₦airaland Forum

Rosabelle:
Well I never thought I'd say this to you, but youre right. Youre sooo right, Im like  

60% of the mothers in our society need to be taken one by one and flogged because when a woman asks God for a child, the only thing HE demands of her is that she be a Mother. Its apalling, the job mothers do nowadays.
They bring up their boys to think women are glorified housewives and bring up their daughters to think their lives are not complete until a ring is sitting on their finger. Whether they marry a useless thief or not doesnt matter. The women just want to tie Asoebi.

@Poster, dont get frustrated. The problem seems to be you. Youre answering them in the first place. You dont know the easiest way to get rid of a man is to ignore him?
His pride wont beable to take it if you ignore him and he'l walk away fast. You, youre going into explanations of how you dont date married men? Pretty naive, cos black men pride themselves on their ability to convince women into dating them. Ignore them and you'l see the way they'l reduce.
Society accepts it because tradition permits polygamy in many cultures, so the only way for you to fight it is in your corner.

As one poster said, the guys probably think you look gulible enough and so they approach you. With time, if you ignore them enough, you'l get this look on your face everytime a married man approaches you that'l tell him straight up, youre not one of those girls.
This is experience talking girl.

Many of our men are useless. They see an innocent looking girl and instead of leaving her as clean as she is, they always seem to want to soil you. So the can tell themselves theyve had it all. Its disgusting.

So happy to see a sister that stood up and vocally shout down evil.  God bless you!  Its the culture we inherited that makes women think, without a ring in their 3rd finger they are worthless. Who said so?? Its about time women shrug off this mentality and stand up head above their shoulders - look our men in their eyes and say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT, RESPECT ME AS EQUALS, OK!".  

Thanks my sister for hitting the nail on the head. Based on what you'd just said above, I think this challenge has just slipped off our mothers' hands and now, its up to young mothers' to change this culture by inculcating in their children first of all, the idea of equality in the home.  Get your boys to make their own beds, wash the dishes, hoover the house, clean the kitchen, clean toilets because they too eat and pooh. Just as you train your daughters, train your sons the same way too.  Deviate from dividing tasks in the home between 'sexes' lines e.g. a male role as against a female role.  No, no, no everybody should muck in and get the job done, period.  This way, women would begin to dismantle all the cultural negative ideas of the past generations that had not only hindered, restricted and also limited womanhood.    

The problem is that we women don't realise how powerful we are - we have the power to change this archaic culture that has never done us any favours, but we don't know it.  You see, we made men - we carried them 9 months in our bellies and push their big heads into this world baby, we have the power to show them where to sit if only we stick together.  Rally around sisters and change the system to suit us for a change, don't we deserve it.

Ebonyeyes:
That's why they are getting away with murder because they know someone will still take them.

Yes, yes, yes and yes my dear sister! Because African women are DISSEMPOWERED - to be independent women they should be coupled with, societal stigmatisation and name calling of women (both married/unmarried) when they go against what is considered 'societal norms'.  For example, when a girl of certain age is not yet married, she is perceived in our culture as a failure thus lorry-loads of negative vocal/verbal abuses are rendered on her thus, demoralising her and damaging her confidence, self esteem etc as a result, anything with a privates that approaches her for a relationship would get her jump in with her head first without thoroughly investigations, only to regret later hence, the miserable circumstances most women find themselves in.  Again, if you are married and happens to be unhappy to the extent of challenging the unfairness in your marriage, the same culture will perceive you as OKENWANYI, AKATA, NWANYI KA DI YA (Derogatory terms in Igbo please bear with me - I am really, really angry with this our unjust, unfair, evil and double standard of a culture!)

As you can see, these are strategies our men and society use in keeping women under their thumbs and thus, getting away with murder.  It's about time we women should understand that these are weapon men use to undermine us and thus, focus on "SELF" for a change, instead of trying to please and please and please family and society to our own detriment and unhappiness. I understand, women are nurturing by nature but we are being used and abused because of our good hearts and we should wake up and act as selfishly as men. Why not?

If you are not happy in a relationship and wants to leave it but family objects, DO IT anyway, irrespective of what anyone else thinks because at the end of the day, it's you Human Rights to be happy.  You deserve to be happy and are entitled to happiness just as the man chasing anything in skirt feels happy doing it. Why shouldn't you go and find your own happiness at the end of the day, whose life is it anyway?? Yours!!! And you are the one ACCOUNTABLE for it in the presence of God, no one else! People say its a man's world and women should do as they're told, I say it's a woman's world too and without us, it's damn miserable place for guys to live in and our God knew it when he pitied Adam's miserable loneliness, abi! What a loner he was without his woman!! Let me hear them again talk about a man's world and satan would have their ears one by one!lol!!!!!?

ocelot2006:
I have to admit that infidelity is becoming a major issue among men. I vividly remember a chat I had with my bosses and fellow co-workers once (all men) during our break period. The topic on relationships were brought up and I raised the issue of infidelity. All of a sudden, the office got quiet and they ALL broke out laughing, telling me that they all had mistresses/side lays apart from their wives. As far as they were concerned, I was just a young guy who knew nothing about life. The saddest part of all this was that they were ALL married to VERY beautiful women and had very lovely kids. What the hell happened to faithfulness and the marriage vows  ?

Imagine, what we are all reading my dear brother!  Again I join you ask 'What the hell happened to faithfulness and the marriage vows'?  I wonder!  Let's just pray that God forgive these evils as the devil is in operation in peoples' lives because, they let him in,   But God can only forgive these evils if those participating in them are unaware of what they are doing however, all in it, knows exactly what they are doing therefore, it would not go unpunished in the eyes of God.  Its up to them, now! You see, that's why most marriages are miserable and in turmoil as well as those in them - very, very unhappy. 

To that may I ask these people, why get married only to be unhappy, why I still need their answers but they are too ashamed or too Hypocritical to give me an answer.  Well, it seems to me that, marriage these days is so unfortunate!!!

chic2pimp:

Hmmmm! As if she cares! Not one bit, buddy!

phuck_NL:
I hit a spot abi? Truth hurts.
True -  I don't know what country you reside. I don't care and don't need to know.
The point is that your parent did exactly the same thing the poster wants to do.
If they delivered you in Nigeria, you would be a Nigerian citizen.

thejonny09:
@Blessed.
Keeping people waiting and encouraging others to follow your footstep is VERY WRONG. It does not show respect and honor to the dignitries you inviated and even to your husband.

Seun:
So why did the 4 women agree to marry him on the same day?  Who's disrespecting who?

Hmmm! If the man marrying 4 women for the price of one is not only disrespecting them and womanhood, I wonder who is? Yes, I accept the fact that the women agreed to marry him but under what condition Under duress! Yeah, POVERTY and HARDSHIP subdued these women thus, contributed to this.  For example, lack of food and health care, being widowed and left with a basket full of children to raise, lack of income, lack of skills, unemployment, abandonment and lack of general support from the state etc and many other examples of harsh realities of life led to this.  Thus, this guy obviously took advantage of it, ok! 

Except you, everyone knows, most women in the 3rd world end up in this kind of marriage because of the above circumstances and more.  Now, tell me if they had choices like you and I have, they'd love to be married in a PACK OF 4 OR 10 OR 90 for the price of one No, they wouldn't and you know it, too. If they had the choice they would have preferred being married to their own respective husbands instead of this PACK - BUY 1 GET 3 FREE or 20 if you like!!!

In taking advantage of their circumstances, this man disrespected them for his own selfish gains.  He doesn't love them he just used them to make a point of how African women could be marginalised by their men (i.e. power) hence the media coverage.  Its also debatable if all the 4 women loves him I doubt!! It can not be and soon, the wind will blow and the chicken nyash would be seen as we get to read about it from the same MEDIA - Do not say I did not warn you hence, WATCH THIS SPACE!!!

And from this I  now know, that our culture is too bad.  A culture that still condone this kind of behaviour, is unfortunate!!

brein:
Hey lady, it varies from the biblical perspective in which you see the whole scenario, however u also do not expect all the so-called Christians of the New Covenant (New Testament Laws) to abide by it, there must be false doctrines which contradicts the New Testament Laws of Jesus Christ.
This is the more reason why U and I need the Holy Spirit to guide us through to know what and do the right things.

If u read the book of Hebrews 11 there u'll find out what "FAITH" is all about as faith is what interpretes our actual position with God in the Christian race.

@Topic.
You need to know what works best for u, though i myself am not so grinded in the word but by His Grace i can do all things. The only Law i know of is the commandment of "Sowing Seeds" and giving/paying Tithes and Offerings. Jesus made so much emphasis on these. (can't place any reference now)
NOW!! The bible says do not judge nor condemn 'a man of God (my opinion), yes i know there are false pastors and prophets, Just know what works best for you by sowing seeds for prayers. I'll be back to tell u more.

petres_007:
You see, thats one of the major problems with Christendom today:

A "man of god" claims God who according to the scriptures,  has spoken (once for all time) very clearly  through his Son, and by extension the apostles, supposedly spoke to him privately telling him things ("revelations" that are contrary to his already revealed Word. And you "believe him"?

I find this quite amazing! 

#1. No bros, our own no go different na. We have the scriptures for guidance, and besides, it was through the scriptures that the Holy Spirit "guided" the early believers. Not having private conferences with them. 

#2. Christianity has nothing to do with what works, like you've said, and like our so-called men of god preach today - it's about the TRUTH! Whether it "works" or not - whatever you mean by "work".

ANyway, @the Blessed, you asked for varying views and now you have it. However, if you want to arrive at the truth, there's only one source -  the scriptures. It is well.

trekkie:
oral roberts claims the revelation of seed faith was given to him 61 yrs ago by God. i believe him. he says it worked for him to get out of debt but you know in the christian world, there are always bandwagoners. everyone jumps on every new revelation given to someone else rather than seek god for themselves. of course God does not always require seed/offering for miracles that would make them bribery. if you remember the story of naaman the leper, when he attempted to give elisha the gifts, elisha rejected the gifts. seeding may be required on occasion but you need to hear from god. that is why god desires a personal relationship with everyone. the pastor should not be your middle man to god but he is your shepherd. that is not to say that God does not reveal stuff to his servants to tell his children but we too should learn to cultivate that intimacy with HIm.

petres_007:
Hello lady,   

Em,  if you're a Christian then the only opinion that should matter to you is God's. And you find that out by properly studying his word. 

Abuja1:
@ theblessed, thank you have a point there, my wife is not working, and we have two childrean to take care,she is trading my mother inlaw, and my mother is still alive but my junior once are taking care of her, i make sure i setlled them before geting married,

That's ok!  Hope it helps!  You see, creating and sustaining a happy family is not an easy job but, one has to balance things well.  Well done for taking care of your mum and younger brothers/sister before settling down!  Not many guys consider this idea before getting married as they don't understand the effect Marriage can have on a strong family BOND i.e. the bond between brothers, sisters, mum's, dad's, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces. Thus they feel that now they are married they shouldn't bother with their family any more.
I disagree! For marriage should not interfere in your relationship with your loved ones - your family. 

Yes, one has to do what one can do for one's family without loosing focus on one's own priorities - your Children.  Equally, it's nice you'd done your bit for your younger brothers and sisters and quite rightly they should be taking care of mum/dad as to give you a BREATHER for your own young family. But does one really have a breather in relationships? I don't think so because one's wife side of the family might need help and you should support them,  occasionally.  However, where one focuses on one's own marriage and leave the burden for the younger ones, tell me, what would become of mum/dad when everyone flew the NEST and focus on their own marriages and children? Well, your leadership calls for a lot here and it would be nice you show good leadership and that would greatly benefit mum/dad.  Remember, a ' A burden shared is a burden less heavier'.  I come from a very large family myself and I know how burdensome it can be for the elder members of the family as well as mum/dad when everyone focus on their lives without a thought.

Your situation is not bad, and I assume your wife, does help her mum/dad occasionally, irrespective of her trade without you knowing about it.  Naturally, we women do but, don't ask me why?  Maybe, because of our nurturing nature and no woman would deny this fact! . Personally, I have done it millions of times for both sides of the family without my husband knowing about it.  But hey, family gossips still do bring it to him and there you have it but, without offence .lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
Notwithstanding you had done your bit for them please, still do help both sides the best you can especially, at this economic hard-scratch time we're all in.

Fhemmmy:
Seems like all the excitement of visiting Nigeria for the first time is almost all gone.
just hang in there

chaircover:
The blessed; no disrespect but your font and colour does make reading your posts quite difficult.

personally, I scan your posts and dont read the whole thing from start to finish which is a shame because I am sure you must have some very good points/advise/opinions.

It will also help if you left gaps between paragraphs. 

Thanks for your comments and points noted!  But there is something called 'Choice'. The font and colour are personalised for a reason and I'm sure others have their own or similar reasons, too.  As of having difficulty reading my posts, I find it quite interesting that my choice of colour,'the Colour Purple' with its accompanying large Texts interferes with peoples' reading, instead of small texts. Quite strange! Perhaps, you have a strong aversion to reading very long texts/Essays and thus, easily get disinterested in them.  Or that you only have patience for things you're interested in reading. Personally, I love reading, no matter the length and as long as it's visible, legible and bold enough to read. Sometimes, this can land me in trouble as I tend to respond to them quite often.  But, you don't have to read all the texts if you don't want to and, you're quite right scanning those you need afterall, we are all different and have different approaches to things.   

As for lack of gaps and paragraphs, I wonder how you mean by gaps?  I am sure in my texts, I always leave appropriate gaps between Full-stops and the beginning of new sentences, if am correct? At the same token, I must admit I do not always incorporate series of Indentations or paragraphs in my writing reason being, I prefer writing in 'BLOCKS'.  These days, most modern Companies adopt Block Writing Styles in their correspondence rather than, Indentation Style.  Basically, I can not see anything wrong in writing in blocks besides, N/L people are not concerned with peoples' styles of writing rather, their input and quality of contributions to the forum - not picking on irrelevancies.  

bawomolo:
not really.  Lighten up and please reduce that font. it's a pain for my eyes.

Pleeeeeaaaaase, don't even go there - Lighten up Hmmm!  They say one man's food is another's poison!  And he doesn't get it, does he? Seems you have a tunnel view about life.  'Cos it might be painful in your eyes, have you any thought for partially blind people and those with other eye defects who have difficulty reading small texts and very much would love to read with ease, all you'd been taking for granted?  Goes to show all I have been saying, the hallmark of self-centred people lacking consideration for others.
Well, the fonts makes it easy for others and myself to read and respond to some of the bunkums you and others put on here.

bawomolo:
have you heard of an english word called sarcasm? you might want to read up on it.

Glad you now understand what I am talking about.  Even the word 'Sarcasm' is still  European construct - the French! Anyway, last time I had a look in that your book it read, my post was very much in line with the idea - sarcasm.  And I think, we should all at all times point to or justify ourselves with the idea in our presentations, don't you reckon

agabaI23:
According to this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=66979.msg1304657#msg1304657

and this post from the thread
You have visited naija which is what I was trying to recall above. Let us assume that you travelled then with a visiting Visa, why would you tell us you are going to see his brothers and sisters for the first time when one of the brothers raped you?

What are trying to find out? Something does not add up here. I stand to be corrected though.

petres_007:
@poster,

Try studying your bible properly. You should find that the new covenant in which we now live (or should now live, since some people obviously prefer the old one, which Jesus came to set us free from) is based on God's grace and not works! All those offerings and seeds etc. are not required of Christians!

Most of the men who masquerade as men of god don't even know their left from their right (or maybe they do, but deliberately choose to deceive people since they won't study their bibles for themselves but rely on "every word that comes out of the mouth of the man of god".

Please study your bible. Please. Most of your questions should be answered.