lorretta u: Might be a generalization,but has anyone else noticed such too?
I wonder if there's anything wrong with Nigerian women abroad. The men keep trooping home to marry.Many ladies I know who got married recently married men that came from abroad.
I asked one ersthwhile suitor why he wanted to marry me even though he didn't know me well enough. He said:
''no matter how you are,as long as you were raised in a Nigerian home,you can't be as bad as the girls over here. You need to see what they are doing. None of them is wife material. They can't cook, disrespectful, wild, unsubmissive , bla bla bla.''

That's unfair!
Imagine being on the phone with my girlfriend that lives in UK next thing she says:
'LoLo I'm coming back finally'
And I'm like
'why?'
Hmm- she exhales
'There are no husbands here. I'll come back when I'm married'
is it that bad?
Guys abroad over to you. What's your complaint? Let's settle this matter once and for all

My guess is because its hard to meet someone with the same background and culture as you abroad. The Nigerians that grew up abroad, aren't really Nigerians. So depending on what you want, you may not gel with such people.

King Edward I:

Can't agree enough with u. Never been a fan of wigs/hair extensions (huge turn off). Prefer ladies with natural hair; black, white or asian. Ever since I arrived, I haven't found any YET, of note...... Most I come across usually have one demand or the other. Asking once in a while ain't an issue but frequent 'it's-your-responsibility'/'if-I-mean-something-to-you' style of asking....and she ain't accepted/we ain't even married yet.
Some weeks ago, I went to see a lady at her house. On getting there, the security guard told me she had just stepped out. Called her phone and she said to come meet her at a small supermarket 4 houses from hers. No worries, might as well walk down d road to meet her. After getting d things she wanted, we started walking back to the house. The next thing I hear is 'when are you guna you get me a ride?'.... cos she doesn't want to walk in the sun on d way bak to her house. I just smiled.
Wth? 4 houses away, you wanna drive there. You aren't carrying the shopping bag, you're too tired to walk. The car was parked at her house, nowt I could do. It must have been sunny or cloudy when she left her house. Now, the weather is too hot to go back to your house. Obviously didn't say none of that out. She ain't my girlfriend yet.
That was the last time I went to see her and stopped contacting her.

bro... seriously.. all i need is the new Tecno Phantom

hahaha...

ride ko; rash ni

Okija_juju: Answer includes but not limited to;

1. The Laws of Nigeria: In Nigeria, the marital laws are more favorable to men. They can divorce their wives and not be tied down by laws like Alimony law, Child support, spouse support, e.t.c..

2. Tradition: Most Nigerian men are still very traditional in their hearts. They may be attracted to the flash, the glam and the shine, but at the end of the day, they still want wives that were like their mothers in many ways. Women who understand the traditional values of marriage and home-keeping. Women who wouldnt start thinking to divorce at every provocation of fight.

3. Upbringing/Character: Most 'Western Wives' are all caught up in this whole 21st century nonsense of 'Independent woman', 'Working Class woman', 'Gender Equality', 'Geneva convention' thing and most Nigerian men are not ready to be married to another 'Man'. We all still want women who understand thier 'Traditional' roles in the home and their responsibilities to their husband and children and are ready to meet them.


4. Food: Nigerian men that have been raised in Nigeria for the better part of their youth have some fundamental that have been inculcated into their upbringing that they most times return in search of. Example: Food; Men may love KFC, but when they return home, they want a steaming hot plate of Pounded Yam (not poundo) and Ewedu soup.

5.

_{To be continued}

On point!!!! You hit the nail at the head.

Abeg I need naija babe! The one wey dey north oh! i.e NY, NJ, PA, MD..

No be so somebody go marry AFROCANDY carry go yankee, Today we all known what has become of Afrocandy. My brothers marry for where you dey!

They come home because girls in nigeria see those guys as a big deal. "He's a jand guy.. he lives in yankee".
The girls in abroad however know the guys'' secrets-- we're all doing the 9-5 hustle together. No one is special here.

But but but, the guys abroad are getting wiser and ignoring these foolish stereotypes. Most of those girls wifed up from nigeria come here and become liabilities. They see all the "goodies" and start misbehaving.
It's better to marry someone in.the same system as you (if you plan on staying here).

The naija-based girl think you can afford brazillian hair. The yankee girl know you've got bills to pay.
All the talks about being more well cultured and better cook is BS. It's even easier to cook here-- there's youtube and constant electricity

anwunta:

Dumb post of the week

You're even the dumbest,he dey yarn the truth joor

sexkillz: Because they know that girls at home will hardly resist a fresh abroad guy who has promised her things and places she has only seen in movies and magazines . They are easily manipulated and lured with the good things of life. Most of those girls believe that guys abroad are better. The pressure from parents as well to have a "well to do" son in-law from abroad is there too. . .

Those guys know all these and they'll try to use it to their advantage. . .

Not true!! Because i know many Nigerian girls refuse diasporan suitors, I've seen it happen. This is another aspect I think comes down to social class.

Many girls of a higher class, maybe a wealthy background, will much rather have her family in Nigeria, & maybe go on vacations from time to time.

I think you meant the poor girls at home can't resist the opportunity to escape their poverty, & even at that, many will pick a rich Nigerian based guy over an average overseas guy. True talk

The question should be the other way round. MUST you marry a Nigerian? Many of my uncles have regretted such decision.

@ op thanks for posting this very interesting topic.

First, i will have to say that marriage is a divine institution and shouldn't be based on just on human philosophies and things read in books. Prayer is very essential.

Second a man or woman must first of all determine the most important qualities required in an ideal mate.If a person can determine the 3 or more most important qualities in an ideal mate that, even if the man or woman gets crippled or incapacitated after the wedding , if u look those qualities you will still appreciate the person.That will be a good starting point and will help in making a thorough search.

Third, coming back to Nigeria to get married doesn't automatically guarantee a happy marriage. Marriage home or abroad is like a surprise parcel/gift, when its opened , whatever you find as its content is what you get.

Some people married abroad and they are enjoying there marriage with their families there, with some of the women willing to relocate with their husbands.Some also made the effort to come back home to get married , spent the money for a Nigerian wedding, visas, travels and met other expectations from people back home and yet the marriage crashed in less than 3 years. Perhaps because both people barely knew each and the marriage was based on recommendations ,or the lady married the simply for his money and going abroad. Of course we shouldn't forget that some people also came and made those sacrifices and they are enjoying their marriages. The fact is , it can go either way. Just pray for the best and make the best decisions based on the 'right' set of priorities. A good wife can be found anywhere. Our choice shouldn't be made squarely on the basis on Nigerian food, language, other parts of our culture or even planning to come after to Nigeria after 20 years. There are other important qualities to look out for in an ideal mate.

Many people have spoken well on this matter but adding more won't be too much I guess .
The main problem with those who go home to marry people they hitherto haven't had a relationship with is "misplaced priorities." A guy goes to Nigeria from overseas, after one week he meets a girl introduced to him, marries her after a month, zooms off overseas after marriage with his bride. Trust me, he might as well have set the clock on a time bomb. The truth is, you can get a good Nigerian wife anywhere. Although the chances are slim overseas since you have a little fraction to pick from. What is most important is putting God first by praying to get a good wife, making yourself a respectable husband material, then shining your eyes to find one that will love you and make you happy, whether she can cook or not.

PureOhio: They come home because girls in nigeria see those guys as a big deal. "He's a jand guy.. he lives in yankee".
The girls in abroad however know the guys'' secrets-- we're all doing the 9-5 hustle together. No one is special here.

But but but, the guys abroad are getting wiser and ignoring these foolish stereotypes. Most of those girls wifed up from nigeria come here and become liabilities. They see all the "goodies" and start misbehaving.
It's better to marry someone in.the same system as you (if you plan on staying here).

The naija-based girl think you can afford brazillian hair. The yankee girl know you've got bills to pay.
All the talks about being more well cultured and better cook is BS. It's even easier to cook here-- there's youtube and constant electricity

Babes, you making sense, i dey feel your yarn

tink u r right...

PureOhio: They come home because girls in nigeria see those guys as a big deal. "He's a jand guy.. he lives in yankee".
The girls in abroad however know the guys'' secrets-- we're all doing the 9-5 hustle together. No one is special here.

But but but, the guys abroad are getting wiser and ignoring these foolish stereotypes. Most of those girls wifed up from nigeria come here and become liabilities. They see all the "goodies" and start misbehaving.
It's better to marry someone in.the same system as you (if you plan on staying here).

The naija-based girl think you can afford brazillian hair. The yankee girl know you've got bills to pay.
All the talks about being more well cultured and better cook is BS. It's even easier to cook here-- there's youtube and constant electricity

jay bee:
How on earth do you expect this woman to behave once she arrives at God's own country since she now understands and is fully aware of her rights as a woman.

If by 'right' you mean being disrespective, unsubmissive and imposing on their men then, you got your analogy wrong. Who ever told you that freedom or success equate being domineering or strongheaded, lack understanding. All men(mostly African men), attach little or no value to a woman's wealth, success, achievement, social status or what not, what a man value in a woman is not competition but companionship for a strong family base that takes an understanding woman to build with. Little wonder why they rush back home to pick from they lots, which also explain why many of the women over there can't attract any suitor from any race cos of a suppose 'freedom' that has been misused and mistaken for equality. Trust me, a naija babe, that have the opportunity married a diasparian, usually make a good wify material than most of their counter parts over there.

Mrs.Chima:


There is no such thing as better housewives regionally....each man has different expectations in wives.

On American soil....African women seems to be docile and dumb-down and on African soil...American women seems loud and aggressive.

It's all about preference and compatibility.

"American women seems loud and aggressive. " true
"African women seems to be docile and dumb-down and on African soil." I don't agree with this comment- Africa women change and cannot balance her culture with the America culture
One day want to be American
The next day want to be Nigerian

there are good women every where. it is very wrong to say that there are no god women in America, or the west. i guess it is personal choice anyway.

Mikhaela:

What is wrong in not being able to cook or speak a language? It's easy to say that this is a problem without actually digging more. I think I've said this before, I don't speak any Nigerian dialect, I don't cook any Nigerian food, I don't know anybody from Nigeria etc. My upbringing was not a "typical" Nigerian upbringing if I may say but that doesn't mean jack. That being said, I consider myself to be a normal woman. I cook only for myself, at least I try, because I live alone, been living alone since I was 17/18. I speak only European languages because that was what I was taught. I work to pay for my bills, I have a regular (or maybe not ) social life. I just feel that marriage is overrated. I want my future boyfriend (winks at Santa) to make me feel comfortable regardless of his "upbringing". As long as there is some kind of stability, I'm good to go.
Nothing will change though. I will still not be able to cook, even if I try. I will still not speak any dialect, I will still not be the typical Nigerian lady. I'll just be who I've always been...

If any man will buy your market the way it is (Santa may gift you with such sale) goodluck but you at the same time cannot be upset about those who choose not to price your market. I am a Naija guy and I consider myself very liberal and really not too hard on some particular "must have" for a woman but if you cannot cook and cannot speak any of the languages, what will the children be eating? McDonald's? KFC from 2 years old?

Because dem go don comot the sweet, sweet thing wey dey Nigerian Gals abroad.
most are prositute and we guys go wan come marry Grade A Tokunbo Gals or chasis, I mean tear Nylon (Virgin Gals)

most Nigerian Ladies over there don't respect their men. they behave like white women. the problem is not just marrying a Naija girl abroad, even to marry from naija and take her back with with you is a problem. as soon as she join you there or you marry her over there, her orientation changes. imagine a friend of mine, her wife divorced him because the man relocated to another city. the woman insisted that she's not ready to move. like play the woman filed for divorce. you need to see this woman before she left naija, getting to the USA she changed. can your wife in Nigeria divorce because you want to relocate from Aba to Lagos? No! my uncle told me that they have association over there, before you know it she will arrange a young man to be servicing her. even my uncle just married a girl last month, but he told me he can bring her over there. the wife can visit, but she cant base there with him.

2mch:
Passed around? You mean girls in Nigeria who have slept with all your fathers age mates and all your age mates? When you try to seek political position people will be laughing at you. Guy you funny die. Girls in Nigeria are more passed around than abroad. They are hungry and will cheat. Many guys go to Nigeria and do 3somes. Who are these girls they are doing it with. You say we should marry prostitutes? Even village girls are big time prostitutes because of poverty in the country. Tell another lie. You know how men who marry wives from naija get divorced? Like water

Comprehension is your problem. They say "ignorance is bliss"; and that is the exact thinking of guys abroad. A guy would rather marry a girl with a sordid history somewhere else unlike one he already has all the information at hand and locally (especially one that has slept with his friends or acquaintances). I doubt you would understand how they think though; because you don't come across as a guy.

sexkillz: [color=#000030][font=tempus sans itc][size=11pt]I noticed that too. And it hardly goes down well, in my opinion.

Why is because those men want someone they can easily control. "sit down here and don't move" and she obeys. The girls there are deemed unsubmissive, and independent.

Lol. You couldn't have say it better.

logica: It is hard for a Nigerian dude to settle for a girl who's mostly been passed around. The Nigerian communities abroad are small and we are not Oyinbos that don't care if their friends and acquaintances had slept with their wife-to-be. So the first date is a make or mar; once you as a Nigerian girl start off with a failed relationship, it will be a slippery slope of one after another. Your best bet is to marry the first guy you date over there; because I can assure you that when a guy gets interested in you and checks your background he will quickly lose interest when he finds you'd dated guys he knows.

There are other reasons though, but that tops the list.

True that was old school about 15 yrs back
Now and day Nigeria men are change
They want easy way out, so they will marry women with five kids

I keep asking. MUST you marry a Nigerian? open your heart and you will find a good woman. Race or tribe will be secondary. I know a lot of marriages like that that has lasted. i don't know the problem with some men.

Funny how people who have not lived in the shoes of others now thing they are domain experts: what you think is right in your opinion is bull shiaite for another person! Just do what is right for you! I have an uncle who is now almost 70, has had 2 marriages till he was 65 or so to foreign women but at around 68 he went back to marry a Niaja girl and now has small kids again, do you know something better that he does not know?

I dated 2 Nigerian girls and one for about 2 years and I would never marry a girl like that!

Incrizz:
Who is Sydney?

LOL. Sydney, Australia.

I had this discussion with a very close friend of mine over the weekend and I am reading many construed opinions about "control and submission" and I humbly beg to disagree as this is subjective, dependent on the individual involved and his intentions....after all if opinions are concluded based on what we read online ( i.e Nairaland) not all ladies based in Nigeria are humble or submissive...after all there more ladies in the states who are independent and act more mature with a better understanding of what relationships mean which has become the craving of the modern man... And yes there are foreigners who cook African food even better than many of our modern 9ija girls, guess what they even dress decent and are morally disciplined, I have met tons of them...

Many of us under emphasize the power of growing up and culture, until we eventually leave the shores...this issue is prominent amongst Nigerians who immigrated at a mature age (24 and above) having being raised in Nigeria you might never understand the level of culture shock many suffer..
There are times a man want to sit and reminisce his growing up, lifestyle and family with his wife, build a solid conversation about home...

There are tons of salient points I would have loved to discuss but I am almost late for work..

My advice is this, if a Nigerian based outside is asking for your hand in marriage, understand first and foremost that every relationship is a risk, make your own investigations about him and his family, don't be scared to ask questions and questions until you are comfortable, build a solid conversational relationship until you are both able to meet physically, if his nuclear family is still based in Nigeria find out more about them and if you are not convinced walk out but please avoid making unfounded conclusions because he is at disadvantage.

Nigerian men in the states are very hard working I can vouch for many of them, they may not be bank executives, but they are not lazy and they understand the relevance of family, growing up.

Gals from home r usually humble & respectful... Those ones ova here r more than corrupt... nd they phvcck around 2much (**)

Cos Nigerian ToTO too sweet

lorretta u: Might be a generalization,but has anyone else noticed such too?
I wonder if there's anything wrong with Nigerian women abroad. The men keep trooping home to marry.Many ladies I know who got married recently married men that came from abroad.
I asked one ersthwhile suitor why he wanted to marry me even though he didn't know me well enough. He said:
''no matter how you are,as long as you were raised in a Nigerian home,you can't be as bad as the girls over here. You need to see what they are doing. None of them is wife material. They can't cook, disrespectful, wild, unsubmissive , bla bla bla.''

That's unfair!
Imagine being on the phone with my girlfriend that lives in UK next thing she says:
'LoLo I'm coming back finally'
And I'm like
'why?'
Hmm- she exhales
'There are no husbands here. I'll come back when I'm married'
is it that bad?
Guys abroad over to you. What's your complaint? Let's settle this matter once and for all

Simple there are fewer marriageable ladies abroad. I have lived abroad for a few years and I do a lot of travelling. I do not see myself picking a wife here (unless God specifically leads me to that), due to the sparse number of marriageable ladies here.

The ladies here, with all due respect are very good in many things, but not those key things that Nigerian men look for in a wife. They can not speak their Nigerian language, they are either terrible cooks or can't cook at all (with reference to Nigerian dishes), they do not understand the place of respect to a man and a man's family, they don't understand the strong relevance of family, many of them do not consider religion (Christianity or Islam) as important to them, they live lives which is largely loosed and uncultured.

I have had a few friends who are in 'hell' because they are married to Nigerian ladies who have part of their roots abroad. And yes, most of them are now divorced.

And you want Nigerian men, men that have a strong connection to their roots, to go for these ladies? Not possible, when one can stroll to Nigeria and find a decent Nigeria-brought up lady.

interesting so this afrocandy lady was born in naija....

odikwa risky

Demain_man: No be so somebody go marry AFROCANDY carry go yankee, Today we all known what has become of Afrocandy. My brothers marry for where you dey!