₦airaland Forum

Faithte:
Sori please, I leave on the Mainland, Surulere to be precise, but works at the Island.

Morning OP:

You live at Surulere and work in V/I?

How do you commute to work?

Who pays the rent where you stay?

Are you entitled to leave at work? if yes, use it to look for schools or other companies around you

IMHO, earning 20K at Surulere or the environs is way better than 35K at V/I

Even if you have a free ride to and from work, you need to leave your house real early to beat traffic and you will be getting home late as well.

cococandy:
yummy

Thanks

God bless all those who have time, resources and prayers to ensure DJDOLA becomes healed.

@DJDOLA, like I told you today, God will take absolute control and give us ideas on how to move forward.

It is well

Fried indomine

Edikanekong

Potato peppersoup

CHoccolaTE:
No oo, when guys insult ladies (like they are wont to do because of insecurites) its ego and macho pride and god knows what else.

When women do it, it means they are badly brought up and ghetto and rude and that all the respectable women have gone extinct.

I am waiting for him to clear it up

ileobatojo:
A very shocking definition, I have to say.

I guess we all have our outlook about stuffs

naijababe:
No it is not, netotse post succinctly explain the difference. Equality is me changing the tire of the car just because my husband changed it the last time. Equity is me pointing out the flat tires and him changing it even if he changed it the last hundred times.

We can agree to disagree.

@ Busybody2, na me you dey yawa so! God dey!!!

Lol!

Even if you cannot change it?

No problem, I get where you are coming from

I thought the OP talked of pampering both ways: when did it suddenly become a man to a woman thingy?

@Topic: pampering both ways is good for a healthy relationship. This is however dependent on both parties

Study your man; study your woman and know what they like

SirShymex:
With guys, it's just banter...nothing serious. I actually thought the politics section was a war zone, till I decided to hit this section again, after a year (I used to post here a bit like time ago). The guys just wanna crack jokes, save for a few effeminate white knights, and sagamite the legendary troll (your nemesis). Then you move to the real world, and it's basically the same thing. Most naija women/chics just don't know how to talk/act.

Anyway, let's stay on the topic. Why have today's Nigerian women refused to emulate their mums? If we can find an answer to that, perhaps we'll be able to find all these "true Nigerian men" who have gone ghost.

And ladies don't banter?

Or when guys are rude to themselves and ladies it is banter but when ladies do same it is been crass?

netotse:
Equity is ideal, it speaks to understanding, to strive for equity you must first understand and then accept your strengths and weaknesses. When you fight for equality you refuse to take said strength and weaknesses into consideration.

Men and women are not the same, that women cannot do some things as well as men can do them does not make them any less important or valuable, that's equity.

Equality is what a man can do, a woman can do too, irregardless of whether it's clearly a lost battle or not.

I will stick to equality

What can men do that women can't if they put their minds to it? What can women do that men can't if they put their mind to it apart from clearly defones biological roles?

What is that characteristics that is common to all men and all women?

When you want to deal with people deeply, you do so on a personal level and not all men/women are the same

gunners160:
thanks alot man.But what is d difference between in and at?sometimes,I do hear I am in Lagos and I am at Lagos.

In Lagos means the person is in Lagos currently.

You cannot be at Lagos; at is used to refer to a location you are not in currently.

E.g. my aunt stays at Abuja.

Even within Lagos, if I stay at Work, then Shomolu will be referred to as 'at'

Yields:
Aww, I'm sorry about that.

I think the Open University suggestion Bukatyne made is a good one. Speak with him about this and hear what he says.

Crossing my fingers for ya.

I am sure the hubby will be more receptive of this.

pickabeau1:
In additrion, other options are Distance Learning Institute programme in Unilag, correspondence courses from both local and foreign universities

Does Unilag offer DL options for full time masters?

pickabeau1:
In additrion, other options are Distance Learning Institute programme in Unilag, correspondence courses from both local and foreign universities

O P see other suggestions

All hope is not lost even if you do not go to obodo iwe

cococandy:
nice suggestion

Thanks

naijababe:
Exactly! Bisi's life cannot be mapped on the basis of even mama Bisi. Bisi must be allowed to chart her own course based on her strengths, skills et al

Equality is based on that na

The fact I see everyone as equals does not mean I would force Omotola to dance because Beyonce is a good dancer.

The people I have heard talk about inequality do not promote equity: they promote inequality

naijababe:
You need to go read the post you quoted again, you missed a word 'some'. As with all things that starts off good, some people have to come and ruin hard won battles and corrode the fundamental good with new age mumbo jumbo

I think people should learn to screen out or separate the shaft than throw away the baby and bath water.

I am very grateful to the fore frontiers of feminists who made. the world a much better place for women.

I am proud to be a feminist

Sorry for derailing this thread

naijababe:
Equality - Same value irrespective of properties and characteristics

Equity - Same value worked out on the basis of properties and characteristics.

Then no two humans are equal because we are all different. You are not equal to me just how I am not equal to Bisi (All women)

freshdude2:
Alright, then. Merci beaucoup.

Thanks

naijababe:
Let's just say I am kinda finding it difficult to believe that my friends and I are that exceptional I have lived in UK since 1995 and I lived on council estates for the best part of the first 10 years.



I honestly had to laugh at the bolded, let's just say I believe in gender equity as opposed to gender equality

What is the difference between Equality and equity really?

All well and good.

beeevan:
We are talking of a business guy that is probably uneducated, how do you make such a person see from your perspective?

OP can your parents sponsor it?

Lol!

A friend in the OP's shoes had to go to school by force.

The OP's hubby wants her to a house wife so he is thinking what is the use of schooling?

She will go through this same thing when she wants to work with him because school enlightens and broadens one's mind.

OP:

I would advise you think about going to Open University. You can study online and still be a house wife.

If hubby doesn't bulge for working: start thinking in the lines of business especially online.
It is well

naijababe:
'You attract what you are'

Very true

naijababe:
That bad?! I don't think so, I agree that some of the gender equality nonsense need to be done away with but c'mon it is still by and large a man's world if you know how to get around the rules

What gender equality nonsense?

If a husband feels the wife is not equal to him and decides she does not work or doesn't need to achieve anything all well and good.

And I think you have just ruined your thread with gender equality or inequality. Except if that was the destination of the thread in the first place

This is even on the front page. Nice thread while it lasts.

BABE3:
it's not beans o. If I was man in this day and age I'll be confused too.

What do we want from men exactly? I don't get it.

Men are taking back seats little by little to allow women take the front seat; it's a problem; men aren't strong enough.

When the men decide to take the front seats; men are bad; men hate women.

The same women that want equality or whatever scream "be a man", "you're not man enough".

I tire.

Who are the 'we'

I thought a man/woman is supposed to learn what makes their partner tick and do it?

Just as men complain, women you because 'men' do not like makeup and still compliment women who are heavily made-up?

What is my business with what men want? I honestly do not even know what men want. I only care about my husband wants.

There is a man for every woman and vice versa

freshdude2:
Still fair. The problem, though, is that Case 2 is the most common form in our society today. Have you heard of "pami n ku" women? Apparently, they don't mind being punched, they'll speak their mind as caustically as is possible and will, in fact, belittle a man who doesn't respond like a neanderthal.

I'm not going to condone violence, my point is how do we protect men from verbal abuse and implosion into physical violence? No, lip-taping and de-boarding don't count?

**How do you make that?

They husband can simply separate from her and inform both families.

5minsmadness:
SCENARIO 2: Its a normal thing.

This husband saw his mother being beaten. He saw his sisters being beaten even as adults. He was raised in a violent environment. He sees nothing wrong in correcting his babe with a slap or two. Such a person would have exhibited violent behaviour already during courtship. He slaps his girl at parties. He shoves her about in the house. He punches her when she doesn't tell him where she went to.

Note: This guy loves his woman. He truly does. He just feel that beating is part of the love because he has seen it as normal all his life. He doesn't hide that he beats his woman and wonders why people want to interfere in his relationship with the woman he loves.

The funny thing is that women still follow guys like this. They know he is a beater/boxer. Yet for reasons best known to them they still go ahead and marry these men. Well, God created somebody for everybody. It may not be far-fetched to say such women even like such treatment as it shows they are with a strong, dependable, no-nonsense man. Many of these women are closet masochists.

Some other ladies marry these men for ulterior motives (wealth, desperation, etc) and then start looking left and right for how they will change such a person. And when the pressures of marriage come in, the frequency of beating will definitely increase. Please note also that such men will beat and punch their wives but will never use a weapon against her i.e the intent of the beating is not to kill/destroy but to correct.


Solution: its like changing a bad habit. A lot of patience is needed here. And it might be surprising to note that the wife may secretly not want him to change(closet masochist) but will pretend to want it because of societal pressure.
The man has to 'unlearn' beating. He has to find a way to communicate the hard way---by using his mouth and not his fists. It will be very difficult but a man like this who truly wants to change can do so.

A woman beater truly loves his women?

Love gats to be redefined

@OP:

I doubt that Nigerian men have changed from then.

Look at the ratio of known women and you will see it is tiny of the married population then.

There are still men willing to support their wives to the top just as there are some that are dream killers.

I also think that a lot of the women do not have visions so what is there for the husbands to support?

I always say that a woman who has visions and pursue automatically sieve out a lot of suitors. Most of these women were known for something or have started pushing towards what they wanted to be which naturally attracted their husbands to them.

A woman of purpose carries herself well and will be attracted to similar minds.

It is well

Phema:
Did you two agree before now as to how far you want to go academically? What are his reasons for not wanting you to further? Will it put a strain on the family's financies? Do you intend going to a school that is far from home, thus living apart and not having time for the family?

How long is this "furthering" going to take? Any kids yet? Does he see your being "too" educated as a threat?

You donot have to answer. I just need some closure as to what his reasons could be. I'm sure you did not marry a senseless man. Him ignoring you and not eating isn't the issue here. Deal with the fundamental issue and the other will be a work over.

OP, please answer these questions

freshdude2:
Fair enough.

Note, however, that Case 2 scenarios don't always end in logical resolutions. Many verbal abusers cannot watch their words no matter how much they've suffered in the past. Most homes are in a constant reprise of Case 2 situations and that is the problem I think we should address not phantom "abusers".

Thanks for your time.


PS: what did you make for dinner?

It is only Case 2 I am interested in.

If the punch does not work, next time he catches her and cellotape her mouth with a good tape and let's see how she rants. He can loosen it after she has promised NOT to rant again

if that one no do, please drop her at her parents' house and let her learn manners.

The guy has tried for 4yrs abeg.

Potato Vegetable

No

Kanwulia:
Na so una "GOD" make am o. . . .

To quote PROPHET BOB MARLEY "sing" . . . .

Man was made to SUFFER. . . .
AND WOMAN WAS MADE TO. . .. FEEL. . . .THE. . . .PAIN. . .!

LOL @ Bob Marley