₦airaland Forum

1) Suspend the every month salary for now and see how far she can cope without letting loose( maybe you should tell her you are not bouyant for the now).
2) You need to be brave and not be blindfolded with 5years factor, open your eyes and mind and ask her real questions base on your observations.
3) She might be a good girl but that doesn't guarantee hardwork, to break out big in Nigeria fashion line requires serious work cus there are many people in there.
4) women (majority) looks for men who can feed, clothes and shelter them and they forgone their dream and many men do flow with them but with your own orientation of marrying a lady that can hustle, you might not be able to cope.
5) Be mature with your conversations with her and decide on next move, you can't be coming to NL everytime on same issue, be a man n take a bold decision.

Go back to your work and face reality, life is not for faint hearted people, you are still going to experience worst but you need to develop a thick skin inorder to overcome. There are giants in every parts to libration, and only strong people overcome. Encourage yourself and do not entertain negative energy. I wish you the best.

CalliDora1:
It doesn't sound dictating because I didn't force my decision on him but respectfully cut off from him since we were both not agreeing on a common ground.

It's better to go with someone who shares the same asirations and dreams as you.


Any one God gives me, I'll take with all gratitude. Though from my heart of hearts, I would love to have a female child. Love baby girls.

Omooba, I'm not coming anywhere to see you. Forget it!

May God help us........ An average Nigerian (man) will not accept such offer but I pray you find one.

CalliDora1:
Run!

I have left a guy because of that too. We were discussing and I told him I want only one child and he began to tell how he loves kids and that I should not talk like that cos he wants more than one. I stylishly avoided him and eventually blocked him on all communication medium.

Can two walk except they agree? She has just hinted you what She'll do if the two turn out to be girls and such people end up having a battalion in a bid to have a particular sex of baby.

I do not think one party should decide, the two of you needs thorough discussion over it before decision cus marriage is for two people and not one. This sounds dictating.

One of the greatest grace in life is to discover ones purpose and part early cus early age in life comes with unique energy that doesn't give too much attention to mistakes.

Dear, I understand it is a dreaded decision because it is not easy for someone who never examined and evaluated the religion she inherited before. It is very difficult for an average Nigerian to ever search further to know and critize about the religion given to them by parents.

I will tell you your boyfriend is a real guy, he is a straight forward and sincere guy, the people who call themselves atheist are genuine, intelligent, smart and brilliant people who have search and research about religion and doctrines before their final decision.

God gave everyone freedom of choice and he does not operate like man, God does not give and decided to take back anointing and blessings from people.
Every predicament is from devil.

I will not advice you to go ahead bcus of yourself and your family; it will be tough to accept him totally due to your believe.

Try to engage him more to know what brought about his decision bcus he was once either a christian or muslim.

See the list of Nigeria atheist for your peruse

lagdmark:
No naa no be so....The issue is that i have 3kids already all girls outside the country, naa first son be that and i want him grow up in Nigeria a bit i am soo excited.

People didn't take time to see this.
Bro, Nigeria is not that expensive, the lady knows that you are not going to marry her and she is using that opportunity to build/stock herself up.
Confirm the school fee and then do breakdown for feeding and other expenses.

You guys can talk if she needs money to start up something and you can assist her.
250k is a big money in Nigeria, many full family (family of 4) do not realise that in a month and they are surviving.

Sunday needs to understand that media publicity is not good for him, those people are doing it for selfish gains (they need traffic on their pages) and they will brainwash him that they are promoting him.
He needs to limit interviews and be careful on the kind of questions he responds to, media has done more bad than good.

The big problem in this planet is the fear of death/loss of big ptositions. People do not say things the way they are, people do not attack things the way it is to be done just because of who they are and what they aspire to be.
I never support Sunday on how he is going about the whole thing but when the people that are expected to do it are not taking it up we should expect nuisance to arise and take charge.
What is the outcome of oni's visit since, we never see any new approach towards curbing the menace of killing and kidnapping in south west.

Sometimes life is somehow. There are many good women/men out there but the percentage is minor. The activities and engagements towards life plans and goals always keep the good ones off street and leaves the unserious ones available all times. It is not easy to just be dumping man/woman after series of efforts to get one except he/she went beyond bearable, many people do see some green lights but it is not easy to just let go if one thinks of the stress or what he/she went through to get him/her.
We can't blame anyone, we can only ask for favor cus it is nobody's wisdom when its comes to choice of partners.

Denique:
Thanks for the suggestion. I typed as it came and when I'd get the mentions, I just laughed 'cos I expected it. But really, in whatever order that works for one but my kids come first before me. That was how my mom placed me growing up.

Lol.....do not mind me jare.
Though, prioritising yourself first doesn't mean the children are not well catered for but shows the level of values you placed on yourself too. Many people tend to throw away their lives just because they prioritise children above. Planning ahead everything do make life easier though.

I love your humble response.

Denique:
In spite of her being a cloutinus, trust me, some family members are better off as guests for your events else they milk you dry and turn around to ask you what you did with your youth.

Your financial responsibilities should be in this order: YOUR CHILDREN, YOURSELF, YOUR PARENTS(this depends on their impact in your life) AND YOUR HUSBAND. Your siblings can come into the picture if you all grew up in love.

You see those cosine abi na cousins, hanties and huncles? If you like nor use sense...Okurrr

You can rearrange the other like this;
YOURSELF, YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR CHILDREN and maybe others.

solmus:
Not degree programmes but mere short course and certification

I never dispute that few of them are short courses but many are attended program.
It was those qualifications that earn him career n not Philosophy. He is more qualified when it comes to procurement/deals.

He is the chairman of Nigeria Security and Exchange Commission.

Obi was chairman of Next International Nigeria Ltd, then chairman and director of Guardian Express Mortgage Bank Ltd, Guardian Express Bank Plc, Future View Securities Ltd, Paymaster Nigeria Ltd, Chams Nigeria Ltd, Data Corp Ltd and Card Centre Ltd. He was the youngest chairman of Fidelity Bank Plc.[5] He was appointed the chairman of the Security and Exchange Commission (SEC)

solmus:



China Obi, the Philosophy graduate forming economist to his people

Our Brother the Health Minister from Edo State never said the amount or quantities he is purchasing, he never stated cost of logistics and storage.

Typical Ibo man feels he knows all, deals better and is smarter than the Edo minister,

empty barrel China Obi BSC philosophy, lecturing MD Doctor in Medicine on procurement of Vaccines

No wonder Buhari skips them in appointment and Nigerians never vote them



.

Go through this for your peruse and see obi's qualifications, you can go online and see his achievement as Anambra governor too.

He attended Lagos business school, Nigeria,where he did his Chief executive program, Harvard business school, Boston, USA, where he did two programs, London School of Economics, Columbia southwest school, New York, USA, Institute for management development, Switzerland where he also got two certificates in Senior Executive Program and Chief Executive Officers program. He also attended Kellogg graduate school of Management, USA, Oxford University:Said business school and Cambridge University: George business school.

He is seeing things from a microlensing, he needs to see from a magnifying lense. Life is not run base on 1+1 calculations. It is not about what you studied but how you arnest opportunities at the long run. Did he know that airpeace owner studied law n today he is a big success in airline, Olu oke studied medicine but a big success in building now. It is not all about what you studied but how you sees opportunities.
If he is convinced, let him go but those reasons he pointed out are not relevant.

Life evolves and so everything thereof, we need to understand that every challenge (e.g covid-19) came with equal blessings but it takes openness of mind to digest and identify it. So many activities have gone online this days as a result of restrictions placed on Individuals in order to curb the covid-19, many organizations does their work online and likewise many schools. I support the motion that government and individual bodies needs to look into the idea of online activities holistically and vet out ways it can be a blessing for everyone. It is not a must to be at the four wall of school before we can learn, and I think it will be a plus because we will be able to do many other things while we're still pursuing a degree, one should not be stuck in school just for a degree. It should be an holistical view and will be moderated n perfect over time.

The exemplary and dynamism leadership characteristics of Yemi Osinbajo can only be well vetted and know without the obstacle/block called buhari n his northern gang.
Yemi is an erudite n a point leader who knows when/how to spot and trash issues.
We all know how every VP always struggled to be know in governance settings. It was only Obasanjo who gave some spaces to Atiku during their first term, if we check the like of Namadi Sambo n even Jonathan as VP we will all know how it use to be.

The reality is ''everyone wants to marry'' but being opinionated on striking balance between themselves (wife/husband).
The new generation are trying to critize the ideology and notion of man been the major contributor financially especially when the two parties involved are making reasonable income. Most men don't actually have problems spending more but they expect their partners to gettison the idea of holding their own money.
I think things work better when there is less sense of entitlement, a system where anyone clears whatever bills as they come without saying it's someone responsibility or duty.
A man is wired to spend but do get frustrated when their wife turns to them for everything even things they are capable of doing.


Everyone should be able to do anything at home, man too suppose to be able to cook and do house cores....

Roleless Home

It is all a threat, he knows you will be scared with the trick, do not succumb to his threat. You can stop taking his calls or find ways to boycott him.
You need to find legal ways to be handling your customers cus such act is horrible n not advisable, it might backfire and cost you more.

With what you wrote up there, you are the major problem here. I will not discredit your family decision (marrying for you) but that shows part of your weakness as a man and it has degenarated to your home. The problem here is not that you do not have enough money, but you do not have enough decision making ability and your sense of judgement is poor. You need to learn to be a man and take charge of your home while you double your money making energy. You need to understand that marriage never come without few misunderstanding even with enough money but your maturity will see you through

Baba you bleeped up totally, there are many woman of your calibre out there that you can flow with but you decided to go with this one because you felt she will not put pressure on you like educated/exposed ladies.

I would have advice that you bear the consequences because you had enjoyed cool moments with her with less burden(she wasn't really demanding from you except for basic things which made you stick to her) but the long term effect is likely going to be terrible because you are likely going to cheat on her with women of your calibre by the time you finally arrived/balanced financially and that may lead to many things (divorce, emotional torture, sadness etc) which will not good for your repute in future.

Candid Advice
If she will agree to abort it, I think that will be better because your(both of you) happiness is important in future.
Look for your class and marry after all

uthlaw:
sit her down and talk to her,you are talking like 15years old boy....a cheater will always cheat,allow baba move on!

You are the most kid here. Every advice you guys give is all about someone to leave, you guys don't know that leaving is not always a solution to every problems. You are asking him to leave as if you have one saint sister to give him, which one of these girls is saint. See, immediately you agree to the terms "marriage" you need to format all the idea of perfect/saint woman........no human is saint, we just need someone that can be contained and corrected.
It's not bad if she is ready to adjust

Serene123:
Confuse

Haven't seen tangible evidence against her and the guy despite hacking her phone and reading all her chats for months.

Just the call that put me off. And the call have continued for months

I am torn between believing her or just calling it off.

It is not easy brother, I can see that it is very difficult for you to finalize your conclusion, I can feel your pain.
I will advice you sit her down and have a concrete conversation ( you are not comfortable with the call so she must stop the relationship for your peace of mind). She can not decided to be with you and still have extra affairs. You need to clarify all these before going ahead. If she insist, you can find your way out.
Human being can be dangerous; she might have agreement with the guy not to chat nor text her.
Make all your findings before going ahead. Many women are not ready to be totally committed to a man any longer.

She still need some years for parental security, what she sees(think) now that made her decided she will move out might not be real and it will be bad for her when she later discovered cus she might have made mistake then.
If she has a room to herself within her parents house ,I will seriously encourage her to stay back for some more time.

Ishilove:
I never thought I'll say this but I'm glad I registered in 2014... Even though till now I haven't gotten my card

You can get your E-card through NIMC mobile ID app, I registered in 2014 too and I got my E-card already (I did it last week).....just go to play store and download NIMC mobile ID....it will ask for your NIN

There are many parameters to check if a country is doing well or not, GDP alone is not enough to know if a country is doing well, Nigeria economy will remain large due to her huge natural resources (Nigeria is the largest oil producer in Africa n 11th in the world.....this doesn't answer to good governance, it is a gift by God) but the responsibility of a good government is to annest the potential (resources) inorder to better the life of citizen. Economist use per capita and purchasing power parity to know how a country is fairing. Despite our enormous economy, many countries are doing better than us using per capita....south Africa, Gabon, Botswana, Mauritius, Seychelles, Namibia are all doing better than us. Nigeria Gdp is not growing according to her population.

Brother, you really need to give yourself a very deep thought about the whole scenario.
In as much as it is not reasonable for her to return the slap, u also av to put yourself in her shoes cus the shock and annoyance from the unexpected slap can make anyone misbehave and act weird. Sincerely, your mum went a bit far but we are not here to blame anyone. You have to give yourself time and be heal of the whole thing, talk to yourself and see things from different angles.
I will advice you to talk to your mum (beg her to forgive her) and find a way to talk to your wife to apologise too.
You need to stand up as a man too, learn how to handle issues ( you should have find a way to sort the debt issue without your mum's intervention......you should have saw your mum off and return to address the issue btw your wife n her friend and promise the woman on when to pay.
Men need to be careful handling issues involving women.
Find a way to settle your home without separation.

Jennycoolz:
Yes you're very right diri, it's a guy operating this account so stay off it forever thanks

Can I reach you?...... either mail or whatsapp.....thanks

Can I reach you?........either mail or whatsapp...... thank you

The problem of every retrogressing countries could be traced nowhere other than poor leadership(leaders with zero national interest)

To me, our problems began in Jan 15th, 1966 when young soldiers through unsuccessful coup truncated/disorganized the foundation of new Nigeria. The period when National interest and development should be the key activities, the period when one Nigeria should be the only driver of our common wealth, the period when developmental activities should be our priority. Nigeria divided right from 1966 and every year after became a nightmare, we began moving from unprepared/uneducated leaders who knew nothing about governance and national development ( military men that were never trained to govern became leaders for many years with individual and regional interest). The main guys who fought for independence never took any reasonable part in governance due to the effect of 1966 coup. Igbo/Hausa nation started right from 1966 and that has brought disintegration and not unity to Nigeria. Nations never grows with different voice. Nomatter the level of individual education and exposure, we must always end every conversation/debate with one voice. No nation was ever built in a day, the time when leaders suppose sat down and focus on how to develop the nation incrementally through our enormous natural endowment was when coup came in and all hope became shattered

Nigeria is gone already because the effects of poor leaders over time has seriously damaged many things including the so called future leaders, no one has national interest any longer.

A woman will give a man care, bear him children, nurture the children, take good care of his home, gives him sex anytime he wants, wake up at anytime of the night to attend to the baby's needs, gives selfless emotional needs, prays for the family, works and earn money (99percent of women work these days) and many more



I never intend to reply cus I felt op is a teenager but I am sure some older women share her thoughts too.

You feels men don't care, you think it is only men that need sex, only woman nurture kids, you bear children for him(they are not your own children too), man don't pray for his family, women don't give men emotional stress with their headache too.


These are just crap if you don't know that men and women does all you mentioned.

Good luck to you and your husband.