₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]Yey for you. I am an example LOL. I have in total only spent 5 days, 19hrs and 38 minutes online, and have taken up to three weeks off this site since I've joined, but I almost have 1000 posts. I'm just so darn nosey . I bet by tonight I may have 1100 posts. I just like to talk!!

*toots horn*[/color]

[color=#cc0066]How am I supposed to cope with all the replies [/color]

'Warning - while you were reading 45 new replies have been posted.'

[color=#cc0066]Well, girlsoswit, don't beat yourself up, feel free to write posts and express yourself.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I think it's not Seun's fault, but people being unnecessarily mean and vicious should be cautioned on this forum. It can be upsetting when people who don't even know you so freely attack you.

You see, we're on the internet, in real life you may not choose to have such cut-throat friends or hang out with people who will put you down at any chance, but here you have no filters, everyone is welcome. You get people who are deeply concerned and want to help out with questions members post, and then you get people who don't take any of it seriously.

Don't let it stop you from asking your deepest concerns because there will always be people who care. I think some people on the romance board especially are a little egotistic, and feel invincible.

Don't worry about it, just continue doing what you've been doing all along.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Take away all the emphasis placed on Jesus and lets return to the simple fact that Jesus is the son of God, because the holy spirit sent from God was 'used' to impregnate Mary, the mother of Jesus.

I am not sure because all this discussing is confussing me, but from what I know, Jesus is NOT God, he sits at the right hand of God at the throne, he is separate to God yet united because Jesus was borne of God.

I believe for what Jesus did for us (died for our sins) we are slowly equating him to God. In the Bible Jesus communicated with God and vice versa, they were not the same, God worked through Jesus like he worked through other prophets and such.

I believe that in order for God to fulfil his prophecy and send the messiah he had to intercept from the very beginning of the creation of Jesus Christ, right from the very centre in the womb, creating a faultless blameless person deserving of the title.

I believe I may be rambling, all the different opinions and even some unnecessary insults to people on this topic has confused me.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I am always glad to see this thread.

Thank you God for giving me chances, being present in my life and being a source that never ceases to please me.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]In response to the OP, all I can say is that God did live with humans, he tried all of that, Adam and Eve let him down. Now, God can go through every set of human beings trying them out and then once we've failed him, he could casts us down to Earth. He could, but instead I believe there is nothing wrong with us actually working to prove to God that we are worth his time.
God is not one to be fooled, he gave us a chance, we blew it. Yes you and I may not be Adam and Eve, but we are humans, we are their descendants.

I cannot say that I would not have been tempted also, and fallen for the same trick that Satan pulled on Eve.

I don't see the point in trying to rationalise our religion, it is really hard to use our human minds to try and get around the plans and ideas that God has for us. I don't believe we can truly understand how extensive our faith is.

Religion is not science, there are many unexplanable things that happen in the world of science, and as a result most scientists are quick to archive them and put them away. The whole basis of science is a big theory in which a human has thought up, most theories hav to keep being modified and updated, we are not perfect ourselves and cannot even begin to compare ourselves and knowledge basis to God's.[/color]

Missy B:
Sorry?
The words boldly written above can also be liken to
-He didn't know Adam was goin' to sin. Rite?
While the statment in bracket can also be translated to
-Freewill which man has,has made it impossible for God to know what choice we goin'
to make.Thus. . . God isn't all knowing.Rite?

Feel free to correct me if I misunderstood your reply.

[color=#cc0066]I think you have misunderstood me.

I don't believe he knew Adam was going to sin, he merely knew what would happen in Adam didn't sin and what would happen if he did.
Free will as in God does not force us to do anything. It is obvious throughout all the Bible that choices have been made, most seem not like free-will because there barely seemed any other logical choice.
In Exodus, Moses questioned God a lot, and there was even an instance where he murdered an Egyptian, now, are we to assume that God made Moses to do these things. I am not sure I quite understand your question either MissyB, please explain further.
[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hmmm. . . one of those questions again

Well, I believe:

- Man has free will
- God knows what our outcomes will be according to which paths we choose (so he knows if we choose Christ we will live in eternity in Heaven, yet if we choose the way of the world, we will not).
- God however, does not know which path we are going to choose (here's where free will comes in).

[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yes, because I know several. It's proven through their attitude, and it's not really my problem to deal with liars, if he wants to lie that he's a virgin then he can, though most guys lie about the opposite, in society, a guy is pressured to engage in sexual intercourse to prove that he is indeed a man, so to say one is a virgin, it's pretty risky as not every woman will be appreciative of that fact.

It can bring a lot of bad press, so yes understanding that, I would believe a guy of 25 years of age if he told me that he was a virgin.[/color]

agaba123:
How was he able to sweep you off your feet if he cannot tell you how much he cares.

Maybe you gus started with text message or e-mail love.
Teknuzu dikwa egwu

[color=#cc0066]Lol, nope. It was a face-to-face meeting, then he stalked me, then it became Facebook, then a tipsy phonecall, but many things were done when he was pretty sober. I am not saying that the guy's a mess when he drinks, he could handle his drinks most of the times, it's just he would be tipsy before he opened up. There were times when he seemed really sober and opened up, but on studying his habits, he could be sat by the computer doing work and then he'd take a shot of vodka, just casually.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]So.

How many great boyfriends or girlfriends have you let go - great as in, if you're older, you now realise that they would have made a perfect spouse?

Feel free to add the reasons as to why you let them go or the relationship ended.



MY answer:

- I don't think any of my exs have been great. But I'm getting better at picking them, who knows what they might become in the future though.[/color]

opsydudu:


what do u mean by boys are selfish?
explain yourself

[color=#cc0066]Lol, I choose my words carefully, BOYS ARE SELFISH!
Men on the otherhand are wonderful! Boys eventually grow up into men.
Which one are you?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I think the guy was either a player (most likely) or he has a really short attention span in relationships and for commitment.

I think for most people the warning signs would have been there, especially when he was already saying that he loved her when he really didn't know her. I think she was just there for her pride, and when he started ignoring her, her pride and ego was being hurt, she's seeking desperately to call him in hope that he's still as crazy about her as he initially stated.

I think we're giving the guy too much credit, I've seen this 'game' in 13 year old boys;

Boy (sees attractive girl): "I love you. You are the only one I've felt like this with. Will you be mine?"
Girl: "Oh really? Of course, since you are crazy about me."
Boy: "That's great!" *kisses girl*

A day later:

Girl calls boy and boy picks up phone.
Boy: "Yeah! What?!"
Girl: "I am so happy we're together."
Boy: "Are we?"[/color]

[color=#cc0066]*catches love*



Yup, I see him as a stepping stone.

At least I found out one thing, his sister probably knew but really it was none of her business, and for all she knew he could have told her he wanted to change also.

Lastly, I believe like you said, it was the distance that put a fork in the relationship, made us both question our commitment and whether we were worth it, made us think too far into the future, past our comfort zones.

Yup, some players play forever! Apparently, it was only recently that Snoop Dog stopped being one, and became faithful to his wife, with the type of industry he's in I cna understand he'd have a variety of excuses to explain any unacceptable behaviour. His wife stood by him throughout everything, he's headed towards 50 I believe and he's only recently reformed himself. Congrats to him though, all the best to him, but it further proves your point, that every man is different.

This whole player thing is going to get lame soon, it's really trendy these days, forget chivalry, you have to be able to play the game or you ain't a man, they say.

As for me, I just wish the best for everyone.
The guys, the guys rarely complain as much as we girls do about being played I've noticed, and they get played too.

I wish we could all go back to when people entered the world of dating to find love and not just to score as many women as possible.

Is that asking too much? [/color]

[color=#cc0066]At OP, I definitely would not do that! I would just ignore him, move on, be happy and show him that he made now difference in my life and I can easily return back to how I was without him, I think that is worse than any active revenge tactics. It's a passive attack, I don't even have to try, I can just be happy and live life, and find love in someone else, and it just serves to prove to him, that he meant nothing to me, for most people that would break their ego, especially as they so desperately want you curled up on the couch crying over them.

If the break up really seems to have had no effect on you, and you're as lovely as ever, I think you may even draw him back to you, he'll want to be part of that world. Or he might just suck up his pride and realise that he made a big mistake by letting you go.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I second that which Sistawoman said about the pretence![/color]

[color=#cc0066]I adore kissing![/color]

olanajim:
@topup,
why must you assume that the lady want to curry favour from the man? What is so special about being in a media that would make any lady jump at a man?

[quote author=chessguru link=topic=172973.msg2821820#msg2821820 date=1221772880]@ poster
My saying yes to him early enough wasn't because I was cheap o. But I had something I wanted to pursue in the media house which I knew I cud get through him. And which of course he did for me after agreeing to be his. At least he saved me when I needed it
so why care how he treated you, you got what you wanted from him anyway, any other thing you planned to get that you couldn't get?

[color=#cc0066]This is why.[/color]

I read through the post, but there is nothing suggestive of that assumption.

Chessguru was a bit right in a way.

By the way, topup, I strongly disagree with the notion that every partner get excited at the first few days of the relationship. People who had had broken relationship don't often get excited. Don't forget the man is matured. Possibly nearing his 30s or above. There are men who just play along. I don't know of women though.[/quote][color=#cc0066]Well, I may have ended such a relationship in which the first few days of our relationship, the guy never calls, nor does he show any interest in me, I think it is reasonable to assume that most if not 99.9% of people in a new relationship are enthusiastic about it, especially when they're the one who did the asking out like the guy did, and claiming that from the very first time he saw her he fell in love with her. Does that sound like someone who obviously wanted to take things slow or was heartbroken. The man is matured, but every human reacts the same way to something they are genuinely excited about, she even mentioned that he called her multiple of times a day in the first few days, the fact that after a week, he suddenly becomes busy doesn't seem to prove true either, after all, he cut off her phone, he ignored her calls, stopped replying. Anyone who receives concerned phone calls or texts from a partner, would see the alarm bells and seek to reassure their partner but he did none of this. It was obvious that he was done with the relationship.

In response to davidylan, the reason why I believe that it was reason two is because the relationship barely lasted more than a week, most people give a relationship longer to figure out whether the girl or guy 'is all that', I don't believe that he gave her a fair chance to see if she was (which most people would have), I believed another female caught his attention, snatched it right out of girlsoswit's palm, that is why he even cut off the relationship in such a hurry, I mean most people once discovering that they are not that into the girl would at least hint her, or come to mature dicussion (since we have already discussed that this is a mature man - (in age but not in attitude as proven)).

Or maybe I've got it all wrong, am I giving girlsoswit too much credit, assuming that she never exhibited any of the signals that men dislike in women? I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was a wonderful girl, but at the same time, maybe he did in fact leave because there was no connection.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]People telling this girl to stay out of it because it's not her problem should realise that when the guy finds out, she would be tied along, because everyone thinks birds of a feather flock togther, she can always lie though and say that she never knew, but hey. . it depends on how much pressure her conscience is going to put on her, whether she can just sit and watch, this is game on a different level Sistawoman, lying about pregnancy and getting money off an unsuspecting guy. Not good, not acceptable.
Fellow women should shun this behaviour![/color]

[color=#cc0066]It's not a decent excuse to say they say it because it's what women want to hear. What about what women want them to do - which is to love them, what separates that? If they are bent on being what we want them to be, why do they stop at the words?

Well, it's simple, though not all Nigerian men say the words to get sex, there a re many that say it but don't mean it (just like many non-Nigerian men who also utter the words), simply because they are giving their girlfriends what they wanna hear.

It doesn't make it right though.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]It depends on how much you pride yourself on being a fair person. This sounds like a case of two people who are not very alike who just happen to have some other bond that makes them friends. If you two are close, you should advise her to stop her rubbish, but don't sound like you're ordering her about, state your point and leave it at that. If possible try and make her see that she would hate for her brother or even herself to be treated like that. Tell that that you are not going to stand and watch, that you won't hear anything about her relationship and allow her to confide in you anymore.

Also, if you know your conscience wouldn't be able to handle the guy being heartbroken and deeply hurt, you may wish to warn him or just hint him slightly that he should keep an eye on his girlfriend. Be prepared to fight with your friend, this is a very controversial issue and if you have strong beliefs then you two will definitely clash. I pray that she listens and quits this rubbish, but I even feel that the guy deserves a better girlfriend.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Well, the words 'I love you' were uttered under the influence, but all my friends told me not to take it seriously lol, that it is much easier to say things which aren't true and to magnify one's feelings when you're tipsy.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]When I'm upset with someone I love, (who isn't family), I initially pretend nothing's happened, but I can't help but slowly withdraw into a void, if I am deeply hurt, the person usually notices this and they will ask and I will spill all and it will be resolved. If I am angered, I will probably pick an occasion or a little unrelated quarrel will take place which I will use to lead onto the bigger argument.

My aim is not to make them feel bad, it's just to let them know they hurt me, and to give them a chance to reassure me that it was not their intention and that they still care for me.[/color]

Quote from eldee:

"I think homosexuality is a clear case where Nurture wins
It's a case where the young man has been made to believe that he's different by the soceity and his body starts to act it out
How come in 1950s people never used to 'discover' that they were gay
This is a case where a man that does not do sum things is labelled not man enough and he just decides to accept the label

But I know it definitely has nothing to do with Gucci and Prada Cheesy
What you're looking for is heterosexual"

[color=#cc0066]I completely agree with this, well put!![/color]

[color=#cc0066]I disagree about him being busy, a week into the relationship is still in the honeymoon period, where both people should be excited about each other, can't get enough and want to spend as much time as possible.

Now reading the new information about you using him, maybe he saw right through it, and so when he went out with you, he may have felt used, if he is in the media, can you imagine how many girls do the exact same thing. He might have felt that he was wasting his time with someone who was not interested in him for who he is but what he could offer. You can understand why he left you right? He probably got the impression you would dump his ass after you've gotten everything you needed from him, were you trying to call him and hold on, because you needed more favours done?

I don't know, but you have to be honest with yourself. It is starting to make sense now that he ended the relationship. It gives both of you a chance to asses what you both got into. A relationship should always start with the best of intentions.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Those people in your example are not sensible.

In the past, yes pregnancy could have been used to trap a man, I guess that is also why people weren't as promiscuous, because contraception wasn't as developed either. But now, with the increased level of promiscuity, guys can claim the baby's not theirs, they can walk away (if they are jerks), and now a days with all the single mums and the lack of people having sex only after marriage, it is less frowned upon if a guy doesn't step up and accept responsibility, it is now socially acceptable as long as he pays child welfare.
[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I think he is merely asking if it is because of the environment the guy grew up in or was he 'born gay' as many gays claim.

Well, sometimes I think people are confused and they always want to label themselves, there are many straight men who like designers and are mummy's boys but they are so sure in themselves, they do not assume that something must be wrong with themselves. Other guys will search the internet and stumble upon sites and sites diagnosing it as being gay, I think being gay is a lot more accepted and trendier so more people are saying they are when they really might not be.

Sexuality has never been black and white, there are gray areas too, some women, find other women attractive, all that separates them is whether they act on it or not. I personally think the female body is more aesthetically pleasing than the male, but I know 100% that I am straight, though when I was growing up, I was told that that was wrong, that any woman who can look at another woman and appreciate her womanly assets is gay, I am so glad I was strong, because at one time I was thinking whether something was wrong with me. I am strong enough to know that I am straight and strong enough to admit that certain aspects of the female body and my own are attractive to me. There isn't anything wrong with that.

I think people should stop trying to diagnose themselves so quickly, being gay isn't just a trend and shouldn't be taken lightly, they don't have an easy time and even though it may be trendy and more accepted, they still have an incredibly hard time.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]You don't need help, you probably just wanted some opinons on the situation.

The guy has missed you and has sucked his pride to call you. But it may not be for genuine reasons so beware, he might feel that he is missing a great friend like yourself in his life, so he wants to re-established it. Or he may just be bored and is ringing around trying to see which girl he can 'hook up' with quickly. He may want an ego boost, just to see if you'll be crying and begging for him to return. Only time will tell, just be amicable, don't give yourself away too easily, remain aloof, friendly but remain strict (this is if you want him to realise how much he hurt you), however if you are truly over him - completely, you can be friendly with him again and joke and forget about any pretence he may have.[/color]