are your parents? You sound young.
There are 7 billion people in the world, surely this man is not the only man with the characteristics you like.
Let me tell you now, the other woman and her kid will be in your life foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Baby mama issues 101.
Don't think as you are having these thoughts, the other woman is not plotting as well.
You already sound like a needy person, you think a nigga has the capabilities to meet your emotional needs? It's not in their blood.
You are shortchanging yourself, and you would come out the loser in this arrangement.

LostMermaid:
Yes, I'm a virgin.

You are a virgin, and it's a baby father you want to end up with?
You can do 100 times better than a baby father.
Baby mama trouble is not beans.


Baby fathers should marry baby mamas.

If you cannot love this man as well as his child, then get out of his life, before you use wickedness to destroy father and child relationship.
If I were to start a pet project, it is to catch women like you (after catching evil men of course) that don't have it in their hearts to love the other woman's kid but marry a man out of desperation creating a cycle of dysfunction.

carefreewannabe:
She hasn't got her own money? Too bad.

Lol.

But, when one element of the family (MAN) decides to take upon himself to take over the responsibility of buying, go to the market to purchase the essential and non essential things needed by the family.........

It is his money. He has every right to be the sole decider of how to spend it.
What a good husband!

5minsmadness:
All you girls had to do was click the link and you would have seen both the original story and a man's side of it as well.

But no. You were too busy falling over yourselves to defend the woman even though the article clearly states at the beginning that the man was the one that cheated and walked out on the marriage. The wife actually did a lot of blaming and shaming of the man before she came to the realisation that she had a part to play in the breakup which is what was clearly stated in the first paragraph.

Even if I wanted to bring out the man's version in another topic the next day there was no longer any need as the whole idea of the thread was lost on you girls(you know yourselves) and the man's part would have simply been met with another round of illogicality.

You people have made family section so unfriendly that there is no talking to you know-it-alls. Quite frankly it is disgusting . You take anything issued at the female folk as an attack on your personal selves and honestly I can't fathom why. You take any issue/problem a man brings up as an opportunity to attack him even when he claims culpability and is simply looking for a solution. It is appalling.

And yet you call your cause noble and look for people to recruit ....whatever that cause is.

I am tired of explaining posts to you group of girls. I can honestly say I see no maturity in any of you(once again you know yourselves). I only hope people with more objective minds read and get the message from the post. Thank God its a free forum.

Feel free to insult and revel in response to this post as much as you like...i know its therapy for some of you. It is just unfortunate that many others find it difficult to stoop down to your level. But don't worry, I'm sure you will attract and retain the kind that will, especially on this section.


Over and out.

Na true.
Why is it the woman's part your itchy fingers were prone to post first? Confession time....................

bukatyne:
How did we go from This to red bra and black pants?

ileobatojo:
What?!
You mean these women weren't submissive?!

Buhahaha, submission is a religious construct.

The colonialists changed our curricula and the men ran along with it.

From the opening article:

The curricula emphasised religious instruction and clerica! skills for boys and domestic science for girls. Technological and scientific based education was not encouraged. The curricula for girls enabled them to become good housewives, rather than income earners.

Notice the words domestic science, so apparently the African woman was not domesticated aka submissive to be housewives.

http://www.artsrn.ualberta.ca/amcdouga/Hist247/winter%202010/additional%20rdgs/sitting_on_man.pdf


A woman could also bring complaints about her husband to the mikiri.
If most of the women agreed that the husband was at fault, they would
collectively support her. They might send spokeswomen to tell the husband to
apologize and to give her a present, and, if he was recalcitrant they might "sit on"
him. They might also act to protect a right of wives. Harris describes a case of
women's solidarity to maintain sexual freedom:
The men... were very angry because their wives were openly having
relations with their lovers. The men... met and passed a law to the effect
that every woman... should renounce her lover and present a goat to her
husband as a token of repentance... The women held... secret meetings
and, a few mornings later, they went to a neighboring [village], leaving
all but suckling children behind them... [The men] endured it for a day
and a half and then they went to the women and begged their return...
[T]he men gave [the women] one goat and apologized informally and
formally.27
Thus through mikiri women acted to force a resolution of their individual and
collective grievances.


Lord have mercy, these women were gangsters o! No wonder African men readily accepted the colonialists way.

This is for the buy red pants and bra crew when a husband is obviously maltreating his wife...

http://www.artsrn.ualberta.ca/amcdouga/Hist247/winter%202010/additional%20rdgs/sitting_on_man.pdf

"Sitting on a man" or a woman, boycotts and strikes were the women's
main weapons. To "sit on" or "make war on" a man involved gathering at his
compound, sometimes late at night, dancing, singing scurrilous songs which
detailed the women's grievances against him and often called his manhood into
question, banging on his hut with the pestles women used for pounding yams,
and perhaps demolishing his hut or plastering it with mud and roughing him up
a bit. A man might be sanctioned in this way for mistreating his wife, for
violating the women's market rules, or for letting his cows eat the women's crops.
The women would stay at his hut throughout the day, and late into the night,
if necessary, until he repented and promised to mend his ways.24 Although this
could hardly have been a pleasant experience for the offending man, it was
considered legitimate and no man would consider intervening.

In tackling men as a group, women used boycotts and strikes. Harris
describes a case in which, after repeated requests by the women for the paths to
the market to be cleared (a male responsibility), all the women refused to cook
for their husbands until the request was carried out.25 For this boycott to be
effective, all women had to cooperate so that men could not go and eat with their
brothers. Another time the men of a village decided that the women should stop
trading at the more distant markets from which they did not return until late at
night because the men feared that the women were having sexual relations with
men in those towns. The women, however, refused to comply since opportunity
to buy in one market and sell in another was basic to profit-making. Threats of
collective retaliation were enough to make the men capitulate.

Nonso23:
Very valid reason going by their times. I haven't come across that one before though but it make a lot of sense. If you do please post it.
I do know that women were even allowed to take wives on behalf of their husbands for reasons ranging from childbearing, extra hands on the farm, caring for the home, etc.

I could only find a wikipedia link...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_Nigeria

For example, a feminist meeting in Ibadan came out against polygamy and then was soundly criticized by market women, who said they supported the practice because it allowed them to pursue their trading activities and have the household looked after at the same time. Research in the north indicated that many women opposed the practice, and tried to keep bearing children to stave off a second wife's entry into the household. Although women's status would undoubtedly rise, for the foreseeable future Nigerian women lacked the opportunities of men.