₦airaland Forum

SultanOfAbia:
Adamawa and Anambra both have 7 letters

Its a match made in Heaven!!!

Both start and end with A too.

jibrilELsudan:
Something that I bought in china for $75. And its original.

Everything is made in China.

If you know, you know.

May da kukunase set you free.

She looks so unhappy

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

From the topic, you believe it is your husband's house.

So why can't he send you out?

Ladyboobae:
thank you so much

You are welcome.

crackhaus:
Lol, go to some staff club and see what's up

You're not far from the truth but there are exceptions honestly, plenty exceptions sef.
A company like Pan Ocean that is full of Redeemed and Mountain of Fire members, those ones no dey carry woman outside

Are oil workers generally more promiscuous than other men?

Apart from the fact they have more disposable income, there is nothing extra ordinary in what they do.

I have colleagues who bring their runs for company parties, married & single knacking in the office, married & married knacking. Married men bringing runs for Bach eves for interstate weddings, married men bringing fishes for departmental hangouts.

In pastor's conferences people are still knacking sef.

Inside church nko?

Fight on thread of Unpopular opinions again?

Eziokwu!

Ladyboobae:
he doesn't give me .upkeep,I ask him for upkeep he said his salary is not fixed it fluctuate .but I told him your being paid...at this point he says nothing...he gives me money for cooking...we dont stock food stuff he gives me money to buy food stuff as it finishes from time to time..and I give him breakdowns of what I bought because he is a kitchen person and was the cook for his mum for years before he married...so he is very familiar with kitchen stuffs...I dont collect a dine from there..

I have read the thread even with the forced marriage stuff due to pregnancy.

To be honest, I do not see much difference between your marriage and a typical Nigerian marriage except for he doesn't buy you clothes part.

Your husband is even very financially responsible. Worse case, he has a parallel family he takes of but again, the typical Nigerian wife is fine with a cheating hubby especially when he is financially responsible.

You can do a census to know how many Nigerian husbands buy clothes or cream for their wives. Your case is not so different.

I know wives who take care of the kids, pay their tuition and finance the home more than 70% and yes, the husbands make much more. They say they are the new type of Lagos husbands.

My honest advise is that you look for another job or means to make more money so you can take care of yourself. If you are an accountant, look for small businesses you can keep their books for a small fee at weekends. Your husband is not mostly around so you have a lot of time on your hands. You can sell snacks in your school, you can even check your daughter's school if they can employ you. It could afford you more time.

If you were not a typical Nigerian woman, you would not be in this marriage. I refuse to believe that the man loved you all the years you were with him.

It is well.

Lonelypacifist6:
Wtf are you all saying no guy would stay with a woman like that, and all what about the guys who marry prostitutes? and jail birds etc, Why do People just love talking trash just to push their senseless agenda.

There is a difference between marrying an ex-prostítute or ex-drug addict and someone still active will you both are together.

I interestingly agree with Toke in this.

However, if the Gucci's wife to be was fine with putting up with all that crap, Wetin concern me?

If a woman does not love herself enough to pick the right man or walk away from one who is disrespectful to her, why should I cry more than the bereaved?

Are there women who follows Snoop's school of thought? Yes.

Are there men who do? You bet.

What is my responsibility?

Stay clear from them all, choose well and teach my daughters to do same.

I am a firm believer of personal responsibility.

Full stop.

Ginaz:
We are all sons of God but God’s arrangement still remains the same. Christ is the head of man, man is the head of a woman. Simple !!!

You haven't answered any of my questions.

See, if you leave the Bible out of it, you can accept been treated like trash, that is for you and the culture.

When you are quoting the Bible, please get it straight.

Stop mixing your cultural beliefs with the Bible.

Thank you.

Ginaz:
I think the mistake women always make is they try to compare themselves in all aspects when it comes to men.

The Bible said women are helpers . We are not equal and can never be equal to men. Until women learn this hard and naked truth they will always be at the receiving end of pain!

Nobody will force you to do what you don’t want to do. If you love a guy but wanna leave cos he hurts you then fine. Don’t leave on the message that men doesn’t take bullshit so you won’t take bullshit .

Women have a lot of influences over men, if they could focus their energy in trying to better their lives and instill a good influence over their men, they will be better off than becoming a bitter , over sabi, I know my right deranged psycho.

Be careful of the type of advise you take as a woman. Physical violence of any kind should not be taken though. In that area I suggest you walk away.

Is there any place in the Bible that suggests women and men are not equal?

Is there any place in the Bible that allows for men's misbehavior under the guise of this inequality?

This thread is hilarious!

You read a point you want to seriously challenge and the poster in the next point throws sometime else.

@Black race curse: I believe it. There is no other explanation.

Unpopular opinions:

Nigerians love the semblance of marriage however do not understand the basics.

True democracy cannot exist in Nigeria.

Nigerians do not understand leadership.

Pavore9:
Going to hell is a personal decision, you can't blame another human being for living a life that will make you end up there as the Creator is not interested in blame games.

I agree with you.

Sad but true.

lalopeto:
I have observed with dismay in recent times that housewives become something else when they are married and start having children. They tend to shift affection and intimacy from their husbands to the kids and, this has created a lot of distance between them and their husbands. Consequently, many husbands have turned philanders and this has increased the rate of promiscuity and adultery amongst men in our society.
Men that are not able to bare it will go into polygamy and those that want to retain their marriage will start running after young girls outside marriage in order to satisfy their sexual needs instead of fighting their wives at home because of sex, This they do secretly. My fellow nairalanders, what's your opinion on the foregoing if my own submission is wrong on the issue?

In recent times ke?

While I agree that a wife would be irresponsible to let the kids replace her husband, the question is what has the husband done?

If he were to be on an inaccessible Island with his wife and kids, what would he do?

baby124:
If the husband really wanted to help her further her career, he will find a way to cut out the support he’s giving to everyone else and, pay the exam fees. It will even help him in the long run as if she gets a better job, she would be able to take some of those responsibilities off his hands.

How can he be doing big boy all over the place and his wife is earning 12k? He’s so stupid because even oil company jobs are shaky and he can lose that job tomorrow. What will the family survive on? 12k?

Except I missed it, no where did the OP claim she requested that her husband help her or he refused to or stopped her from getting a job. I don't think she has discussed the exams or lack of with him.

She's lamented that she has no certification and she has not been getting jobs (maybe due to no certifications).

It might not be out of bigness that he gives his kith and kin. They might be the people who literally made him.

A friend had a brother who put he through school. Unfortunately, his skill set became obselete and today, she is at least sending something to them every month.

I believe if she sees the bigger picture and the plan together, things will take shape.

Tina26:
get a job before marriage. no sane company would want to employ a pregnant or new mum, without prior experience. i had a friend in this same shoes she even had ican and the husband was a banker who used to be moved about. madam could not secure a job as she married during NYSC. while her mates were in KPMG PWC winning awards and travelling around she was in ekiti as an house wife. who could not take care of her sibling. ladies be wise

My question is if your friend married at 34 under the same circumstances, what would change?

The problem is the circumstance not the age.

Also, it sounds like no planning.

Most Waka husbands keep their families in one base.

Ladyboobae:
I send to my mum and little things at home like,washing soap,polish ,bathing soap,t.p recharge card,my cream,some cloths for myself and my daughter... my daughter fees in #160,000,his mum is a civil servants but he send her money whenever she ask him,he sends his elder brother when he asks,he gives his friends when they need,when his father ask he sends them...his not buiding,i ask him how he spends his money but I never get any response

You earn 12k/month and are able to
1. Buy toliteries
2. Buy comsetics
3. Buy cheap clothes for yourself and daughter.
4. Send to your mummy

That is interesting from N12k/ mth. You will still transport yourself and buy food or a few things once a while.

The above means your husband is responsible for:
1. Feeding in the home
2. Tuition (school fees, books, uniform, extracurricular activities)
3. House rent
4. Utility (water, security, refuse etc)
5. Electricity
6. Sponsoring his relatives
7. Family vehicle maintenance (if you have)
8. Repairs that would come up frequently
9. His own toliteries, clothing, grooming
10. Etc.

Looking at the list, you will honestly see that your husband handles 97% of the home's expenses which is dependent on where you live and the lifestyle you live. So it is ACTUALLY possible that he is always broke.

I know it is hard to look at it this clinically however you need to appreciate his financial support.

How does he actually dispense the money considering he is not home? Does he give you upkeep money or stock the house?

After that, discuss with him. What model of finances should you adopt? Can you both draw up your expenses and see how best to meet them and prune off the ones not required.

In the light of bills your husband has to handle, allowance for cloth seems frivolous especially as you are also 'working'.

And please, change your friends and enough of people say, people say.

They don't like your clothes, your next birthday they should change your wardrobe.

Tina26:
your fault cos u married too early

Hahahahahahahaha

So tell me, what would change if she was 10 years older in same circumstances?

cococandy:
the vp’s wife is almost invisible. I can’t even say I’ve seen her in public mention enough to form an Opinion. It’s strange

Hahahahahaha

Take out the bold and the post is 100%

koyyes:
I used to like reading your comments before until recently.

This comment of yours is insensitive.

I am not sounding discriminatory however every married person knows you will have a bumpy ride if you do not associate with your In-laws especially a close knit family.

Now, I am not talking association's that turn to 'she gave me meat, she borrowed my gele' type. However, events, you need to show up.

She is going to be part of their family for goodness sake.

How long would she hide and avoid them?

cococandy:
At first she came across as a self righteous person.

I always liked her carriage.

It is the VP's wife I can't stand.

[quote author=Ladyboobae post=83165975][/quote]It is not enough to ask yourself for 4 years.

You have painted your husband as a good father.

Let's assume he earns N350k per month, how is your daughters fees per term/year? How much is your rent? Does he have dependents? How much do you spend on feeding? Is he doing any special project like building a house?

Do you really know how the money go every month?

What do you use your salary for?

greatnaija01:
she can get the kids school fees and delay payment while she INVESTS or STARTS A BUSINESS. or she can send the child to another school without the husband knowing yet until she has her own money ....

MANY WOMEN DO IT.


she is not desperate yet.

What kind of yeye advise is this?

She should mortgage her daughter's future so she doesn't wear rags aka reigning clothes? Clothes that fade in months max years if it is still stylish?

Did she ask husband for school fees and he said he couldn't afford it?

@OP: don't even think about this.

Ladyboobae:
Married with a beautiful daughter of 4yrs,graduated from a federal university in year 2016 with a 2:1 in Accounting...from Bayelsa state,got married year 2016 dec..applied for jobs non called..teaching in a private school where am paid 12k per month..applied for federal and state jobs gotten none..my hubby works offshore but always complaining his broke..he get paid #250,000 to #450,000 per month depending on how many times he works in a month...my daughter goes to the best school but I can't boost of an ICAN certification or any tangible thing for myself...always alone with my daughter..he is always at work....I used to day dream that some one from no where would wipe my tears and help me get a good job to at least take care of myself and my sick mum in the village after all her sacrifices to make me graduate...why me..I ask my self.. my friends laughs at me ,that with my 2:1 av gat no good jobs,wear rags and don't even look like a married woman..they see me as a failure...but I dont see myself as one..not now not ever...they say Success is when opportunity meet preparedness .I have been prepared from little for success....I put in my 100%in every thing I do and it comes out the best...what is happening to me...all my CV's I have submitted not even a call....when will my samaritan locate me....yours faithfully a faithful wife...

From this, your husband cares about your daughter's education and welfare (I am judging best school is expensive a d you have not said anything about fending for your daughter yourself).

So he doesn't care about your welfare and education. As in he doesn't care about you.

The question is why?

cococandy:
I hope the pressure mounters have loads of money stacked away for her to take care of those children

I wish.

cococandy:
I don’t care for the facts of this issue.
I with Aisha. Yes I’m biased.
I don’t personally like her but in this case, I’m on her side. Don’t care if she’s wrong or right

Why don't you like her?

Congratulations to the doctor and woman.

We might not understand what the wife through or it might seem foolish to us.

LewsTherin:
Guys are trying to collect what girls have been collecting for eons. It's all gender equality na.




/s

Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. I appreciate.

Truly speaking, i am just tired of it all.
I do not know how a very comfortable young girl, working in the health sector, traveling to different countries for conferences ended up here.

I feel like this is my life now, no light at the end of this tunnel

No my husband isn’t broke we earn really really well and i am not doing baldly either.

My biggest worry is for my child.
Also when is enough is enough?
I dont want to loose myself. I am just 26.

So sorry for ranting but it is better than talking to family members that will gossip about you.

What attracted you to your husband?

Was he respectful before marriage? Does he respect others around him? How is the relationship with him parents? Who earns more in the home? Who has a richer background?

elektra:
Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men
A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems.
Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone

Fireproof.

I am nice like that

yeyeosoronga:
She is not married yet. He has the choice to take his leave or accept her as she is. Anxiety is a life long disorder for most people with it. There are good days and bad days. Their life doesn't have to stop because they have anxiety, and they shouldn't be discriminated against.
How can you advice someone with a mental health disorder to purposely go and seek out another person with mental health disorder? It's a shame that in 2019, we still try to discriminate against others with medical challenges

If you are serious about getting married, you notice what your intended complains about and work on it.

That she has social aniexty and wouldn't come out of her shell is pure bullshit.

I cannot marry a man who cannot stand socializing with my family. Max 5 hours in a week?

If the girl really loves the guy, she would be coming of her shell. Attend events, greet everyone and sit on her own. Next time, she packs plates and washes. The third time she joins in the kitchen.

By the 10th time, she would have made progress.

She needs to help herself.

baby124:
Exactly. Something is not right here... she’s obviously able to be social to speak to a strange guy in public, collect his number and start a relationship. So, why is meeting his family a problem? I can’t place my hands on it, but something is not right. Not like they even met through a mutual friend or something. Or maybe her sibling toasted him for her. She met this guy in PUBLIC... something most so called severe introverts are incapable of. She either had a lucid moment or she’s setting a tone...

It could also be that she doesn’t want anyone reading her and seeing her for who she is. That is why family is so important when meeting a future spouse. They can generally see what we refuse to see and a manipulative person will avoid that.

Psychologist Baby124!

I so agree with you.

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.