₦airaland Forum

Janet96:
Mostly.

Why?

Awesome05:
Sex reproduces, humanizes and incarnates being or continuous existence. It produces joy, love, comfort, affection, and sometimes, high sense of happiness.

Happiness is not only a physical, but a psychological and sometimes spiritual experience.

Sex connects us not only with another being, but with our own being and humanity. Sex reminds us of our intrinsic capacity to be involuntarily taken over at the moment of orgasm; to be possessed by passion; to surrender control. Both lust and falling in love are examples of being possessed by sex or eros.

This capacity to experience the quality of sex or eros is an essential and pivotal part of being human. It reminds us that we are, first and foremost, as passionate creatures, motivated and driven by primitive, irrational forces operating just below the surface of civilization and rationality far more powerful than our puny little egos.

Sex, like romantic love, is a constant reminder of our irrationality, and its sway over our hard-won rationality. It is a reminder of our inescapable physical embodiment. It is humbling to our spiritual hubris. And it is dangerous. The concept of "safe sex" is an oxymoron. Sex, when fully engaged in, is always risky business.

Possible pregnancy, disease, injury and even death accompany the sexual act on the physical level. Falling in love, obsession, rejection, abandonment, loss of self, fear of annihilation, psychosis and the manic madness of ecstasy are all potential psychological side-effects of sex. One passionate, spontaneous sexual encounter can change the course of a life either for good or bad.


Read interesting romance stories:

The Love Grotto
https://publish.okadabooks.com/book/about/the_love_grotto/28460

Above the Shadows
https://publish.okadabooks.com/book/about/above_the_shadows/29529

Interesting writeup.

Janet96:
God created sex for procreation.

You believe sex is for only procreation?

Iamhumble:
Hmm. God forbid bad thing! I don't wish to lose this relationship. And I don't think she wants to too, at least from my observation so far.

But what I don't understand now is why would the father allow me come visit and the mother appeared hospitable when this issue had lingered. Yes, she told me it's been there when she came home during her first NYSC break.

I can't just focus right now.

I'm an online person and you know how much one needs to concentrate less make silly, avoidable mistakes.

Thanks for your inputs. More please.

Have you ever met with the father?

Has he personally given you his disapproval?

I find it strange that the father said it would not work and was still fine with you visiting his wife her mother.

A lot of things might be in play:

1. Your girl has met someone else and because of what you have invested in the relationship, she is using her dad knowing the importance of his consent in your religion.

2. The father truly disapproved however, her mom is trying to work on him.

3. The father try disapproved however daughter and mom are still stringing you along because of what you bring to the table.

4. The girl is testing your persistence or your desire of her. All these romcoms put ideas in people's heads.

Please find a way to get the father's actual opinion.

Goodluck.

It is very obvious the man changed his ways after marriage.

According to him...

He misbehaved the first few years of his life and then he got a good wife.

He did not marry a good wife and continued in his misbehavior expecting her to accept it.

Toks2008:
In the days of our mothers when marriage had great value and respect, women don't wait to fall in love before they marry any man but they marry first and grow to appreciate the man...infact women had no business with feelings or love but only one thing was vital to them....RAISING THEIR CHILDREN and ironically, they rarely depend on the man to help them achieve this and the only basic thing they needed the men for was satisfying their sexual needs even when the men were perceived to be overly demanding for conjugation and polygamous in nature.

Fast forward to the present-day.... Women what to be sure they have feelings for the man, they want to be sure he loves them, they spend their time finding a man they love and a man that will remain faithful to them..a man that can take care of them financially and in most cases, it ends in heartbreak with a resultant negative effect on the children that ought to be their main priority.

What is my point?

The present day woman has changed the concept of marriage thereby making it so overrated.

A woman has no business with loving any man or develping any feelings for a man before they marry him...the most important thing to look out for is if the man is responsible enough to be called a Dad...

A lady should worry less about what a man does with his life and even if he is the philandering type you can simply switch him in your mind from a husband figure to a booty call without the need of you leaving your marriage...(You can do this...its a thing of the mind)

My advise to unmarried ladies is to settle with a man that is good enough to be a responsible Dad and when the kids starts coming please focus on raising your kids and make sure you are financially independent to do this without the man's help.

If you are a lady nearing menopause and you are still single, look for a responsible man to have a kid with as long as he is willing to be a father to your kids and live a happy life...

Your priority as a woman is not to love a man and it is not a MUST to marry but to raise a GOD loving generation..

Hope this makes sense.

If our mothers' way was perfect and they had well brought up kids, wouldn't their daughters (us) be perfect?

Abi you have forgotten that the terrible daughters of today were brought up by the perfect mothers of yesterday.

Despite overwhelming evidence, we are all in denial that the mothers hailed as been content with their lives must have secretly abhorred it to collectively raise the daughters of today.

I am always amused when loose men who sleep about think they are better than the girls they sleep with.

kettykin:
you are the one that is very confused how does bringing confusion into a family translate to being worshiped , if Peter worshiped lola the social media would have been awash with pictures or story of their love , how can one ascribe family issues and problems to a lady being worshiped.
what spectacular gift has peter bought for Lola or what spectacular love has he shown her .

Hahahahahahaha.

I hope you are not female sha.

kettykin:
Peter doesn't worship lola anything otherwise he would have sang with her name or released a song for her

So you think a man who allegedly broke away from his family for his wife worships her less than a man who made his girlfriend his third baby mama because the latter sang for his girl?

Hmmmmm.

Hopefully the husband doesn't come with a deadlier reprisal attack.

This type is best executed with subtlety.

Or she just moves on from when the beating started.

Quality over quantity for me always.

BMaretraitors:
This is another reason i cannot end up with men from this part of the world. I would not beat the man but i would poison him or hire assassins to finish work for me. The luckiest women marry non black, non african men.

If I remember correctly, a foreign husband killed an upcoming actress about 2 - 3yrs back.

The luckiest woman choose husbands who love them. Whether from Igbo - Ora or Russia.

liberalchick:
For the Zillionth time NO sex change. How can there even be a sex change when the boy has not gone through puberty? If there will be a sex change it will be when the boy is of age and can decide for himself.

It was a custody battle, the father wanted sole custody because he disagrees with the son dressing up as a girl and calling himself Luna. The mother got therapists for him and based on their professional opinion, they told the mother to affirm. If it’s a phase then he will grow out of it simple.

The court heard from both sides, and they concluded the boy was better off with the parent that wasn’t going to force him to wear boys clothes.


“Gerogulas’s (the mother) witnesses in the trial were mostly therapists or counselors who said that James told them that he was a girl and wanted to be called “Luna.”

Younger’s witnesses (the father) in the trial, while not having met James, were medical professionals who pointed out the dangers of a “social transition” and the “medical transition” it usually leads to.”

The bolded quote was what right wing media purposely used to create this false news. The jury didn’t buy that allowing a boy to live out a phase will make him get a sex change in future. Which based on the posts on this thread seems to be a good decision. Many of you on this thread have referenced tomboys, so we do know that just because you dress as a boy when you were a young girl doesn’t mean you would want a sex change when you become an adult.

According to the therapists, if he doesn't grow out of it, what happens?

Besides, what is the usefulness of the parents if they cannot put the boy on the right part and re-affirm to him that he is a boy?

If he thinks he is a goat tomorrow and starts to eat grass, will his mom look for therapists or insist that he is human?

If he believes that he can not achieve anything, will she get the therapists' opinion or take him through self esteem and self love courses to re-affirm that he can excel in whatever he does?

Why this yeye sexual/ gender politics?

You can't compare Nigerian Tomboyism to this. Which Nigerian parent would flog the madness out of Shade who asks to be called Tunji?

Each continent has their madness.

The same way I wouldn't compare an American calling a child a witch to a Nigerian.

cococandy:
Thanks for explaining

Honestly I don’t know how you still do it.

My patience for explaining very very obvious things has waned considerably.

What can we do than to keep at it?

Theyoungmatron:
People fail to understand this. If that woman step out to work no matter how menial, the home-front will suffer. It is very obvious that this is a young family except if all the kids are in school.
There is no allowance for clothes, shoes, baby foods, diaper etc.

Very true.

Kelvin30286063:
Per month, rumour has it that that was what GWW was paying kizz Daniel when he was under their label. Aside clothing allowance and housing.

Wawu!

₦30k per month?

Hmmmmm!

Lolo24:
Work and earn money to take of your family's needs- You can't!

Do house chores- You still can't.

What exactly are you good at? You can't afford to feed an extra mouth, who will feed the new born?

Op better respect your self. You don't have money and you're breeding.

Chisos!

This was hilarious and true.

Perhaps if the OP made so much, his wife could be at home or have paid help so the home is always on point.

emmaodet:
You are right sir. The traditional setting is no longer sustainable yet our ladies don't want to wake up to that reality.
From my point of view, the man as no option that to send those kids to public schools even though he may not like it but that is what he can do for now why he gets them monthly lesson teacher to uprade them at home.

Actually,

It is the men that do not want to open their eyes to that reality.

yeyeosoronga:
I really wish you guys the best, but your instincts are probably right and your husband is trying to leave the marriage.
Holding unto the money he gave to your business isn't going to fix the marriage either. What I would advice is for you to also write a list of all the money he owes you, and subtract it from the one he lent you, and then give him his balance.
That way, nobody is owing anybody and you can separate if you both decide to.
Keep your tbills money to yourself.
Not all marriages can survive the pressure of infertility...
Perhaps you could speak to him and ask him the way forward, encourage him to speak his mind no matter how painful it will be to you. This is so your mind can be prepared for any eventualities. Even if he denies planning to leave you, stick with your gut instincts. You didn't feel this way1 year ago. There are signs you're seeing making you feel like that now.

@union123

The above is very on point. We have guts and instincts for a reason. The journey of TTC is not funny especially for couple who are married just because it is the phase of their lives or all they need are kids.

Unfortunately, if your husband is not with you on this journey, there is not much you can do and from the OP, it seems your husband is tilting towards his family's wishes.

At this stage, you need to decide what you really want:

1. Would you be fine with a second wife? His family has probably gotten one as we speak. Can you cope with the pressure? If second wife, would you leave together or alone?

2. Would you walk away from the marriage? If yes, how old are you? Are you fine with the fact that you might not get another spouse or you would most likely be a step mom? A man with kids prior will be more comfy marrying a divorcee without one. A single man would want his own kids.

3. If you walk away, are you fine with being single and adopting? Or surrogacy? Are you fine with single motherhood? Do you have the resources (time, finances, emotions, socials) to pull it off?

Have you both established that YOU are the problem / only problem? Is your husband OK? I have seen cases where the man has the issues and the wife was put in immense pressure and sent packing.

You also need to start keeping your finances separately. You don't want to lose out on all fronts.

God will grant your heart desires. Amen

Inter resting!

Yes.

liberalchick:
FALSE

The court’s verdict is NOT about whether the boy should transition or not it was for child custody.

The father took the mother to court for full custody, his defense, that the mother is manipulating the boy into dressing up as a girl and that if the mother has full custody she can potentially manipulate him into getting it done medically when he is of age. Apparently the courts didn’t believe him and they awarded full custody to the mother.

Each had their own doctors/professional witnesses, the court also heard from neighbors and teachers. Ultimately, the court decided the boy is going through a phase and he is not being manipulated and they decided to award custody to the parent that is not going to suppress that phase.

The fake news going round is the defense that the father presented in court and the court found them baseless. You have to know for custody hearings both sides present outlandish claims to get custody. It is the duty of the court to separate facts from fiction.

I can’t believe I am going to quote dailymail but here you go: mainstream media is not even carrying this non news.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7604687/Jury-rules-against-dad-trying-stop-son-transitioning-girl.html

God willing, they will not succeed.

Our tomboys and tomgirls don't change their names or do they consider sex change.

We all know their birth sex and treat them as such. What concerns doctors or psychologists with their issues?

You know that once the girls hit puberty sprouting breasts, they automatically become girlie. Ditto the guy's.

The outlines are the Bob riskys.

It is unfortunately not so in the West.

Except we are saying God who determined the sex of a child doesn't know what He is doing.

virgoquin:
They don't have any challenges disturbing them right now so they are trying to create one for themselves

Small time we will start seeing some fighting for the right for them to start marrying corpse and underages

They are no longer fighting for survival.

Marshallow's hierarchy of needs.

theButterfly:
Try again. https://www.change.org/p/save-6-year-old-boy-ja-d-y-from-chemical-castration

I have signed the petition anonymously.

We need to stop madness one at a time.

Omojudy:
Sometimes I think it’s better to raise our children at home ie Nigeria rather than seek abroad prospects!

I agree with you.

From that picture, the lady looks
very very very very unattractive.

Yuck!

And she would look way better with better choice of hair, makeup and carriage.

This is not the best her creator gave her.

Kelvin30286063:
You're right but I still believe that it's unfair to feel you can recoup all the money you've spent on your label from an artist that is blowing. Even 8f you will do that, you should at least offer the popular artist some add ons since he's the popular one. You cant pay kizz daniel 30k and pay the likes of sugerboi 30k too even when it's obvious that the label is surviving from kizz Daniel's input.

N30k per day or per month?

Or are we talking $30k?

gbingafa:
Hi all,

I need some serious advice here please.
I'm a 40 yo single mum to a 4 year old.
I've known this guy since high school. He asked me out back then but at the time, "dating" was not even an option (education, religion, ambition made it impossible).

Life happened and I now live in the UK. He still lives back home, has two boys and a job as an IT engineer.
We reconnected via Facebook, met when I went for a short visit to my family.
He tells me that he still wants a relationship with me. I was attracted to him back then, I still am. The guy I knew then was a nice guy, god fearing, caring, funny. He's now 42 and I don't know much about the man he turned out to be.

But my main concern is I don't know if he really wants to be with me or if he wants the opportunity to give his sons a British passport.

Part of me still wants to give it a try because I'm a 40 yo single mother and suitors are scarce, serious ones nonexistent. My child definitely needs a father in the house. Also, the petty woman in me wants/needs to show my ex that I'm still good enough for someone else. At the same time I can't afford another failure in that area. I can't risk my child's wellbeing if things don't work out. I won’t survive another public humiliation.

I'm scared and I don't know what to do. Any thoughts?

A recent happening just reminded me that a childhood friend is now a stranger.

The West will collapse on itself soon.

Africa is not any better.

cococandy:
Everyone asking him why his wife is not working. Lol

Cognitive dissonance at its finest

Hahahahahahaha

The funny thing is that if the wife works, except she is solely on her own and can do EVERYTHING she currently does without a sweat, they would be worse off.

I am just thinking about it again;

They do not pay for extramural lessons, no budget for clothes (wifey is at home and can manage whatever), hair, shoes, outings, payment for chores etc.

I would also wager that the OP does not do any chores (Oworosoki - V/I) everyday is not beans so the wife carries all that burden.

Yet, we are asking 'What does she do or she should assist the man.'

If she does, who will pick up the slack that would be left?

A business I can think of is frying potatoes, plantain, yam etc in front of the house however, it is very very time intensive and energy sapping.

OP should brace himself up more to earn more.

When people talk of unpaid work and the only arrangement that seems fair to an average woman is one where she stays at home and the man works full time, it seems idiotic.

CC: LadySarah

AmericanDad:
My God this is why i fear getting married and settling down in this economy. This guy is really suffering mehn. I earn 340k as a single dude and i still loathe and pity my self. Wow! Real wow

340k and you pity yourself?

Odiegwu

SirVintageCock:
This, right here shows that the traditional family settings as we know it is becoming null and void in this century. Men can no longer fend for our families without relying heavily in our wives. Practically, 80% of the commenters are requesting to know what the wife is bringing to the table without checking that the list does not contain any nanny or house help allowances. So obviously the wife is contributing massively albeit unnoticeably.
So op, weigh your options and drop the church AID that is zapping 15% of your salary.
As others opines, encourage your wife to start up something from home depending on how young your children are ..handiwork, small scale businesses or teaching home lessons. Anything apart from this will incure more expenses to your already dwindling economy.
You can also transfer to a less expensive city or state.

@Bold: very apt