₦airaland Forum

ifeoluwa21:
Mr know all you're sighted

Thank you ma.
I was not actually condemning ur giving spirit but I felt we need to be botherless once we have done it. It is great to be a giver but it is greater to do it n allows the receivers do the publicity if they wish. Matthew 6vs1-4 explains it well, We are all here on this platform to learn.

I think there is no need giving death as one of the yardstick for court marriage cus it is like wishing someone death n no one will be comfortable hearing that.
Op, the same reason why you thought she planned to do something funny in the marriage is the way she also reasoned you planned to do something funny later on. I think you need a fair hearing n not dictating. Court certificate is what people even fight to get as a legal back up , it serves as reference for many reasons. What is your fear cus No court in Nigeria shares property 50/50 during divorce or you don't even want to share anything in case there any issue which I do not pray . I will encourage you to do court, it doesn't take much time n money.

Advice
The two of you needs security as regards trust n your fiancee needs her own brain, she should be able to convince you without influence of strangers decision.

akaahs:
See ehh, na my state that's number one. Number two, I can categorically tell you for free that there's no special package for health care workers cause, my fiancee is a nurse. We spoke on her way to night duty, she was just grumbling of her 25% pay cut and before now, no any allowance from the state government. At least, I expect the governor to exempt them even there is not gonna be bonus as they have sacrifice enough.

I can see where your anger is fuelled from. Just relax bro, you will see more report about it later. No matter how bad our leaders are, we can't always condemn their plans. I am sure KD govt will surely come out soon n draw out map on their plans for the health workers. Don't worry baba, your babe will be fine.

akaahs:
U can't just sit in ur palour and spew rubbish. What becomes of health workers in the state?

See your response, I expected you to react on the entire subject matter and not health workers alone. There is always a special package for health workers which part of the 25% reduction from every other workers will cater for. The reduction is needed in order to cater for other things that are needed to assist quick recovery of the State from the disease. Everything can not come from federal government purse. Lagos State provide allowances for the health workers and so Kaduna will do (until everything is written on paper before you decode what they are trying to achieve). Everybody tend to talk ill of the leaders without knowing what it takes to be a real leader. Do not be self here oga.

We never see any good things from any actions of our leaders. I think what El-Rufai did is necessary at this period. The workers are not going to work due to lockdown, i do not think there is a need for full payment, beside it is to cushion other areas that need attention this time. It is a temporary measure and government does not need dialog on every issue.

We have to understand op's perspective, crucial things like this must be discussed ahead to avoid issues in marriage. Anybody is allowed to have as much as possible so far they can cater for them. She wants two n you want 4, to avoid one side taking the lead, maybe you guys should go with this calculation(2+4=6/2=3). You don't need to give people reasons why you want to have many kids (it is a personal choice.... Some of us just want to roll with our own people instead of strangers)

yinkaOdutuyo:
Thanks bro, this is what am working on, and is had being a so bitter moment for her, you know how a girl in love use to feel when you withdraw attentions and cares. But I'm watching over her for change.

That is the best way to show that you mean business about what you want. Re-echo your love for her every now and then but let her know that she will not earn your attention and care as it should be until she change. Please, be sure you have made up your mind that you will marry her cus it will be bad to drop other guys for you n you later dump her.

Do not use quit as a threat anymore, can you withdraw your attention and care until she change. Let her know that you love her too but until she change as promised, you are not giving her attention n care anymore

I will said majorly parents. Many parents forgot or did not know who they were growing up. Parents expect their children acts according to who they are and not who they were. Believe me, many children are replica of their parents but people don't know because the parents are grown and have undergone mental development due to experiences n exposure, training is like a way to improve who the child is and not to change him/her. I came from a family where mum was not really available(early death) and all what dad does is to just give us money to go to school and return then play around without any serious monitoring and I tell you non of us made trouble or grew haywire despite low care and attentions. Society does but our source matters. We grew to better what we inherited most times.

Until you give and take off your mind immediately after you did it, you never become a true giver. Many people will never accept this fact because they are all a baby giver and they will do worst. Who encouraged op to do it if we have to say her publicity is to encourage others. Giving is a thing of mind and genuine givers will do without all this so called public ego. See what publicity at every opportunity cost Funke Akindele.

In as much as our fear prepares us for the battle ahead, we are not encourage to entertain them cus wat we fear n entertain later happen to us. You only need to do your part by preparing yourself as much as possible.... Train your mind positively and face life with reality mindset... Understand that disappointment is part of human beings system, once you experience it you will quickly embrace it.

Greatzeus:
I don't know why when I see things like this on nairaland,what comes to my mind is scam. But I believe you for now.
Now I know why there's recent increase in loan App services. They get N6000 from lending N18000? Wow,if the lend 100 people N18k,they make N600k just like that.

Na so oga, it is a huge business now but they do have people who runs away with the money too

If you receive any help appreciate but if not, calm down cus the institution also understand the state of things right now, they will not just go ahead and rubbish your image.

I think you need to be positive as much as you can, you have to accept what happened between you and the father in faith, we know it is not easy to let go easily but you have to allow it for your sanity and your kid. I said the aforementioned because directly or indirectly, some of your actions and reactions will be generated due to how things went between you and the man. Be open as much as possible to the kid n respond to his questions in brief for now. He will be rephrasing the questions as his understanding grows, just be supplying him according to his understanding. You will know when to add everything up n explain in details through his questions. Do not worry yourself much.

handie:
Everything shouldn't be about politics. I believe there's an established channel of communication which Makinde could have exploited in complaining about what he got and also seeking for a way to return them and if possible, get something better. I don't think running to the press in a bid to score some cheap political points is not cool. If na me be FG sha, if u no exploit our established channel of communication make complain but u Wan come use am make request, na OYO u dey. Just prepare to go media go ask for COVID-19 support, Budgetary support or anything wey u Wan ask me

I reasoned like you when I first saw the post, but I looked at it from another angle; Makinde is a public officer who must be accountable to his people, he might return the rice without the notice of his people and federal government refuse to return them another one, if he talks then federal government can say he is the one who rejected what they sent to his state n he wouldn't have good point to defend himself again. Everyone will blame him then n ask why he didn't speak up earlier. Politic is a smart game

Think well and pray well over it brother. you remain in that relationship for selfish reason which are those things you mentioned up there, but there is one thing your soul long for in a woman which she does not possess. you might not be able to point it out(maybe complexion, maybe level of intelligence, maybe her social life etc), you have to think deeply and let her go if you wouldnt be able to get yourself attach to her. There are many reasons why many men cheat in marriage and this is one of them. No matter how the girl might try to satisfy you, you will never find happiness in her. The implication is that you wouldnt be able to make her happy in marriage cus non of her attitude will make u happy and this will ruin both of you emotionally. It happened to me after my undergraduate days when i got involve with one lady base on her industrious attributes(she is hard working n can give her eyes to people, she loved me like jesus love the world) but with all those attribute,i find it difficult to attached to her emotionally. I think and evaluated it throughout my NYSC and i decided to let her go after one year of no reasonable way to get myself attached to her ( i did not get any woman until i was able to resolve with her......no other girl during my NYSC n i did not have sex with her too cus i was not sure of where the relationship was heading). I later thought maybe it was her intelligence level/complexion but i could not really point out one particular thing. Pray hard b4 ur final decision cus it might be devil that wants to take away good thing from your hand. God will lead you right

bukatyne:
@bold:

I did the same thing you did.

Besides, no verse of the Bible is in isolation.

Ok ooo, but I never mentioned a single verse, check my post Eph 5(21-25 n 21-33).

Enjoy your bed time madam.

CHoccolaTE:
This is the line men use when they want to avoid responsibility of showing good examples as leaders.

Fine the people who compiled the bible recorded submission first before love by husband but is there anywhere in the bible where God said men should not show love unless their wives show submission? Which kind of ridiculous new laws are you men creating?
Husbands are supposed to be leaders of the home so lead by example and perform your duties as instructed by God so that your family will learn from you abi is your leadership only for giving orders and barking commands at others?

By the way the bible also instructs husbands to provide for their families and calls men who fail to do so infidels but men will never focus on what is expected of them in the bible

lol.....e ku ise ma(well-done)
There were reasons that made those that did the compilations to follow the hierarchical order and it is wisdom to follow the order in our interpretations. All of us are just trying to be human by looking for the side that favours us, if you check my last paragraph you will see my submission. no need flexing our pastoral talents here. ( May God give us man/woman that will understand us n not frustrate us in life.......no rules to successful home).

bukatyne:
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

That is the summary of the chapter.

Love comes before submission. If you look at the model of Christ and the Church, the Love of Christ ALWAYS came first.

In fact, the Bible says 'While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.'

John 3:16 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.'

well-done Ma......why dont you build up your verses from 21-33.......genuine readers dont just pick a verse and start conversation.

Beside, you did not read my last sentence where i gave my own submission about how things should be done(individual should identify their roles and play them without waiting for the other first). It is well(may God not give us man/woman that will frustrate our life).

Biglittlelois:
Submission will never automatically happen because you married a woman, especially when the man is irresponsible and undeserving of it,

You guys always like to preach what suits you while ignoring the first part of that verse in the bible which says "husband, love your wife" then said "wife submit to your husband" after, if you want total submission from your wife, you have to love her first, completely, and wholeheartedly, when you do this, submission will happen effortlessly, that is how to achieve a happy marriage, the bible is complete.

Pastor Mrs, everybody quoting Bible to favour their side..... don't turn Bible for us oooo...Read Ephesians 21-25... Submission comes before love. Your genuine submission provoke his love. Men naturally comes with headship ego and women can suppress that with submission, I think that is why Bible suggest wife submission first.

But I think the best is for individual to know their roles and play them accordingly without waiting for one party first. Though, this will take a dedicated and disciplined man but it will go a long way to make peace.

Your idea is a good one op, my father is that kind of man who refused to rest until his 90s when we later moved him to stay with my sister. He moved from civil servant to selling kerosene to farm to selling food stuffs in a shop up until age 90 but he designed different businesses he did himself. Strong n energetic men hate sitting idle until they can't do anything again.
If I may suggest, I think selling cement is likely to be good n block industry too but location will really determined. The first thing you need to do is survey, find out what is selling in the location you planned to move him n also ask him which one of those things he will prefer to do cus some level of passion will be required of him to survive...discuss the whole plan with him n don't think you will surprise him cus he might be the fastest person to even suggest idea base on his passion.

Having buhari chairing ecowas nations shows that Africa as a whole does not have leaders. How in the world will someone advice you to do what he never for once practice( Buhari that came in on the promise of diversification but never had any agricultural supportive program, no fertiliser subsidy initiative, no Mechanization initiative and he expected people to go to farm) .....real leaders leads by examples. it is well with Africa

Bro, you tried for pointing out some of your bad side too. No matter how tolerant a woman or man is, it is never possible to tolerate having chats/calls with opposite sex that is known to be either ex/side chicks. I am not here to blame you for the whole scenario but you still carry the major blame as the father. You are a smart cheater who never sees it as a problem, you do not want to see yourself as a cheater n desist from it. your wife is even trying to stand as a bread winner this time cus many women will never do, they will assume you spend your money on side chicks when you were doing well. You stay at bar up untill 1am bro, that is terrible too as a married man even if you married a social woman those hours are odd.
I do not see serious issues in this your home, it is just a mere lack of acceptance and rediscovery, it is never possible to have a good partner without been a team player. You complained about her not been a social woman, she can not buy her clothes and all that, you probably know some of these before agreeing to marry her, all those ones are just excuses to score more marks.

My opinion sir
1) You need to reduce(stop) those chats/calls with side chicks or do it in a way she wouldn't know of it because that is one of the reasons why you are not having the best of your wife at home. She sees you as a cheater and she is not happy about it..... You are the only one who knows you are not sleeping with them ( beside, must you sleep with them before it is called cheat)
2) Control the way you socialise too, a decent married man does things with limit especially you that married someone that is not into such lifestyle.
3) stop coming home late, she came back and needs to gist with you to ease off stress. Going out n return late cus of her shows you are running from your problem and it is not a solution. Stay back home and relate with her
4) have good time to communicate positively and not arguments
5) Let change begins with you and see how things goes.

It is never possible to have a perfect partner, work together to have good home.... Let your 40s upwards be peaceful bro.

Meaning a man should not assist his father-in-law if he possibly needs his assistance the first day, maybe a guy visit his would be in-law family n her father is moving some things from one place to another n he needs help, the guy should not assist because it is his first day right.
I don't think there is a rule to such assistance. Most mother in laws don't even do that but let's assume such occur, I don't think there is a big deal in it for a cool headed lady. I think the real love for her son will not even make her think the mother is doing a bad thing. Beside, op only ask if individual will accept as a lady, she did not say the lady will be rejected it she didn't oblige.

Make una take am easy young ladies.... Everything is not about rules.... Positivity is a virtue

I think your evaluation should be.... How is he spending his salary, if he is a lavish spender, you will have to talk to him on how to control his spendings and told him you don't like borrowing him money. Let him know that you are doing that cus you want him to be more responsible. You can borrow him if you sees him to be a serious type.

Note;
It looks like you need a prudent guy and the one you are with now never fit the shoe well cus your coming here shows you are indoubt of him.
You can help him out in his spendings.... Talk to him on prudence.

Tell us what led to her decision cus your wife can not just pack out without reasons. Open up if you truly need advice

You have taken step already, either the reason is true or not, all you need now is to sit down and evaluate how you and your children will be surviving. If you can reach the daddies of your children for monthly child support while you are also hustling to get small small money. Beware of friends you will mingle with and be serious with the way you spend your money. If any man wants to come in again, make sure you take your time before finally accept. Be prayerful too and be weary of fake churches and pastors. Be wise and be careful, you will be fine at last

No manual for marriage oga

I think it is not about old age, it all start from the beginning. When couples are not bitter, when one party can easily accept that the other is not perfect(that he/she is bound to make mistakes), when individual can easily embrace one and other after apology and let go. It requires the input of the two parties involve........like someone said, no manual.... But bitterness is a big problem in marriage n you can shun that right from day one and not until old age

It depends..... A role model might be in terms of business acumen, intelligence, good mother or father. A role model doesn't mean someone who has it all. e. g Linda ikeji, Funke Akindele, folorunsho Alakija are role model in terms of young women who determined to be successful n you can suggest them to young girls who expired to be a successful women. I think Okonjo iweala, Dora Akuyili are a good role model who tried to managed their homes and success. Adenuga n Femi Otedola are guys who also manage their success with family( Femi Adeshina.. President Africa bank is a good one too). I am not too sure if Dangote managed success n marriage. But it depends on how you intend to use them cuz they are not primarily needed to be perfect in all area.

It is desperation that made her lied cus she knows that it will be very difficult for single man to open his eyes and marry woman of that age. The marriage is even dead immediately you discovered the insincerity coupled with no child. God will help you out.