₦airaland Forum

PoliteActivist:
How can you say adoption is not worth it BASED ON ONE EXAMPLE??!!
So many very successful people and celebrities were adopted as a baby, and even some had a mentally ill biological parent (like Monroe). See below

Poor examples. In all these examples, the family lineage was known. You could trace grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Adopting from an orphanage with no family history whatsoever. If you understand how energies interact, you will know that behaviours, allergies, addictions and other subtle features can be inherited.

Maynman:
“This is why I am 100% pro choice and pro women's right over their bodies.”

Since she has 100% right over OUR offspring, then should she also 100% take care of it right?

I never said women has 100% right over our offsprings. I am saying men has the choice not to exercise any right over offsprings, women have no choice. If a man chooses to exercise that right, then his own right to the child overrides that of the mother. There are numerous examples of fathers refusing to acknowledge a pregnancy and subsequently fatherhood. The baby becomes 100% the sole property of the mother.

Maynman:
How many men are on earth, why are you bringing one man?
Use reasonable stats not emotions

You are now going off point. I was arguing that women should before sacrosanct in choosing men they open their legs for, because the physical, mental and emotional responsibility of bearing children lies on them. And you are arguing that it also lies with men. I pointed out that with men it's a choice. Men can choose not to do anything after donating his sperm, Women cannot. Reiterated that a man can marry and have numerous children indiscriminately without much impact on his physicall and psychological wellbeing, a woman cannot. Each childbirth takes an enormous toll on her body.

Maynman:
And the burden of the 50 wives, concubines and 500 children will be on who?
Men are superman, it doesn’t affect them right?

Who commit suicides more?

Who do you think bears the burden of the wives and children of Mohammed Bello Abubakar in the video below?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wz0GQA795Y

Maynman:
Since she has 100% right on the baby, she should also 100% take care of it?

The simple fact is that a man can have 50 wives and Concubines and 500 children. A woman can at best have 20 children no matter how promiscuous she is. And all the burden of the 20 children will be on her - physically, mentally and emotionally.

maasoap:
The country is hard enough for many single people living alone and not having to cater for anyone not to talk of a woman having to cater for three kids and herself. Op should think hard and deep, ultimate decision is still his and the life will continue for both irrespective of his decision.
Men should stop exposing their wives to hard life and difficult choices just because we find it easier to abandon our kids to our wives at the simplest excuse. And yet, we claim to have more right over these kids than the mothers do.

This is why I am 100% pro choice and pro women's right over their bodies. They are the ones that gets pregnant, they are the ones that nurtures the babies and they are the ones that raise the children.
Men can just be sperm donors and abscond if a baby is conceived, a woman cannot. The best she can do is abortion or dump the baby in the dustbin after birth.. Women need to be taught to be more careful on whom they chose to couple with.

maasoap:
The country is hard enough for many single people living alone and not having to cater for anyone not to talk of a woman having to cater for three kids and herself. Op should think hard and deep, ultimate decision is still his and the life will continue for both irrespective of his decision.
Men should stop exposing their wives to hard life and difficult choices just because we find it easier to abandon our kids to our wives at the simplest excuse. And yet, we claim to have more right over these kids than the mothers do.

I don't understand why you are patronising the wayward wife. What would have happened to the wife and her kids if the guy refused reconciliation and finally abandoned the wife and the children? Would she have commited suicide or go and start standing on Allen avenue at night? She should not have driven the man away because of a temporary financial setback.

maasoap:
Never said that she did right for having sex or lying to her husband about the pregnancy that's not his. Just letting the husband whose side of the story we saw here realise that he's not entirely blameless.
Remember, the only story we saw here is that of the husband. So, we will be naturally subconsciously sympathise with him. We didn't know how the woman coped with everything for those seven months period: food, kids, cloths, books, school fees, sex life, companionship and all that.
My point: Op should do some introspection before taking final decision.

It's will be almost impossible for the family to have peace after the revelation of the new baby not being a part of the family. It will be treated like a foreigner by the other siblings. If not now, certainly when sibling rivalry sets in. I have seen it numerous times when a half siblings comes into an already set family structure. It never works out. Then the man would have suppressed anger and aggression towards the child and by extension towards the wife. The stress on the relationship henceforth would be great. This is the kind of stress that shortens your lifespan.

maasoap:
That's not just about sex, that separation was about many things, more like about everything. A man has many responsibilities to his wife and kids, not just sex for the wife and food for the kids. He bailed!

I am yet to understand how this is a justification for cheating or prostitution. Did she thing the new lover will take in her and her 3 kids? What then happens if the husband becomes incapacitated - accident or stroke. She will be fucking other men to cater for her self and her kids?

I am not exonorating the buy for leaving his family, particularly the children, but that's in no way justifies creating.

HRMK:
SIMPLY TELL US HOW YOUR SAINT OF A MUM COPED WITH YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS AFTER YOUR DRUGADDICTED FATHER ABANDONED YOU?DID SHE WORK IN A BUILDING SITE TO PROVE HOW RESPONSIBLE SHE WAS?WE ARE WAITING!WE KNOW SHE ISNT A PROSTITUTE,ACCORDING TO YOU!!

I am trying to understand your arguments. Are you saying that once a man abandons or divorces a wife/lover, the next thing is to go into prostitution to support herself and her children? Are you saying that single mothers must enter prostitution to be able to take care of their children? Do you know the share number of single mothers doing legitimate hussles to cater for their children?

blueAgent:
For real?

You are a joker.

Thanks.

timesupreloaded:
Ukraine about the size of Osun? lol. Your brain don malfunction. Ukraine is the biggest country in Europe excluding Russia.

Even though Ukraine might not be the size of Osun, still conventional world maps greatly exaggerate the size of European countries. Russia is not really as big as they make it seem. UK and Greenland is worse. These countries are very tiny but made to look big on the map.

DeepSight:
Its virtually impossible to avoid moral arguments in any war.

War is the last place to bring moral arguments. Throughout history morality had never been considered in war until the end of WW2 and the setting up of the Geneva Convention. If you followed the Greek wars, Roman wars, Gengis Khan Mongolian wars, you will see such things as genocide, rape, stealing (war booty), slavery, etc., were considered normal consequences of war. Even in the Bible rape, genocide and slavery were not considered immoral in war.

This can be a quaint escapist argument for those nations who have committed abominations in the past. It is also very slippery because who is the judge of that evolution or the timespan required for it. Has there been moral evolution, for example, since the West's fraudulent war in Iraq over non-existent weapons of mass destruction - something which was a deliberate lie and which millions of people globally protested against? Afghanistan nko? Libya nko?

As I said, exploitation of other people's land and resources had been an integral part of human history. Stronger and more cohesive societies exploit the weaknesses of weaker societies to their advantage. That's why the England, a people with land the size of yoruba land was able to conquer India, a whole continent and half the world. If Gadaffi had not weakened the political and social structure of the Libyan society so he could remain in power perpetually and the hand over to his son, the West would not have been able to exploit the division created.

Agreed. But I must point out one thing: if you are in the habit of "doing anyhow" don't try to lecture your opponent on how to respond to your "anyhowness." Dem sef fit respond with anyhow.

I don't subscribe to the doctrine of whataboutism. Which is because someone else had done it justifies my doing same also.

gambojimeta:
Not only that. The billions of dollars in aid as well.

Don't mind them anarchists. They even want to destroy their own destinies along with their country's. Lots of Nigerians have been integrated within the US (and British) political, economic,military and social systems, and a Nigerian is calling Putin an angel and the US Satan. Putin and Russia that hate black Africa like plague.

Johel:
PUTIN is a good man....America is a Satanic country.

So as a black man, what has putin done for you or your country? I am sure satanic America has granted a close family member or friend citizenship to better their lives.

DeepSight:
I think the speech was directed at showing up Western hypocrisy. Which is undeniably real and stinks to high heavens. The bit about sex change was just an add-on to show how the west is moving in the direction of moral and social absurdities and depravities. In war, you throw everything at your enemy to show them in the darkest possible light. He never gave sex change as the reason for the war. He has given reasons for that separately. He just said that to make the point that the people claiming the moral high ground are socially depraved.

I hate it when people bring in morality into any arguments, it betrays lack of valid reasons for your positions.
Morality is a social construct that changes between societies, era and circumstances. Moral issues like human sacrifices, slavery, polygamy, homosexualism, prostitution, wars, genocide, fashion, abortion, substance abuse (smoking, marijuana,
drug use,) etc evolves with time even within the same society.

I never supported NATO's expansion to the east. But putin handling of the whole issues left much to be desired.

alabo1:
I tire for these western bots. Russia has over 20 % of Ukrainian territory and yet he lost the War. Now that the annexation has happened watch how gradually this died of as they move on to another destabilisation agenda (China?) Since they have lost this one.

However only the discerning can see through Western hypocrisy and deceit. Long live Putin and Xi. The new multipolar world is here

Russia has lost the momentum in the war. Russians themselves are tired of the war. Putin launched a war without the support of the Russian people. Even the military was not ready for war. Such wars cannot be won. It could drag on for decades, Russia cannot win, as the Ukrainians will fight to the last man.

Capturing a territory in a war is fairly easy, holding it is another ball game. You need enough soldiers and arms to hold unto vast territories outside your main fighting force. Putin realised this too late and is only calling for reserves now that he is loosing these territories at an alarming rate. Estimates suggests he will need up to a million reservists, and Russianen are not prepared to fight, and that is why he is threatening with nuclear.

Skty:
I'm surprised at ur statement. Y'all forget Russia is a super power

Which yeye super power. Let them prove their super power onthe battle field instead of threatening everybody with nuclear

Dmacqh:
Do we really want, here, in our country, in Russia, instead of ‘mum’ and ‘dad’, to have ‘parent number one’, ‘parent number two’, ‘number three’? Have they gone completely insane?

Do we really want … it drilled into children in our schools … that there are supposedly genders besides women and men, and [children to be] offered the chance to undergo sex change operations? … We have a different future, our own future.”

This may be the downfall of the West.
NB : I don’t support invasion of Ukraine.

I fail to see the connection between sex change and the invasion of Ukraine. Abi, Putin invaded Ukraine to stop sex change operations?

Putin is just a desperate man playing his trump card. He hurriedly annexed regions he knows the Russian military cannot hold for long and then threaten to strike with nuclear weapon if Ukraine attacks to capture the regions back.

Legalaffairs:
By law you are the owner. You can choose to share with your neighbour "the supposed owner"

Thank you oga lawyer. Luckily I took property law in school. Anything below and above a land belongs to the owner of the land. The person that planted the banana should have taken measures that his tree does not encroach on another person's land. In the alternative he should pay rent on the space accepted by his tree on another person's land.

Johnnyjohnnyman:
We have been free with each other phone after the reconciliation it has nothing to do with hiding things from each other because I have never cheated on her for the 10 years we have been she marriec it just that we both believed that when there's trust and there's no need to be checking each other phones.

After reconciliation does not matter much as she knows she had messed up, and will try and do anything to please you. It's called hysterical bonding. I was talking about before the issues started. Even though I never snoop directly on my wife's phone, we have access to each others phone anytime. If she runs out of credit she uses my phone to make her calls and I also use her phone to browse mine runs out of data.

She was annoyed because my sister duped me and I was broke she had to carry all the responsibility all alone.

That's not a reason for getting annoyed. People get duped all the time, and it doesn't cause break up in relationships. Instead she should have consoled you for being betrayed by a close family member. If you blew the money on other women, I would have supported her, but to get annoyed at your attempt to increase the family fortune is unreasonable.

I learned about the cheating from neighbours and my cousin brother who lives few doors away from our old house and she had admit to have cheated because the responsible was too much for her and the guy were taking care of her and the kids when I was broke. I asked her how long they have been dating she said it started in 2019 few weeks after i got duped and i asked her if she was sure she said yes they were not together before I got duped.

That you learnt from neighbours and your cousin about her cheating says a lot about the state of the marriage. Would you have known if you had not been informed?

Financial setbacks should never be an excuse for separation much less cheating. Every marriage and I repeat, every marriage pass through financial stress. When I had mine about 14 years ago, my wife picked up the gauntlet, begged her Relations for money, and started a business. Even though it was small, it kept us going until I was able to recover. Now I have opened a bigger business for her.

I also don't buy the "the guy were taking care of her and the kids when I was broke" shit. You mean a salaried guy in her office was able to cater for her and her 3 children for 6 months after taking care of his own responsibilities. How much exactly was he earning or was he the owner of the company? What you wife is saying indirectly is that she slept with multiple men for money to take care of herself and the kids.

According to her the last time they spoke was July 2020 after the break up and I asked her what caused the break up. She said the guy was taking advantage of her he didn't fulfil all the promises he had made to her and she had to quit and cut her coats according to her size. She moved to a smaller house and change the children school after she came begging me to return back home.

Still does not make sense. She learnt to cut her coats according to her size ofter the other guy left, but didn't after you lost just N200k.

I asked her if she was using protection with the guy she said yes but on few occasions the condoms has broken up and I have told her I didn't cheat on her but before we reconcile we should both go and do all the stds test, I didnt have to because i was clean but i have done because we wanted to start wverything afresh which we did the test it came back clear and we got back together.

That "on a few occasions" got me alarmed. You mean they must have done it gazillion times with condoms but it broke only a few times, which ended up getting her pregnant. The guy really scattered the place and without paying bride price for that matter. Now the guy want to put the rewards of his enjoyment on you also. The guy is one lucky bustard.

I hope I have answered all your questions.

It's not about answering my questions, it's you telling us about your predicament and asking our opinions. Many people have different opinions, it's left for you to take one or ignore all and do what will give you peace of mind. After all raising another man's child is acceptable in some cultures. Some are even said to give their wives to friends and strangers as entertainment.

baralatie:
Even if the last texted 20 years ago
It does not matter
There is a child on ground connecting them(ifdna proves him to be)
The only problem is if DNA proves another person as the father of the child
There is where the problem is now volcanic

To me it matter. I would want to find out why she cheated in the first place for there to be any hope of reconciliation. Marriage should be built on trust and love. If any is missing the marriage will not worth it.

Johnnyjohnnyman:
She had quit the job due to childbirth complications . She didn't informed him ( her words not mine) because they had break up before she conceived there is no way he could be the father. Ever since we got back together I haven't suspected her and I don't have any reason I am free with her phone and she is also free with mine and our relationship has been stronger than before unfortunately this dna things has messed up everything and our family will not be the same way again

Had you been free with each others phones before or after the reconciliation? Before the separation if she was free with each others phones, how come she was not aware you got N300,000 or you sent N200,000 to your sister for business purpose? Why was she annoyed you sent N200,000 to your sister for business?
How did you learn of the cheating? Why did she cheat? How come you never suspected anything before?

Finally, what's the state of the relationship currently? When was the last time they spoke or texted?

baralatie:
Will it change the outcome of what has happened on ground?

Yes it will. First the guy and his family must be made aware so they know how to handle the situation. If he his married, the wife must be made aware.

Then the guy needs to know the extent the wife has been gaslighting him. How long has she been fùcking the colleague and if they were others. I wonder what she would have told the other guy concerning the husband. The excuse for the separation was as flimsy as it's stupid.

Johnnyjohnnyman:
She is her bio mother the child looks exactly like her colleague she cheated on me with but she has denied that they were still together by the time she conceived. According to her the test result is wrong she claimed that they had breaks up in July 2020 we got back together in September 2020 she conceived that same month which is right according to the child birth date. I believed she was few days pregnant when we got back together or she had slept with both of us at the same during conception. If I am not the father the other man is surely the father.

Is the suspected father still her colleague at work? Has he been informed of the situation? What's the current relationship between wife and co-worker like now? Have you ever snooped on the text or WhatsApp messages? You need to if you have not.

27Pushing30:
What this means is that she ONLY came back to you ONLY because she was pregnant for a man WHO OBVIOUSLY was not interested in marrying her.

Please for your safety and peace separate again and this time move for divorce on the grounds of infidelity.

CAVEAT: You are free to disregard this advice but women will be women … remember that.

That's the koko of the matter. She left the husband on the flimsy excuse of "he sent N200,000 to his sister" because she was already cheating with her co-worker. That one must have promised her heaven and earth. When she then got pregnant, the playboy co-worker japa. She then went back to plan B to beg the husband for reconciliation. Immediately the had sex, she declared pregnancy. The guys still in love accepted even though he knew she cheated. After 9 month baby ended up looking like the co-worker. After DNA, it is confirmed that baby is not his. Wife still lying that she had sex with co worker a month before coming back. Man is still SIMPing and doing "pick me dance".

Paternity fraud should be prosecuted as 419, because it is obtaining through false pretense.

Sweetplum:
Anyone who can raise her. If the original father is notified of his crime and he wished to take the child, let him have it. If the husband of the mother or the mother want to raise her, let them have her. Infact, the best people to raise her are the mother and her husband. This is to spite the father.

Spite the father? How? Spite the father for enjoying free kpekus without suffering any consequence. This your reasoning is why men fùck women randomly and indiscriminately without thinking of the children left behind. In the US, you could go yo jail for abdicating your responsibility of indiscriminately fathering a child without child support.

Besides, the day he decides wants his child, the law will be on his side, all the court will require is a DNA test.

Johnnyjohnnyman:
Sorry bro I don't think that's a good idea , why would you punish a innocent child for her mother sin? Don't you think letting her to go would be better than allowing her stay for you not to treat the child equally because the child will grow to know that her step father had never liked her it will affect her badly. If I choose to forgive and accept the child I will continue to be taking care of her just like I am doing now until the day she will leave my house. I will not treat her any different. Unfortunately I can't for my own sanity both mother and child must go

Bullshit. Punishing which child? Is it him that is punishing the child or the father who takes no responsibility for the reward enjoying repeated orgasm on your wife.
You people seem to forget different cultures for different cults. That's why I love the Islamic world or even ancient Jews, they would have since ostracised the adulterous woman. Some south American cultures kill an adulterous woman by pushing a big pole into her private part until it punctures her stomach.

Maybe it acceptable in Anglo-American culture which you guys seem to subscribe 100%, but its not acceptable in many other cultures.

zedegit:
Children in broken homes don't usually turn out fine. Forgive for the sake of your children.

Most of those advising you to kick her out are not married.

The house is already broken. The baby belongs to another family. Abi, you expect the mans family to accept another man's child into their clan?

Sweetplum:
It's not easy to get who ll raise kids. 3 kids for that matter. The solution depends on if the wife is really sorry for her deeds and is ready to make the marriage work for better again. If the wife's changed for good, make d man collect her back. A known devil is better than a new Angel

You have failed to suggest who will be responsible for the illegitimate child.

Starz825:
Bros.. there is nothing you can say against that woman that you won't make sense....

The deed has been done...what's next..?

Now the man is thinking about the welfare of his children...
I doubt if he wants to take care of them alone...

What about his own welfare? I mean his own mental welfare. You want him to suffer and struggle to raise a child fathered by another man and at the same time suffer to raise his 3 kids? What about the father of the baby? He bears no responsibility for his own child?

Have you thought about the psychological torture he will experience in his own home? Have you thought about the new family dynamics on how the other children will relate to the new child? The others children will claim "this is my father's house". Will the man still be able to have sex with his wife, when the child will always be a reminder of her infidelity.

To me the best option will be divorce and a good Co-parenting arrangement. Even the Bible supports divorce on the grounds of infidelity (and here we are talking about illegitimate child).