₦airaland Forum

I can't deal with smoking, drinking and/or womanizing.

PaperLace:
Which woman gets help? Using NL as a case study, where women are blamed for their husbands abusive and philandering tendencies?

My dear, a good percentage of Nigerian men are only useful for the money and manhood. Once they don't have money and the manhood, they become very useless. That's why they think all the have to contribute to their homes to be crowned head of the house is bring money.

Till they realise life is beyond that, they might never find fulfilment.
Even if a woman sees no reason to live, she would live for her kids. Women marry bad husbands too, do you think emotional abuse is child's play? Or physical abuse? Women are most times blamed for every bad character exhibited by their kids and husband. No gender has it easy...

No one told you guys to bottle your emotions. Y'all set the standards for yourselves. Deal with it.

@Bold:

Laughing in Chinese. ...

If the man is real, thelady is more lucky than the woman married to a gentleman who doesn't love her.

alexialin:
Well not all women like dictator and bullish kind of men.
For me, with all the bad guys coming my way to woo me and those once that feel they are lord and master.. I quickly sidelined them and jejely chose a humble young handsome calm gentle man who knows what humanity is all about and who knows how to treat a woman right.
All my friends were like Alexis, this guy is too soft and good at heart.. He's not an Alpha male, do u think that's what u really want? Do u think u can respect him as the man ? U need a tough man that will be able to tell u seat down there and I will Seat, not this one that's soft spoken and assisting u in almost everything at home.
I laughed and I shook my head.. I said that Alpha male u are talking about? Will not work for me..
A man can't shout at me to seat down there, and me will seat?
What does he take me for? His slave?
Abbeggi, if he can't behave like a well cultured man and talk to me with love and respect, then it's a pity. Both of us will break our heads in that house.. Even me, I can't date such men how much more marry.
My fiance calm voice makes me calm. And I don't take advantage of it.. In fact I respect him more.

So op, u are the original copy of a good husband material. Abeg keep it up.
God will always bless your home with peace, joy and prosperity. Your wife will not fail u, neither will u fail her. You are blessed!
God bless your home.

Very beautiful.

NL and further interactions have taught me that a number of ladies like the men that treat them like shit 'keeping them on their toes' and they don't understand you when you say you went for a different type of man.

Like you, force, rudeness, etc. never worked for me and will never work.

Kennso2016:
MARRIAGE IS NOT ABOUT MONEY.

Today, most of our sisters are busy awaiting for a marriage proposal from Nairaloaded man.

Even while in the church, you will behold them using their 3rd eyes to admire and scan the men.

Instead to listen attentively to the pastor message, their 3rd eye and double mind is busy revolving To & Fro like a chicken seeking for her lost chicks.

Their mindset would be busy doing some geometry calculations with algebra's formulars. The most irony part is the use of "Almighty Formular's and x-ray" to calculos the worth of the man.

In fact, i bow for this sisters because they are perfect in this game.

Nevertheless, you ought to understand that marriage is not all about money but rather upholding godly principles built on faith.

When you marry a man's of faith and vision, your life shall be surrendered by faithfulness and blessing because money can finished but the faith of man always speaketh for him.

Whenever he goes, he is always favoured because faith is the bedrock of receiving from God.

However, i will imploy, every women should fear and respect their man who doesn't have money but has the fear of God.

Because he only depend on Jesus Christ for his divine blessing and life transformation, and very soon the Grace of prosperity shall water him and he shall never be disgrace.

I see nothing wrong in a lady interested in the money if she has what the prospective moneyed suitor wants (beauty, youth, fashion sense, culinary skills, bedmatics, pedigree, family name, fame etc.)

Some men also see marriage as all about money and are working hard to ensure that they have the money to woo their type/standard of woman.

The OP is not jiving with the comments I am reading.

Joro is warning girls against 'padlock' guys so what is the beef?

Is this not the same advice you would give your sister if a guy is stringing her along?

Or is this a case of 'were dun wo, ko se bi lomo'?....

Ladies in the dating market, listen.

Acidosis:
Okay.

Men and women may be equal, but how about the importance of unpaid work? If you avoid the important unpaid work, an outsider will do it, and cash away the family budget.

I think it is even easier to do laundry than cook 2 to 3 meals per day. It is even easier to do both than babysit for years.

Motherhood nor be joke o, better start equipping yourself.

Well money and time are two directly proportional resources...

When you save money, you spend time; when you save time, you spend money.

Acidosis:
I'm very sure a girl somewhere once rejected you because you were a "good" guy.


Not all women appreciate your gesture bruv. Do you know some women consider it a crime for a man to sit at home and do chores while other men are out there hustling? Some women actually love it when hubby leaves home as early as 4am, and return home drunk at 11:30pm. The days he's not drunk, they want him to stay out till 11pm watching La Liga. That's "what makes a man a man", to some category of women.

Don't be surprised your friend's wife may never support your view.

I agree with you.

The more I grow, the less I am willing to interfere in marriage matters. Some women cannot respect husbands who help.... not wrong either.

Do what works for you

Acidosis:
I like it when you agree with me

Making your day it would seem

@richyblink1,

Very good you know what tickles your desire and are willing to do it irrespective of whose ox is gored.

To a continuous joyous home.

Timaya is a trouble maker...

The word 'Alone' was not necessary

Nigeria long waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to go!

Acidosis:
Which church has the best hymn songs?


Church don't write hymns... individuals do through God's inspiration.

About to say same.

Hymns are written by individuals to edify the Church.

It is the same hymns all churches sing, some churches e.g. Anglican, Baptist etc. are more hymn oriented than others just how some churches e.g. MFM, CAC are more prayer oriented.

So what do you fellas think?

Janet J had it coming? Marrying a core Arab Muslim?

Thoughts?

Janet Jackson has split from her multi-millionaire husband just months after giving birth to her first child at the age of 50, sources close to the singer told The Mail on Sunday last night.

The pop-star sister of the late Michael Jackson wed Qatari businessman Wissam Al Mana in 2012 and their son, Eissa, was born on January 3.

Her recent retreat from the limelight – and the postponement of her Unbreakable world tour last year involving 36 gruelling stadium shows – had been put down to contentment with her marriage.

But last night, a close friend of Ms Jackson told The Mail on Sunday: ‘Sadly, Janet and Wissam have decided that it wasn’t working and to go their separate ways.

‘They’re both busy people but determined to be good parents, even if they’re apart. It’s amicable and Eissa will stay with his mother, who is basing herself in London.’

Last week, a leading entertainment website claimed Al Mana had helped three-times-married Ms Jackson settle down as she traded fame for a role as a devoted mother and wife.

But yesterday that appeared to have been a somewhat premature prediction.

A divorce settlement could be complex and costly as 42-year-old Al Mana, CEO of the multinational Al Mana business conglomerate, is estimated to have a fortune of around £800million – at least four times Ms Jackson’s net worth.

When the couple married, there was much speculation, never confirmed, that Ms Jackson had converted to Islam, fuelled by her appearance in a head scarf.

There were rumours of a split within days of her son’s birth, when she was seen in public without a wedding ring but these were discounted at the time.

The singer was briefly married to singer James DeBarge in 1984 but the pair split the following year and the marriage was later annulled.

Her second husband was Mexican back-up dancer Rene Elizondo.The couple wed in 1991 but divorced in 2000, with Ms Jackson paying him a reported $10 million (around £8 million).

In court papers filed as part of their divorce, Elizondo claimed she was paranoid about privacy and pretended the couple were boyfriend and girlfriend throughout their marriage ‘because she wanted me out of the limelight’.

He said she refused to give him songwriting credits on her Rhythm Nation album ‘because my involvement had to be kept secret to protect her image’.

Ms Jackson has claimed that their marriage was destroyed by his alleged addiction to prescription drugs.

In an interview after the end of her second marriage, the singer spoke about her conviction she might be ‘unlucky’ in love

‘I thought I was jinxed,’ she said. ‘Maybe marriage isn’t for me? Maybe it’s my fault it never works.

‘I was always faithful. When it was over, I put up shields to protect myself from being hurt.’

It was reported she gained up to 100lbs (7 stone) during her pregnancy.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4393934/Janet-Jackson-splits-Qatari-tycoon-husband.html

AreaFada2:
That is very subjective. There are also nuclear monogamous families with three or four kids. They still fight dirty when their rich patriarch kicks the bucket.

Most 9ja families are basically dysfunctional. Monogamous or polygamous. Looking back at what I saw around me growing up. Including homes of profs with foreign wives then. Although most people got used to it that way and never consider own family as dysfunctional. Only that OBJ is a public figure and we got to know.

Cheaper yes, easier it depends, enjoyable not so straightforward.

I see a lot of hypocrisy in our system. The vast majority of men: civil servants, pastors, Imams, soldiers, bankers, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, bus drivers and all have one or several girlfriends/concubines outside.

Were our ancestors who did the honourable thing by marrying the women not far more honest?

Who will marry the excess women in the system if all men just marry one?

The multiple gfs/concubines system is masking or at least temporarily solving potential social problems. Because if not, many women would be economically & amorously far worse off.

For the record, my granddad was monogamous, my dad too. So I'm not here defending family tradition or my own lifestyle.

Just because we might prefer one lifestyle doesn't mean we should prescribe that as the absolute best.

How would you address the matter of millions of women that would have no man if all men stuck to one woman only? Go to sperm bank for a baby? Buy a robot lover? Turn lesbian?

It is like telling female students to stop multiple dating/aristos, without govt bursary or adequate student package provided by state or FG.
Desirable as might be, it just won't work because there are too many poor people and a few greedy ones. Many will simply not complete their studies. Period.

We must consider these things first.

God designed one man to marry one woman.

The population of men/women in the whole world is balanced enough to ensure everyone who desires marriage is paired off.

jmoore:
Any woman that can steal from her husband, can also steal from anyone.

Not necessarily

Also depends if the wife sees it as 'stealing'.

Depends on the family dynamics

Some husbands expect padded budgets; dome don't like it.

Personally, I think it's wrong same with inflating fees and other stuffs.

MrFlavvor:
True or false?

Very true.

Eureka123:
It's funny how much many humans base their reactions on other people's actions first. So, it's an offense for the OP to do what he perceives as right even just for his own sake?? It was okay for him to go down to the worst despicable level if his girlfriend was cheating on him? Or that he was a fool to let go of such an opportunity if he wasn't sure of his girl friend's loyalty?? How about him not going ahead because of the self respect he has for himself and for values, girl friend aside??

What's really wrong with our society's morals today? What has really gone wrong? I wonder the kind of parents a lot of you would make.

Absolute 100%

@raayah:

I give you real kudos for the strenght of character displayed on this thread.

Even when several posters insulted your parents, you kept your cool.

Keep it up.

@classicB,

Thank you.

The bible also tells you that nothing is new under the sun. The media just brought it out.

What would a woman who seduces her FIL to have a child for her husband's family line be called?

Or one who sleeps with his father's wife openly?

Or rapes his sister?

Or sleeps with a wife & kill the man?

Or a whole town that wants to rape fellow men?

Or a person whose fiancee was raped all night and he cut her into twelve pieces?

Or the length of oleku back in the days? Ma fo gutter skirt? Shirtless afro men?

Imagine 5 guys with afro snap shirtless... I am sure their fathers would have a fit!

.

My answer is 12

56 - 42 = 14
42 - 30 = 12
30 - 20 = 10
20 - X = 8

× = 20 - 8 = 12

@Acidosis:

Absolutely on point!

Again, we have the strange notion that marriage ends dreams and so we want to achieve everything before marriage 'ties' us down.

Honestly, we all need to re-orient ourselves else in two generations, we will no longer see slaying 4-generation pictures, there will no longer be family support groups and we will have more of old people homes....

It's well.

Yes, we do.

100% joint.

The grass always appear greener on the other side.

If it was a good marriage you threw away, I would understand your reminiscing. But a bad one, I don't get.

Again, except if your husband did all these things, I don't understand how you would miss them.

Considering my practical side, you both can still make up after going for counselling or just sitting down to really thrash out all issues and forge ahead.

LeView1:
I absolutely I agree with you but their set up doesn't allow for that. The husband sounds like someone who has decided that he will take the lead and that her role in the marriage is to cook his meals and look after the child. He hasn't complained about her lack of input only her deception and how to "punish" her for it. It all sounds like a father and daughter relationship than a husband and wife imo. I'm all for what you said but that's not what the op wants.

If they decided to have a father daughter relationship, we have no idea and can't say besides everyone picks what rocks their boat.

That aside, if the wife is financially responsible, the husband will 'respect' her more.

Let's face it; people will try to 'punish' a spouse that is not responsible esp. financially and sex.ually so that the 'erring' spouse understands they are hurting the other party and change.

megareal:
At the bolded, some women don't get into good marriages. The lucky ones still can with a very supportive husband. The mainly unlucky ones that inspired my comments don't.

A lot of factors crop up to derail their ambitions. Some may go ahead to carve a different path for their lives which still leaves them unsatisfied. Because truth be told, contentment comes from following your real dreams.

But you will agree with me that a woman can achieve some dreams, marry and still get derailed by a Bad marriage.

So it's not a function of age whicheck is my point all along.

And I don't support undergraduates getting married.

LeView1:
Just the idea of being given an allowance makes me feel so uneasy. Could be the fact that I'm of a certain age now and that I've enjoyed financial independence for so long but I just can't imagine being given pocketmoney. She is an equal in this relationship, and she should have a say on how the money is spent.

Well, some women do not mind allowances and actually demand for it.

As for being an equal, it actually depends on the both of them. An equal will not inflate prices for drugs; she wouldn't be all about taking and spending but will want to understand what comes in, what goes out, how to manage the resources and increas their portfolio if possible.

As she ever discussed their financial projects with him? Does she know what his dreams and aspirations are financially? I am sorry but she has not carried herself as an equal (finanacially) in that marriage.

I saw a meme... 'It is a man's duty to respect a woman; it is a woman's duty to give him what to respect.'

megareal:
A lot. But the list isn't definite cos it depends on the individual; her plans, dreams and visions prior to marriage.

But a good marriage doesn't stop these things na.

She can still achieve her plans, dreams etc. in the marriage.

So does these dreams and plans stop after marriage?

@missperky:

When you abstain from sex for a long while, you are both like novices especially when you are together and not fantasizing about se.X with each other to remain pure.

What you are experiencing is normal and you both will get your groves back with love and patience (I know). Again, I don't know how long you dated and so your/his preferences might have changed and you have to explore afresh.

That he bought se.X toys to spice your love life shoes he is very open and willing to learn if guided in love.

Go with paperlace's and montezz's posts and see what happens.

God bless your home.

megareal:
When you marry @ 21, by 31, you will be regretting and wishing you were free to do those things you should have done @21-26.
I'd say, pursue a career, develop a marketable talent, make great friends and network connections.

If you regret in 3 years, then go and marry.

@ 31, after 10yr of marriage, What are the things you will wish you did?

What is the purpose of faking a pregnancy for 4 yrs when she can fake pregnacy for 9mths and organize a baby?

I do not support baby trafficking but I am trying to understand the rationale behind the long false pregnancy.

Or was she thinking of magaing the husband and bailing out of the marriage when he finds out?

And how was she able to pull it off? Staying with the hubby? So no family member raised eyebrows, they didn't run around for a 'cure', the husband did not raise alarm etc.