₦airaland Forum

Smile4mee01:
Dear Fam,

I am a little depressed today. I am a 34 yr old guy going to 35. Has a decent Job, drive a good car. Live in my own house. Well traveled.
I desire to get married and have children but I just dont connect with women so well. I loose interest in them almost as soon as we get along and everything is looking nice. I kinda loose my peace with the female vibes around.I dont have sex with them.
I am considering going for my Masters abroad to better myself but women in west ( Australia) is another kettle of fish.

There is a colleague of mine who has been in the picture kinda. But she will be 35 in 6 months. She is about 5 months older than me
I am worried she might have difficulty having a child as women struggle with fertility about that age.

I have come too far to make a mistake by marrying a wrong woman. I am worried.

What issues do you have with women?

What is your relationship with your mother? Female siblings (if any)?

Have you ever had any serious relationship? If yes, what happened?

Are you a virgin? If no, what was your first experience?

What is your relationship with your dad?

geosegun:
Because we know it's all lies. When lies spread like that without debunking it quickly. Some innocent souls may start taken it seriously

The ones you are supposed to marry abi?

cerpvad:
True. But when you do all these things too much, she go misbehave. Therefore once in a while, show her the opposite of these things to reset her brain

Avoid 'Nigerian' wives who cannot respect men who treat them well.

NaijaRoyalty:
Women should face what's facing them .

House chores is their duty.

Cool.

Do you also think she would provide in the home or work at all?

Well well.

Breaststroke:
Yinmu! You can never be happy without a child . I strongly disagree, I am an exception to this rule.

Motherhood is not for everyone, just because we have the equipment for it, doesn't mean we all have the disposition for it.

There's a consistent lack of desire for children I particularly feel. I have zero interest in birthing a child of my own, how do we explain that?

I am actually glad about being child free and staying that way. The researcher echoed my sentiments about kids in this article.

How old are you?

franksunny:
All these and you don't watch the show? Buhari is a good man

If you understood my post, you would not have asked the question you did.

coldFLARES1:
Can't agree less with you.

I don't have the luxury of declaring preference for one against the other. Momsie has passed on. However, when she was around, no contestation about my preference for Poppa.

With all his baggage, which included having 10 of us and earning as an under-rank in the Army, I haven't seen more responsible, forthright, disciplined and loyal fathers.

He is my friend and impacted with sterling virtues and sacrificed the most to make me access the most of the opportunities his lean resources could afford.

My father any day!

Kudos to him.

May you be able to be a source of pride to him and continue his leagcy

I do not watch BBN.

I however have colleagues who do so I am not totally oblivious of what goes on there.

That said,

Mercy is an instigator. She knows how to pinch people to fight or 'knock' their heads together.

Tacha is a perpetrator. She is not wise enough to know when people need her to be angry and plays into her hands.

Tacha is an ill-bred uncouth Arrow however, I don't know how people don't see Mercy for who she is:

A social climbing, unloyal, talentless, cunning runs babe.

Sorry Tacha, Mercy has won again.

Hopefully, she re-trains herself as we Yoruba would say.

midnighter:
It was just a sarcastic turn of phrase.

They shouldn't "let" anybody in. But the opportunity should be equally available or rather there should be equal ability to pursue it

My dear,

The opportunities are there.

Equally.

midnighter:
Nope, we do not have to see people cite anything to know that these structures exist and that they discourage people

I have come to learn that nothing can stop a determined person.

They might miss their timeline, sacrifice more than budgeted, fail along the way however,

They will reach the goal.

Women should have the determination.

1 100% agree with Amechi today.

Any woman prevented from buying a form or contesting should take it up so we have a case.

midnighter:
Not who, but what

Intimidation, endemic misogyny in educational, political and religious institutions, pressure on women to prioritise marriage and "keeping a man" above all else from a young age, low prosecution rates for rapes and sexual assaults, gender wage gaps (low financial empowerment) ...should I continue...

These are insidious and entrenched societal ills that need tackling, he shouldn't be making flippant remarks about seducing men into signing contracts

Why can't he just leave it if he has nothing in particular to say

@bold:

Have you seen any woman really serious in politics site the above as an example?

If you tell me some husbands act as stumbling block, I would agree with you.

The question is now: why did the wife choose a destiny killer out of the 3 billion men in the world?

If I remember correctly, you were still saying a wife should be ready to move with her pastor husband in the thread with pastor husband.

You believed the wife should dump her school and follow the husband to where ever when the need arises.

That is a business woman whose business would be killed.

Would it be correct to say misogyny etc etc is responsible for lower female business owners?

midnighter:
The men in govt are mediocre so they should let some equally mediocre women in too if they are serious...

We should all be mediocre together...

Why should they let women in?

Who let the men in?

midnighter:
1. I dont see any difference and you havent explained it at all. Churches operate according to a belief in God so i do not see a difference there.

2. You said its very disruptive, now youre saying they are either static or not moving the family so I dont get you.

3. Its not about what he sounds like, he needs to tell us what actually happened before he starts complaining. I cant believe someone married to a pastor thought they would be in the same place for their entire married life and thought they could strong-arm him into staying where she planted a school just because she said so... everybody knows what a pastors life looks like

1. Ok

2. I said moving around is disruptive. I also said not all pastors are transferred out of their station. I also said some others are transfered in their locality e.g. They were worshipping at Gbagada and posted to Oworoshoki or Ogudu.

They don't need to move their families.

3. OK.

P. S. : a pastor's experience in RCCG is different from MFM.

Full time pastors and part time also have different experience.

The founding pastor vs the appointed/posted pastor have different tales.

midnighter:
1. You arent understanding me either, how can a church appoint a pastor outside of God's will? If he is not up to the task, will they appoint him? If God calls somebody via his church, isnt that what the church is for?

2.as for your 2nd point maybe its because we attend different churches because I have never witnessed where somebody is transferred and the wife and kids dont join them, even when the person is transferred to some strange country everybody has to go there at least until kids are old enough to board if the schools in that place are not up to scratch.

3. Yea you are right about Peter but I am going according to what is practiced...the lady should have known what to expect, which is why i am asking OP if they discussed it before marriage

1. My answer in my post. They are different things

2. I meant pastors and their families. Some are static even though full time. Others are rotated within the same axis so they are not moving the family.

3. While I agree they might have discussed it, the OP sounds like someone who shifts goal posts.

midnighter:
To me those two things are the same...the church is making a decision under God's guidance, no?

What i was trying to get out of the guy is whether they discussed this possibility before marrying...if they were on the same page then why is she so opposed to moving when thats what pastors' wives usually do

She's acting surprised that the guy expects her to pack up and move but thats what usually happens now..

if you dont like it then why marry a pastor

A church appoints a pastor is different from God calling a man to be a pastor.

If you don't know the difference, you can't understand my post.

2ndly, not all pastor's wives move around.

It is actually very disruptive especially when the kids are younger.

Little wonder a lot of pastors can't train their kids.

For instance, the model of Peter or Philip's ministry was very different from Paul's who was single.

Do you notice how the OP sees his pastor hood as 'business' where he is making money?

Doing what I am even tempted to ask.

UIA04:
I know of a school being manned by a married Muslim lady as far back as I can remember. The owner of the school lives abroad. I don't think that woman ever visits.

Although I'm sure the Muslim lady was 'chopping' part of the money but not in the way most school administrators do.

Also, she ran the school so well it grew in leaps and bounds.

If you guys can find an honest administrator to run the school ( by prayerfully searching) because I don't support a pastor and his wife being apart at all.

I believe the church is either redeem or winners and these churches pay their pastors well with accommodation.

If she is business savvy, as the mommy of the church she can colonize buying and selling activities there on Sundays.


Also, I know many part time pastors who are even more anointed than the full time ones. Maybe you can look at that angle.

That school is an asset you both can leave for your kids don't throw it away.

Hahahaha @ RCCG & Winners pay well with accommodation.

For the RCCG part, are you assuming or did a direct full time pastor tell you?

Tehila07:
She knew I would become a pastor. My main church is a Pentecostal one. But where I met her, I was attending orthodox to hide from those who know I had been resisting the calling. When I finally made up my mind, I returned to my church. But she doesn't like Pentecostal churches because her church is orthodox.

Hmmmmm

Wrong foundation.

midnighter:
Ok I understand it now.

Hmm it's a tricky one but tell me, before you married did you discuss the possibility of having to move to some other place for ministry? That is a big consideration when going into marriage with a pastor.

From a Christian perspective, she is supposed to follow you wherever you are called. That's the essence of being a pastor's wife.

I've seen people move to all sorts of places and wife has to follow. Maybe you should get to the bottom of why she refuses to join you .

The husband been called by God is different from been transferred by his Church.

Tehila07:
I'm a pastor in one of the biggest churches in Nigeria. She started a school. Profit can't be in school business at the beginning. So I'm helping with teachers salary at times. But in ministry, if I'm transfered, she must follow me. Now the school is growing fast and she said she won't follow me if I'm transfered.

I've been a school teacher for years and I'm the academic backbone of the school.

Pastor,

I don't understand you.

You can't tell the Church not to transfer you?

The last I remembered, your home is your first ministry.

Don't play church and its politics to the detriment of your home.

yeyeosoronga:
The earlier we understand that not all relationships is for marriage, the better for everyone.
Why can't you just go and catch fun? Things might progress from there if you both realise you enjoy each other's company so much.
People get so fixated that their relationship must be marriage or nothing, that they end up marrying the wrong one at the end of the day, and will end up cheating in marriage. Or they end up missing out on a great relationship because they feel its not leading to marriage.
He didn't mention he made any promises before quaffing themselves. The girl needs to relax and pick up the vibes that the guy wants some space. But I'm sure she already has her caterer, event planner, dress and bouquet all ready as we speak.
Women should never sleep with a man to keep him. Kolewerk. Sleep with him because you want to enjoy yourself and make sure he pleasures you and gives you that healing you want

N:B= long term relationships ( >/= 1 year) should know the direction they're heading o, so don't get me wrong o. But from OPs post, this is still a very new relationship

Laughs in Spanish.

You do not understand a woman's thought process when she is desperate to marry or thinks her prime is past.

I will bet my finger that if this OP with his behavior spoke to this lady 5 years back, she wouldn't even give him a second chance except she just wants sex.

This woman is spending all her resources on this OP. Her time, money, emotions etc. for sex.

I am sure a corner of her mind tells her that this OP is DOA; she just wants to manage and see if she can swing the odds in her favour.

Normal people don't just enter relationships for se.x multiple times.

And ideally, a relationship (not date) especially sexual should lead to marriage.

Or why are you investing your time, emotions and resources building something not meant to last?

No sane person does that.

Ariza:
Don't be deceived by the numbers of 'bang' you read in his post. He might have been banging his keypad all along.

Please do not let me choke.

Hahahahahahahaha

Children would always like the parent who was really there for them.

At childhood, you can deceive a child with sweets. When he or she is older, the ability to judge a parent for whom they really are is gotten.

That is the stage most fall outs happen.

lalasticlala:
I actually lost my father on Sunday evening.

Obviously it's painful that I won't see him again.

But God knows the best.

God give you the fortitude to bear the loss and the wisdom to carry on his legacy.

Happy birthday ma,

God bless you and your children and children's children.

truthsayer009:
Everyone expires both Men and Women. Some people are only lucky that they aged really well.

As for biological clock, this is very true as women who give birth early usually look so great in their 30s and 40s.

Very true.

I see people who have kids in their 20s.

In their forties, they are agile, done with child training and flexing.

Gosh, I dislike this interface.

@OP:

I totally disagree that women do not 'expire'. Men do, however at a later date.

The concept called biological clock is very real and the earlier a woman has her kids (early 20s ideally), the healthier they both are in addition to other benefits.

Moreover, it is better she has her kids and launch into her career (she stays there longer) than focus on her career and leave marriage for later.

The younger a woman is, the better placed she is to find a spouse that aligns with her goals if she knows herself. The easier it is to also build a relationship.

The lower her body count is, the easier is it to bond with her husband spiritually, emotionally, sexually and physically.

The goals of marriage are
1. companionship
2. Prevention of adultery
3. Building a continuous society by breeding moral kids

As such it is very important and should be considered as such.

And a true marriage has never stopped a woman from reaching her potential: it aids her to it.

Like they say 'two (good) heads are better than one'.

niaralandtopuser:
may have been carrying a fake pregnancy all these while

Even if.

Will she show up aith a two month old baby?

Will the owner of the baby let her be?

Ijaycool:
there is something fishy my dear... how can a son be stolen into a family? is that how it is done in Ekiti?

As in.

Hahahaha @bold.

I don't understand.

How do you steal a child to keep?

Wouldn't her husband and neighbors ask were she got the baby considering that she is not pregnant?

From the story, the victim knows her. Would that one just look at her while she grooms the boy?.

There is more to this story than meets the eye.

The police should investigate deeper.