₦airaland Forum

ITbomb:
I thank God for my in laws, they can never take action without hearing from me.
First question they will ask is, have you people made any attempt to settle within unasef without involving us?

Ekene161829:
Thank you for you advise. I never done anything like it before and I taught I could never do such a thing thing to her and I regret everything. Normally we argue like any other couples, she will be screaming and get really heated , I will leave the house for some hours and comes back later , and I keep myself under control. I know that if I don’t , she won’t stop either and things will get nasty. But on that night it didn’t go down that way , I was trying to keep controlled and explain to her the reason why I came late was 2 of my friends were drunk to the point where they couldn’t walk . I have to drive them home. She just wouldn’t stop yelling and throwing hands at me , I was so tired to leave the house again that was why I left our room to go to the living room. She kept on going and I yelled at her to ship up and leave me alone as she was laying into me, she screamed back that she wouldn’t that made me angry and I hit her.the pain of knowing I did that especially when it wasn’t my intentions is killing me and I want to show her that it was a mistake and I had no reason or thought behind hitting her

RisenPhoenix:
Any man in Nigeria could feed his family if the family's collective tastes were limited to his income. It is mere dicontentment that often drives the need for multiple income sources.

No matter how ambitious or passionate a woman is about her career, it remains a hobby. When the family is out on the street for non payment of rent; or when the kids are sent home due to overdue school fees, the wife is not expected to take the responsibilty and so does not get any blame. It is the husband who gets the blame because the responsibility is all his; whether the woman helps out or not. A woman also has the luxury of thumbing her nose at her boss and resigning at the smallest slight and she will be applauded for doing this; but can a man say that he is tired of work and wants to resign before getting a more viable alternative ready? However much we try to imply equality, women in the work place remains culturally voluntary and not a necessity.

Fortissimo502:
Myles munroe right there. Preach!

JONNYSPUTE:
.. My brother,Greed and quest for material things.

ubunja:
everything works on the low self esteem. From gold digger tricks to diva tactics that women use on men. It all affects the weak. The weak is always the target for both male and female schemes. From voting in politics to scams by crooks, its always the Low self esteem who falls. That's why games don't work on high esteem people. The greatest gift you can give your son or daughter is a high self esteem.

I kid you not, I even came across a YouTube channel where women were literally asking some witch for magical spells to increase self esteem. Its a crazy world out there.

Beverlyjean:
A friend of mine is in desperate need of advice... She had unprotected sex with a married man... Her fear now is that she feels it might affect her in the future because she knew he was married before she did it... She regrets her actions... She said she never planned it , although the man had always been disturbing her, but she felt she could control the situation when she visited him, but one thing led to another after a couple of drinks and they ended up having unprotected sex ,,, the man in question is old enough to be her father according to her but she still doesn't know why she did what she did because at that time she was having relationship issues,, she has ended all ties with the man but her fear is that if what she did will affect her in the future because she doesn't want her future husband to ever cheat on her,,, she is so broken now and confused... Again she doesn't know how her next boyfriend will think she's that type of person that sleeps with married men if he finds out what she did, because her boyfriend ended the relationship when she told him, although it happened before they met,,, she doesn't want her next boyfriend to treat her with disrespect if he finds out or make her loose her value

Lalasticlala, please help take these two this to front page

ubunja:
they try harder and tolerate the worst while giving in to the craziest demands cause no matter how beautiful or successful or educated you are as a woman if you don't know your worth you'll allow yourself to be treated like trash while treating others like royalty.

SimDan95:
I hope so

DenreleDave:
1. She bears the name of her husband.. Switching from miss or Mrs. Hence, she earns the respect

2. Financial opportunities. The man go feed her feed her family

3. Protection

4. Women wants children to surround them.. They need a man sperm for that..

5. They get sex anytime they want, not anytime the man wants... Rubbish

SimDan95:
After much deliberation and confusion about the irony of life I've decided to seek the diverse and wise advice of my fellow travelers in this journey of the unfair life.

Lemme go back a little, you see life was good till it got to the point I lost both parents, that was before my secondary school leaving exam, I finished school on merit (scholarship) so did my younger brother.

I have a senior bro and sis, so after school with no money to further my education, I was advised and taken ( by big bro ) to serve an uncle for four years which ended up turning sour for me, if you are wondering why your guess is as good as mine I was kicked out when I asked for my money. They brought up numerous complains of me, saying I'm a thief, scoundrel and incompetent.


I picked myself and traveled back to my bro's (big) place now married with a wife ( no child then). We'll I started getting sick regularly I was sick most times, but no one cared as much as buying me a single tablet.*sigh* I started having problems with my brothers wife she didn't want me in the house, I'd go hungry and starve coupled with my sickness most days I couldn't even stand up.


Most days I'd wish for death with tears in my eyes and I finally considered suicide.My Bro started finding fault with me then he shipped me away like a piece of dirt to my grandma's place in the village when I was at the point of death, he never called me till today for more than four years now.


Well the good old woman took care of me and in no time I felt better. With the desire to work I moved in with my sister and lil bro and engaged in any menial job I can lay me hands on till I got a job to work at a gas plant. Well the pay was manageable and I gave my support to those who stood by me. But it doesn't stop me from wondering and asking questions why life chose to be cruel.

Have I done something wrong to deserve this?? What are your other wealthy people doing right that the wretched are doing wrong??. I have a resolve to never go into crime but my morality is thining away with each passing minute. I mean look at the world around you, you'll see lil kids going into fraud and cashing out big time but the ones with the mindset of hustling legit are struggling from hand to mouth. They say hard work pays, but I've worked my bones out, It just seems I'm walking on a treadmill my legs are walking but I ain't moving forward.



CONCLUSION

I'm at the crossroads right now, but I need your honest reply and advice. I've gone through things that if written here could fill the encyclopedia of human sorrow and suffering so I'm asking you guys this question “I'VE GOT NO BASIC SKILL, I DIDN'T ATTEND AN HIGHER INSTITUTION, BUT I CAN WRITE I GOT A PASSION FOR IT. IF YOU WERE ME WHAT WOULD YOU DO?? HOW CAN I MAKE A LIVING WITH JUST WRITING”.


Your contributions and advice would be very welcomed THANKS I'll sit in the comments section


Lalasticlala it would be kind if you or any mod pushed this topic to front page, I need answers

LewsTherin:
I am going to be blunt to save time. Both mine and yours.

Shit happens. Deal with it.

That's what life is about. No one gets out of it alive.

DenreleDave:
U ladies need marriage pass.. We guys are at disadvantage. So I get, u can defend yourself okay

RisenPhoenix:
Marriage is a mutual contract. Women get financial stability, men get regular sexual intercourse and children which they are sure belong to them (if they marry the right woman). Also, aside these, there are other perks to marrying the right person, such as emotional support (married individuals tend to live longer according to science), better acceptability (most people prefer to have business dealings with; or elect married people into office science has also shown). Furthermore, old age can be a very lonely time which companionship can help make easier.

Again, all the above perks can only be achieved if one marries the right person. Marrying the wrong person can be a mini hell on earth . This is why people should eschew the scams called love and romance and marry for the right reason...compatibility, parenthood and responsibility. Approach marriage like you would a job interview, and vouch candidates wisely and objectively.

RealMrNigerD:
You may have missed the service but can still get privaate counselling session. Oh, sure. I have a very good pastor in mind. And don't worry, he takes every case seriously. But first, upload a pic of yours quickly that captures your full view. You can take it off after my acknowledgement. Let me show it to him. He can always tell from one's picture whether or not they'll be 'delivered' with his help.

crackhaus:
I like this woman, she will hardly disappoint...

Didn't I say I want to read your own?
Na so jor.

crackhaus:
And this is what I have been all about here.
Perhaps I was a little harsh in my delivery, but I can't suffer nincompoops even if I tried.

clinik:
yeah... we are five years already and we are very strong and doing sweet

NevetsIbot:
I must say.. your comment was a really really good read. Now this is what a constructive contribution feels like..

If I were to follow any procedure, take a class or painstakingly read pages cos I want to get a girl... She better be a damn superb girl... A girl I'd be able to show off.. a girl who'll be confident and able to make her own decisions.

The calibre of girls most of these guys get are ladies who also have inferiority complex or false confidence - That's probably the only way they were able to even get redpilled in the first place. I have to be insecure and feel inferior before you can manipulate me. A solid woman who knows who she is and what she's made of won't get into anything with a guy without the right values. I have this female friend who used to say "I know what I carry" - Confident lady


In addition... People don't build themselves.... There's no place for self improvement...they do not build the right values. You see. Men get confident over the wrong things (My first post - I mentioned bragging about Dickson's size or money)..... Basically, Many people lack content!


Cos of redpills, a guy would make himself look like an almighty Alpha and omega who doesn't feel hurt or have emotions when in fact he's a sensitive, caring and homely person..


What the phuck is that??

RealMrNigerD:
You're not in church today, It seems. Maybe if you try going, with the help of a good pastor, the spirit will never come back.

charliboy654:
you met your husband at 17 meaning he was quite young too. So am guessing he wasn't any experience as of the time you met him. You are just lucky in a nutshell.

pryme:
Your post is more refined,
I understand the Op,
But you only missed the part she said "money will GET you respect from men"
This is what I think is misleading, even women can't stand a man that is rich but is very disrespectful to women.
Same thing with men, just because a woman has money they think men will feast on their shiit.
If you want respect give respect, the world still have men that respect women because of who they are, not what they have.

bdchange:
See I have seen deadbeat father as first hand because I have one relative facing such dilemma now so it will be unwise to justify any deadbeat father. This one even have 3 kids and neglect them for the wife alone. So you see . but the case where the woman has all it takes to Carter for the child thereby blocking the father' access to his own child is what I am talking about here. That is why the OP needs to hear his father's side.

nanauju:
The message hurt the men here simply because it's an advice for ladies to be financially independent. They came here to banter.. They're looking for hungry girls who will be impressed with their 5k

crackhaus:
It's not ANOTHER angle Buka, it is the ONLY angle.
The OP made it clear that this was a reconciliation after 6yrs.

If he's 26 now, he was 20 when he made the decision on his own to stop talking to his father - this probably has nothing to do with the mum.

Too many nairalanders make comments based off an idea gotten from comments of other users instead of just reading posts from the person sharing his story to form their own thoughts.

RealMrNigerD:
Ah! surely, the spirit responsible for that is gone, hmmm?

Irore:
Thank God you realized fast not to be Moms boy only because those Mom's...…. ehnn. The Bible describes them as the weaker vessel. May you be a good father in Jesus name, amen.

RealMrNigerD:
Why, thanks mademoiselle. Hope you're good.

pocohantas:
You didn't. This is romance section, they always deflect. You begin to wonder what exactly is their problem. They whine all day about broke women, you advise women to get up and work, they will say it is character. Talk about character, they will move on to spirituality... There is no satisfying them.

That said, money doesn't equal respect, but it sure makes life easier and refines your choices, If you have a good head on your shoulder.

eazzzy1:
I totally understand your points. However, in this case;

1. As a child whenever you see your mum cry, it is interpreted as due to maltreatment, you don’t care to find out what happened, whose fault it was etc. It is always natural to be on the side of whoever tells you the story of what transpired, usually the mothers and definitely they tell the story in their favour.

2. This guy never said his dad kicked him out or stopped taking responsibility, he said he disconnected from his father in protest to the way he ‘heard’ his mom was been treated. So I’m guessing he had several fights with his dad and the relationship went sour over something he clearly never understood as a child.

3. The mother being the only parent who was there for him is an absolute great thing. No one should downplay that, but she wasn’t perfect and that’s what the OP is acknowledging. When couples fight, it is the responsibility of the adults to ensure the kids do not pick sides. It is best not to tell them in details what is happening. Tell them your dad and I loves you but we aren’t happy together etc. That way nobody is blamed in separation or divorce.

4. The father isn’t poor or on his dying bed, he isn’t the one seeking reconciliation. The OP is trying to fill a void hence he’s asking for his dad forgiveness and not the other way round. I do not believe that it is culture and religion that make people seek forgiveness from a wicked person. I have a friend whose dad left them, he never wants to talk about the man at all and my guy na pastor. I think it’s the realization that things were not how I saw it as a youngster that make people repent. E.g the prodigal son.

5. I hope you will agree not to involve the children in parents conflict. A child never easily forgives someone who maltreated them, they only forgive the misunderstood. See Tonto Dike’s case? Tomorrow if king wants a relationship with Churchill, will you call him ungrateful? That your mom loves you doesn’t mean she can’t manipulate you.