₦airaland Forum

ademideolu:
even his grannies, as old as they are, he tongue lash them not to talk of his sisters and aunts, his uncles are even way too low to advise him. he feel rich and said anyone who will talk to him must be richer than him, ooooooopppps, why will someone say such? surely they cant talk to him because they were left alone to feed for themselves when they lost their parent. even the elder sisters too dont take to corrections from their grannies. just last month he fought with his grand pa. the old man was begging him and cant really correct him cos of the financial gains they get from him.

no father and no father figure. but what can i really do? his grand mother when she was dying said i must look after him and never divorce him, but am not happy. cant talk to my parents cos i am afraid they will think my marriage is not working and every one in the family will hear and feel the same way.

But how did you open your eyes and marry such a person?

pickabeau1:
That is a different dimension which typically is an exception

Illiterates have raised professors


who says he is truly is the fada of the child

A DNA test takes 2weeks and costs about N100k. It can be done for confirmation.

Give Instances of illiterates that raised professors without financial backing and outside help pls.

Yes

Interestingly, I wonder who men respect more...women of this generation or women of our mother's generation? And why?

Pickabeau1, busybody 2

But can't benyrazz fight for custody based on maternal incompetence and unwillingness to improve herself vis a vis furthering her education, even despite offer of financial aid from the husband? Isn't the child's basic upbringing being put in jeopardy by the mother's obstinate behaviour?

@Op this is so nice and loving ....

But here's the problem.

Give the girl a hand and she'll take your whole arm.

Some ladies don't mix well with romance. Its just the plain truth.
Some of them will take advantage of your cooking for them, or opening the door for them, or making the bed for them to sleep etc and walk all over you. They will think you are a pvssy and start dictating for you. The next thing you know you are a glorified houseboy with chosen days when you sweep the house and running around buying pant, bra, and menstrual pads all in the name of romance.

Some women do better with harsh and wicked behaviour.

Pls when insulting one another, try not to use videos. My kpako phone can't open them

cococandy:
I never called a submissive woman zombie.
Do you know if I'm sumissive myself?
You can never know.

True the definition submission has been over bastardized.
That comment was in response to a part of the OP which says that women of these days have learned to ask why before doing what they are told.

Who wouldn't want a good reason before making a decision based on another person's instructions?
Unless of course the person is a zombie who does eveything for no reason except that it is what they are told to do.

Do you want that kind of woman?

. Cococandy I was just joking about the zombie ish cos of what the poster above me said o
Of course nobody wants a mumu for a wife. However nowadays some women in a bid to show they can't be submissive to any man become unnecessarily aggressive and unreasonable. That's where the problem comes in.

Its obvious this musician is not happy about his wife's behaviour, he is just trying to sugarcoat it. I won't be surprised if their divorce reaches front page in the future. The reason will probably be 'irreconcilable differences'.

Op may not believe this but you are suffering from a psychiatric disorder.
I know a man like you who trusted his wife so much he put her on a pedestal like she could never do anything to hurt him. Just before they got married however they had a quarrel and the woman spent the night in her boyfriend's house. She confessed later and was forgiven but afterwards when the strains of marriage started coming in(it will always come) he began to imagine she was cheating on him again.

He would pretend to go to work then go back to spy on her at home. He would check her call logs regularly, he would pick her phone at random and scroll through her texts. Things got really bad when he started trailing her to market and attacking any male that so much as waved at her.

This is more than a trust issue. This is an obsession. Your friend should secretly make out time to see a psychiatrist who will explain further and what he should do.

In the meantime this will be difficult but he should stop spying on her. Its for his own good. He should stop looking through her phones, after all the spyware he installed has shown him that nothing is going on. He should seriously see a psychiatrist or he'll end up divorcing his wife for nothing.

@cococandy
How dare you call submissive women zombies


Seriously though, I think the term 'submission' is being severely misinterpreted these days. Nobody is asking the wife to be a mindless zombie, however in every team there must be a leader, someone who has the final say. This is the role the husband plays, the leader, the tiebreaker, the one with the final word. That's all.

Price and location pls

Buhahahahahahahahahahaha

Good news for once!

Congrats OP

Op if this is good news to you then you shouldn't include 'Alas!' on your title. Alas usually connotes bad news.
E.g Alas! The thieves were never found ,
or
Alas! She was never seen again.

Unless of course you are a relative to the man or you feel the child is worse off going back to the mother then the title is totally understandable.

[size=5pt]Read and move on! Dont quote me![/size]

Wait o, are u telling us everything? I hope you didn't railroad him into doing introduction with the pregnancy? Why do your parents want you to come back home despite the shame it will obviously cause? What's the real issue dear?

What tribe are u from?
Let him go and pay your bride price. The celebrations can come later.

Or is there another reason why he isn't ready?

FX, it seems you're an Economist. I would really want to see from you a detailed list of how 50k can be wisely utilised by mother of two in a month. You may help some spendthrift to a change of heart.

Seconded pls.

Richy4:
Please stop comparing.
......

As for the sex. When ever it is happening, just assume Brad Pitt or anyone/ celebrity you had crush on is on you. You will be fine and satisfied.

FynBabe:
@fxwarrior, how about refilling gas or buying kerosine? Abi you go enter forest go fetch firewood for them .

12.5kg gas lasts a family of four for a month. And its currently N3200 where I am. Its not that expensive.

@op OK I have finally caught up

I have read everything everyone has said and I still maintain that your wife is not a devil. She just needs guidance and to know who is in authority.

Its all up to you. The love sleep has cleared from both your eyes. The work part of marriage has begun. I believe you would have already sat her down and explained things to her before. If you haven't please do so again. Then become the enforcer. Don't get physical on her but let her know that YOUR word is law. Ensure she does not sleep until she does everything you want her to do. In fairness, if you have no nanny or house help it will be a bit difficult and you may have to help her out in a few chores but be reasonable about it as well, don't 'overhelp' her.

Make sure she does not sit idle and watch TV while you starve, make her realise the television is yours, not because you can't buy another TV but because you are trying to establish authority. If she mentions her father CLEARLY TELL HER that you are not him, this is your house and she will live by your rules. Make a list of the things she does that annoys you abs tell her to do the same. Then while you try and change ensure she changes her behaviour in the list as well.

It is called working it out. Unless she is a witch from thepit of hell it will work because what you don't realise is that in all her misbehavior she also wants a better marriage.

Mk3jax, same goes for you.

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

I just posted this in another thread but I think its relevant here also.

The first 2yrs of marriage are usually the toughest and then the next 3yrs are the adaptation period. So usually if a marriage is going strong after five years, chances are it will last long. This experience will be the same whether you marry prince charming or your ex, its just the way human relations work

Brb let me go and read what others said. But op you should know that this is usually the toughest time in any marriage. It is at this point that you realise that the lovey lovey you were professing on your wedding day to your then most beautiful woman in the world was a complete sham/imagination/emotional 419. Now its time for the hardwork. If you want this marriage to work you have to learn to adapt to her. Don't wait for her to adapt to you, you are the man and you want your house to stand, do it first. I assure you, she will eventually follow. It will be hard but that's why its called hard work.

You will have to learn to love her no matter what she says or does. In so doing you will earn a deeper respect from her. She will start to see you differently. And with time she herself will change, not because she is forced to but becauae she will see your commitment and effort.

You have to be patient. You have to be selfless. And you are the man of the house and the head of your home. You have to be strong.

CC mk3jax

purityme:
That my problm, and once I remember my past I always compare which will later turn to nagging. I don't want to be a nagging wife I want to be a luving one. The more I try the more I fail, I want to endure life d way it comes but am getting weaker.

Lol@getting weaker as if its something you can't control.

The first 2yrs of marriage are usually the toughest and then the next 3yrs are the adaptation period. So usually if a marriage is going strong after five years, chances are it will last long. This experience will be the same whether you marry prince charming or your ex, its just the way human relations work.

Take time out. Realise the root of your problem which is..mainly from your mind and the way you are mentally viewing your marital challenges. You cantcan't expect your husband to compete with an imaginary opponent. He will lose. You will imagine all the scenarios your ex would would have done but you will tend to forget that its all your imagination. In real life your ex might have changed after marriage or handled things differently, you just can't tell, only imagine. So destroy the imaginary opponent and see your husband through clear eyes and not the clouded spectacles of your ex's imagined behaviour.

You are not alone. Other men and women experience this. Its how they control their thoughts and imaginations that determine their maturity and success in these situations.

purityme:
Good day. Please I need a candid advice, I ve been married for two years,and I ve a year old son. But I ve been keeping a lot of things to my self and I need help before I turn into a nagging wife.
I was in a 5yrs before I met my husband.my ex and I were so in love but we ve diff chanllenges. He was nt ready to settle down and age was no longer on my side. So I met my husby wen am still wit my ex. My husband is the best tin that happened to me. He was nice and has a good heart but he is good in snobbing and keeping things to himself.
Not to bore u wit story my promblem nw is I compare my husby to my ex. And its affecting my marriage. We re facing a chanllenging situation now and am finding it hard to endure. Our problems re uncountable sexually,financially, and emotionally.
I need advice on hw to handle things and stop comparing.

And this is the problem.

OP you are not a zombie. You have to learn to control your thoughts. Anytime you find yourself dwelling on your ex, clear the thought from your mind and think of something else. You can even try something:give yourself a gentle slap or knock on the head when your find yourself thinking of your ex. It sounds funny but it works, it will make you conscious of your thoughts.


All your other present problems will probably stem from this one problem. Sexually you are having problems-are you sure u r not comparing sex with or ex and ur current husband? Financially you r having problems- r u sure you are not comparing how much your ex has compared to your husband? Emotionally...but by now you should see where I'm going.

Stay with your husband o! If your ex loved you so much he would have done all in his power to make you stay. Don't form habits you would later regret.

Edwinmason:
Have u forgoten d vow=FOR BETTER FOR WORSE

Fixed.

Lol@ fxwarrior, you be correct shrewd guy and I mean that as a compliment.

Imagine having n50k and two kids and crying for dstv
When free to air dey there.

Someone even mentioned inverter. I won't put smiley so as not to be rude but u know how much for smallest inverter wy go carry fan and light? Its still costly.

She can use a quarter of the money for inverter and buy water filter instead so when fxwarrior fetches the borehole water they can filter it like proper aje butter and drink

That pikin wey dey choose food neva hungry

The lady should cut her coat according to her size. The n50k won't be forever. Hussie is hustling, she should pray for God to bless His hustle so he can start sending more money but in the meantime n50k is OK abeg.

Christianity is all about faith and trying.

You have faith that all things will work out well for you no.matter the obstacles youay physically see at the time.

You try to do what the bible teaches. It should be your guiding principle. As humans you are not perfect and will fail once in a while but you get right back up and try again. It's a lifetime process.

You do not fail deliberately. If you do then you are not really trying.

If wives submit to thier husbands and husbands love thier wives, there will be fewer divorces.

I keep saying on this forum that marriage is not for YOU but for the OTHER person. As a guy you are marrying this lady because you love her and you want to make HER LIFE better. As a girl you are marrying this guy because you love him and want to make HIS LIFE better.
That's the point of marriage. Not competition or head and neck theories. Anything that doesn't follow the SELFLESS principle will crash and burn.

bukatyne:
The bolded na wa; sounds like managing

@ Post: It is good you know that not everyone in a particular group is the same

Great weekend

No matter what I say you'll find a way to keep twisting my words. You are good at it.


Bottom line: her comments are very mature and I admire her a lot.

bukatyne:
Marry a feminist?

You sure?

@Bellong,

Nice one

If aisha2 is a feminist them she is one of the most fairest cleverest and objectivest feminist in the world and I wouldn't mind putting up with her at all.

bellong:
I have been dying for her since I married her about three years ago....

Best response of the week!