STUNTS007: @ op thanks for posting this very interesting topic.

First, i will have to say that marriage is a divine institution and shouldn't be based on just on human philosophies and things read in books. Prayer is very essential.

Second a man or woman must first of all determine the most important qualities required in an ideal mate.If a person can determine the 3 or more most important qualities in an ideal mate that, even if the man or woman gets crippled or incapacitated after the wedding , if u look those qualities you will still appreciate the person.That will be a good starting point and will help in making a thorough search.

Third, coming back to Nigeria to get married doesn't automatically guarantee a happy marriage. Marriage home or abroad is like a surprise parcel/gift, when its opened , whatever you find as its content is what you get.

Some people married abroad and they are enjoying there marriage with their families there, with some of the women willing to relocate with their husbands.Some also made the effort to come back home to get married , spent the money for a Nigerian wedding, visas, travels and met other expectations from people back home and yet the marriage crashed in less than 3 years. Perhaps because both people barely knew each and the marriage was based on recommendations ,or the lady married the simply for his money and going abroad. Of course we shouldn't forget that some people also came and made those sacrifices and they are enjoying their marriages. The fact is , it can go either way. Just pray for the best and make the best decisions based on the 'right' set of priorities. A good wife can be found anywhere. Our choice shouldn't be made squarely on the basis on Nigerian food, language, other parts of our culture or even planning to come after to Nigeria after 20 years. There are other important qualities to look out for in an ideal mate.

Mikhaela:

What is wrong in not being able to cook or speak a language? It's easy to say that this is a problem without actually digging more. I think I've said this before, I don't speak any Nigerian dialect, I don't cook any Nigerian food, I don't know anybody from Nigeria etc. My upbringing was not a "typical" Nigerian upbringing if I may say but that doesn't mean jack. That being said, I consider myself to be a normal woman. I cook only for myself, at least I try, because I live alone, been living alone since I was 17/18. I speak only European languages because that was what I was taught. I work to pay for my bills, I have a regular (or maybe not ) social life. I just feel that marriage is overrated. I want my future boyfriend (winks at Santa) to make me feel comfortable regardless of his "upbringing". As long as there is some kind of stability, I'm good to go.
Nothing will change though. I will still not be able to cook, even if I try. I will still not speak any dialect, I will still not be the typical Nigerian lady. I'll just be who I've always been...

ogugua88: It's hard finding a Nigerian woman abroad. There are millions of Nigerian girls, but seldom can you find a woman. Language? They can't speak. Food? They can't cook. Basic Nigerian values? They don't have. I'm not generalizing. As a woman, I am telling you that there are some Nigerian "women" who embarrass the hell out of me.

However, the same goes for their male counterparts. Some Nigerian boys complain, they're arrogant, and they do try to be controlling (I'm speaking from experience). I still like to believe that people can be in a loving relationship without one party needing to control the other.

It's not just men that go home anyway, although they do it more. A friend of mine, her fiancé is in Nigeria and will be joining her here soon for marriage.

To each his or her own really. They can marry whoever they like. They'll jam many of the same obstacles they jam here at home.

sexkillz: I noticed that too. And it hardly goes down well, in my opinion.

Why is because those men want someone they can easily control. "sit down here and don't move" and she obeys. The girls there are deemed unsubmissive, and independent. That independence factor drives them nuts. The ladies know better, and know what respect from a man means and would not tolerate trampling on what they perceive to be their fundamental human rights. The men that think this way are usually selfish and egotistical although they might not show it. They think only about how they'll benefit from a "tamed" and "naïve" home grown lady. Now, he's coming home to look for a wife, but he has forgotten now that because he lives abroad, it'll be very difficult to find a lady who loves him for love and not for his money or his "abroadness".

He meets a girl who puts on her best behaviour because, all she can see is her prospects of going abroad.. She is also selfish in this regard and will not show it. When they finally get married and she leaves Nigeria, and the euphoria of getting abroad wears off, you see this same lady displaying her real color. Now she also wants to be independent after her eye don open and she don see as e dey go. The man will see her as unsubmissive and rude and now he is back to where he started from, if not worse.

The devil you know is better than the angel you do not know. Most of those girls they eventually marry are people who were recommended for them, and in most cases, the ones doing the recommending are in cahoots with the lady to dupe them. A lot of negative stories abound. . . There's a lot of eye-shining to be done.

GustavoFring: No be say dem shoot bird en mama fly, but a lot of the Nigerian girls brought up in the West are not wife material.

Nobody says the girl should not be independent, but overstronghead dey kill.

There can only be one captain on a ship

EBK2:
Hahahaha. Doesnt matter who you marry. You will be asked for a car at some point whether on a first date, before marriage, after marriage, after first child etc. This question will prop up one day even if she has more money and cars than you. But asking for a car in the first instance may be a revelation of flawed motive (it may not be). But girls should seriously wait for sometime before asking. Most men hate it (although most men like to give... at the right time). I do!.
This topic is not a easy one and before you know it, both sexes will start abusing each other (by that time, i will be out the door. lol)

50calibre: I have a very keen understanding of people, behaviours & society, I should be an anthropologist.

If you are a guy who hopes to achieve a lot in life, I beg you please stay away from poor girls, especially the ones with track record of poverty, their great grandfather was poor, her grandfather was poor, her father is poor. Poverty is a virus that corrupts the mind & behaviour.

Most of the time, if you see a woman who migrates to a more liberal country & begins to exhibit all kinds of attitude, go check her family back home is dirt poor. Women of wealthier status ironically are much more docile, calm & collected, they aren't influenced or intoxicated by anything or anywhere because its nothing new.

Look on NL, those girls who feel the need to shout about their rights, i bet you these girls are hungry. Poverty cheapens the mind & leaves you exposed to propaganda, it makes people overdo things.

An experiment : keep a dog caged all day, then release it in the night. Observe what it does.

Ihedinobi:
I'm just trying to balance the equation here.

He has to take you as you are and expect no adjustments, you say, but he has to "make you comfortable". Have you ever seen anyone who makes anyone else comfortable without adjusting in some way to suit that other person?

Relationships are two way, ma'am. He gives, you give. You both get. You'll have to adjust too. You'll probably have to learn how to cook and you might sacrifice a bit of your career too. Unless you're willing to put down, you're not gonna get anything. You'll just waltz through a series of relationships and end up maybe bitter but certainly alone and possibly lonely.

funnyx:

Good for you! Go and marry Oyinbo now no Naija man will marry someone like you except for papers when even some oyinbo sef dey cook amala with abula and orisiri, sidon there your naija husband go come when Jesus comes back

King Edward I:

Lol...
My dad knows I'd rather marry a white or asian lady (mostly media-influenced & little experience of black girls/ladies) so he ain't bothered but my mum would like I marry a black girl, preferably nigerian. Even my aunty expects the same.
So decided to come study here for a bit, learn about my "traditional culture" and also, see if my philosophy on nigerian girls would change but thus far, it's been an eye-opener; to be positive.
I have no problem with the asking but when every time you see each other, asking is always involved.
The last time I was in Nigeria, in 2004, there was a girl I fancied and she likewise but years after, called her phone when I arrived to surprise her. We spoke for a while, catching-up things and she came clean to me that she had moved on. We still chat once in a while but she's d only nigerian girl I can say I fancied personality-wise, presentability, reasoning, rightfully admit when she's wrong and sincerely apologisely and I mean SINCERELY. Every other I have come across, except one who is still a young girl and a good honest friend (nothing involved & intend keeping it like that) have given me the 'I NEED MONEY' & 'I'M LOOKING FOR MONEY' line on many occassions and when you asked them for money they reply 'me myself, I am money'
What does a man have to do?

King Edward I:

Lol...
My dad knows I'd rather marry a white or asian lady (mostly media-influenced & little experience of black girls/ladies) so he ain't bothered but my mum would like I marry a black girl, preferably nigerian. Even my aunty expects the same.
So decided to come study here for a bit, learn about my "traditional culture" and also, see if my philosophy on nigerian girls would change but thus far, it's been an eye-opener; to be positive.
I have no problem with the asking but when every time you see each other, asking is always involved.
The last time I was in Nigeria, in 2004, there was a girl I fancied and she likewise but years after, called her phone when I arrived to surprise her. We spoke for a while, catching-up things and she came clean to me that she had moved on. We still chat once in a while but she's d only nigerian girl I can say I fancied personality-wise, presentability, reasoning, rightfully admit when she's wrong and sincerely apologisely and I mean SINCERELY. Every other I have come across, except one who is still a young girl and a good honest friend (nothing involved & intend keeping it like that) have given me the 'I NEED MONEY' & 'I'M LOOKING FOR MONEY' line on many occassions and when you asked them for money they reply 'me myself, I am money'
What does a man have to do?

PureOhio: They come home because girls in nigeria see those guys as a big deal. "He's a jand guy.. he lives in yankee".
The girls in abroad however know the guys'' secrets-- we're all doing the 9-5 hustle together. No one is special here.

But but but, the guys abroad are getting wiser and ignoring these foolish stereotypes. Most of those girls wifed up from nigeria come here and become liabilities. They see all the "goodies" and start misbehaving.
It's better to marry someone in.the same system as you (if you plan on staying here).

The naija-based girl think you can afford brazillian hair. The yankee girl know you've got bills to pay.
All the talks about being more well cultured and better cook is BS. It's even easier to cook here-- there's youtube and constant electricity

Mikhaela:

I absolutely agree. Compromising comes with the package obviously but I'm not going to change who I am, that's how things become uncomfortable. What I meant to say was that it's very easy to have a negative idea of Africans who did not live the typical African life. It's not because I don't cook or whatnot that I'm not "wife material" or "wayward" as you may put it. Cooking, dialects and others in my opinion should be considered as assets (I'm not sure if that's the correct word, my English is not so good anymore) rather than deal breakers.

GoodFaith:
Dude marry a woman that will love you , support, give you peace and happiness
Don't go back to Nigeria to look for wife

GoodFaith:
Coming to tell us you cannot cook is BS
White and Black woman cook
Go learn how to cook all types of food
my wife cook and she can pay somebody to cook me Nigeria food
You cannot cook white and Nigeria food
Hope you have good education

sunnyprof:

There are so many ladies you meet now, they will tell you there fiancé is in 'jand' or 'the states' but here they are the ones doing runs in Abuja and mostly in clubs day in day out. They meet at Easter and Xmass holidays when the lady pretends to be 'village wise' but educated (my Sarcasm pun)

EBK2:
it aint easy bro as you said it.
by the time your parents, aunties, uncles, nieces, nephews, dogs and cats and every pet will come up with their opinion and any girl you are seeing put you under pressure, you will be as confused as lost goat. Add it to the mathematics over where you want to be in the future and the girl you want to take along you to that future, you will give up on the entire thing and thank God for the life you have today. lol
We just need to trust God for everything.

EBK2:

Cooking should be the least of consideration to this decision. this is my view. I dont need a wife if good food is what i am interested in. lol

50calibre:


Not true!! Because i know many Nigerian girls refuse diasporan suitors, I've seen it happen. This is another aspect I think comes down to social class.

Many girls of a higher class, maybe a wealthy background, will much rather have her family in Nigeria, & maybe go on vacations from time to time.

I think you meant the poor girls at home can't resist the opportunity to escape their poverty, & even at that, many will pick a rich Nigerian based guy over an average overseas guy. True talk

GoodFaith:
Coming to tell us you cannot cook is BS
White and Black woman cook
Go learn how to cook all types of food
my wife cook and she can pay somebody to cook me Nigeria food
You cannot cook white and Nigeria food
Hope you have good education

GoodFaith:
Cooking is part of my package
When I was younger, a 19 yrs girl tried to win me by learning to cook
my wife has her own business, she pick up the kids and make it home to cook a hot dinner and pack my lunch
Yes she is not a Nigerian
There is one request she as made to me "
Getting somebody to help clean the house twice a month. I am going to have a surprise for her very soon

50calibre: I have a very keen understanding of people, behaviours & society, I should be an anthropologist.

If you are a guy who hopes to achieve a lot in life, I beg you please stay away from poor girls, especially the ones with track record of poverty, their great grandfather was poor, her grandfather was poor, her father is poor. Poverty is a virus that corrupts the mind & behaviour.

Most of the time, if you see a woman who migrates to a more liberal country & begins to exhibit all kinds of attitude, go check her family back home is dirt poor. Women of wealthier status ironically are much more docile, calm & collected, they aren't influenced or intoxicated by anything or anywhere because its nothing new.

Look on NL, those girls who feel the need to shout about their rights, i bet you these girls are hungry. Poverty cheapens the mind & leaves you exposed to propaganda, it makes people overdo things.

An experiment : keep a dog caged all day, then release it in the night. Observe what it does.