₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]I think I missed some well deserved full stops, it'll read easier if I put them in, and no worries CAYON about the colloquial dialect, without dialect conversation would be boring.[/color]

oman84:
The guy left her. I wd say i am passing time -'because we both really don't have anybody serious (for now) for the future. So i wd probably say i am passing time. I am also confused. She seems to be selfish trying to have everything she wants which is obviously not possible(and that's a serious reason i don't want to take her back so that she would learn frm this mistake).

[color=#cc0066]Hmmm, I thought so, you don't sound too thrilled to have her back, and when you're young you can afford to 'pass time'. I guess you could find out from this relationship what you really want from a girlfriend and what you don't want and who knows actually giving this relationship a chance could make it work, but I wouldn't really want to encourage teenage & pre-maritial sex, which seems to be what's probably going to keep happening here.

Not to wander from the original topic, I want to state that everyone is selfish, even yourself, we have to be, if we want to get the best for ourselves in life and love, we have to think about ourselves, okay, we shouldn't hurt others in the process, but that's what everyone does someway or the other and it is better being true to yourself than trying to cushion other people from the reality of relationships. If she didn't want you then, she wants you now for some reason, and yes you are right to be sketpical, I mean though you are young and probably won't marry each other, you have figured the hardest part out, so why continue, if not just to consume time, you're stopping yourself from finding an even better girl.

If you don't have feelings for her or you still harbour hurt and pain towards her, then I don't think you should consider being with her, even if she begs, you need to have an attitude to give every one of your relationships 2000% of your effort, no matter how meaningless you htink they are because peoples' feelings are involved, and you can afford to give that much effort, you don't have a job, or kids getting in the way, so if you are just going to mess around, you can do that but you've heard my point too.[/color]

MrCrackles:
Chei Topup don come back with essays!

[color=#cc0066]Which one of the expressions is it? Smiley face or angry face? Or is it a love hate thing you have for my essays![/color]

[color=#cc0066]I apologise if I have missed any crucial posts after the OP.

I say. .

Forget all the rules and laws, just do it! What is it? Do it! Stop trying to figure him out because if you're wrong you'll kick yourself for being wrong, and right now you can't get your answer for a while, so are you putting everything on pause just because you don't want to make the wrong step or? ?

As difficult as this sounds, you might need to go with your instinct, there is nothing I like more than a challenge, something different, and I believe you are a very smart woman, so if at any time you start to notice any warning signs or any familiar traits you can take the necessary steps required to back out with grace. I don't think anyone can blame you if you go into something with all your heart and energy, as long as you are honest to him if things start to take a turn for a direction in which you are uncomfortable or unwilling to go. As for the moment, I don't think you will be able to figure him out, just enjoy the blur and fun of it, but be sharp and wise with all your decisions, so that you give yourself a head start into the whole thing.

Nobody is perfect and even if you find out he was just like the others, you weren't tricked, you just loved earnestly, better that than to find out he was earnest but you were too busy trying to figure out his game.

All the best!
Happy Holidays & God Bless![/color]

[color=#cc0066]At Aunty Mary, that is a difficult decision, because you two are already such close friends that you can't make a subtle hint that you are interested in him without the whole friendship taking a turn for possible awkwardness.

Well, I personally think I've seen this before, I don't think to him it will be all that obvious that you want something or that you like him, even if you think so, I am sure the insecurities from when you left him before are still telling him no no no - or maybe I'm reading too much into this.

I hope not.

I think that you need to start doing things that you wouldn't normally do, I know you catch up and gist, but maybe open up more about yourself, I have this thing, it's not old fashioned, but I realise most people will go for most things that are thrown in their direction, the number of guys I have considered dating just because they said they had feelings for me, but I had never had feelings initially for them, just goes to prove this.

If you tell him you have feelings for him, unless he cannot imagine being intimate with you or finds you repulsive, he will most likely agree, since you two are that close anyways and have been there before too.

I think that maybe try and up the friendship, that's the best bet, though you feel like things are moving so slow, it's better now, because it is a lot harder to fix afterwards. Invite him to your place and take the focus from sex, let it be so obvious that you enjoy his company, and not just the company of a friend, but his company.

If everything goes smoothly, you hopefully will not have to say a thing, hopefully he will ask the question and if he does you can almost guarantee that he feels the same way about you.

All the best, keep us informed, and I'd like to know what you think about the advice, I made a lot of assumptions :S[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Jealousy is not a characteristic of love, it is for infatuation, and you sound pretty young, not immature, but young, youthful. I believe your girlfriend can't yet handle the fact that you are confident in your relationship.

Jealousy is flattering, if a girl was trying to get your attention and she got a little jealous (not pyscho) - just a little jealous, it would be flattering wouldn't it? It shows that she is kind of scared of losing you, and that she values you, it makes the other person aware that you know that you have a wonderful woman or man with you, and that you don't want anything to happen to that, that you are very sensitive to situations and want to do anything to protect the relationship shared between you. I believe what you plan on telling her girlfriend is correct, I don't believe your girlfriend should have made it into an issue, I think it is now forcing it, forcing you to get jealous and you don't seem like a jealous kind naturally. I personally would have lovedi t if my boyfriend felt a little fearful of losing you, it means the person tries harder to keep you, I was trying so hard already in the relationship to keep him happy and to care for him, all I wanted was the same consideration, be it in the form of jealousy or in the form of sweet messages or emails just to confirm that I am current or present in his thoughts.

Girls like to feel valued and the feeling that you are not worth fighting for is one that is very daunting to most. I mean even though I say my ex never got jealous, he had often told me how attractive I was, how beautiful I looked, and once wanted to go and show some kids who played a water prank on me a lesson or two, so I got the feeling of being cherished in other forms. Maybe this is just a cry from your girlfriend that she is feeling undervalued.

I don't want to jeopardise your relationship, but it is a sign of immaturity if she really wants you to fight for her, and jeopardise getting hurt, just so she can feel sought after. Convince her that you value her in other ways.

All the best![/color]

[color=#cc0066]A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl, [size=14pt]However Its Just Knowing Love Matters [/size]_&[size=14pt] Not Overlooking Particular Qualities (Replaced [/size]_by[size=14pt] Sex) That Understands [/size]_the[size=14pt] Value [/size]_of[size=14pt] Women.[/size][/color]

[color=#cc0066]Simple the answer to both is NO.

I need more material to deliberate, as there is just too much I can say about such a general topic. Sorry to be a *d*i*v*a*[/color]

[color=#cc0066]If we are talking about technical virgins, then her hymen can still tear and rip through the action of anal penetration.

If we are talking about social virgin, then. . she would have to clarify that she has had some types of sex but not sexual intercourse, but I guess she could still get away with saying she is a virgin, but it would be so so clear that she has been partaking in a lot of sexual things, just not the 'usual' kind.

If we are talking about a virgin in the sense of a faith or religion, I believe she has lost her virginity because that is fornication, and I know we shouldn't have grey areas in religion, but it seems that anal sex is pushing the boundaries now. I mean, we can deliberate about whether touching or kissing or . . is fornication but when it comes to anal sex, we can pretty much say that the two of them are having sex, even if the girl is trying oh so hard to retain the last piece of virginity she can.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]The topic title says 'Why does some ladies behave this way: it is a pity'. Well, I have to say that the way you (OP) behaved was also a 'pity' too. Normally I wouldn't judge too harshly but sometimes it seems some people live in an alternative realm.

Who knows what you have escaped from, if you indeed have escaped from anything. I pray you used protection, and if you didn't I pray you didn't catch anything.

Yes, the story begins with you explaining how you were looking for the right girl, and you are either seriously confused at how this is done or your standards are very very very very very low!

If you can manage to convince me that you had a feeling that that girl was the 'right' girl before you laid with her then I will back down and stop being as harsh but I think you'll have a very hard time finding out.

Even as a guy, you shouldn't give women too much benefit of doubt, yes you might be clean, or 'honest' but what makes her the same. I also am a general believer that relationships tend to start as a sort of mirror image sort of thing, where monkey see monkey do, especially if you like the person. So, who knows if she may have told you some truths about her habits, if only you presented yourself as a person who valued that sort of thing. If I was her (and I pray never to be in such a position in my life!), I would get the idea that you don't value yourself too much, that you don't value relationships too much, and maybe you are only looking for sex, and not 'the right girl' as you put it.

The thing is the girl is probably not in love with you, she might just be addicted to the sex, or want something from you, and now because you rushed into something you are now going to have to deal with her, which will make getting a new girlfriend or girl more difficult to do and keeping one will be even harder.

I have noticed that a lot of guys tend not to care about the way they deal with relationships, as long as it goes their way and never comes to bite them, I am pretty sure that after the sex and everything, your opinion of her wouldn't dramatically change from booty call to potential wife! So you probably would have left her for search of 'something better' anyways, but the problem is that you weren't able to do that this time round, it wasn't on your terms, she is still chasing you, but you want to do your usual thing of just dumping and moving on.

You have to be careful, some women can be extremely dangerous and can actually be a match for your manly self.

Advice:

1. See a doctor/clinicist specialised in sexual organs & diseases anyway, even if there are no symptoms.
2. Call the previous girl and without being rude, tell her that you don't want to carry on the relationship, use whatever reason you have, but I think if you're sincere then there is no chance that lies will catch up with you.
3. Define what you want in a relationship.
4. Get to know the person first.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hehe, where I live, the term 'fit' refers to someone who is either in great physical shape or is attractive. 'He's fit', but you mean who is suited, I suppose.

I think maybe men should wear it, because though sometimes women force themselves on men, it is a lot harder for a woman to have sex if the man doesn't do a thing, whilst it is still possible to engage in sex, even if the girl decides she won't do a thing, as long as she's not wearing a chasity belt, the act is still possible.

Not sure if that made sense, but you get what I mean (hopefully).[/color]

[color=#cc0066]There is 99.9% chance that you do not love this 'girl'.

Why do I say this?
- Well from what I read, you have not mentioned a single detail about what you 'love' about her, and if these are of the following:
- her smile,
- her hair,
- her figure, then yes the same verdict still applies.

You will know when you love someone.

I don't believe you can truly love someone you don't know, and it seems in your post that you two needed to become friends first (she said), which would assume you weren't friends to begin with. If you love someone you don't know, then when you do get to know them, you may not love them anymore and I don't believe love is that temporay that it just fades and fizzles out that easily. . sorry.

Just cutting what could be a long-er story short.
It's okay, if you are worried about finding another girl to 'love' there are a million and one![/color]

Cayon:
I needed the laugh.

[color=#cc0066]But it's not funny. Well, some silly responses might be, but the issue isn't. I feel for him and his girlfriend. [/color]

Musty450:
Dude, in case you havent noticed, you should have at least shown your displeasure. i know how it is to be "so considerate" that you don't even object to things that you should object to.
have you asked yourself if you really "love" her? because if you do, then you wouldnt be so lax about something like that!
If you don't want to lose this girl (if you havent already done that) then you d better start getting jealous and confrontational!

[b]Sorry Ladies, you cause these situations, [/b]otherwise i wouldnt be advising a guy to get jealous!

[color=#cc0066]Sorry, I won't accept this!

In this particular scenario, it seems the girl friend is feeling unloved and she is going to this desperate means to try and force some sort of reaction from her man. I had a boyfriend like that, I asked him how he felt with me dancing with other guys and he barely blinked, he just mentioned 'Just don't do anything you'd come home crying to me about.' Now I was at first happy that there were no strict oppressive rules or threats in our relationship, but then after a while, I felt like really showing him that 'Look busta, I am WANTED by many guys and I chose YOU!, and you are just not showing how much you care at the moment.'

Yes, the guy in question in the OP should be careful, because it seems other guys are showing his girlfriend more attention, and the boyfriend might be too laid back. I am not saying girls should trick their guys into fighting for them or to be defensive, because soon enough, they'll be on Nairaland saying their boyfriends are paranoid and controlling, BUT there is a point where if you're too laid back, it seems you don't value the person.

I even teased my boyfriend a few times, I wanted him to reassure me that he cared, but he never once responded, I'm not sure if he was going for the 'I'm not the jealous type' attitude, one thing I must say is that, this of course is different to the behaviour he showed when we first got together, acting like I was a girl not to be let go, a girl to be sought after, valued and protected. . Obviously when you pose the question. . 'What if another guy tried to kiss me?' and he yawns and tells you; 'As long as you don't do anything that you'll come crying home for me to forgive you for. I'm okay.' Shock shock horror! So basically, unless I sleep with a guy, he won't get jealous. What kind of feeling does that give any girl?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Be strong! A lot of us are behind you![/color]

stillwater:
Are statements like this worthwhile?

[color=#cc0066]There is a time and place for everything and the comment you mentioned. . nah. It's definitely not worth my while.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]This is advice I should take myself.

But try and go back back back back to that place you were at when you were 8/9/11 and you believed that love could pull things back together, that love would make you settle down and not be so hot tempered. That love actually made a difference.

Go back back back back back! To a place where you trusted that there was another human being out their who felt the same way you did, that if you both just put 100% you can make it work.

Forget the facts, in fact burn 'em. Let's go back to a place where we just knew us!

All the best [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I am not going to generalize. I don't believe all Nigerian men are bad at romance, and I don't think you're all fantastic at it either.

Last time I checked, it was every man for himself and so if a Nigerian man was interested in the 'arts of wooing' he would pay more attention to how ladies liked to be kissed, which is:

*not with too much tongue or any at all, and softly, please don't drool*

He would pay more attention to detail and would buy/make her gifts she would truly appreciate which can be:

*anything of any price, or even just helping around the house*

(Though maybe this really depends on how willing and encouraging a Nigerian woman is to her husband/man)



Why 'white' women go for Nigerian men??

1. They are black.
2. Black is exotic, 'rare' (to them), 'unique', 'wild'.
3. It could be something to boast about (when they're 76 on their rocking chair 'Hey grandchildren, do you know your grannie once had an African lover?' children reply 'Oh grannie, really.' 'Wow, grannie, your life was so interesting, you lived!!') .
4. There is a stereotype about the average length of the black male member.
5. Black is TABOO, which makes it all the more alluring.

Now we need to clarify if we are talking about Nigerian men as lovers or husbands, because don't we all wish we could say the same for husbands as lovers.

As lovers, as any race of lovers are, there is a free-spiritedness which seems to be different, as they are NOT used to the behavioural patterns of black men, expecially African Nigerian men, who we rarely see on tv, and at first actual sight can appear meek, strong and passionate (when we compare them to the way African American men are portrayed as players and baby daddys). The sense of TABOO is somewhat of an aphrodisiac for everyone experiencing something different which heightens the pleasure and drama gained from time spent with a Nigerian man.

As husbands, Lord knows what they think of having Nigerian husbands, I am sure that love-making and male members can only go as far, in a household where the wife does not know how to prepare 'Nigerian' dishes the 'Nigerian' way, how to interact with the husband's family, which culture/heritage to pass onto the children, or how to neatly cornrow the children's hair.

*To avoid generalising or stereotyping, I will make the following comment* - In the above example about married life, it is assumed that the 'white' e.g. German/English woman did not grow up in Nigeria or around black Nigerian people, this would mean that they would not be familiar to Nigerian food or traditional hair styles that Nigerian mothers can plait their daughters hair into.

Lastly, Nigerian men are fantastic, and I am not saying this as a crowd pleaser, I actually believe it. Nigerian men, even to me are mysterious and the key to unlocking their hearts is such an unknown combination to me (and maybe the rest of the world) that I find myself being sucked into the whole idea of capturing the heart of a Nigerian man.



Peace![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Forgive him, but know that somewhere down the line, the relationship has gone from one where there is comfort and safety to one where there is paranoia and pain.

1. He beat you.

That should have never happened, especially as it wasn't brought about by your own doing.

I am not saying that he will become a wife beater, but it is clear to see that he can lose his temper at times, who is to say he wouldn't have beaten all those other times if he wasn't too quick and drove away instead.

2. He doesn't trust you.

This doesn't mean that he doesn't believe your words, it simply means that he doesn't give you the benefit of the doubt, when he saw you with another man reading, why would his first assumption be to assume that you were cheating on him? After 4 years, 4 years to air all this rubbish and childishness out and he still thinks that of you.

- I hope the story is truly how you have put it, because I believe you should be very aware of this man, and don't think he is not capable of much more. His actions so far have not been justified.-

3. He doesn't have a strong sense of 'something to lose'.

Whilst you are here crying and telling us about your 4 years relationship, how you met and how you truly care for him, he didn't really care about jeopardising all of that when he slapped you. Most men know now that women are SO afraid about this that even ONE slip, could cost you the love of your life. Most of them know better, so if your boyfriend cared that much, why did he hit you?

Please understand that you deserve better, I am not being synical BUT, 4 years of your relationship may actually not mean much. I mean, was it 4 years of trials and getting closer and finding each other together, or was it 4 years of wandering around, accepting and tolerating each other because there was nothing urging you to call off your relationship after 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 3 now 4?

I feel so much compassion towards you and I really want the best for you, I hope you read this reply and that you see that if anything, you need to take a step back. I am not telling you how to live your life, just telling you a few things, friends or family or those people who are supposed to be there for you might decide not to share with you.

I care, and I don't believe anyone, male or female, should love someone so much and be treated like rubbish.

Finally, I believe the actions of your boyfriend display some sort of guilt, if the relationship seems to have taken a sharp turn for the worse, maybe something happened to him, maybe he lost his job, maybe he committed a crime. . whatever it is, is making him act out on his loved one. Either way, it shouldn't be tolerated.

Take care and God Bless.[/color]

webman:
@topup, you should  take  your g/friend to MFM for deliverance and  God really  helps, no human can't really help  in  this  matter right.

[color=#cc0066]Firstly, God cures and helps all things and situations!! But why is it that bed wetting is seen as something no doctor or therapist or specialist can work on?

Who is to say that people are not already praying for her, or that she is not praying hard enough already.

I personally think there's a reason, I've watched a few programs and it's all psychological, and sometimes linked with an abusive past, however, what if it is actually a physcial problem, to do with the bladder or ducts, what then?

However, I do agree that she should be prayed for, I never doubt prayer, but sometimes we can do a little ourselves too.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]You need to give us more information than that. Why has she decided she wants you back? Is it because the other guy has left, or is it because she left the other guy for you? Which one you answer yes to changes everything!

Yeah, we can't expect a 16 year old to be completely mature and grown in the matters of love, but are we even talking about love, what do you want?

Are you looking for love, or ??
Are you looking for revenge?
Are you passing time?
Are you confused??[/color]

miss reese:
I actually told my boyfriend yesterday about how I was feeling, and I was so happy because he did not judge me or try to persuade to have sex, instead he advised me that such feelings are normal and that it will pass when I have start having sex in abundance and for now I should keep my eyes on the prize not on the present circumstances.

I am truly glad to have a man like him, he is also battling with his own desires. I pray all ladies can have such  considerate men in their lives.

I am going to keep believing God and hope I keep this virginity till marriage.

Also I don't tell my female friends unless we are really close, because some people out of envy insult you or try to deceive you in to losing it, once bitten twice shy,

Thank you guys once again and keep the great advice coming

[color=#cc0066]I would just like to mention that you have been an inspiration to me, with such honesty I am so happy that you have found your guy. I more than hope, I pray that you two find the finish line.

About the sexual urges, at least you know your body is functioning, it'd be unfortunate if you had none, then problems can arise after marriage. I am glad that you are a healthy 27 year old female, and I just want to commend you on standing true to your faith, and maybe I should thank God that circumstances never led you into traps, in which you could have ended up like a lot of ex-virgins who were raped or tricked by their partners and friends (male and female).

All the best for you and your future, you will surely be blessed if you continue to put God's word before all others.

If you need a girl friend to speak to, I'm here.

Take care and God Bless.[/color]

JJYOU:
you are always on cue and the [color=#cc0066]tops[/color] in my book. i thank God for people like you always. God bless you

[color=#cc0066]Thank you . Happy Holidays and God Bless you too [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Horniness is the result of sexual frustration, and you've not been partaking in sexual intercourse, so you are bound to be sexually frustrated. It's your hormones and let's not forget sex is very natural! I am not saying you should have it either. I believe that you should tell your partner know, you are only human, the worst thing is if he starts thinking you're avoiding him for different reasons, if you're both strong enough you can help each other, I really do hope the both of you can help each other. Do not be ashamed, it is to be expected, when you are incredibly attracted to your partner, and in the realest sense of the word, it is a compliment as it means that you one day can imagine 'carrying out the act' with him after you wed him.

I am so happy to hear that you are waiting until after marriage. I hope everything works out so that both of you can find out whether you two will be compatible for life, then you can go ahead and make wedding plans, please do not let sexual urges bring forward any dates or cloud your judgment, the urges pass, it is only in the heat of them that you feel as if there is no cure.

Keep us updated, I don't feel I've helped enough.

Take care and God Bless.
Happy Holidays too![/color]

Tatase:
Sidenote:
I always thought a "love blocker" was the friend whose constant presence prevented a guy from reaching his targeted chick.

[color=#cc0066]That's a 'cock blocker'.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]To the two guys who are in a similar predicament, I just want to say I am moved by your most genuine love for your girlfriends, and without sounding like a know it all, I just wanted to say that, I very highly doubt that the girlfriends feel the same about you. Sometimes when a partner knows how much the other cares for them, they can tend to put that person on the bench, forget that the person is a human being with feelings and treat them like they are some kind of magic card, that they can pull out when they're in trouble or need.

Guys, it seems to me that you deserve better, now this is coming from a female, a female's perspective!!

Yes, it is perfectly natural for you to be scared of losing your partner, however, this feeling should be mutual, you shouldn't be the only one loosing sleep, whilst she's making lists and getting her hair done and telling all her friends how she just can't wait to start a new.

I don't think you should threaten your girlfriends but you need to let them know where you stand, where you SHOULD stand is that, you will love them unconditionally, but there are things they must do in return as a relationship cannot be supported by one person alone.
They must be willing to put in their all, everythingthey have into making the relationship work, and that you can't be sat on the bench waiting for them.

However, though I do not advise anyone use this strategy, some people just wait it out, and after all the messing around by their partners the partners come around and sometimes they stay for good. This method doesn't do justice to anyone, and it serves to reinstate that you are just a backup for the partner. I would say more, and I sure can, but only if you want me to.

Hope what I have said, has brought a little calm to you guys though.

Take care![/color]

Fizzlle:
and may i ask why 19 is too young and how to make your friends not last too long and whats wrong with having a relationship at 19 . Oh um i hope I'm not intruding , looks like this is a female Forum but id really appreciate a friendly reply from any or every one here .

[color=#cc0066]Nope, this isn't a female forum, maybe it's 'the pink' that's given you that idea, anyways

I don't believe 19 is too young, but I am around that age range so I have seen many serious and genuine relationships work, equally as many older people. I guess when you're older you may not be able to relate anymore, or maybe it's that thing we all go through, when as soon as we turn 13 we think we are teenagers, we think we are cool, we can romance, date and some even engage in sex. I mean wasn't it Jojo who sang 'Leave/Get out' about a cheating boyfriend, and most older women must have laughed as her song about tears and heartbreak couldn't possibly compare to having a husband for 25 years who's walked out on you with your sister or colleague. Do you see where I am going, a person at the age of 19 might believe they understand what love is, but that is just their perspective (and as far as I'm concerned, I don't see anything wrong with it), maybe through a more mature/experienced perspective, you can see the infatuation or lust instead, I don't know. But my opinion, is that everyone's different, I believe I matured at a very early age, that is why I had the bigger picture with me all along, all my friends wanted to try out so many things, with so many people, but I knew it'd look bad especially in the eyes of the person I eventually want to be with, for the rest of my life. So yes, for a period of my life, I was SO NOT COOL!! [/color]

[color=#cc0066]God because he saved my life, my soul and my eternity.[/color]

[color=#cc0066] Keeping my head up high.

There is a flow with all of my responses, as not everybody will blindly follow advice from strangers, sometimes you need to convince, sympathise & empathise, if you don't see the need by now, leave it be, puhhhlease![/color]

Ujujoan:
You might think that people don't have to be single at all, but you are very wrong. Life is a stage. You have to learn to crawl, walk before you run. If you skip any of these stages, you must have lost an important stage in your life which would have great psychological consequences. I don't see what a 19 year old wants to do with a serious relationship.

[color=#cc0066]I agree, we don't all have to be in relationships, but I thought I didn't have to explain the fact that everybody would have already experienced single life at some age or the other, I for example spent 19 years of my life, without a single kiss, touch, NOTHING, that was by choice and it suited the phase I was going through and the people around at that time too.

But do we have to put an age limit on things? Should we now be pressuring a 22 year old man to consider having his first girlfriend or should we wait until he is a 'spinster' at 40? I believe everyone's different, and I understand that I may have not made that clear in my initial post.

However, my main question deals with reasons why people refuse to commit. I believe these are the same people who realise that once they achieve whatever they set their goals on, eventually the ugly head of relationships will rear itself at them, my theory is that these people are check box types. Certain things MUST come first, now I have a checkbox, I think we all should, it has academics, relationships, marriage and children, in their rightful order, but I think what makes me different to the people I have described in my previous post is that, certain things can happen in my life, in which I will change the order, I mean what if I find my ideal guy in the first year of university, will I leave him behind, because I sorted that to come after my graduation No, that's not me, but that is what I believe a person who can 'block love' is able to do, basically we are dealing with people who are able to RATIONALISE EVERYTHING.

GsUp:
@Poster:

The 'love blocker' mechanism comes into play for the following reasons:

1. When the guy does not want to lose the freedom of choice that goes with being single

2. He wants to focus on his career. Sometimes men do feel that a committed relationship can be a distraction in the 'building phase' of one's career. Emphasis on building phase

3. He has[b] 'Provider Mentality.'[/b] Even if the girl loves him unconditionally, is prepared to build with him and isn't materialistic, he does not feel confident about relationship until he is financially comfortable with himself. Please Note being 'financially comfortable' in the case of such a man does not refer to middle class comforts - car, house, stable job. Such men will not be confiident enough commit themselves to a woman until they are rich. I have heard several contemporaries say 'until I am rich, I will continue to play the field' - even if the woman is not even asking them for marriage, just a relationship.

4. He is not emotionally ready for a relationship, and does not want to destroy the friendship with the girl by messing things up taking into account the fact that he isn't ready.

Most of the guys I know fall into at least two if not all categories.

In response to this, I believe the psyche behind it suggests that the person is very rationalistic but is quite synical, but also realistic too. He doesn't have faith in love or give it too much credit, because if all his efforts go into building a relationship, he believes he cannot put all his effort into attaining his career goals. This way if love just suddenly disappears or falls apart, he is left with nothing, vulnerable, and believes it will be harder for an older man/man of his age to find love with 'nothing'. He believes that at least if he builds himself up to be rich and successful not only will that increase the chances of women coming to him (not necessarily love, but he may believe so), that at least if they leave or if it breaks, he still has his empire to fall on, however, he must be extremely financially stable for him to bear the catastrophic effect of a separating relationship. He wants to know that even if she takes everything, he'll be able to stand on his own two feet.

What do you think of that analysis guys n gals?[/color]

[quote author=25%more link=topic=203062.msg3173818#msg3173818 date=1228274415]i think the first one is true, they sense then block it either cox they are scared of loosing their free single lifestyle, or they want some thing else[/quote][color=#cc0066]That to me sounds like there was nothing in the relationship to begin with, if they want something else, surely they are not emotionally tied to you in the slightest, right?[/color]

JJYOU:
our minds is our personally properties.  you can control your mind if you know how to and want to for that matter.  only the guy can answer that question.  don't you 19yrs old is to young to ask for such level of commitment from?  some people have the inner eye. they can see what others don't see easily.

if you are in the midst of people putting presures on you it would be wie to change location.  people can change church, work or states to run away from people they don't want to be around. it is sometimes good.

[color=#cc0066]It didn't make sense to me, simply because the guy cried, was really upset even sick after he told his girlfriend it was over, all his homeboys are single and I am sure that the single-life is very alluring. Maybe females have different criteria to guys but I know if I found the right guy then I wouldn't want to let him go, it would be relaxing at least to be with him, and my thoughts are that his current girlfriend isn't THE one. If she is, I believe that single life will be incomparable to whatever they shared, he would surely miss her companionship. It also coincides that things are getting really serious now and he is having to consider things he never did, so it seems to me that the guy was probably not looking for something serious and isn't ready for it, which is all well and good, but don't go cry when the girl has moved on, because it would be something very upsetting, if you were so ready to be with someone and all they had in the back of their mind was an image of you being a bunny boiler and them not being able to enjoy their life. Yes, the best time to be single is when you are young, but he doesn't have to be single at all, I guess some people don't like being in a relationships, but I just think he had wandering eye syndrome, the grass always looks greener on the other side, for us singles, we can dance with whoever, kiss whoever, with only a little guilt, but he has to think about never being able to kiss another girl again.

I think that is what is daunting him, he is trying to control 'this urge' you guys talking about, how your body naturally wants to propagate and sow the seeds. . .

Hmmm[/color]