₦airaland Forum

BecaciaBarbie:
Lol sorry, we can't take football from the men.... You have to love football to be a man

LillyVal:
Dear men,

Please your girlfriend should come first before football, or any other thing at all

A woman that stays with you, even make you happy by doing somethings, then boom football comes into play, y'all act like we ain't even there, see that thing u guys do is not good oh

Football will always be there, but the love of your life might not always be there, choose wisely guys

AntiBrutus:
2018, your gf was in her early 20s

May 2019, she was 22

Fast forward to Oct 2019, she is now 21.


Truly you are stingy. Considering how you keep taking out of her age without adding to it.

MMotimo:
As someone who shares all accounts with my husband, I can tell you that it would be hard to make it work with a controlling spouse. Sharing works but that is when there is perfect transparency , trust and major cohesiveness when it comes to big spending. It is not a matter of compulsion or being authoritarian, each person gets their one 50% vote, regardless of how much they contribute or even if they don’t have a job.

A friend stopped sharing with her husband because of his controlling ways, she volunteered that to me herself. If one partner is domineering then maybe sharing is not a good idea because it is going to lead to stress and fights. If he doesn’t have the login information to online banking, sounds like you’re not completely comfortable with him yourself. In sharing, each person has full access (including passwords) at all times. It sounds like you’re both not a 100% committed to this sharing idea and that’s not a crime, try something else.

Incidentally, with most of the joint account couples I know, the woman manages the money and the man earns more. Maybe it takes more trust for a man to share with a woman rather than vice versa, I do not know but that’s what I have observed. It sounds like he does not trust you to manage money (I’m not accusing you of anything here) and if that’s the way he sees the situation, all the more reason to shelve the joint thing for now until you can both agree on how to move forward. Joint accounts, realistically, from my unscientific observation, don’t work for most Naija marriages. It’s either someone is spending too much on their own relatives , diving into sketchy business deals, making questionable investments, overspending , maintaining an unaffordable asoebi lifestyle, has a side chic/guy, etc

I would not call you dumb, I would just say maybe you’re trying do something with someone of a different mindset so it’s not working out. It’s not compulsory to share. It’s obvious you are very resentful about how things are being done and he’s lying about transactions so why suffer? If it’s not working, try something else. Having peace in your marriage is more important than sharing accounts when you’re not on the same page. Joint accounts require unity of purpose. For me, the idea makes it easy to plan and to manage the finances because it’s all one pot, one for all and all for one. We swim or sink together, each person knows what our assets are and knows where all the skeletons are buried.

AmuDimpka:
the truth is that the nigerian taxing system is very low and we cant over deoend on oil, we have to deepen our tax system. Lagos and Abuja are two economic cities we must start seeing these places as cash cows and they must contribute to the country.

so why worry about 7% tax maybe

ORIENTATION101:
Tax system in Nigeria is one of the lowest in the world.

johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

Kayleb26:
Good morning everyone.
So I date a lady who lives and work on the island while I work and live on the mainland both in Lagos

We've had unending discussions about where to settle by the time we marry.

She doesn't want to leave the island. For the opportunities that abound there.
Having also stayed on the mainland, she believes the stress and rush rush of the mainland is more than that of the island.

We can comfortably afford a 2 BR apartment on the mainland but on the island, we'll have to squeeze ourselves to afford same.

I am open to relocate to island if that means better opportunities but for now I would rather choose an accommodation in a location I can comfortably afford.

Kindly suggest the pros and cons of living on the island or mainland for a new family.

Thank you

J111333:
Courtesy demands that a lady covers her boobs with a piece of cloth or what Nigerians call hankerchief while breastfeeding in a public area.
In some offices in civilised countries, there area breastfeeding break rooms.

Who is the useless attention seeking goat-faced chimp that spelt staring as steering calling men useless creatures? Somebody please connect her to Bobrisky.

Kendumazy:
Mehek! Used to press my phone and laptop while they are all watching it. The way they pay huge attention to it, i used to be like. Wetin dem dey watch sef. Small time, they started gisting me. Small time, I started getting interested. Small time, I fell in love with it.

sweetmelanin:
Until this past weekend, having sex once a month seemed to be a normal frequency in my marriage but on a recent girls night out, my girlfriends and I were gisting where I discovered that most of them are active 3- 4 times a week. I was shocked and couldn't imagine how one can get aroused so many times in a week by someone you have lived with for years and seen all their flaws and all.

For the past five years in marriage, once a month has always been the norm between my husband and I.

Now I'm left questioning if this is normal.

litaninja:
Like, someone just casually "took" 1bn from a Nigerian Bank. Yet, Musa can never get a small loan of 200k to start a business since no jobs are available.
Issokay.

pocohantas:
Exactly. Maybe she is a traditional wife. I have always read on this forum that men handle all their wife's/family's expenses. So, I assumed the guys here are traditional and rich. I am surprised to see them telling OP to run from her. OP didn't say she is disrespectful or any other thing.

She comes off as a traditional woman. Lots of Naija men will like her type or are probably used to her type.

Except they are suddenly telling me they've been lying all the times they claimed Naija men run homes alone.

Dpharisee:
Guy run, I am currently passing through what you would face in future and its not funny.
The pressures I have have to go through as a husband with a selfish wife who wants me to pay all the bills while she decides how to spend her own.

When my resources dwindled at a point the pressure and stress became much and I wanted her to help out in many ways but she was already used to me paying the bills, in frustration we engaged in physical fights, quarrels, inlaws, friends, relations interventions etc. all to no avail. Even after having kids, nothing much has changed.
I learnt how to do things differently by planning for myself and the family, by having good savings from every additional money that comes in. I provide only her basic needs as a husband that is affordable without much stress and have stopped bordering about her own money.

If I will advise you from my direct experience run away and dont look back from that lady, it may be hard but you are the one to decide, love is blind but dont be blind to love, shine your eyes

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

pocohantas:
Thanks sis Coco. It is on NL I read that it is "unmanly" to help around the house. My dad did it while we were growing up, even till now and he is a manly man.

Yes, it can never entirely be 50-50, but we can
work towards ensuring no one is stressed. There are men like that, I have met such and they had money that I could see- not audio money. So, it is not like they were broke asses trying to fill a void.

Money doesn't make a man, character does

Temitope009:
Me: Hello bae
Bae: Me?
Me: Yes, you. You swagalicious babe.

So today, I'm gonna tell you a story. It's about my friend. Let's call her Jay.
While we were still in school, according to Jay and our society, age wasn't on her side. She was apprehensive about getting married and making her parents proud (due to some reasons, she felt getting married will make them proud, which is true). However, Jay's suitors were either serious on having sex or just wanted a fling while they had their fiancees waiting for them.
Jay tried not to be desperate though. We, her friends also tried not to make her desperate.
One day, sexy got a call from a childhood friend from a far away land from us. The gist was, one uncle was interested in my friend Jay after seeing her pix on her phone.
Good news abi?
No o, Jay wasn't having it. Why? Uncle was still a student...


Sorry, duty calls. I have to run. I'll complete my story soonest. But don't forget, not all that glitters is gold. Shine your eyes..
LIVE.. LAUGH... LOVE....

baby124:
Lmaooo... oh I have big breast and wondering if I should take my bra off on the night of the terrific gbenshing since I am a virgin. Please advise . This is making me have cold feet

IBvoss:
What a big dissapointment Mercy is. I can understand if before, she turned to prostitution because she and her family had no one to depend on, and it was the most viable option for her survival. But with all the fame, exposure and oppurtunities, the big brother platform has provided her, to believe that she can't capatilize on that to make a brand and fortune for herself, by herself, and still think that she to depend on her body and men to survive, is something to be ashmed of. Like, what's your excuse? Don't you realize that you are now a role-model to some young females. Sigh, turned out to be just another Kim Kardashian...

condemn:
Look around you, women with entitlement mentality 90% always end up in divorce.

skukimania:
She never said she is from a rich family. That her mother even struggled to pay for her WAEC and the mother is now late.
So, you can imagine what she must have gone through to be where she is and she has younger siblings to cater for.
She is just being realistic. You people should leave her alone biko.

Rach111:
I dated my ex for 6yrs. Who was never proud of me, can't even post my pics on any social media, even the day I did he got angry and removed it.

Have never cheated on him because I hate double dating. Am a virgin and he was a virgin then. we promise to wait till marriage which made me to love him more. I always cook, clean do everything as if I was his wife.

But this guy never showed any signs that he will want to marry me. If I bring it up he keeps quiet over it.

After graduation we came back to Nigeria my grandmother who was like my mother because she was the one who took care of me, was sick I was in the hospital with her for 1 month he never showed up despite the fact that his house was close by. I saw so many signs that I was only wasting my time because he hardly calls even before then we had issues about a girl in his room which he denied everything yet I let it go because of love.

So through my savings from university I went to Dubai got a good job decided to forget about him for good and started dating a Canadian guy who was really nice to me and was willing to wait but my problem with him was that he always calls me sexy and shapy, big botty girl which made me feel like he was after my body because he was always telling me he can't wait to have me on his bed because he feels am too sexy.

Yes, I have great body no doubt, I became confused of the situation and decided to break up that was when my ex started begging for forgiveness that now his working in the bank and his planning to settle down by 2020.

My grandmother died I went to Nigeria and we met I realized he has slept with different girls and was even hiding his phone from me. Acting strange so I came back to Dubai continued my work and the white guy was trying to come back that he won't say things like that because he knows am different but the truth of the matter is that I don't even have any single love for the white guy. I still love my ex but my ex keeps talking to me like am a trash, I got angry and blocked him but he sent me massage on Facebook saying am childish and called me names this is someone who can never say things like that to me before but now he talks to me anyhow without respect because he feels am desperate for marriage because I always want to get married early, am in my early 20's.

Due to the situation all the guys both white and blacks asking me out for serious relationship have said no to all because I feel I can't love anyone again in my life because of my ex I don't know if am in my right senses have tried possible ways to forget him, I deleted all his pictures on my Facebook, always watching movies yet nothing seems to work.

Now am thinking of traveling to any European country look for a good white man so I can forget about him because I know I deserve better than him. I need advice if dating another guy mostly white can make me forget him or it might make things worst since am doing it because am trying to forget him.

shamecurls:
Use both Ex for money rituals

Kneephy:
She wants a boyfriend who does not want her.

simbated:
I have been away from wifey for about a year due to work. We used to sex chat initially but that has stopped for a while now. She used to to tell me she was horrrnny before, but not in recent 4 months. We are good in every other aspects. She looks after our 2 kids.

Now we are about to be together again permanently, after a year of being away. She has said it to me about 3 times that I should not be angry if she doesn't feel like having sex when we see. I really don't understand what this means. I have asked her why and she said no rwason. Somebody help me. I have no suspicion that she is cheating though. I don't really know what this could mean. Has anyone had this experience before?