peachy7: My dear nairalanders, they say a problem shared is half solved. I'm a Nairaland old member but I opened a new account to create this thread. My heart is pained as I write this, I need help, I never thought it would get to this but I have to cry out. I'm pregnant and I am in dire need of a job so I can take care of myself and my unborn child.. I do not want anything from the father because he has caused me so much pain. I need to be healthy so I can carry to full term. Please I am in dire need of a job.please help.
Since the father is not denying the baby, can you get him to pay a certain amount of money into your account monthly according to his pocket?
Listened to a sermon a while back and gave me a new perspective to this issue
The guy would let you go ahead and struggle to bring up the child alone (or you alienate him) and he later claim 'baba omo'
Your child would bear his surname and be identified with him.
If a girl, he will walk the bride (your daughter) down the aisle on her wedding day. You would probably have to beg him to do so If a boy, you will still have to locate his father later.
Get the father to play his part for your baby now and later.
Bplati: I'm from a Muslim background and so is my hubby. We have two children. My family is liberal and allowed us to practice whatever religion that pleases us. I'd been going to church even before I met hubby who was also a church goer. Hubby's family is very strong in Islam and had threatened to disown us if we don't practice the religion. They even want to sponsor our pilgrimage to hajj but we are not interested. We started playing diplomacy by pretending to be who we are not especially when they are around or we go visiting. Right now, I'm not even going to church neither am I practicing Islam because I'm fed-up. Isn't religion about serving God? Why the superiority in religion? Can people serve whoever God they prefer?. I fear for my kids because I really want to raise them to know God. Its really affecting me psychologically and contemplating relocating with the kids.
johnny1980: Looks more like she is happy with the situation and may have even encouraged him to abstain because if i were a girl and my man would part and be disowned by his parents because of me, then i don't think i can ever have peace of mind knowing the premise of my relationship to someone has brought extreme damage to what should be revered .
No matter what your parent did, you may not be on good terms, but totally alienating them because of choice of tribe of your bride for decades is highly disturbing. I would fear such man if i were to be the lady and may not even go through with the marriage.
I know the mum would always give a tales by moonlight story to her daughter on how she "tried" to mediate but we all know that's a big fat lie. She must have even fuelled it more or the story isn't complete because i can't wrap my mind around this. Except maybe her dad's mum was divorced from the Father prior to the wedding and he was brought up by his mum and was mal treated by his dad's family while growing up and the mum is currently dead. But even at that, the mum must have had sisters, brothers, uncles and stuff he could call his own.
There's more to this than meets the eyes. I wish her luck and happiness though.
You are not a girl now, are you?
What kind of parents also check out from their only child?
I thought one party should be the 'bigger' person?
If the son is heady, couldn't the parents use wisdom to reconcile? Not necessarily going cap in hand.
OluwaChinenyenwa: Nope.. She said it must be in Nigeria, my dad said if there should be any trad, it must be in London, which is our current location i.e my family as a whole..
And nope.. My dad is not open for any reconcillation whatsoever, reasons best known to him..
Can you talk to your dad that he can rent a hall in Lagos, invite his in-laws and his family members he is friendly with and do a trad?
On a side note, have you prayed and been convinced that this man is your husband?
This difference might be a sign you are not meant to be
moca: Hmm, chillisauce just reminded me of something. Now my folks are iin d east,they should buy abakaliki rice for me. Have been asking around here but they don't have it. D closest I got was kaduna rice while in abj.
I don't know about others but I prefer naija rice to Thai/india/whatever rice. There is abakaliki u will buy d same price as original mama gold and no sand.
redhook: Feminism began with noble goals, but in its modern form, it is has developed a dangerous and negative mindset among young women. In reality, it scorns womanhood by implying that as women, you are not good enough! They must become like men in order to be equal to them. What lies! The truth is that men and women have equal dignity, but different designs. Modern feminists have this attitude that they can be everything a man is, which is physiologically and biologically impossible. In pursuing things that men have characteristically done, they have gone too far and utterly shunned their innate qualities. They view the traditional woman as inferior to man, and the role of a stay-at-home mother as inferior. When a woman no longer understands herself and her unique roles in life or families ,the breakdown of the family results. The negative agenda of modern feminism harms not only the family, but the education system, the workplace, the government, the world of sports, and the military. Today more than ever,women need to reclaim their womanly dignity and authenticity. As human beings, you are all equal to men. But as ladies, you " have different and beautiful qualities that you must embrace, and that is what REALLY makes a woman a FEMINIST!"
Your mans behavior has shown he has no handle on his mom. You shouldn't have even been the one to explain much,he should have done that and his mom should have respected his explanation.. Any calls from you should have been to reaffirm what your guy said and reassure her,to tell her very soon you will come etc etc that she will even be the one tired of seeing you.It's good you placate her but at the same time don't go and over do just to please her and your man.At the same time,don't allow yourself to be insulted,you are not married to him yet!!
I wouldn't go to sleep over in any MIL house alone you are NOT married to him neither have your parents given their stamp of approval.Did they accept for you to go and spend time with her? Have they come to see your people?You can visit and go home the same day with your guy simple..all this over exposure is not necessary in my opinion. If you both got on at the first meeting,it would be a different thing as you would even be more willing.She has already been critical and insulting so how does she expect you to be eager to spend time with her.Respect and affection go both ways.
She has been very bold to tell you that she doesn't think you are right for her son,and even gone to the extent of saying you don't value the relationship all because you are too busy to visit at the moment.What will she say when you now truly offend her? I put it to you that you may likely have it rough with her except you always bend to what she wants. An excellent relationship takes understanding,communication and respect not force and threats.
While your parents were a bit horrified by his mannerism they didn't throw it in his face neither did they call him to lecture him. Its all good to make excuses but I am married to someone who last year couldn't stand up to his mother when she was obviously wrong,you are sliding down the same slippery slope and you'd better wake up and sort this out before it snowballs.
You are busy,you have work to do,you will make out time to visit and go same day.She should be telling you she understands,Pele on all the work you are doing,ahh that you should come and spend time so she can pet you and help relieve the stress.That is a welcoming and reasonable MIL.
Its best you face facts and see the reality on ground no excuses.She may change she may not change.Taking the risk is up to you.All the signs are there for you to see,at least in her favour she's not pretending. Believe me when I say a hostile MIL is enough to call off a relationship EXCEPT when the love is like do or die OR if you have a supportive and strong willed man who will check any excesses..anything less than this and you will be shortchanging yourself
You should never ever accept ultimatums from anyone,it is unnecessary at this stage.The problem doesn't just lie with her,It is your guy that's not alarmed at her hostility and rude words instead he's turning around and getting angry at you despite knowing that your hands are tied.You should let him know that he should be protecting you and politely explaining to her his stand..That he says no to her doesn't mean he doesn't love her.Alarm bells should be ringing in your head when already it's turning into you vs her.It's not necessary at all!! A wise man would see this danger and fix it now now!!
PS..I'm glad you got your house help back..I don't believe in punishing yourself with unnecessary chores when you can afford to pay someone to do it.No point starting what you can't finish.. No point over compromising on ur part and his,frustration may take over.
DO NOT push this under the rug and feel it's a one off,i will keep emphasizing that you STUDY THE FAMILY properly before committing yourself to him.She may be good,she may not be good.She may be traditional,still doesn't mean she has to be rude to make her point.Maybe this is a phase,i dunno.
I say this because if i had handled my SILs and their snide crude comments from the get go,i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have had issues at all.
Don't forget that being respectful and kind is key but don't accept insults!! If you do,it will never end! GOOD LUCK!! *Back to the shadows*
babyosisi: Maybe she doesn't realize that there are 7 million men within a fifty mile radius of her that could do exactly what he does in bed and even better with more gbim gbim apparatus.
quivah: yeah supportive! loads of women in top places in Nigeria wouldn't have made it there if they were stucked with unsupportive husbands and left to look over some pharmacy, boutique or provision shops or if they themselves think marriage is the 'all all' for women...And that children is the ultimate. moreover they have children and husbands themselves. so all these 'sacrifice' I don't know o.. its compromise I understand without necessarily falling out of your dreams. I don't know who says a woman can't be every thing aside being a wife and mother..
these same men who compelled woman to minute jobs(such as self employment) will open mouth to accuse Nigerian women of not dropping any great inventions towards civilization..when women were not really given chances to exhibit themselves... and careers
what we need is support!! not restrictions, phuleaaase!!
bellong: Sorry, I was on the move and couldn't respond when I saw the mention.
The subject matter is comprehensive and broad, I guess what you aim at asking is if women are allowed to teach in the church or not?
I actually do not do religious arguments because many do not open their hearts to the Rhema of the word but only to the letter. In addition, are you yearning to know this thing to know the truth or to disagree with opinions? Whatever it is, I will give you a short and succinct understanding of me concerning the topic (don't mind my grammar).
There are four basic things the scripture encourages and commands the women to do which I will outline below but due to my typing laziness, I may not expantiate (apologies)...
1. Women are to teach other women (Titus 2:4-5)
From this text, it is evident that women are to teach other women and that God has prescribed an order of conduct for women which, if followed, glorifies Him and causes His name to be glorified rather than reproached or blasphemed. The exact nature of this "teaching" ministry of women is not explicitly stated, but certainly this ministry could be advanced in either a classroom setting or on a personal discipleship arrangement.
2. Women Are to Adorn Themselves With Good Works (1 Timothy 2: 9-10)
Though this is not restricted to women but since we are discussing about women, we streamline it for the purpose of this discussion. The principle in this context is this: A woman's character is more important than her apparel.. Women can demonstrate their good works within the local church body and beyond through a variety of ways. Showing hospitality, encouraging others, teaching other women and keeping believers up-to-date on the ministries of the church and the church's missionaries.
3. Women Are to Be Active Learners
This is one of the controversial part and if only one opens his/her heart to the Holy Spirit, the truth of this part will not become a subject for debate. Not only are women in the local church to teach other women and maintain good works and Godly character, but Paul also commands them to be learners. In his second epistle to Timothy, Paul states that the false teachers had influenced some of the women in the Ephesian church (2 Tim. 3:6-7). First Timothy 2:11 delineates how the women were to learn in the local assembly: "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection." It is important to note that this statement does not imply that the woman is to completely keep silent within the entire public worship service of the local church. Rather, the woman is to keep silent only in the process of learning, that is, when the male leader of the church is authoritatively teaching the doctrine found in the Word of God.
First, women are to learn in silence, or quietness, which denotes outward manner. Second, they are to learn in all submissiveness, which denotes the attitude of the heart that must accompany learning. There is more to say here and I know this will raise dust but I pray that the Holy Spirit fill whoever is reading to understand the depth.
4. Women Are Prohibited From Exercising Authoritative Leadership or Teaching of the Word of God Over Men in the Local Assembly
An accurate understanding of 1Timothy 2:12-14 is the key to a proper understanding of a woman's role in the local church. Verse 12 states, "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." At this point it is necessary to note two prevalent, but inadequate, arguments that promote an egalitarian view of women in the local church. First, some claim that this verse is simply an opinion of the apostle rather than an authoritative proclamation of God for all ages. However, as previously noted, such a view falls short and must not be tolerated by those who accept the inerrancy and inspiration of Scripture.
One of the arguments prevalent among egalitarians is that Paul was simply giving a temporal, local command only for the church at Ephesus and Corinthians as written in the book of Corinthians, due to the culture in which these churches were enveloped. in responding to this, one of the articles I have read noted that the context itself reveals that Paul's statement is not directed only to a local assembly, for Paul supports his command regarding a woman's role in the church by way of a universal principle. and the article wrote thus...
"It is crucial to note the causal relation of verses 13 and 14 to the preceding verses. Paul grounds his comments in a reality that exists outside of Ephesus: "For Adam was first formed, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor." This is sufficient reason to recognize that some enduring principle is applied to this specific situation. The convergence of norm and occasion that we expect to find in Paul's letters is expressly communicated in the present passage. There is a command, and there is a norm, and these are connected by a causal particle"
First Timothy 2:13-14 gives the reason why this command is set forth and necessary in the local church: "For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." The Divine command in no way denotes any form of inferiority of women. Rather, this text reminds the reader that God has determined an order for the institutions that He has established. Paul's reasons for prohibiting a woman from authoritatively teaching the Word of God to men in the local assembly were based upon two historical events: the creation and the fall.
There are many more to write but time and laziness wouldn't permit me. If one accepts the inerrancy and historical accuracy of Scripture and correctly interprets 1 Timothy 2:9-15, then all portions of New Testament Scripture that address the role of women in the local assembly will fall into place. For example, one will understand what Paul meant when he commanded women to "keep silence" in the local church (1 Cor. 14:33-34). One will also understand why the proscriptive nature of the Pastoral Epistles declares that a pastor/bishop/elder must be "the husband of one wife" (1 Tim. 3:2). The reader of the Pastoral Epistles must understand that Paul is giving direct, divine revelation concerning the roles and behavior of men and women in the local church, and women and men both possess certain ministries and responsibilities to fulfill. However, the woman is forbidden from preaching, or authoritatively proclaiming the truth of the Word of God, to men in a local assembly of believers. Today, this authoritative proclamation of the Word of God would include any form of pastoral ministry or the holding of any ordained office. The reasons for this divine injunction stem from God's prescribed order in creation, in the family and in the local church.
Thanks
I get the laziness...
@Women teaching/preaching/leading in the Church: I am not hung up on that because I believe that people are called to do it so if God does not call a woman, she should sit her butt. If you don't want me, why should I bother myself?
@Bible saying women should not teach: I have read and I do not get that from the bible
We have the likes of Priscilla (who preached in the Synagogue, John Mark's mother had a church in her home etc.). We also have women who did greatly for God (Kathryn Kulman, Anne Mc'Steeple) etc.
Does it mean God did not call them?
However, my stand is still in the first paragraph... I would worry more about not been able to vote than not been able to preach in Church.
babygirlfl: Sorry I had to bring this here. I just saw the part where you said sexist God. I think you got me wrong. I said I think the bible is sexist. I also said christaianity and feminism do not go together. I do not mean God is sexist. I believe there is God and I believe in him. What I do not believe in is the bible and christianiy. I was born a christian but the more I read the bible, the more I believe that men wrote it and that the bible reflects the patriarchal society that existed at the time it was written.
BABE3: You have no choice but to eat it raw madam bukatyne . Raw or blanched.
I used to find ways to make vegetables easier to eat too. I had to give up (they tasted weird), and started eating them raw.
Or,
You could make efo riro with the spinach. The only thing that makes efo riro unhealthy is the amount of oil we put in it. So reduce the oil to the barest minimum. Use olive oil or any other plant based oil. All other ingredients for efo riro are healthy.
iwatch: Any words for me...? Is it a good idea to keep hoping it can still work between us or I should take her words and never look back.
iwatch,
I really feel for you....
1. Please stop portraying what you are not online... the lady might have been more open if you had a good personality online. All those stuffs might have been a test to be if you are really mean online
2. Don't let your past ruin your present. I am sooo happy you have cried, it will be much easier moving on from today
3. The girl said you should go... I would advice you tell her your feelings about her in details and let go. Who knows, she might be playing with you to see your patience
4. @Lady: If you like a guy, stop dropping hints... he is not a mind reader. She should have been vocal and clarified herself when she saw you were taking it the wrong way
5. Your soul mate might be in the future, it might be her... please take heart.
Your MIL is not wrong asking for a traditional wedding:
From your posts, there seems to be two issues:
a. Your MIL wants you both to come to Nigeria to do it b. Your dad is not in good terms with his family so you do not know where to do it.
A. Is your MIL open to doing it abroad? Is she open to people representing you both or doing without you? Or must it be in Nigeria? If it must be in Nigeria, must it be your father's place? Can you do it at your parents' current location (Yorubas are generally not hung up on bride's village; it's more of bride's parent location)
Family › Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by bukatyne(f): 6:35pm On Apr 19, 2015
