₦airaland Forum

As usual, an article that skims the surface without exploring the causes when talking about relationship dynamics esp. Nigerian...

The real question is 'Why do "Nigerian" wives believe their money is theirs only while their husbands' is for everyone'?

OP answer and there you have your answers.

BoboYekini:
This is the real issue right here. Women will be women but we will still say it.
Why is this never a problem in the basic North where there is always a man for every woman (whether divorcees, widows or whatever)? It is only in the 'sophisticated' South here that you have 7 slay women clamoring to be mistresses of one wealthy man when there are indeed more men than women. They perpetuate this hypergamy well into their middle age(again for the record, after being babymamas/divorced/widowed they still have options) and with the other mouth complain about being stigmatized by young men.

@bold: Absolutely on point.

How can a woman honestly say she is a babymama because she did not get a husband?

How come they are only babymamas to 'rich' men?

Imagine Anna Banner a babymama to flavour while I am sure some young men who are not doing badly would give anything to wife her.

Jahblessme:
They stay single because they can't just be bothered about getting married again to continue the cycle of.slaving for a man especially dependent on how the previous marriage was.

Many of them have discrete relationships,men for bed warming,some for cash etc.Besides,they have children to raise,why complicate things ?

You find a few who are grateful the husband has been " called to glory",who were just there for financial purposes.
So different widows, different choices.

See Bianca,heheheheh will we say she's unmarried due to family pressure?

It is even funnier when I see posts implying they are celibate

As in...

For Bianca, I read somewhere that she will be disinherited if she re-marries.

If she is celibate, I have no idea.

What we should honestly be considering is 'how many women who are "genuinely" considering marriage unable to find a man or never had a serious relationship'?

Babymamas, runs girls etc. don't count

yhemster:
I disagree with your statistics, where did you get this from? I think the ratio of Nigerian women to men currently will be around 60:40.

Which Nigeria?

Maybe 40 'okay' men to 60 women sha.

BoboYekini:
Ma'am, you too much Your posts are golden!

Thanks

Toks2008:
Do you know how difficult it is to stay without sex expecially when you are already used to it?

I once met a lady whose husband traveled out of the country and four 4 freaking years she has not had sex...

She was practically begging me to just massage her body after I vehemently turned her sexual overturns down and you won't believe that at a stage I was starting "to feel sorru" for her but I stood my ground anyways...

Now this is a lady that is still married to a guy that might have gotten married in another country ....now imagine that lovely young widow with a child or two keeping to her self for years and we expect a 35year old widow to hold body till she grows old and dies...habba let's be fair in our reasoning.

I have seen many ladies who have threatened to kill their husbands over second wife wahala just for them to end up as a cuncubine of a married man after the untimely death of their husbands.

A lot of widows stay single because of self imposed, societal or family restrictions.

MostHated:
Actually, its about the number of marriageable males. More males are given birth to, but as they grow up, the fatality rate is higher amongst males for obvious reasons, so the number of marriageable ladies are more while we have more male kids...even amongst the lesser marriageable males, many do not want to marry because of the economic situation. Try browsing an analysis of Nigeria's population by ages of each gender and how many they are, and you'll see the cause of the problem.

P.S take note of the percentage of males to females in the age region of 20-39.

@40 - 49, men outnumber women and men would usually marty younger wives..

Like I said on another thread, nature is designed in such a way that people are desire marriage are enough to go round themselves.

If we are talking Christianity: Having more than one wife was never God"s plan.
God created Adam and Eve (not Eves);

He said a man will leave his parents & cleave to his wife... except if a marrried man is still joined to his parents while married, I don't see how a married man can cleave to another woman

The process of polygamy is adultery; a married man will think sexually of his intended (I am generous to assume that he doesn't sleep with her before the marriage.)

The baby mamas to Alhajis cannot honestly say that there were/are no younger men asking their hand in marriage. Most of them also have multiple men in their lives. Let us really practice one man one woman and see the true reflection of 'single' women left.

Except in special cases, no lady can say guys don't approach her... if he is her spec is now another discussion altogether.

I know someone who was in her late 40s/ early 50s, men were coming but they were either too poor, not willing to do big wedding, can't marry a widower with kids etc etc. This is just an example.

Some acclaimed 'single' ladies have different men for different purposes; bed warmer, emotional support, recharge card sender, handyman etc yet none of them is good enough for marriage and they desire it.

Since the OP is proposing men marry several wives to help single women, perhaps women i
China can also marry several men to help the single men there.

PaperLace:
That's what happens when some people leave romance section to come comment on family issues. People that haven't even managed boyfriend-girlfriend relationship well.

The day I see a married man who has never deeply annoyed his wife, then I will see sense in their rants.

I wonder when going violent on one's spouse became a solution. Is this beating only recommended for irate wives? Because when it's a man, all I see on NL is "pray for him, ignore him, give him silent treatment, wear red pant and bra..."

The woman was wrong and should be made to refund the money, or sent out till she is fully repentant. Lots of spouses misappropriate funds,such people should never be left with huge money.

I honestly don't understand.

Anyways, it's not really their fault; it's what they grew it with.

That's why I laugh anytime someone says our society doesn't support men's domestic violence and adultery.

Why would I support my daughter going on birth control before marriage?

Is she going to be having unprotected sex so steadily that she needs a BC?

Will bring them up to be chaste till marriage and if you want to do, it better be behind me, with protection and with the man she intends to marry.

Divorce doesn't call for celebration but sober reflection on what went wrong. Even if you were the 'saint', you picked a devil knowingly or unknowingly.

For the court to jubilate, that wife must have been a terror.

dominique:
He eventually sent her out and told her not to return without the money. He handled the matter better than most people. Violence is never the answer. God forbid if she dies in the process, will the police start asking hair or whatnot? Just like murder, violence has no justification.

Luckily the man is sane.

Is the woman wrong? 100% yes.

Will beating her solve a thing? Nope.

I wonder why some men fell they have the 'right' to beat their wives.

What a shame.

Send the woman to get the money; sell her stuffs till you make up the money and profit; freeze her account or use her ATM to withdraw all the cash in her account; etc.

Don't just beat her.... She is not a goat or youe child.

Na wa.

She looked better on TV (less makeup and at peace) than the strange pictures surfacing online.

May her soul rest in perfect peace and condolences to her family.

Eye ball, mbanu.

Hair? Rara.

InLuvWithChrist:
Yes o! So much inluv with d song.

He sings like Beautiful Nubia.

dangotesmummy:
Tonto will soon resume.she's still taking care of her baby

Lols!

How are you?

Mercy should find something to do then.

The wife according to the OP said he mom advised her to 'show' her husband so how does FIN come into play here? Did the wife say FIN advised her to mess up her marriage?

I am a passive member of FIN (I don't mind labels but don't do associations) and i don't see the need to rope FIN. It distorts the message.

@Couple: The man should have separated from his wife when his health started failing.

So sad.

She was a cool and talented actress.

RIP and condolences to her family.

David87:
Mercy looks totally different in this pic

True

I wonder why she can't quietly reflect on the issues that broke her marriage and mend it if possible.

Tonto we expected to slay up and down is actually quiet.

InLuvWithChrist:
hi everyone, deris dis song i'hd search almost evrywhere just to get it or the title buh all to no avail.. The song was sang in yoruba language, it was used in this movie titled 'AYOMI''.... The hints(few lyrics) ''{chorus}mi oni fi gba kan bo kan ninu, mi oni fimo re si le moni, ekuro sha ni alabaku ewa o.'' anybdy that could help me with the title or the link to download it, in need of it b*dly...

That song and film does something to you. That Bukunmi is a genius.

To write, act, sing, direct, produce is no mean feat.

Good, classy and adventurous girl.

Sounds like one from a good home too.

The fact that most of you don't have the values she's asking for doesn't mean there are no men out there with them.

She is just telling you that you are not her spec so swerve.

You should also have the qualities you want in a spouse.

Yeah!

Jubilee bridge has been commissioned. I wish I was there, I like such ceremonies

Kudos to Hitech, they surpassed their project timeline by 5mths.

However why christening a bridge?

Because of the Lagos at 50?

davidif:
I guess a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons (sex, to have kids, family pressure, peer pressure, fear of being single forever or of never meeting a better person, hatred of being single, loneliness etc) and that's probably why you hear stories like this. You hardly ever hear a lot of people saying they are getting married because they truly love the person and can't imagine spending the rest of their lives without them.

Actually,

Sex(satisfaction and combating adultery , children/family, to combat loneliness are the major reasons marriage was created.

It is not good that man should be alone....

VicMadich88:
I met my wife (very beautiful, humble Igbo gal) in 2012, and we've been datin since then. We both from Imo State...

On tht same year we met, I moved to south Africa to study an still residing in SA. I see her twice a year, and she visits SA as well. We got married ths past February, and few days after our wedding, I had to return.

But now I feel I made a very big mistake by marrying her, not because she's bad for me bt because I've realized I'm not in love with her anymore. I don't know wat to do, she's such a wonderful lady. God fearing, sings in the church choir, young and beautiful.

How should I let her know that i'm not in love with her anymore? I'm scared of the embarrassment my parents will bare with all of this? Our pastor at church? Her family? I don't believe in divorce, so are my parents...but what do I do in this situation?.

I was going to say you never loved her, just saw her as a prize which was won after marriage or you were cheating.

I however read your other posts and I will say the problem is not love.... it's frustration; you are frustrated that your expectations such as companionship, sex, etc. are not met despite the fact you are entitled to them.

You love your wife that's why you opened this thread; another husband would see it as an opportunity to run parallel families in Nigerian & SA.

I also understand you saying that you are growing weaker in the face of temptations and you are at the verge of falling... afteral, marriage was created to fulfill your sexual needs legitimately and the Bible admonishes that couples should not stay apart from sex for too long before they sin.

Your wife is a classic example of a person who cannot differentiate between the work of God and the work of the Church and even Paul realizes that married people would not be as committed to church activities.

After God, it's you, relatives, before the church.

Divorce or seperating is not the answer.

Tell her that her duty as a wife is more important than her choir whatever and she needs to give you attention too.

If she is not listening, report to her parents and if no solution, report to her pastor (ensure he is sensible and not the one that will say you are a demon and want to drag their sister in the Lord to hell) and if no solution, fly to Nigeria, look her in the eyes, tell her she is breaking your marriage and if you fall into temptation, it is on her head.

I really appreciate you are screaming before a big hipped SA girl gets you singing.

I wonder want people learn today; honeymoon in the old testament was 1 year.

fejeerow:
See what I was telling a friend the other day... people don't value virgins and decent girls anymore... they want the badgirl that will give then bj, doggie style and their ass.... isn't obvious this man is seeing someonelse that is turning his head... you don't believe in divorce then what do u want us to advice you on? Do u want to murder her so you can escape her? U better bring back the love and make your wife the bad girl u want her to be but foe u alone.. don't go and make decisions that u ll regret.

Is bj and doggie the sign of a bad girl?

An actor condemning another actor?

Hmmm...

Does he know how many masters people would have if they stir clear of Africa Magic's part 1 - 6?

Nonsense

Interesting.

Imstrong:
Happy mother's day

A famous inspirational speaker said;“best years of my life were spent in the arm of a woman who wasn't my wife“. The audience was shock in silence. Then he added:“she was my mother"(big round of applause and laughter)
A very daring husband tried to copy this at home. After dinner he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen;"best years of my life were spent in the arm of a woman who wasn't my wife."standing for a moment, he tried to recall the next line of the speaker, by the time he gained his senses, he was on hospital bed recovering from burns of hot water!
Lesson:don't copy when you can't paste

Hahahahhahahahaha

Yes.

Do people break forth?

A lot.

However, the child of a pepper seller has to do much more to attain what the child of a bank CEO would attain with less effort.

I don't understand this OP.

A wife must know how to cook and be willing to cook...... 1

Anybody willing to eat must know how to cook their food.... 2

How does the two even correlate?

You quoted Pastor Adeboye; why didn't you type what he said here... you want to lure us to your blog abi?

jejemanito:
To the babalawo that did the mixing for that lady

Are Nigerian men so terrible that a wife has to mix something for her husband to treat her right?

Am I reading the same OP?

Madam said she and her husband agreed to one kid and thereafter lock shop. She had one and did FP as agreed.

When it was time for renewal, hubby suddenly developed thirst for another pikin and said no (backing out on initial agreement) and wife decided to follow through.

So how is the OP out rightly evil?

@OP: Like others have said, bros wants another baby. You either convince him to stick to your agreed one or have another baby.

And if you are going to have another baby, do it now.

And except your job is your private stuff, it is not worth it in the long run. Check this thread of mine: https://www.nairaland.com/3244764/women-career-before-marriage-marriage

somehow:
Some of the options people give are so lame and unsustainable.

You keep slapping me and I keep walking away, with time it turns to a habit and doesn't change.

Are we talking of a woman hitting a man or 'running' her mouth tearing down his 'ego'?