₦airaland Forum

OP, sorry, I thought the husband was blind when he married and now his eyes are opened.

Literally.

elektra:
Like I said the concept of marriage vows as consent for all sexual activities at all times in the marriage is open to interpretation.

I just pointed out a handful of scenarios as an example of legitimate reasons for avoiding sex in a marriage, I wasn't really asking for a response to those, just trying to show that you are using one blanket judgement for a subject with many nuances.

But based on your proffered solutions to the stated scenarios, I think you are intentionally refusing to consider that this subject has too many grey areas and should not be treated as black and white as you have done, and it is clouding your judgement.

For instance, solution for A - "join in the race for achievement"? LMAO. So if your spouse to too stressed to think about sex, get yourself stressed too so both of you are too stressed to consider sex? Do you really think this is what a "sane" spouse would do? A sane spouse will wait! Ph.D dissertation writing take ~6months of long hours and hard work and sane partners have and can wait it out.

For the other solutions you proffered, there are so many what ifs, so i'll leave it alone.

Again, how is it better for the society that there is "nothing like marital rape"?

@Ph.D scenario, I meant the other party should assist and be hands on. Totally has nothing to do with sex,

Five years so fast

Her legacy lives on.

Profkenny1:
Bullshit! You don't have to be a parasite to attract parasites and leeches! Women are known to pretend until they get what they want from men. The most manipulative creatures on this planet are women!

Hmmmm mm.

God help you o.

elektra:
The problem I have with your stance is that you are using one blanket statement for a topic that has so many nuances.

There is nothing like marital rape in Nigeria. Since you claim that the marital vows are a one time consent given for all sexual activities to follow. What about countries where spousal rape is prosecutable? Are their marital vows different? No. The issue of consent being covered by marital vows is subject to different interpretations. Why? Because marital vows do not include "I hereby give you consent for all sexual relations after this wedding". To insist that your own interpretation is the correct one is a bit myopic.

There are so many issues that would prevent a spouse from agreeing to make love to their partners. You make it sound as if people do not have legitimate/logical reasons to refuse sexual intercourse even in a marriage.

Husband/wive is wrapping up Ph.D dissertation, is constantly stressed and tired, has no sex drive and explained the situation to spouse.
Spouse is having extramarital affairs, faithful spouse is unable to stomach having sex with a cheating partner and told spouse just that.
Spouse does not want to have sex without protection, partner insist on unprotected sex or no sex at all.
One partner wants more kids, other one is not ready.
Should I go on?
If these issues are not resolved in a timely manner the willing partner should have not qualms forcing their way because there is no such thing as marital rape. And if your spouse forces themselves on you, don’t feel hurt or angry because they can’t be prosecuted. Smile and be happy.

How is it better for the society that there is "nothing like marital rape"?

There would always be reasons why a spouse doesn't want sex. There are times when both parties are not in the mood.

However, the concept of consent makes each party realize that this is my duty and I am not doing my spouse a favor and it is wrong to hoard or use sex as a bargaining/reward tool.

Instance A, a sane spouse would join in the race for achievement

B: Seperation & Divorce is allowed for adultery. The faithful spouse can report to a respected figure. STD is no joke.

C: The party who doesn't want kids should get family planning

If you are forced to the point of injury, seek redress.

elektra:
Maybe if you were not hammering on wives alone. The discussion would broaden out. Or maybe replace wife with spouse?

The original thread did not talk to wives alone.

liberalchick:
Sorry you can have opinions but you can NEVER make up your own facts. If you are comfortable with your husband having sex with you without your consent because you think you have already given him consent when you said “I do”, then good for you do whatever makes you happy.

“There is nothing like marital rape” is an opinion NOT a fact. You are not entitled to your own facts. Sorry. I usually like what you post but I will have to disagree with you on this one.

Yes you were outwitted, the deleted thread was not a good look for you and it wasn’t an educational thread because it wasn’t based on facts sorry. I am happy the mods deleted it.

Why do I feel you are an old moniker?

On a different note.

@you love reading my posts: thanks

Gloriagee:
The earlier you agree that no one has the answer to every question, the better for your threads cos you seem bent on selling your opinion that there's nothing like marital rape n yea I said opinion, rather than fact.

I subscribe to issues being addressed rather than swept under the carpet. In the interim, while the issues are being worked on, what happens to chilling till the issues are sorted out or working on getting your spouse in the mood. If spouse refuses, u halt advances. Anything other than that is rape and unjustifiable, in my opinion.

Re women raping men, an earlier female poster wrote bout her hubby traveling for 15 hours and being too tired to have s.ex. Now, if she had gone on to sleep with him without his consent, are u suggesting its justified because it's her marital right?

It is not my opinion.

The poster is understanding and considerate which is commendable.

@bold: a number of people especially TTCing, a spouse constantly hoarding the cookie or couples where a spouse is in transit would not agree with you.

blank:
I gentle o.

No strength to type but i read sometimes and pass.

Receive strength to type.

crackhaus:
It's not a mentality, I'm talking real life here.

It doesn't matter a woman's nationality, black or white and in-between, there are three things that make women submissive almost to the point of servitude:

1. True Love, emotion-based.

2. True spirituality, religion-based.

3. Money, vanity-based.


If money really does not make you see a man as the authority in the home, one of the other two always does.

And interestingly, the average Nigerian husband isn't willing to bring any of these to the table.

I prefer reading foreign articles on relationships/marriage.

I might not agree with most of what they say however they understand that they have responsibilities towards the kind of home they want.

You will read some blogs where posters will be praying/advising a wife how to engage her husband so she stops working to enable her a 'true' submissive wife.

A husband wants his wife to stop wearing trousers and he buys the types of dresses he wants on her.

The men would be studying the Bible so they are fit spiritual leaders.

Even the non-religious ones would talk of what they need to do so their wives are submissive. They will say a mark of a submissive wife is one who doesn't work so she can concentrate on chores.

I once read some people who believed women should not be educated in college. They can do general studies online or in the library while they focus on building a home and marry early.

Not like Naija that wants the girl educated to P. HD and thereafter, tell her not to work.

You might not agree with their methods however, they think things through.

Our brothers?

Hmmmmmm.

BLUEJAYY:
Yeah right?

I make passionate love, I hardly just fvck. So that explains my desire to always want to connect to the female body and therefore informs my choice of sex positions. Missionary and pronebone are great for such connections as it is not just a 'dick to pussy' thing.

It let's you lie on the woman and feel her softness and also warm her too. The leg wrap adds a lot of spice to it as it opens her up more and at the same time you get a maximum feel of her thighs. Sex is beautiful.

I think missionary style is one of the most intimate styles if they are both expressive.

folake4u:
This thread is DEEP

So did you enjoy it?

What are your thoughts?

blank:
There's something about generalizations that blind a person from knowing that the world is filled with such diverse people that there are people that actually believe and do contrary. Don't begrudge anyone their beliefs or opinions.

Long time no hear

twhy111:
That is the perception you're giving yourself, but it doesn't dispute the fact that both sex are culprit of fornication.

@bolded:

Stopped at that.

Go through NL for proof.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Mrsthang, your input was spot on. Thanks.

Bukatyne, thanks too.

You are welcome

UyaiIncomparabl:
It means stroking men's ego.

Men and women are supposed to be humble.

Humility is one very important virtue every Christian must have, but you need to possess it in a way that glorifies God. Here are 10 times the bible talked about being humble.

1. Philippians 2: 3-11 : Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men...

2. James 4:6 : But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

3. Luke 14: 11 : For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

4. Proverbs 22:4 : The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.

5. 1 Peter 5:6 : Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you...

6. Romans 12:3 : For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

7. Colossians 3:12 : Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.

8. Proverbs 11:12 : When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

9. 1 Peter 5:5 : Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

10. Jeremiah 9:23 : Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches
https://www.pulse.ng/communities/religion/lesson-time-10-things-the-bible-say-about-humility/tk4p83s


Leave the average Nigerian man alone and you will know peace.

ebusnwaoma:
A husband from hell who is currently on the run, reportedly stabbed his wife multiple times for refusing to give him money to pay a prostitute. Akua, the wife who was stabbed by her husband for refusing to give him money to pay a prostitute, disclosed that the incident happened on Monday, 27 May 2019 at Kanda, Accra. Speaking at a radio show, she said her husband whose name she gave as Koffi, had slept out that night and engaged the services of a prostitute.

She further revealed that her husband came home with the prostitute who demanded payment for her services. However after she refused giving Koffi money to pay off the prostitute, he stole her money which led to a heated argument. The hairdresser who said she woke in the evening of the same due to a sharp pain in her skull, stated that her husband stabbed her multiple times with a knife.

According to her after she begged and screamed for help, Koffi who feared the consequence of his action fled the house. While the suspect is yet to return home, Akua was rescued by her neighbours who took her to the hospital and reported the incident to the police.


https://unclesuru.com/2019/06/06/husband-stabs-wife-multiple-times-for-refusing-to-give-him-money-to-pay-a-prostitute/

The story made sense till the bolded.

The husband stabbed the wife's head/skull several times in her sleep and she did not wake up screaming in pain? She did not pass out in her blood? She did not die?

They should come back with a more believable story.

This story nor jell.

twhy111:
both sex cheat, stop making it looks as if fornication is only a man's thing.

Male adultery is accommodated.

Profkenny1:
I agree with all except the embolden. There's NO decent girl in 2019!

Change your circle.

And considering the fact that you are what you attract, you might want to check yourself.

Would a decent girl find me attractive?

Sterope:
I don't understand why the law enforcement agencies haven't started jailing these women.

Neymar is a very lucky man

He is.

Look Gooding family.

Davash222:
A 39-year old ‘housewife’ claiming the husband does not provide upkeep and education of their children?? Who then is providing for the family since the woman is a housewife

Women and their manipulations!!

Housewife is also used to depict a wife in her matrimonial home.

So every wife is an housewife hence the stay at home moms were called 'full housewives' in the past

Humility is the quality of being humble and means putting the needs of another person before your own, and thinking of others before yourself. It also means not drawing attention to yourself, and it can mean acknowledging that you are not always right.
https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-humility.html

It is also the absence of pride.

UyaiIncomparabl:
1] To not object the man's decisions.
2] To remain foolish and smile sheepishly even when I am seething with pain and anger.
3] To always accept that the man is always right.
4] To mop, sweep, cook, clean, still contribute financially and open my legs willingly like the windows of heaven even at my own discomfort.

Need I add more?

From the Christian point of view which is the only one I understand:

The husband is to love and the wife is to submit.

Now, husbands are called to love their wives as their own bodies etc. 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7 has a definition of what that love is. A man who loves his wife puts her first, is not selfish etc. you get the idea.

Wives are to be submissive, put their husbands first, do everything to make him happy, etc.

More that love and submission are more of a state of mind and action than words.

How do I make my husband happy? How do I make him feel respected? How do I show him love? How do I adore my husband? How do I show him I admire him? How does he know that I am his number 1 fan and he is my number 1 hero? How do I always make myself ready, sweet and available for him sexually? How do I use all the resources, gifts and talents I have to better his life? To bless him? How do I let him know that even after the kids, he is still no 1?

As a wife, you should trust your husband's words, actions and reactions. You should be able to esteem his advice especially when he is knowledgeable in that field. You should make your family members know that he is number one and by extension, they respect him.

As a wife, you know his likes and dislikes and do them in his presence or absence.

@Opening of legs: if you love a man, you will open hand join.

@Finances: it depends on how you decide to run your home.

@chores: same thing.

@decision making: it is also up to you both. Some do joint decisions, some husband decides and notifies wife, some each decide according to area of expertise.

The problem is not submitting to a husband, the problem is finding the man that is worthy it. The problem is a man ensuring that he is trustworthy enough to be followed. It is ensuring a man knows that he is to lead by example in all areas.

That's why I always hammer on women marrying the right man. Marry a man that loves you: he will do everything to make you happy that you will be thinking 'what else can I do to make this man happy?' He will put you first that only putting him first will make sense.

From the Christian model, a man is to love and his wife reciprocate in submission.

If you Marry a man who doesn't love you and you are a Christian wife, you are expected to submit although it would not be easy.

If you marry a woman who doesn't submit and you are a Christian husband, you have to love her even though it would be a torture.

The second most important decision a woman would make is the husband she marries ditto a man.

UyaiIncomparabl:
SLAVERY!

Hahahahahaha

On a serious note,

What does it mean to do.

What do you think is required of you as a submissive wife?

UyaiIncomparabl:
Tickle my senses, please. I really do not understand what SUBMISSION means, and perhaps, mightn't. Do we 'Women' have to be foolish and accept every whims you MEN throw at us? I cannot still fathom what that word entails.

Whoever coined out that word is SEXIST!
Is there a more subtle and clearer definition for it? Why were we 'WOMEN' ordered to only submit and inturn get only LOVE from you men? Love that will still wane? Isn't that selfish? I think both genders should equally submit to each other and love each other too. We crave respect and honour just as you men do too. SO, why does it only revolve around you people?

We are also egotistical just as men are too, so why is it one-sided? What is the need of submitting whole-heartedly when he will still cheat and keep numerous concubines? And please do not mention 'Polygamous in nature' here because humans generally are polygamous, not just men. We are also moved by what we see.

Married men and women, I need answers.


Your contributions are highly welcome. Sentimental replies will not be appreciated.

What does submission mean to you?

Raalsalghul:
Me and you know that it doesn't work like that.

I know it is quite simplistic however you get my point.

What if he fell into her trap?

What would save him?

When we tell people to be careful, they assume that we do not want them to enjoy, they are superior to women and can do anything, they are master Keys etc.

Say what you will about Beckham, he married Victoria, had kids and entered house.

Find a decent girl and wife up.

If you want to do everywhere you go, carry your wife along.

He is lucky he did not hit her.

There is no hypo that would have washed him clean.

False rape allegations should carry same penalty as rape.

If 20 women sleep in prison for seven years, others would have sense.

How did his boys scout for the underage girls so they can prevent others from falling victims and punish the accomplices.

Did he keep them hostage for days or did he rape them and discharge them immediately?

Parents and guardians need to be careful and watchful.

I personally think there is more to this story.

Agugbadin:
Smartness

If she was smart enough to pull it off, then she is smart enough to go to school.

Why didn't she just get the real thing?

I thought someone else released the nudes and I was going to say we need to be careful of decisions today so they do not hurt us tomorrow.

Realizing that she released them herself, all I can say is:

'I am speechless'

Carry go, nothing do you.