I gave birth 9 months ago and for some reason, my mom never expressed interest in visiting me and my child. She is a new wife now and I heard from some family members that when she wanted to come, her new husband said ‘your daughter has other people around, why are you worrying yourself’.
I did not take it personally at all. My mother has never been a dependable person. Me and my mom still talk everyday and my child is always on her status. This is her ONLY grandchild.
My mom’s elder sister’s (my aunty) youngest child is moving to my area. My aunty said that she’ll visit me during the move, and come and hold baby. She reached out to my mom and even told my mom that if they plan it, they can visit me together. My mom and my aunty are VERY close. I even consider my aunty my second mom in a way.
Suddenly, my mom starts calling me, saying she wants to plan her visit. I say okay. But with work and everything, my aunty will get here before her. She started telling me not to let my aunty into my house, saying that my aunty is a husband snatcher etc. she said my aunty will destroy my home. I tell her I don’t care about that. She started calling their mutual friends and telling them to tell me that my aunty is a husband snatcher. I did not fall for that.
Frustrated, she called my aunty and said that the truth is that my husband is uncomfortable. She said that MY husband is not from our town and that my husband’s people don’t like visitors. She said that I did not tell her about this out of respect.
My aunty called me and was apologizing, saying that she did not know. I responded and said that this is a lie. I even put my husband on the phone. Here’s my mistake - I sent her a screenshot showing my mom saying that she’s a husband snatcher and that’s why I should not let her into my home.
My aunty and I now agreed that we should let peace reign and that she won’t visit. She said she will still like to see me and we can meet somewhere. MATTER SUPPOSE TO END.
My mom decided to bring my aunty husband into this. She told my auntys husband that his wife is not respecting my husband’s wishes. My auntys husband now sent her my screenshot saying that he knows the real reason and that your child doesn’t even support you.
The screenshot has shattered my mom. She feels betrayed. My siblings who live with my mother are calling me a betrayer. I want to salvage the relationship between my siblings and I, not so much my mother. I have not spoken to any of them since the screenshot.
What do I do? How do I approach this.
Look... It was wrong for your mum to call her biological sister a husband snatcher and still went ahead to tell other folks about the fact that her own sister is a husband snatcher. You biological mum is the real betrayer here for instigating this whole quagmire and you must NOT let your siblings guilt-trip you about any betrayal even though your mother has your baby's picture as her DP.
In any event if your mother is indisposed or isn't alive, would you NOT find a way to take care of your baby alone or with the assistant of your spouse and maid?
Next time though, you have to keep your mouth shut when someone as close to you as your mother tells you a personal secret like that because a lot of women cannot handle secrets for too long and they would spill the beans.
Jewessgratitud3: It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.
Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.
I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.
We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.
In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.
Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.
After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.
Part 2
It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.
When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.
So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.
I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.
Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling** later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace. The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.
I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.
We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.
Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.
Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.
OlawaleBammie: I am into cocoa, but God willing I will partake in cashew business this coming season sir
@OlawaleBammie, Thanks for the feedback. Value addition is the key to maximizing profits in the agribusiness field. The Indians are heavily invested in the cashew business in Nigeria because they are heavy consumers of processed cashew. So, it would be wise to encourage folks in Nigeria and indeed West Africa to start consuming more of processed cocoa and cashew which would in turn boost local production and also for export. Ondo State is doing something in the area of processing cocoa from hybrid seedlings as well so that is very good. I am aware that Kogi has a lot of those cashew trees growing wild but then again, the insecurity that exists along the Lokoja-Kabba and Edo-Kogi axis that I've been reading about online have to be considered. But there's always money to be made because folks have to eat and industries need raw materials or semi-finished raw materials.
Truly, for some folks, they do not have to leave Nigeria or Africa to hustle abroad they can make it on the continent like you earlier indicated. All that is needed is to travel for stimulating vacations abroad 3 times a year, and come back to monitor your multimillion Naira/USD businesses and investments. That's what a lot of the Nigerian multimillionaires and billionaires do.
OlawaleBammie: people are here making big money u lazy dummie...
Come let go to ogbomosho, let spend three months together to buy cashew with that ur 20m, if u don't come back with 35m or more after that three month then tell me what happen..
Una too lazy, una dey find cooked soup upandan
Are you referring to commodities arbitraging here. Are you in the cashew nuts export business in Ogbomoso as well?
fullclub: my dream was that immediately I came over, i and my dependant will search for jobs.. work and pay bill. but that is not feasible as I am seeing it.
i started this process with 15 million naira then when naira nose dive i had to borrowed extra 15 million to top it with interest of almost 2 million naira. landed in uk, started seeing the reality on ground
i have been in UK since 1 month plus. but getting a job as a migrant or new commer without UK experience is not easy. in fact i have sent over 200 job application for cleaner, care assistant etc but all came with a sorry we have moved on to the next stage or you don't have uk experience.
school fees has to be paid. everyone here in tight corner... school has sent mail threatening to report to the immigration if school fees is not paid in the next few weeks to most Nigerians here.
no job, house rent is expensive.. going for 450 to 600 pounds per month.
travelling through student route is not really easy because you have to balance between work and school.. 'even at that where is the job as a new migrant.
Please if you are considering coming to UK for now.. please put on hold. the crowd from Indians, Pakistani, Malaysia, china etc is overwhelming.
it's not worth selling your home to be here.
i sleep in indeed and all this job site.. still yet nothing, bills mounting up.
all my colleague i came with are still with no jobs in other cities
after spending 13 million coming here with extra 3k dollars now almost exhausted chai
if u know you don't have full school fees, house rent for 12 months, upkeep.... running to 35m to 40m please stay back... stay back or apply through skill route.
This is simply meant as a mark of respect for the three men who lost their lives in the horrendous fire incident, and also to get their in-house facilities ready for future operations. Period.
Kenn55: Moving out of Canada to where? This should be the question. Immigrants are moving out of Canada but not back to the shithole or third world country they came from.
They are moving mostly to the US and the reason is obvious. You make more money in the US than Canada and the cost of living is slightly lower in the US than Canada. So once they get the Canadian passport which allows them to work in the US, they move to the US to earn better money. So Canada is losing a lot of talents to the US and unfortunately for Canada they can't compete with the US.
In my own circle of Nigerian professionals, 5 people I know have relocated to the US from Canada to get better money. I have been tempted to move to the US lately. In fact, 2 weeks ago, I turned down an offer to move at the dieing minute as my liver failed me. The reason why I don't want to live in the US is due to gun violence and their toxic politics in the age of Trump otherwise I would have joined that movement. I prefer Canada due to those reasons.
So when they say immigrants are leaving, they are leaving to the US using their Canadian citizenship. Canada bothering the US is both good and bad for them. The good thing is that because of trade with the US, they are 8th world largest economy despite being a country of 39million people but the bad thing is that Canadian citizens being able to work in the US means they will continue to lose talents to the US as the US presents a better option economically for immigrants.
ednut1: its a probability. Because my colleagues in USA are earning more. But that gun violence wahala is making me scared. The first time i shot a real gun the smoke residue made me almost vomit. I now hate guns🤣. Just watched a video where neighbour argument over noise ended up in a man and his step son getting killed.
ednut1: the way some of you come here to talk rubbish ehn. I came to Canada as a pr in june 2020. I stayed outside canada for a total of 39 days. So by end of July I completely the 3 years. Applied for citizenship and will become a citizen this month.Desist from putting mouth in things you don’t know 🤣
You kept your eyes on the moving target... Congrats.
ednut1: If the country no favour you wait for the 3 years. Become a Canadian citizen. Use the passport to move to USA, Singapore, Dubai etc. A colleague from 9ja just moved to the USA with same company. Got a big salary increase. The Canadian passport is still a good deal 😁
ravensckar: Your own better, shebi na Ashy you carry. Me, it was my then ex-fiancee that we were engaged to be married. For three years, I didn't touch her. She was screaming 'no sex before marriage'. Then, after the engagement was fixed and done. Something just whispered to me to even make an attempt to see what I'll be enjoying for the rest of my life.
O boy! Na that day I know sey no sex before marriage na scam. Her breast be like Agbalumo, very tiny, but it appeared big all these while due to padded bra. Yansh self small like man own. To make matters worse, hanty come get broad shoulders join. I could have even overlooked all that for the sake of love, but the kind bad odour that was oozing out of that place was disgusting. I made sure I forced myself to cvm then I told her immediately that the relationship was over.
She begged me severally and called all my village people to beg me. I stood my ground and said it was over. As a respect to her, I never told anyone what transpired. It was after some years that I told my parents. Each time I think of that issue, I give thanks to God for helping me dodge a bullet.
Tbh, I like the natural or real deal in women and NOT the fake butts, fake hair, fake eyelashes, etc.
There are specific exercises including breast and/or butt enlargement creams that can be used by women in those kinds of situations... I first read about these since the late 1990s, meaning they've been available for more than 25 years now!
Isi Ewu as the name implies is a spiced goat head recipe; this is one of the most requested delicious traditional food originated from South-eastern parts of Nigerian; there is no traditional marriage, chieftaincy tittle or special traditional gatherings without Isi Ewu. Isi Ewu is prepared using goat head and some rich spices and herbs, it is a very common food sold in Nigerian restaurants or local food joints; instead of visiting these restaurants to ask for a plate of Isi Ewu, you can make some at home that is even tastier than the restaurant style to enjoy with your loved ones. See the Video too.
Isi Ewu ingredients
1. 1 Goat head, I used two heads 2. 1 teaspoon of edible potash, (Akanwu/Kaun) 3. 1 handful of Utaz leaves 4. 6 pieces ehuru (calabash nutmeg), ground 5. 1 table spoon goat meat mix spice 6. 2 stock cubes 7. 1 teaspoon onion powder 8. 2 medium fresh onions 9. 3 scotch bonnets 10. ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper 11. 1 cup palm oil 12. Salt to taste
Steps on How to Make Isi Ewu
1. Wash Goat head thoroughly under running water to remove sand and black sooth, bring it into a large pot. 2. Season the meat with large chunks of onions, onion powder, pepper, stock cubes, ehuru, salt and goat meat spice. 3. Add water to slightly cover the meat and place on heat to cook for about 40 minutes or until tender. 4. Bring the goat brain into a foil paper, wrap it and add to the meat to cook. 5. Add about two fresh peppers to a mortar and crush, after 20 minutes take out the brain, add and mash with the crushed pepper and set aside. 6. While the meat is still boiling, dissolve potash with 4 tablespoons of water and strain out particles, shred Utazi leaves, slice onion into rings and set all aside. Once the meat is cooked, separate it from the stock and set aside. 7. In a wide pan, add palm oil, bring the potash mix and pour it to the oil a little at a time while you stir with a spatula, you will notice the palm oil beginning to curdle as you stir. 8. Keep adding the potash mix and stir for few minutes. Once it riches a certain stage the palm oil will change to a light yellow or orange like color and becomes thicken. 9. Add 1 tablespoon of the meat water to adjust the consistency of the sauce, bring the goat brain you have mashed with the pepper into the sauce and mix until it dissolves. 10. After that, add more seasonings (Ehuru, ½ stock cube, goat meat spice and cayenne pepper) to taste. Add a little of the goat meat water to adjust the thickness. Add some shredded Utazi and stir properly.
Jewessgratitud3: Hm... I'm not a fan of isi Ewu especially when I heard its prepared with the brain.
I remember the last time I came close to eating it in 2009.. immediately they brought it and I saw the goat eye in the motar, I told my friend I'm not eating. He then ordered for nkwobi and since then it's either nkwobi or ugba and okporoko.
If I'll ever try it again it has to be prepared without the brain and let me not see the eyes.
Goat head, brain and eyes meal combo ... Eww! Sounds like something from a primitive past.
ChinenyeN: 100 years ago, there was no “Ikwerre” identity. 600 years ago, there was no “Ngwa” identity, etc etc.
I think it’s time we be honest with ourselves. If you want to say that people are culturally and linguistically similar, and if that similarity has a general name (like “Igbo” ), then sure. People are culturally and linguistically “Igbo”.
But identity is different. A person, people or community choose their identities, even in the face of cultural and linguistic similarity. People can be culturally and linguistically similar, but still not share and identity.
Take Ibibio, Efik, Annang, etc. They all have their different identities and have managed to get away with not having a general name for their cultural and linguistic similarity, unlike Igbo. Because they lack that general name, it is easier for them to maintain their identities without controversy. If they had a generic name like we do as “Igbo”, I’m fairly certain the more separatist identities among them (like Annang) would be stirring up similar controversy as we see here for our Igbo context.
Long story short, identity is not the same as language, culture or history. If this is a question of “Igbo” identity, then it will forever be a controversial topic, because we allowed ourselves a general name. But if this is about culture, language and even history, the answer is simple. Those communities that are Igbo-speaking and culturally Igbo (as best as we can even define that) are “Igbo” plain and simple.
selemempe: I need views on this from anioma people and igbo people
Modified: So after getting views from different people, I came to the conclusion of the following (as at the time the thread was at 34 pages)
1. Many Anioma people want to get Anioma state for south east.
2. Many Anioma people now believe that they might infact be part of the larger Igbo nation.
3. Some Anioma people from mostly Ika dont feel like joining south east nor identifying as Igbo
4. Most Anioma people believe onitsha should be part of Anioma state.
5. Most south easterners are willing to accept Anioma as the 6th south east state if they will drop their claim of onitsha.
6. Most Anambra folks are of the opinion that the current onitsha metropolis has far out grown what it was in the 60s and therefore cant be part of Anioma anymore.
7. Most Anambra folks would not want onitsha carved out of Anambra.
8. Some south east folks want a signed document from Anioma traditional and elected leaders saying that they would forever be part of south east before igbos can officially support the creation of an Anioma state.
selemempe: Still on this matter, I know many people from Anioma axis think that they should be a seperate ethnic group. How ever its a fact that they answer Igbo names, speak a dialect of the Igbo language, have Igbo traditions and share a border with mainland south east. Yes they may also have a connection to the binis but for some reason they did not evolve bini names, language nor culture. They evolved Igbo
There is never going to be a way in this country that a man whose name is Chibuzo Dike will not be regarded as Igbo by everybody. Why do u think it was Gej and not peter odili that became yaradua's vp. Why do u think Kaduna Nzeogwu's coup is regarded as an Igbo coup.
We the Igbos of se only agreed to be called igbos recently too. Otherwise before the white men came, we were Ngwa people, Bende people, Nsukka people, Agbenu people, Wawa people etc etc just like you are Anioma people. There has never been (and will never be) a central Igbo ruler. What we have as Igbos is our shared language and culture. Nothing else. A DNA check might reveal that the Aba people are more brotherly to the Akwaibom people than they are to the onitsha people. However, all that dont matter any more. What matters is that in the 21st century, we all speak the same language and share same culture.
Let Anioma state be created and joined with the south east for the following reasons
[1] It will be a predominantly Igbo-speaking state
[2] Even if the people do not consider themselves Igbo, there are more cultural ties that bond them with other states in the south-east geo-political zone than the south south geopolitical zone
3] Aniomans have always been treated as second class Igbos because they were part of the Western Region and Bendel States. If they are made part of the south-east, that will stop.
[4] Let us face it, the Urhobos, Itshekhiris and Ijaws in Delta State outnumber the Aniomas and would not allow them to achieve dominant positions within the state
[5] At the moment, the south-east is the one zone crying out for more states.
[6] There is nothing wrong with states in one zone being on different sides of the River Niger. Remember that Benue State is south of the river, as is Kwara State, yet they are in the north central zone.
[7] According to Cornelius Adebayo, the Yorubas in Kwara and Kogi States want to create Oya State and make it part of the south-west. If this happens, a precedence has been set.
[8] I know a lot of Aniomans have a deep afinity towards Benin and Edo but being part of the south-east does not mean this will end. The Yorubas of Ilorin do not stop celebrating the Oro festival just because they are in the north-central political zone.
[9] A lot of Aniomans have not been able to occupy positions their abilities deserve because they have been victims of not being clear cut members of ethnic groups. For instance Senator Patrick Osakwe of Asaba could not be put forward for senate president, despite the fact that he is probably the most qualified Igbo-speaking senator for the job. Being part of the sout-east will resolve this.
[10] Creating Anioma State and making it part of the south-east, should lead to an increased westward migration of Igbos. This is necessary because of the high population density in the region which is putting pressure on resources, leading to a host of social problems.
What are your thoughts. Remember the south needs more states to be able to challenge the north in the national assembly and south east particularly need one more state to be able to have an equal voice with other zones in Abuja.
Stevenbright: Use your car to do short route transport business as a part-time side hustle to earn more money.
Just look for a route that all those road transport enforcement agents don't disturb that much and then carry passengers during the evenings after your normal work.
airsaylongcome: If I was earning in NGN, I would still hold in USD. USD holds value way more than NGN. This recent "appreciation" is short term and unsustainable. It's only a matter of a few months and NGN will return to it's actual market value of at least ₦1200/$. The fundamental reason for Dollar hitting ₦1200 has not been solved by the loan the government is using to "defend" NGN
Chinjo2: If Dino is a murderer, let him be arrested but first, they should arrest Tinubu who was accused of killing Chief Funsho Williams and is still killing millions of Nigerian youths through constant supply of hard drugs.
Family › Re: My Mom Refused To Do Omugwo And She’s Causing Havoc by Swiftgrp: 3:10pm On Nov 08, 2023
