₦airaland Forum

UyaiIncomparabl:
You better learn to be romantic now, else you'll fall into the same dilemma if not your wife go cheat on you turn turn without mercy. Be concerned with it now. No say I no tell you.

May God not allow me encounter misogynists like you in my life.

This is a joke right?

crackhaus:
You missed the point by a mile at least. Of course I do what I must to make MY woman, not any woman.
Now that you got your answer, I am not the subject of discussion here.

Moving on:
That 'I love you' can penetrate a woman's heart is NOT the eagerly anticipated cure to cancer which I or anyone else needs to know.
It's that same line that has turned many of your sisters into baby mamas/single mothers, because one guy kept telling them 'I love you' and the knuckleheaded fish brains fell for it.
Most of the SJWs on this forum can't even keep a steady relationship after countless breakups with men who shout 'I love you', yet somehow I'm supposed to learn that 'I love you' can penetrate a woman's heart. It's HERESY.

You've spoken a lot about how you married your first love, can the same be said of your sisters here?
Majority are not married to the first, second, third, fourth, or even fifth guy who always told them 'I love you' repeatedly...yet somehow, 'I love you' is the magic word that penetrates a woman's heart - yeah it penetrates it just to make most of them stvpid obviously.


This OP has a husband who is paying for her education, is a great father to his kids, and makes sure she is not lacking, yet the ingrate is going about talking about her emotional needs like a whiny sloth and on top of all that, still justifying having an emotional affair with a stranger. The nerve!
And of course, the resident daughters of Belial on family section are busy speaking grammar & clapping for her.

@Bold: True, I should have seen that

'I love you' is one of the most cheaply thrown phrases and if not backed it actions (not sex) and/or uttered at the person's lowest points, it is freaking empty and means nothing.

The OP should indeed do better.

merahki:
I wholeheartedly agree with this

Thank you

crackhaus:
I want to read what Bukatyne is going to type.

Ogini?

OgaMadam:
Dear Married Couples,

Just want to talk about the difference between having sexual intercourse in a marital / covenant relationship and otherwise.

Is sex better between two people who have pledged to live their lives together in holy matrimony?

What are your views.

(Not out of judgement cause I have also been there. But when it is in marriage there is no guilt or the feeling that he might dump you or that
you have to do the "walk of shame" as a lady back to your house, office or bus. Being home all day is beautiful.

I want to thank the LORD for His precious gift of sexual intimacy within marriage. Theres nothing quite like giving God room to bless you in that area. Sex truly is a gift meant for marriage)

@Bold:

I can't relate.

@ the OP: There is a guilt that comes with extra-martial sex if you have an active conscience.

It really hit me one Holy Communion service after NYSC where I wept like a babe in church and confessed all my sins and decided to end my relationship of 6yrs plus.

Thank God for the wise elders whom surrounded me. When I told my cos the blunder I had done ending my relationship, he quickly told me to reconcile and advise what to do.

A pastor who was serious on keeping the marriage bed undefiled told me in clear terms that what we needed was a job so we could get married asap.

His own pastor too gave very good counsel and it was beautiful in the end.

Sebastine1994:
I am 30 , I feel shy inside whenever I have to call my father dad in front of my peers. I feel I should call him something else like nnanyi in Igbo or papa. But he doesn't want to be called papa.he said the name makes him feel old.
That is why I brought it to you my fellow Brothers suggest something to me please

The day he stops been a dad.

Toma2:
Call him Honey

God bless you.

See question

crackhaus:
Kai...

She actually told me that 'I love you' penetrates deep into a woman's heart and it's better for me if I know it.
Damn, that stvpid line burst my head

Of all the very important things to be known in life, it's now what will penetrate a woman's heart that any sensible person should be concerned with.

You don't care what makes your woman happy?

NotBeenPaid:

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Ogbeh oh... Lalasticalala food yaf show
[img]https:///media/6-10-2018/nFVMcC.gif[/img]

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Is it the snake exciting lalasticlala?

clinik:
I just got back to this thread, it's been very helpful.

You are celebrating 5 years anniversary?

mutter:
If this explains better

Did this same mother not care for her daughters?

computergeek:
Wow. You had quite a complex-simple list . The spirikoko boys part got me. I don't believe one should let religion rob them of the essence of life.

Hahahaha @ complex-simple list.

Macsjebs:
Atleast less susceptible to abuse...

It does not.

It only makes it easier for her to move on if she wants to.

Macsjebs:
Yeah, full housewives is becoming a thing of the past...we have so many Miss Independent now
It's cool, atleast the husband can't one-day start the 'nollywood' pack out of my house drama and there will be few arguments about money for bills and all that...

Funny.

A woman earning does not make her immune to abuse.

Sijo01:
I'll still advise women to be employed no matter how small, provided it can put something on the table pending when something big comes up. Instead of being totally dependent.

You have a point.

@computergeek:

Hahahahaha @ the three musketeers.

First, I knew myself which led me to knowing what I did not want in a man (in summary, the textbook Nigerian man)

I was also not interested in a guy's pockets (I value experience over possessions) and was (am still) big on love, ethical values, sound mind, thoughtfulness, teachability, presentation, self respect (nothing disgusts me like a guy who is friends with all the girls to the point of hitting his head, insulting him etc.), healthy self esteem, mental stability and grounded.

I was never (still not) a fan of religious men. I could not stand the spirikoko boys in school. (There is a difference between religious and born again). Same with rigid guys.

I wanted an expressive man, one who is passionate about me enough to express his feelings. Maybe that's why I like football.

Interestingly, I read a lot of romance novels yo help me balance my rigid or stiff side and not for the godlike men who were looking for women to subdue and tame.

I met my husband at 17 so I got the above.

If I was just searching today in addition to the above:

1. Financial intelligence
2. Family background and mental state of mind
3. Ethical values, respect and sincerity
4. Unity of purpose etc.

crackhaus:
And if he can't?

She should sleep with another man to scratch the itch.

Why can't he? Or was he pretending before?

Is there something stopping him? If yes, he should discuss it while she helps him back in track.

I don't understand how sleeping or dating Telegraph bobo solves her problem with her husband's aloofness.

Sijo01:
Not everyone can be gainfully employed.

A Woman that earns enough for child's care, transportation, feeding and maintenance to me is relatively ok as far as she's not 100% percent depending to the husband or any other beneficiaries.

For the OP to make sense, the woman must be gainfully employed.

If all she makes is just enough to survive, what will she save? What will be the benefit of working?

GiantParrot:
This is a really good example of why many decent young men are going their own way. They know that most women are incredibly selfish and inconsiderate....there's no amount of privilege you can give these women that will keep them satisfied. They will always find something to accuse the man of not doing enough, completely oblivious to the painful sacrifices he makes to provide sustenance for his family.. There is no scarcity of indecent men who are ready to give these self-centered women that thing they miss, and the women have little personal regards for morals and principles. Their only deterrent from shameful behaviour is the fear of getting caught. And they will cold-heartedly resort to paternity fraud when they get pregnant from fulfilling selfish desires.

Responsibility and fidelity come with sacrifices, which can barely happen where self-centeredness rules. Good luck to those who choose marriage. Hope their minds are well prepared for the statistically likely betrayals that come with it.

This is rich coming from a man.

crackhaus:
Lol, people start what they cannot or are yet to finish everyday, even you.

As the babe complained na, husbandman should pick up from where he left off

curiousmind11:
Babe, I hope you will be patient read this.

I am in your shoe, only difference is that I am the man.

But I can boldly tell you that no respect or worshiping of your husband can erase the disgrace of sending your nudes to a guy via sexting or video call. A guy who has any intimate picture or video of you will blackmail you soon. As others have stated, you have all to lose.

The worse form of cheating is emotional cheating. If you must cheat, do it without exchange of digital images. And do it with someone who has something at stake to protect like a reputation.

Don't shop for a fuckmate on social media. You will live to regret!

What's your story?

How did it get to this point?

I think the word is gainfully employed.

A woman can be working and still be incurring losses after subtracting child care fees, transportation, feeding and maintenance.

God bless the NGO.

UjuJoan2:
Yeah . . . I guess that's what's worrisome about this whole thing. The fact that he can, because he used to, but just won't, for whatever reason.

So he doesn't thinks she's worth the effort anymore.

That's why I say she 'warns' him in a very subtle way . . . . Just so he's aware of the consequences of his actions.

I believe if she genuinely engages, there should be a resolution except bros thinks no need for campaign after election.

UjuJoan2:
Does it even end

I mean at what point do we stop yearning for something . . . Anything

I think it comes to a point when the woman just has to realize that she can't have it all, appreciate the ones she has, ignore the ones she doesn't and just accept the fact that the grass is NEVER greener on the other side

True, one needs to learn contentment.

However, it hurts when you had something before and it is withdrawn suddenly.

UjuJoan2:
So so true @ the bolded.

If she were a man she would have done the deed already!

Hababahaha!

Not necessarily.

UjuJoan2:
It's because she's not hungry. Her husband is already providing the money so she's searching for the component he's not providing.

He was before, that is the thing.

crackhaus:
Then this is what you ladies should be helping her develop - satisfaction and nothing else. Encouraging her desires will only validate her feelings for the Telegram guy, which is a very good idea if the end goal is to ensure she cheats on her husband.
My dear Ujujoan2 is even telling her to threaten the husband...husband oo, not boyfriend. Nothing I no go read for family section.

I'm sure even after the man starts providing this emotional whatnot, the next request will be for him to start helping with the house chores, because some women have convinced themselves they are Princesses with no Kingdom.

I can't mehn...

Woman did not kill my grandfathers and woman has not killed my father, it is impossible for a woman to kill me.

If her husband was never 'sweet', she probably have ignored as he was her choice.

He was and has now become cold.

Like they say: Don't start what you cannot finish.

emmaodet:
You are right Buka about Noticeable family pattern of a thing and also about high reoccurrent expenditure which have been planning to bring down.
Thanks for your advice.

You are welcome and I wish you the best.

crackhaus:
Emotional availability or financial provision, which one is a bigger problem when lacking?

Depends on who's asking.

The OP has the money however she's not satisfied.

Is money to meet one's needs important, yes. However, we are not one dimensional beings.

When we pass the survival stage like the OP, we yearn for other things which are also legitimate.

Olannajewel:
I know he has needs too, I'm open to do anything to make him happy, if only he would allow me.. because I said I am still offering my degree programme doesn't mean I have nothing to offer. I don't bring in money yet, but I offer constructive advices that bring in funds to us.I pray for us and am always willing to go out of my way to make him happy.... offering something doesn't have to be about money.. and I am not pretending, I love my husband and I adore and appreciate him, all I want is a friend in him, sweet compassionate man,like he used to be . Thanks for your opinion though.

@bold

You can't love your husband and love Mr. Telegraph.

He has been sweet before, he can be sweet again.

Except you tell me that when you go with Mr. Telegraph and he is no longer sweet due to life's issues, you would jump to Mr. What'sapp.

emmaodet:
Bro nowadays women are not in tune with reality at all. All they want is good life, big cars, vacations etc. They are not ready to struggle or suffer with a man at all.
Do you know that i earn more than half of 10 million a year yet my wife believ we are struggling, regularly taking me to prophets that we need breakthrough.
Always complaining we are not using latest big car, no vacation etc
Then you start wondering where the modern marriage is heading to.
I may not be living a good life like i wish neither am i living a bad one too.
It is tiring tbh

Sometimes, it is not a function of what you earn rather a function of your expenditure.

Someone earning N1m monthly and has N900k recurring expenses in terms of loans, Healthcare and fees is worse off than someone earning N400k monthly whose recurring expenses is N150k per month.

Also, the daily monotous life of work, chores and responsibilities can be so frustrating that you need a break to re-start again.

If your wife is complaining about a vacation, can you look at local resorts for the weekend? A week? That is not too expensive. You can even save up for a year. N30k per month would give you N360k for a family holiday.

If she now complains that it is Dubai she wants, tell her to be content.

You know your wife, you know what thrills her. Make her happy within your financial means.

As for dragging you to prophets, you really have a choice not to go. Except if there is an issue like delayed promotion, been continuously passed up for opportunities, plotting and counter plotting against your person, noticeable family patterns and trends etc.

Like you rightly said, you don't have it bad and only a few millions in Nigeria can baosf of an annual salary above N5m.

RisenPhoenix:
Maybe you have been involving her too much in your finances. Bro that is always a mistake, believe me. Just take full control of your resources. Ask your wife how much she needs as housekeeping allowance, open an account for that, give her the atm card, and transfer the exact amount weekly or monthly. Let her learn to live within it. If she finishes it, you all go hungry (better open a credit line at iya Biliki's buka for the first few months until your wife learns to stay on budget). After that, budget your other expenses, then start a specific fund for savings and investment to cater for your old age. Start pinching pennies. Disregard her remonstrations; tell her this is the new you.

Women never think they have had enough. Whatever their husbands spend on them, they always have a friend somewhere whose husband spends more on her and that is the one they will always see. It is not the actual Dubai holiday or new car they enjoy, it is the fact that they are surpassing their fellow female. If you take a woman to Dubai or London, or buy her a N1m gucci bag only on the promise that she will never mention it to any of her female friends, it will be torture to her; she won't enjoy any of it because you have taken away its real purpose. Such competitors never get tired of spending because they are not spending for the sake of the thing itself, they are spending to show off. Even if your income is a billion yearly, she will just step up and start comparing herself to Mrs Dangote and Mrs Otedola, still thinking that she is not getting enough on that basis.

If you are a married man, you need to understand what drives women and you need to take charge, that is the only way you can have a successful, harmonious home.

Such generalizations.

emmaodet:
Buka believe me, even if everybody marries who they love, a lot of marriages will still have issues or crash today because as grow older, our taste and wants changes.
That man/woman you think you love and want may turn out to be your nightmare when realities of paying bills, flirting etc sets in.
I know of friends who married the person they love(some even virgins) but not finding it easy today.

It is one thing to love someone: it is another thing for that person to love you.

And again, some people think they love. They are just infatuated or in lust.

I agree that our taste changes with age and people are usually lazy to continue engage and study their partners.

Some others did not study their mates well to anticipate manifestations when things change e.g. Additional resources.