₦airaland Forum

nwanneni:
yes,I am in Nigeria.
Where men and women don't share rents!

Well, this is Nairaland, an alternate universe.

nwanneni:
lioness..
And this is what they do;
-Sharing chores with me dey give me work.today na me dey wash plate,mop floor and kitchen.I no go do am.
Make the house better turn refuse dump!I don't care.
I can help out in emergencies and move heavy furniture,no p.
-giving ultimatum.she is wasting her time because I will make sure I break that ultimatum as much as possible make that thing web she go do happen.
There are better ways to pass messages
-insults,abuses(verbal and/or physical)
This one drives me nuts
-competition.me and she no dey compete na,its a union.
-Outrageous demands
Those are some things agu nwanyis do

OH, you expect her to work and still handle the chores alone?

I will agree with you that presentation is key.

Acidosis:
How about we ask; do men maltreat women because they learnt how to cook and take care of the home?

My question would give you the answer you seek.

Have you seen a wife who thinks she is better than her husband or seeks to control her husband because she cooks and cleans?

nwanneni:
Personally,I won't marry a housewife.
You earn yours,I earn mine,let peace reign.
That is all we ask,no be say make you come dey tell us say you be "agu nwanyi" na.

What's 'agu nwanyi'?

You want to wife to work although not provide. Do you realize that she will require you to be hands on at home because she works outside?

nwanneni:
since when did men and women start sharing rents and utility?
Let's be realistic please

Are you in this Nigeria so?

nwanneni:
another scam!
Like say self esteem dey buy house
It's not esteem y'all look for but security.
And security=$$$$
Why una no dey gree marry boys for ghetto with plenty self esteem

Well,

What works for the women you have met necessarily doesn't apply to all women.

Money is such a transient value to build your self esteem on and that's why a lot of men are only as good as their money.

I wanted a husband who was thoughtful, kind, loves me, has a great deal of self-esteem and provide me with things that I can't for myself.

In all five pages of this thread, all you seem able to provide is money, money, money.

If money was all there is, the Dangotes of this world would not be divorced.

Acidosis:
Let's assume all you've said is true, at what stage does a man unleash the demon within? The day he realizes he can cook and take care of a baby?

Have you seen men throw caution to the wind because they suddenly realize they can cook and take care of the home?

I know this was on the basis that women throw caution to the wind because they earn.

Your next question should be 'do women maltreat men because they can cook and take care of the home'?

You know the answer innit?

sacx:
Take the job and also pray for your hubby so he can get a better paying job where he is based. If that happens, maybe he can get his kids to live with him so he can offer them the better things of life, while you hold the fort from your base. You could pay them a visit like twice a month if you find the time.

Ewww . Whatever it is you have become, I think hubby is a contributory factor to it. I saw that 'akagum' something too. You see your hubby as lazy and selfish, and perhaps he is. I advise all, both male and female, to treat their spouse right in plenty and scarcity, so there won't be need for resentment when the situation changes.

So do take the job, and don't see this change in fortune as an opportunity to settle scores with him. I hope you both learn to love each other.

@bold:

Words on marble

nwanneni:
Na their way na
Where I use to live ehn Bro,e get this woman weh be hotshot lawyer then,e be like the hubby was out of work at the time cos me and am dey dey house wella then
She dey cruise one Nissan qashqai 015 then and the hubby dey manage one beatdown 07 accord.
We dey use to get monthly meetings with the landlord then,come see as the woman dey challenge everybody and even the hubby for the gathering,they hush am when e want talk till the landlord gats blast am to shut the hell up and give the hubby respect for public!unto say the old man na major baller.
Every time you see the guy all moody and looks like one who has given up hope.
Many women can no longer control that SUPREME feeling when they start making more money I swear!
It's the truth,and if you complain ehn,she go use her connection from men in her class to put you for panti direct
I hope say this madam no go do am sha

If you guys want to be honest, you will more that a large number of men maltreat and control their wives when they (the husbands) are the sole/major providers.

The wives learnt from the husbands.

ornicus:
That depends on the man.the die hard chauvinists will take the contributions and still expect the wife to be a doormat. Friend I discussed previously - he and his wife built their house together, then the guy put it in his own name.

Luckily you see it from both angles.

AntiBrutus:
Men are confused.
They don't even know what they want.

Look around you, so many jobless women that are submissive. Pick one and marry.

I think most people want to eat their cake and have it.

And women should seek men who have high self esteem.

It is extremely important.

I am not understanding.

Why should they let her withdraw before them?

Mrcomedimatic:
Tinubu's Wife becomes the first female Senate to be elected to serve in three consecutive Parliaments

The wife of former Lagos State Governor, Tinubu took to her Twitter page to announce that she is the first female Senate to be elected to serve in three consecutive Parliaments.

She tweeted saying





Source: https://ngg.ng/2019/06/12/tinubus-wife-becomes-the-first-female-senate-to-be-elected-to-serve-in-three-consecutive-parliaments/

And what have you achieved thus far with the opportunity given to you?

essenceplus:
Explain. Educate me plz

She wasn't ready to work on her marriage considering the circumstances they married.

fieryy:

Oh dear, do I have to be married to be able to think logically?

If I had said any man who abandons his career for marriage is extremely stupid, would you have quoted me?

Quitting school/your job for anybody including your husband to be is extremely stupid. We do not live in lala land, but on planet earth where anything can happen.

People die everyday including husbands, people divorce everyday, people are diagnosed with diseases like cancer everyday and if you don't have any source of income to protect yourself and eventually your kids from such life challenges because your dumbass is totally dependent on a man, then you are extremely stupid



Bukatyne Acidosis

Saying that any woman who quits her career for a man is stupid is quite a blanket statement.

There is a difference between a career and a calling. One is finite, disposable and can change, the latter is not.

Most people do not even have a career in the first place. Most people have jobs just for sustenance till they retire. Only few would ever have worthy careers in their work life. Take the ratio of accountants vision a viz those that becomes Chief Financial Officers? And Accounting is a profession.

Also, the satisfaction gotten from building careers is fleeting. Except for people who really really really love their jobs or their jobs is in line with their calling. Note the emphasis on love.

Building a career is also building someone's dreams and visions. Would everyone be visionary enough to start their own stuff? No. However, it would be stupid to build someone else's life at the expense of yours.

I also do not agree with delaying marriage for a career. It is pulling the cart before the horse. A career doesn't also mean financial freedom which your post is heavy on. Only very few people get the juicy jobs with lots of perks.

If a couple decide that it is best for the wife to stay at home for a while, they would have counted the pros and cons. There will also be systems put in place to ensure financial capacity for the wife.

A calling however is different and most be fulfilled at all cost.

essenceplus:
What is wrong with our men. Why does this continent breed these kinds of men. Bukatyne lilmissfavvy pls answer me. I'm tired of reading such gawop daily. Ibkayee can you answer this question and help me out of this dilemma

The OP is not entirely blameless.

Jeju:
What do you expect on a blog filled with Jss3 kids.

Hahahaha

crackhaus:
It all depends on her.

Have you ever seen where one seller is hoarding goods that other sellers are giving away at discounted rates?

Abeg, i am eating joor.

If the hubby joins Lagos Sweet Boys association, he knacks for a fee so he brings money home and knacks his wife.

See balling on both ends.

Sense will not kee me.

Timbuktuo:
Okay, maybe not cheating, but definitely wickedness.

Isn't sexuàl abuse similar or related to sexuàl assault?

I think it's emotional abuse.

Hahahahaha @wickedness.

Sexual abuse is either denial of sex or engaging someone in sexual acts they find demeaning/humiliating.

Timbuktuo:
Is denying your partner of pleasure you can easily provide not cheating? That's emotional abuse.

Is it cheating?

Nope.

Emotional abuse? More like sexual abuse.

Timbuktuo:
I know you endorse this message.

Your message has three parts.

I only endorse part 2.

Cheating? Nope, nope, nope

Acidosis:
I would come around if I were in his shoes honestly. But if I stumble on this thread by any means, I certainly would have a rethink about the purpose of marriage.

The prioritizing of a spouse above kids is not mainstream.

He might also feel the same way.

Timbuktuo:
Spot on. IMO, sèx in a relationship is a duty. It is absolutely within your power to engage in it. If your partner isn't complying, just shake your head and hit up the backup. No time.

@Bold,

I agree too.

nkwuocha:
She is a wicked woman,giving a jobless husband good sexx keeps his spirit high and his relevance ignited.

She is not a wife but a woman.

True.

crackhaus:
Not forget sex with her, not cheat. Just stop begging.
I cannot even fathom the idea of it because it is counter-productive in the long run.

Once she gets accustomed to it, every sexual encounter will now feel like a favor, and she will only accede to his pleas when she feels very satisfied. This never ends well.

Too bad he is already at this point, otherwise, my advise to him as I usually tell my friends, is to NEVER let the love for punaní become so severe that it becomes a necessity instead of just an interest. I even had a similar convo with someone to this effect on Wednesday last week.
Self-control & self-mastery is very important when it comes to anything that is very sweet.
E dey sweet, e dey sweet, no mean say pesin go die if he no get am.

And from the full story, the man is not even a poor person. Just someone who fell on bad times and still financially takes care of his shít at home.
If it finally gets so bad that he can't help himself anymore after ignoring her for like a month and she still isn't responding to his moves, then I crackhaus am in support of getting the cookie from the available options open to him outside.

As long as he stops begging for it and just leaves her to continue believing she kept a stash of precious stones down there, everything will probably turn out okay either for him personally or for their union.

I agree with you except the adultery part.

And ideally, it is because something dey sweet that's why long abstinence in marriage is discouraged

Timbuktuo:
He should go and satisfy himself with another woman. Why should he beg for sex from his wife? She should be ready to part thighs soon as he signifies intent. Anything less is grounds for seeking alternative satisfaction of his needs

Eziokwu!

nahzyla:
He is undecided. Earlier on he said he doesn't want me to go but some time ago he started talking about it like he is completely fine with it. His opinion is yoyoing. He hasn't concluded.

Discuss with him exploring all the pros, cons and both be open minded.

It is your family and you both should do what you will to make you happy.

And your title is misleading: Should I leave my husband seems you want a divorce or seperation.

Lexusgs430:
Her spirit is no longer in that union...... Just her body is stuck in the situation........

Hmmmmmmmmm

Daboomb:


I think it is the latter.

Hmmmmmmmm

frozen70:
I have read your messages and I have few advice for you

I am not blaming you for what happened but I am blaming the society that doesn't want women to be unmarried

They believe every woman should be married whether you like it or not

Now for you to remain in that marriage and be happy is doubtful

Relax yourself and plan on how to live your normal life with out that man

Behave as if nothing happens, just keep looking at his attitudes and save money for the next move

When I say save money, I mean start planning by reducing cost and save money

That rainny day is coming and when it comes, you would have been prepared for it

Don't be in a hurry to have children or in a hurry to get married because of age, good health and happiness should be your priority.

All those things that you are desperate off can only come from God and with God's approval

It's better you are leaving alone and have peace of mind than leaving with a beast that have no feelings or regards for you

Am sorry to say that your husband is a low life man

He doesn't value anyone and wants the best attention and affection even when he had nothing to offer

When you are fed up of staying with him, pls move out peacefully

Forget about what people will say, if you keep listening to what people will say, you will never ever do anything right for yourself

There is a guy out there that will love you to a fault

@Bold:

True.

It is however possible that she has used them to do boyfriend in the past.

LordKO:
@OP

If not that you don't seem ready to hear the truth or make the marriage work, I'd have given you a feasible solution. Both of you are wrong.

Still share your thoughts.

Someone else could pick up and learn

nahzyla:
Should I leave my husband in one state and go to the neighbouring state for a government job I was offered? I will be there permanently while he can come to visit once in a while.

I got an offer for a job that is in another state which is just three hours drive from the one I live in presently. The salary for the job is quite good; more than 200,000 for starters and I know I will be able to better my kids lives and give them a better life in the long run. Presently the money I am earning is not so much so I am very happy and tempted to get this new job but people keep talking me against it saying my husband will marry a new wife or keep a mistress in my house or it has destroyed marriages, and so on.

My spouse on the other hand does a job with a salary that is not fixed. One month it could be 50k, another month it's 100k and sometimes he doesn't earn anything the whole month and we have to fall back on what he got the month before and the one I earn from my place of work.
When we discussed my relocation before he had half mind about it, part of him wanted me to stay and another part was OK with my going.
The truth is that I really want the best for my kids and I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself in the long run if I turn down this offer because I don't want to be cheated on. I can't sacrifice my children's wellbeing and happiness for anything and I want them to go to good schools, eat the best foods, wear the best clothes get the best medical care and so on
Please what do you suggest nairalanders? What will be the best line of action in your opinions?

What is your husband's thought about it?