₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]Urm. . you might just have to be a lot more specific than that, don't get me wrong, useful advice and everything, but can you answer the question?

Thanks[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Is it possible to catch yourself before you fall in love?

I believe I have seen many young guys do this, where they are really starting to grow attached to a girl, but then they either get scared (out of their control), they become distant (by choice) and they do a complete 360 degrees and undo months of dedication and hard work.

I know a guy who broke up with a girlfriend who he claimed to adore, merely because he felt he didn't want to be 19 and in a serious relationship, he sincerely believes that she is THE one, but for some reason, he can't resist the temptation of the single lifestyle. He says he has missed it, the past 10 months he has been with his girlfriend, but at the same time he says it pains him not to be with her. I believe that the guy loved his girlfriend, but wasn't 'in love' with her. I believe one can be controlled and the other cannot, he took a quick detour before he arrives at the latter.

At this stage though it hurts to break, it is still emotionally possible?

What do you think? Is it possible for a guy to detect incoming 'love' and to block it so that he can do what he has to do, such as move to a different location, marry another girl to please his family, obtain freedom so he can chase his career dreams, obtain freedom so he can focus on becoming successful (without the baggage of a girlfriend he 'so dearly loves').

Or do you think that the guys never truly loved the girls, they simply were just very fond of them and just snapped out of the whole daze of pretending that the relationship would last 'til marriage?

What's the verdict?[/color]

Easybaby:
Yeah, there is something definitely wrong with your fucking brain

[color=#cc0066]Is there any need for comments like this?

In response to the OP, I don't think there is anything wrong with you, however, if you are unsure whether it's love, then it probably isn't. Obviously though you are not engaging in the act of intercourse, there is 'kissing and touching' so maybe until you're bored of that, you might start to get irritated and pressure for more. If it is love, you won't ask again until when she makes it clear that she is ready fo sex. If it was love, you would take it at her pace or you two would make some sort of compromise.

Finally, be very careful. . it makes no sense why you two share a bed if she doesn't want to have sex with you. I have tried the whole 'everything but sex' thing and it doesn't work, you (the guy) will become very frustrated and might one day decide to step it up and you might end up jeopardising your relationship right there, like I said, it's unadvisable.

What is advisable is that you two talk, because it seems to me that the both of you are very confused about where the boundaries lie, if there are even any at all.

Please talk to each other.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Ok. . so tell me where to start, I know promiscuity is the main cause, and I don't agree with it, and I voice my opinions, but apart from my circle of friends who listen to me, who else can be influenced and how?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Not bad.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]It's a thing guys more than girls, do to get rid of the person they're currently dating. Apparently guys hate confrontation, and they rarely are the ones to break off relationships.

It is up to you to sweep up your dignity, and walk away, depending on what your relationship was like and the type of guy he was like, maybe you would like to talk to him, but have it set in your mind that you will walk away from the relationship. If you stay you'll merely be a backup, it will be SO clear to everyone that you tolerate someone treating you like a piece of rubbish.

If you are ever hurting a relationship LEAVE!! Especially when it's not self-inflicted.

Unfortunately the guy has had enough of the relationship, lost interest and can't be botherd to do the basics of things to keep it going. To make it worse, think of the fact that whatever he may claim has been troubling him, he hasn't even bothered to tell you about it, expecially when you're supposed to be his one and only. If you stay with him, you are playing a dangerous game, in which the ball is in his hands, he doesn't have to call, text or see you, but you'll give him love and affection - - what an ego boost!!

IS he some kind of king? - NO!

Leave him, please, if I can get over it so can you![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Wow, this is cool, someone who actually gives helpful tips and not just a link to a site that requires you to pay $19.99 for an e-book![/color]

[color=#cc0066]I believe that LD relationships can work, but 5 years is pushing it, it'll take a tremendous amount of work, and maybe you two should not exactly break it off, but take it slower, tell each other what you expect during the 5 years, tell her how she can reassure you that she is still interested and vice versa, you can't make someone stop loving you if they are drifting naturally away, you'd just be swimming against the tide. I sincerely want the best for you, but even I am not sure I can hack a 5 year relationship to someone I never see in between, not unless he is an amazing guy, he constanly keeps me in mind, though it may be expensive, he calls and just has me in his mind. The guy also has to openly communicate any doubts, I can't deal with a guy becoming distant all of a sudden, if you two are at that stage where you and her are open with each other, then you can tell each other, if you start to become tempted or if someone is trying to tempt you or if you are getting bored, chances are the feelings will be mutual.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]To the OP, a HUGE thank you for such a wonderful post, straight to the point, empowering and lots more!!

Even though I am younger than you, I have that feeling, I thought older men would have been through that whole phase of 'sex > love', but now with what you've said I'm beginning to rethink that. Well, I must say that the younger guys believe they are too young to be tied down to one girl, whilst their member is inactive, they want to taste everything, test drive is the latest term for it.

I am regularly shocked by the number of guys who say they are Christians but have twisted the word to mean 'when you love me, you will have sex with me'. Some even say they can't marry you unless you do the deed, as if it is only afterwards that your relationship can proceed to the next level.

Yes, to all the people who are saving themselves for after marriage (even if you are no longer a virgin), take care, be strong in what you believe in and it will pay off. It will allow you to think clearer if you are not so focused about performance in bed, but instead on performance in every other aspect of life (which outweigh sex).

Find a woman or man who practices what he preaches, if he claims to be a Christian then he claims to follow Jesus Christ and to adhere to the Bible. If he/she isn't actively working on making himself a better man or woman of God and doesn't have a problem with that then I warn you now.

Don't fall for Christians by name, there are just TOO many!![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Who says that she is pretending to wait??

A lot of people lose their virginities and regret it, does that mean they should give into casual sex with 'promising' guys who claim to 'love' them.

Sounds like the guy was merely promising and didn't go much further to actually prove his promises![/color]

[color=#cc0066]A lot of people are being SO SO unhelpful and just plain ol' mean. Shame on you to everyone who laughed, I am SO passionate about this, whenever someone has something that they can't control, that they are obviously humiliated about, why make it worse with laughter?? Are you yourself perfect? If so, fine! But I can guarantee you're not!

Bed wetting, apparently is a psychological thing, something she possibly needs therapy for, it isn't good enough for her to just sit and wallow in pity, she needs to reach out to a doctor or therapist for help. It seems that she may have been too ashamed to go out and get help, and what would have been embarassing at the age of 11 / 13/ 16/ 18 , is now a HUGE problem and embarassment at her age of 21.

Maybe you need to approach it from an angle that you want the best for her and you intend on marrying her, reassure her that you are willing to work it through and you won't leave her. She probably feels that you'll judge her, but it seems like you've done none of the sort.

Continue being supportive and possibly ask a doctor for any sensitive advice.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I think if a girl ever thinks she's ugly, then that's the biggest issue. Some guys are attracted to the mere confidence and 'swagger' from a girl, if she thinks she's below you, then she probably is, is the mentality. So, quit making excuses for yourselves, get some character, not character but CHARACTER, be yourself and see what comes your way, after all, do you really want the guys who want you merely for what you look like? Wouldn't you rather have a guy who loves you for the whole of you?

Just a thought, get rid of the shallow guys in your life and find a decent guy![/color]

[color=#cc0066]What did he do? Hope he didn't leave you at the alter, if you're still calling him your 'boyfriend' "newbride".[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yeah, the title seems to be stating the obvious, but check it out from this new point of view.

To guys:
Beware of your fellow players, do you think that the game stops at the ladies?? Oh no, being a player is all about a way of thinking & lifestyle, it knows no exception. If your best friend is a fantastic player, what's to stop him playing you? I know you guys aren't dating, but how do you know he's not checking out your girl and spreading lies about you to make himself seem more impressive infront of the ladies,  after all, who is safe from their clutches!?

My ex was a player, though he never successfully played me, he used to dish the dirt about his homeboys ALL the time. When they'd call, I'd hear him blatantly lie to them about his whereabouts, and then obviously on the other side, he was telling them about how gullable I was. This guy was playing errbody!!

So guys, what makes you untouchable, not to make anybody unnecessarily paranoid BUT maybe you should check the type of people you hang with and the type of person you are.

If you're not a player,  >> Hi 5 ![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Well, we broke up in a hurry, I wanna know what the REAL reason was, he pretty much disappeared from my life afterwards, so I can't believe it, but it caused me to do some soul searching, had to keep telling myself that it wasn't my fault,

And now I want DRAMA, the truth, I wanna gasp, oooh and ahhh as the truth unravels of his escapades and the REAL reasons,

Man I wish my life was a sitcom![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hi, the guy had a guilty conscience. He couldn't trust you because he could comprehend how anyone could be so understanding and continue to work on the relationship unless they were doing worse or the same. He probably expected the relationship to end once you found him cheating, and by you continuing working on it, he interpreted it as you seeing cheating as an overlookable offence, and he can't comprehend that. He probably wouldn't be able to tolerate any cheating from your end. He doesn't trust you because he himself has lost your trust, yet you still want to continue the relationship.

Even though it hurts, I would say the relationship ended for a good reason, you deserve a man who would NEVER cheat on you, and there many out there!! I mean in future he may mature and realise his ways, apologise and such, BUT don't wait, it hurts but you need to try and revert to just 'me, myself and I' mode. Be selfish, forget him!!

Yes, Karma ALWAYS works, I am nto saying all his future relationships will fail, because I could never wish that on anyone, but it probably will haunt him, especially if you have been nothing less of an outstanding and understandable girlfriend.

The worst thing you can do, is to use this as a reflection of your personality, guys cheat for different reasons, some can't even find reasons, so it is NOT because you were less of a girlfriend to him (that is if you gave 110% of your energy and effort into the relationship).

There is an amazing guy for you around the corner, just believe that.

Stay sweet or you might miss him.

God Bless.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I don't believe always a cheater, I believe it is incredibly likely, but there are incidences that cause people to change or change their mind, and situations are different.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I lurvvv virginity threads!

At OP:
Well, it's different for everybody, some people want to lose their virginity but they may be unattractive, but this reasoning is flawed because I swear, these days losing your virginity is as easy as buying a loaf of bread. If you don't do it with someone you love there will always be a forward boyfriend or girlfriend pushing you, if you don't have that, there will always be one night stand accidents, or drunken activities, you understand??

I think virginity can only be a virtue if it is intentionally kept, if it is just a trend or craze then I don't think it is such a virtue, there are many virgins who keep their viginity simply because they believe that it turns men on,

Everyone has their individual reasons, [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yup yup, it was hard, it is now a lot easier and the pictures are on Facebook, and we have a lot of mutual friends so I often internet 'bump' into his pictures.

Well, the ball is in my court and I wanna play with it but at the same time not so that I can get revenge but more so I can force the truth out, but really guys, is it possible to force the truth out of you?

I know I'm special but I'm not a miracle worker (well who knows actually, )[/color]

[color=#cc0066]All I'll say is that if she thinks she's found someone better, if you keep hangin' around you'll only be her backup, she won't look at you BUT she'll come back to you if the 'better' guydisappoints.

You could wait around for her to come around but that might never happen and in the meantime you won't be moving on and getting yourself back together.

Think clearly now, you already made a really rash reason, you don't want to make another. Ask yourself if you want to be with this girl, not just for the now but can you see it lasting past marriage? If you can then you're serious and she will take you more seriously. I highly doubt anybody leave a 'better' person for familiarity.

Also, who knows, you yourself might be able to find a better girl too [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Pictures? Which pictures ,

Thanks iice[/color]

[color=#cc0066]If you still remember my story, this will make sense,

Well, sometime last week, my ex texted me, and the best part is that I didn't text back. I really hope he doesn't come on Nairaland regularly, (but what are the chances of that), anyways, he text me and then messaged me asking how I was, and I ignored it. Why? Well you wouldn't be asking why if you knew the story, [/color]

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=151851.msg2517702#msg2517702

[color=#cc0066]Well, I was the last to message and attempt to salvage a friendship he begged that we should try to aim for, but then he ignored me, never wrote back, for months (leaving me almost a wreck and paranoid about what I did, what he was doing etc), 4 months later he decides to just text back. My friend thinks that he really wanted to see me, telling me that he was stopping by in my town, but I ignored it, and I'm just here to post something that matters a lot to me

My update.

For others it's not easy to get over someone you really cared for and saw almost everyday at one point in your life, but it is possible.
Now when I look at his pictures I cringe, I can do MUCH MUCH better!!
[/color]

[color=#cc0066]How long have you been without her (that counts), but just go with your heart, the ball is in your court right now.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]O    k ,   

It doesn't really bother me whether you're male or female, or whichever you believe you are  , but I would say that you need to be honest with yourself (and your fellow Nairalanders), why are you really bored of him? Is the relationship something just to fill up your time or are you willing to make time for it and invest in it, do you see a future with him, or are you already checking out the next 'target'? It's deciding time![/color]