₦airaland Forum

crackhaus:
Probably his, and perhaps he also extended his condolences through them.
The story is still opening up little by little

OP is no longer talking.

emmaodet:
Because they believe such people are rear and should be kept for marriage/marriage material why they enjoy their own fantasy to the fullest secretly.
Also, they believe by sleeping with him, he would have gotten what he wants and sooner or later will stop giving them the necessary gifts, money or quit the relationship just the way most husbands are not really romantic after marriage because they feel relaxed and know the woman is going nowhere again.
Just like the way a guy will keep his virgin gf for marriage because she is a marriage material why destroying other ladies vj for his own fantasy.
It is a crazy and selfish world dear

Is this not plain stupidity if you can't even be truly yourself to the person you want to marry.

Why don't people look for a partner who would appreciate the whole package? Sound mind, good body, purpose driven, family oriented, spiritually inclined and crazy in bed?

RealMrNigerD:
Good is relative. But for any 'good', we could always get better(maybe if we tell less lies). My validation??. Of course not. You're not one of my employees, never thought in the line of validation either. But what if I'm a spiritual man? As your claim that good always comes your way, answers always come to my prayers. So close your brown eyes let's pray. Which would you like me to pray for you? That you get the man you deserve? or that you get better than that(but you'll have to always remember you don't deserve that man, you're unworthy of him)?

I needed to quote this.

Nice.

NevetsIbot:
Hey man... I get you but here I'm not talking about the dictionary meaning of the word confidence. I knew I'd probably be misunderstood... Contextually the confidence I meant here refers to the energy ,courage, force or zeal these guys use day to day. It's not about faith or as you say falsely rely.

When I say false confidence - I'm saying a zeal or energy that is not coming from a solid foundation.



I have studied all these red pills... They work.. I've seen them work but most times, we should be honest with ourselves, they're manipulative.... A guy going for red pills only wants to phuck. A guy once showed me his chat... Girl was not interested in him and he used all the red pill gimmicks on her and actually made her feel bad for not being attracted to him in the first place. Ion know how you view redpills but they make a girl who's not interested in you curious enough to want to know you and should I say "blocks her own say" - talking about guys having the balls.

Now, your definition of True confidence, I gree with. A man who know a girl can tell him no at any time and accept it is a truly confident man. Tell me you've not see loads of guys who take the redpills without true confidence come and talk about;
1. How she means a lot to him and he can't live without her. His world is falling apart for her.
2. How he wants to phuck her for revenge.
3. He's throwing in the towel.. he can't take it no more.
Does that speak confidence?

As for your fourth point... If you took note of my vocabulary, you'd realize I used words like "some, most and a few of".... I wasn't generalising.


I'd still argue that false confidence is a thing.....


Good morning bruh.

Your attachments in this post makes my point easy.

If a man has a good dose of self-respect and self-esteem, he would not want to sleep around. He would look for a girl inclined with his beliefs and chase her. If after all said and done, she says no, he counts it as her loss and move on. He is very sure that he is quality material (not money) and knows the value he is bringing to any woman lucky enough to be his. He doesn't need games (who builds anything solid on games)? He also avoids loose women who have nothing apart from sex to offer him.

If a woman has a good deal of self-respect and self-esteem, she knows the kind of men suitable for her. Low quality men wouldn't even come for her because they cannot invest what is needed to get her. They need cheap thrills so naturally would not waste their resources on quality. If a low quality guy mistakenly chases her, she tells him no politely and move on. (No is not 'I will think about it while collecting his gifts'. Else, you are a low quality girl no matter what your exterior looks like). Such a girl does not fall for the gimmicks and tricks of play boys and other low quality men. A man/guy who is seeking her knows he has to be worthy of her and treat her with respect.

The problem is that too too many men & women lack self-respect and self-esteem in Nigeria.

That's why they base their worth on the number of women they sleep with, no of men's money they chopped, how they maltreat people, they fall for people who don't respect them when they don't even see any good in themselves. They twist and adjust like chameleons to whomever they are with instead of laying their cards (strength, flaws, hope, dreams, aspirations) etc on the table and letting their partners choose to the with the real them.

That's why they don't respect themselves and hop from bed to bed, claim the devil made them do something, cheat about with their partners, claim to be things they are not, blame the society for their choices etc.

Nigerian parents need to really do better raising up kids that are content with themselves and in them selves.

I don't get

bigpriik:
men too should play hard to get it is absolutely beneficial .All lot of men find it difficult to play hard to get because they lack the self control and patience to do it.

As a guy sometimes .....

*Act uninterested in ladies no matter how pretty they are .

*stop starring at all pretty women you see look away sometimes with I don't care attitude.

*be COCKY and stop giving a Bleep wat women think about you.

All these can only be possible if you learn to control your diiick and emotions.

SENSEPILL:A MAN WHO HAS CONCONQUERED HIS DICK AND EMOTIONS HAS SOLVED 90%OF HIS LIFE PROBLEMS.

How can a guy play hard to get when he is the one chasing?

Advice him to develop self-respect and have a good dose of self-esteem.

Sanchez01:
The dangerous kind of people to deal with are fanatics and those who are inbetween; neither hot nor cold...neither here nor there. Kindheartedd, I remember your story very well. Shared the link as a matter of fact. Sadly, as much as God doesn't love divorce, your health (mental, emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual) matters a great deal.

Your other partner is a toxic being and reading through the previous thread back then and this makes me wonder whether or not you didn't see these signs before going ahead to marry him. I'll ignorantly claim you did but chose to ignore the signs and thought you could manage or that you overestimated your strength.

However, I feel you're about making a mistake, not because you want to leave your marriage but because you feel you want to prove a thing or make a statement.



He is horrible based on the way you painted him, granted, but living to impress the man who abused you is similar to being stuck in the past. You might not just have peace of mind if you leave with that mindset as you will constantly think about ways to get back at him. If you ask me, it doesn't make sense to burden yourself with the burden you felt while with him. If you can't live differently from the way you did while with him, then your leaving won't mean a thing.

Finally, pursue this legally and not act like a fugitive when you are not being chased.

If you are leaving, please do so for the pursuit of peace and happiness; for the sake of your health and your kids. Wishing you all the best in your endeavours.

This, I agree with 100%.

Thinking of proving anything to him means his opinions of you still controls you.

IamPlato:
Hahahaha. Many Girls Will Cry Blood If We All Decide To Marry Virgins

Why would the ladies cry.

If more men and women abstain, there would be more male and female virgins to go round.

ubunja:
Low self esteem women are the best...

Interesting.

Why?

Weddings and marriages are a disadvantage to men?

Don't whine about it, just stay unmarried.

Because right now until you have an epiphany, you are very unmarriageable.

When the use of a thing is not know, abuse becomes inevitable.

Wai:
A girl I paid her mother's hospital bill, fed and provided for her and paid her expired house rent around May with my hard earned proceeds from keke without making any effort to bed her (until marriage) have the mind to have sex with another guy in the house I paid for.

Why do people have no sex relationships when they still intend to have sex with others?

Is it not better to have the sex with the intended partner or truly abstain till the wedding night?

I don't get the logic anyways.

ebyjoyken:
He didn't attend my dad's burial, he wasn't around. His brothers attended on his behalf. I am not trying to be the victim. I just wrote it as it is. He doesn't like my family, i have asked him several why he doesn't like my family. He gave no response.

His brothers attended on whose instructions?

Miarose:
So OP contacted his dad and apologized as seen from the chat. Well, maybe he wasn't abandoned.. maybe OP did the abandoning.
Also, he said he is 26 and haven't spoken to the dad in 6 yrs, since his 200 level. So the dad was in his life up until he was 20 yrs.
I guess it's a Tiff between him and his dad. Not as deep as abandonment as an infant. Not a deadbeat dad if he was there till ur 20s.

Another angle which would fit into my scenario 1.

bdchange:
He does see at least once in a while with what we have seen online but she is still frustrating the effort. She just doesn't want the child to have anything to do with the father. He has come out to show it several times.

Tonto Dike is a loose cannon, yes! So I know she is frustrating his efforts.

He should try harder, go to his school and pay his fees, show up on his birthdays, random visits, keep appealing in court till he gets part-time custody etc.

He should keep fighting till he breaks through.

bdchange:
What do you mean by do better? He has also taken her to court to have joint custody but Tonto is trying every means to stop the effort. See there are toxic people even if you don't want to accept that, and Tonto is one of them.

I don't even see Tonto as a victim, her single motherhood is her choice which is part manifestation of her craziness.

My point is that Churchill can and has the means to battle her in court if he really really wants to do so.

bdchange:
I think you are taking it too far. Reconciling with his father won't stop his love towards his mother or care he ought to give to her. Moreover you can't disregard his father side of the story if he has the chance to hear him out. There are some instances where the mother will forcefully take the child away from the father neglecting the repercussion. At least a case study is clearly seen in Tonto Dike's case now. She even drag the father to court to stop him from seeing his own child ooo. Who does that for Christ's sake? So you see there always two sides to a coin.

Are you telling me that if Churchill really wants to see his child, he would not?

With the influence he has?

Come on!

SirVintageCock:
Funny thread.
Forgiveness is good but throwing your mother under the bus will rip your conscience apart when you realised whom your dad truly is. There are always reasons for everything whether absurd, genuine or outright crass but there is no justification for proven parental negligence.

Riding on the back of someone that cares to give an olive branch to someone that never cared is betrayal no matter what the Holy Books says.

Just like the illustration below :
Your ex-wife or spouse leaving you when you are poor even though he/she would've done something to ameliorate your situation. But they didn't, instead another heart of gold spouse who believes you can be anything you wanna be came along. They cleaned and dusted you to be the shining platinum you always wish to be.
Now, you feel maybe the heart of gold use juju on you or maybe he/she is just not the best thing to enjoy your success with. So you start reaching out to your ex riding on the back of the heart of gold spouse.

Hopefully, people learn from the thread.

And trust me, the Bible does not support such betrayal.

Make peace with the dad, yes. Forgiveness is paramount.

LadySarah:
King Tonto comes to mind .The way her son will run to his father later might kill her.

Women Shine your eyes well.slaving while the sperm donor is somewhere enjoying.

In Tonto's case, I don't see why Churchill can't fight for joint custody.

He needs to really do better.

See T-billz and Tiwa na. JamJam still feels his father's presence.

I think Churchill is too laid back and has no excuse.

eazzzy1:
Isn’t a child reuniting with his father suppose to be a good thing? The only lesson learnt here is never make your child pick sides in a feud they are too young to understand. The children will always pick the sides of the mother because you hardly see a dad explaining adult issues to their kids.

The reason he is giving his dad a chance is because his relationship with his father was formed not out of his own experience but his moms. This in no way invalidate his moms love for him.

Some of you in a bid to blackmail the OP are even saying he’s now an abuser hence the reconciliatory moves, do you bother asking what his dad felt when his own seed took sides with his ‘enemy’? the hurt, the betrayal?

The women here are only pained because they now realize that you can not make a child hate his father because you hate him. The child will always look for his father or mother as long as they are alive.

PS: I have seen children gone in search of their birth mother who gave them up for adoption. How’s that different from this situation?

A man's relationship with the mother of his child (especially when they are married/living together) is every important in the child's life. You cannot be maltreating his mother and expect the child to love you.

That aside, there are typically two snearios:

1. A couple's relationship breaks down however both parties are still involved in the life of the child. The father/absentee parent understands that the beef is with the spouse and not the child. Here, there is no absentee parent, just co-parents who are trying to do their thing. I am sure a number of people remember going to dad's house for a while, going to mom's house, the parents visiting etc. The other parent is involved.

2. A parent (usually the father) due to bitterness towards the mother severed the relationship between the woman and the kids they had together. The man has no input towards the kids because he knows that tomorrow, the kids would come look for him (religion, forgiveness, culture and tradition) etc. He neglects both mother and child. This is only excusable if the father did not know about the existence of the child.

In no 1, Irrespective of what the father did to the mother/themselves, the father has a relationship with the child. The child might be unhappy about things with his parents or even side the victim (his mother here), he/she still has some sort of relationship/access with the father and can even broker reconciliation if inclined to.

A child has to forgive the erring parent because they are our parents and forgiveness is a prerequisite to obtain same from God. But to demonize the parent who supported them under the guise of been manipulative?

Na na na!

I also know deadbeat mothers whose kids don't send and worship their dad, I know fathers who visited kids with nothing when the mothers kicked them out. The children still have the memory of 'my dad checked our homework then' so the mother couldn't demonize him. I know mothers who sneaked to visit their kids when their husbands sent them away after breakdown of the relationship.

There is NO excuse for a negligent parent who knows about the existence of his/her seed.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them. Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

This reminds me of a pastor's sermon years ago.

She said she pitied single mothers who want to prove can do and reject input from the father of their kids.

She said they would train/care for those kids and when it is time for the kids to get married, they would go look for the father and even beg him to walk them down the aisle. They would like the OP seek the fathers to reconcile and the mothers become witches.

She told them to wise up and drag the men till they have inputs in their children's lives

That way, they both rightfully enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Women should employ more logic to these things. Pick the right men, don't accommodate nonsense and ensure the men are responsible.

Don't do 'I will do it alone' shit except the man is 100% unable to.

It ever ends well.

From most of the posts on this thread, I think I must read the wrong OP.

pryme:
This post only contradicts the title your thread. Money does not get you respect, unless you are paying for it.

This thread is about women getting respect,
Respect from who? The "men".
Yet a "man" told you it's not money that gets a woman respect.
You replied him with this post, if I were you I would try to figure out what makes a man respect a woman FROM A MAN.

Perhaps you are seeking respect from "women"

You clearly don't understand the OP

She is saying 'women have your own money' so you look beyond provision from a man.

When you are content with what you have, you are better positioned to review a prospective husband critically because you are not blinded by money.

A fantastic advice if you ask me.

shugaboy6102:
She's 25 now

@shugaboy6102:

You are 29 and she is 25.

That means you got her pregnant while you were 24 and she was 19.

What stage was she at 19? What were her dreams before the pregnancy?

How has she improved? Done with school, working etc?

You have repeatedly downplayed the martial rites you did her and I am sure when you have issues, you tell her same thing too.

The fact you are asking if you are married means you did not consider yourself married and committed to her.

Probably you see her as a baby mama and treat her as such.

Solution:
Drop the handbag you have acquired and work on your marriage.

That passion & fire that made you marry her at 24 must be deeper than what you discard.

An average 24yr & 19yr old couple would have done an abortion.

Godiloveu:
God bless you �, this is what we ladies are facing every day, men are allowed to do all the wrong things n get away with it, they hit u, cheat on u, etc. And apologize just once n we come running back to them. It is well...pls men learn to forgive n forget too.
My advice to that young lady is to move n become a better version of now herself in d next relationship...wishing her peace

There is actually no one forcing you to 'forgive' and keep staying with a cheating husband or accepting of his nonsense.

It is solely your decision just as it is his decision not to take back a cheating wife or an abusive one.

TonyeBarcanista:
Stop mentioning God!

Every man must face the consequences his his action! She Cheated, she didn't do evangelism!

She was caught, she didn't voluntarily confess!

NB: If I was her ex I won't cut off all forms of communication with her completely

Are you the guy in question?

UyaiIncomparabl:
You're two-faced.

Interesting.

How?

LewsTherin:
Thanks for sharing.

Heavily coded but still good sharing.

Hahahahahahaha @ heavily coded

Fountainofyouth:
Yeah it's better but not as steamy and hot like when not married, let's not kid ourself, in marriage one has nothing to prove to one's partner sex wise, cos he/she will always be there and available, so they tend to do it anyhow, but outside marriage, though not safe, you explore more to know one's capacity, sex drive, fantasy, fetish etc.

FYI, I'm not in any way encouraging adultery or fornication as I'm not into any, just an opinion and observation.

What is wrong with doing the above in marriage?