₦airaland Forum

coogar:
the truth is bitter!
it must be painful for you that you have been exposed as a fraud. you were bought off the shelf(perhaps by the highest bidder of your suitors) and you are here claiming feminism?

how do you sleep at night knowing you are not practising what you preach? even if we agree that you are yoruba & most families don't collect more than N100, why didn't you pay that N100 from your own salary?

Coogar drop it and kindly look for someone else to banter with.

All my posts on this thread will show I am really not interested in roundabout arguments.

Have a Nice day

coogar:
of course, he didn't!!
you were given to him free of charge. it says so much more about you than the topic you are defending.

only teenagers in naija can claim feminism - not you old cargoes & married women. you were bought off the shelf - your feminism should have paid for your brideprice & traditional gifts brought by your hubby's family.

Really?

I can see you skipped a dose of your drugs

Pele.

coogar:
then you are a fraud!

i think some of you women should just accept you missed the train as far as feminism is concerned. you are too old to claim to be a feminist. you are a married woman - you were proposed to, a bride price was collected from your husband & yet you still want to claim there's equality between you & him?

no married woman in nigeria can claim to be a feminism - that is fraudulent as far as the movement goes. your feminism should have paid your brideprice. you cannot enjoy the perks that come with patriarchy & then claim feminism on the other end of the stick. the guy that married you was trained & got educated like you were.....

why was there a need to pay a price on your head?

Your blood is really boiling

My husband Did not pay BP

Next

crackhaus:
Is chivalry now a culture? I thought it was common sense according to zeb04

You're Nigerian, do you want to be the recipient of chivalry or not?


Did your father, you mean...


Unfortunately I don't see/hear men complaining about their doors not being opened for them, or their bags not being carried for them, or a woman not holding their hand to cross a busy stretch of road.

And hey, what's that bit about a man needing help before a woman can give it?
The women who need chivalrous gestures - their doors being opened and heavy bags carried for them, are they handicapped or less privileged?


PS:
Like I asked the other - as a feminist yourself, which of those campaigns do you support and are actively a part of?
Also, which of them did you have a knowledge of before this thread?

I attend RCCG and do not support all their doctrines
I am a Yoruba girl do not support all our customs
I am a feminist and do not support all beliefs

So what was your post script about again?

@main post:

I used our fathers not to personalize the question so I don't know what the reference to my dad was for

dBard:
Hmmm...
Yes o...that also
But we will share d profits 70-30
As a man..I gats have d lion share

I am a feminist

braine:
Me doing that would be me putting much energy all for nothing, coz you already have a mindset that my opinion is not valid.

You must be a mindreader

dBard:
Lol @authoring a dictionary.
Seems we're both in agreement or being agreeable

Lol!

Let's just say I have my special outlook to life

For a second I thought you were talking about partnering to author a dico

crackhaus:
Lmao...after telling me to move along, you finally found your voice.

Okay then, regarding this comment - in your world of gender equality, chivalrous gestures like holding/opening doors and helping someone with their bags/loads, is something only men should do for women right?

Also you're yet to answer my first question, don't dodge - as a feminist, which of these feminist campaigns do you actively support or are a part of?

FCKH8 Campaign, Hollaback!, #YesAllWomen,
#FreeTheNipples, TakePart.com

Is chivalry Nigerian culture?

While growing up, did our father's open doors for women, carry heavy bags etc etc.?

And if a man needs help in these areas, don't you expect a woman to?

dBard:

Wasn't bin specific t d female gender.
Respect is earned not demanded.
The earlier we understand that d beta.



On d oda side, I've interns...n though one of d most hardworking ppl ve met in my life was a female..ms Pepple, d majority of females I've worked with are quite disappointing..n I say this wit all honesty.
Take it however u want.

If u demand respect, pull your weight irrespective of gender n you'll get it.

Wat I don't get is why peeps will choose t ignore that there are physical, biological, psychological differences t each group all f d sake of argument.

I don tire.
Peace.

OK then

Well the male gender have been respected because they are males

100% agree people ought to earn respect

Funnily, I do not subscribe to giving a gender an edge or the quota system.

Give everyone equal opportunities and let the best stand out.

What I will also not agree with is not letting a gender have the opportunity to prove their betterness or worseness

Now I think I should author a dictionary

stinggy:
Believe me, some pretense are normal, to show respect.

OK o!

When will the woman now be herself? Do what she likes?

In the grave?

braine:
You've got the whole thing wrong

Really?

Help me see right

anthoniaz:
There's this my fiance's friend that like following us wherever we are going and he likes sitting in front so whenever we are going out I just take the back seat.The one that annoyed me most was when I and my fiance travelled to see my parents, he insisted he wanted to follow and I sat at the back.

What I don't really like about it is that, when people see two guys sitting in front and a girl at the back, they would feel it's one random girl the two guys just picked .That's how I feel

That friend lacks courtesy

Gently discuss with your hubby to be especially on the issue of him following you guys around.

I am sure that the both of them would have some guy time together so his friend should free you guys sometimes.

However, if you both are living together,.it might be a bit difficult.

It is well

blank:
My husband will collect the key from me and drive. He will say it's cos of his long legs, he can't sit behind someone.

Sharp guy

Truth is NIN attach a lot of significance to the front seat of a car

Icherishu:
Some Nigerian women. I expect the person to respect the man and move to the back. But I as a woman won't make fuss about it. If hubby friend was in the car before I came. I won't even make a fuss about it. And I won't even talk about it.

But the woman does not deserve same respect?

Does the person moving to the back not signify that there is some importance to the coverted front seat?

My point is that 99% of Nigerians in Nigeria attach a sort of importance to the front seat. It is not a woman's thingy

Icherishu:
CC abeg help me ask them o. Some women are so territorial about front seat. Sit wherever the most important thing to me is to get to our destination jejely.

For safety reasons, I don't even like front sit. In case of emergency and you ain't strap you would find yourself out of the windscreen.

Is it women who are territorial or Nigerians?

Let's do this experiment: for those who drive while hubby is in the car, Please carry someone else in front, .pick him up somewhere and let him seat at the back.

I like experiments

Volunteers anyone?

braine:



Just ignore these poorly raised and useless women jare. Also pray you don't meet such. Like mother, like daughter.

I think you are also very poorly raised else you would not refer to poster's parents without caution.

It is not only when the parents are separated that the home is broken.

If discriminating against a 7yr old is okay to you then...

dBard:
Thank You.

Peeps just talk without reading up on their history.
I've said it n will stand by it..I've not come across societies that were more protective of female rights than African societies and to a large extent, that MENTALITY hasn't changed.
In Iboland, I think, d woman is allowed to share the properties she has acquired t her children n d husband/or soda members of d family has no right to it,unlike f d man whom by law is required t share according t d no. Of wives n children he has.

Like I said b4, don't know wat all d B.S is about. If u want respect,Work f it..it's that simple.

What work did men do to earn their respect?

I will appreciate a straight answer.

I was just passing by and saw this.

Thanks

Interesting interview

Glad she heard from God and listened

Nigerian mentality of dealing with women change o!

Tiredwify:
He said that tonight after a heated argument, he even went as far as beating me up cos I locked his cloth. I asked him about his finances, how he spends money et al. I cant even type it all. I need to speak with matured christian woman. I am totally fed up. Our marriage is less than a year. We dated for two years. Someone should pls help me out. I dont want to leave my child behind. I need help. I am tired. I want a peaceful home and a good husband. Oh Lord, i never bargained for this, Oluwa saanu funmi.

SapeleDon has done justice to this thread. Weldone.

Locking hubby's shirt is disrespectful and an invitation to be beaten.

During your courtship, did you both discuss how your home/finances will run? Joint accounts; project account; individual contributions etc.

I would say you work on the way you communicate with your husband especially in the area of finance. If you don't have a joint account then he might not feel accountable to you after he has dropped his share of housekeeping money.

Habe you always earned more or is this a recent development? If you have always earned more, do you tie your respect to finance? Do you think a man must always earn more? Contribute more? This is also affect how you relate with him and he can sure see through it. That's why he might be behaving that way regarding finance.

I don't think it is time for you running about praying (pls don't get me wrong; prayers are effective) this is a time to sitdown and rebuild the foundation of your home.

If your church offers post martial classes, please attend together. One sided teaching is a waste of time IMO.

Also learn to save monthly.

It is well

Phema:
. The young man doesn't believe in "polygamy".

Lol

Became born-again @ quite young

Operation catch them young

alutacontinua:
I GIVVUP!
Honour kwa.....

Please don't

There are some stuffs that matters over there we wouldn't give it a thought

Here in Naija, front seat is a big deal and reserved for wives/serious girls/husbands/parents and respected people.

Front seat is a seat of honour except a driver is the person at the wheels.

stinggy:
That's true bro. If my babe should do that for my best friend, then I know the kind of women she'll be after marriage.
She's meant to @least pretend she wants to seat at the back and my friend, being a guyman will now say tell her to sit in the front.

Pretend she wants to seat at the back? Is she in a maximum prison?

This is how you guys end up marrying fake women because they have been pretending to get the ring

Glad my little contribution to the thread worked

I will also steer clear from Muslims so I do not get blown up and priests so that I am not molested.

Goodnight y'all

Stillfire:
Ok let me paraphrase do African christian men imbibe the exceptional qualities of Jesus Christ?
We can say some men are not egocentric, but reality shows men even evident on NL crying always for their egos to be kissed be it christian or animist.
The word head defined by attaining the qualities of Jesus Christ is a biblical construct. African culture/religion practices something else not headship. Those who are not christians better choose something else to call themselves. Maybe oga! Those who choose to be called heads must exhibit the qualities of Jesus Christ.
On the other hand, do you think there's more emphasis on female submission than teaching the qualities of Jesus Christ to men in churches today?

It is more of a societal stuff

Muslims complain of the same too

Let's say mixing religion with culture never produce good results

UjSizzle:
Build-Operate-Manage-Transfer Model (BOMT) is a term of project financing, wherein a private entity receives a concession from the private or public sector to finance, design, construct, and operate a facility stated in the concession contract. This enables the project proponent to recover it's investment, operating and maintenance expensea on the project.
Read more on BOMT models here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Build-Operate-Transfer

Following the decay in our eductional system, and the never ending strike actions embarked on by our tertiary institutions for lack of necessary learning infrastructures and salary payment, there is need for us to start thinking of solutions to our problems instead of the constant back and forth bickering of who's to blame. BOMT have been used in Nigeria for road construction projects and airport construction projects, will a Public-Private Partnership also be successful in the tertiary institutions?

Personally, I believe this will work. Other than taking away government monopoly from the system(since it's agreed that the government lack management capacity), it will bring about competition amongst the interested private companies. Competition is good as it brings about innovation and creativity.

The only setback I can see to this plan is the increment of school fees, but wouldn't that be a small price to pay for uninterrupted and world class learning environment? What are your views? Will this work? Are there any other possible setbacks to the system you envisage?

If this model will increase the tuition fees, then we have not found a workable model

charix:
...on what Can't comment sensibly without pics. Shoot me a mention when pics're up.

[EDIT]

Ok its like this; 1. "Sharia laws" are created to govern the poor and always get bent to favour the rich and influential. Wealthy muslims are liberal both in thought and action. That means they're on the same level as Christians and even atheists if need be.

2. Wearing of Hijabs is a cultural thing indigenous to Arabs. Somewhere somehow the habit made its way to Africa because we adopted their religion.

I have noticed that myself too

But again, you cannot compare wealthy deeper lifers to poor ones or a wealthy pastor to a poor one

I guess the exposure money sometimes brings always affect their outlook to life

[b]Yes, I'm a woman. But, I've had it with feminism. Here's why.

I'm a wife, mother, sister, daughter, business owner, sports nut and beer lover, but I am not a feminist. I may have been at one time, but then I became the mother of two boys and I realized that I cannot align with a message that has changed into something degrading, offensive, accusatory and opposed to the morals and messages I am teaching my kids.


You see, I'm kind of psyched to be raising my boys as gentlemen. I am proud to raise them to be hard-working and dedicated providers. I am raising them to treat the women in their lives like princesses, and to make eye contact with, and say hello to, everyone they meet. I am raising them to appreciate the beauty in a person based on what that person believes and how that person makes my boys feel, not on what that person is wearing or how much of their skin is exposed.



I want my boys to be chivalrous, to open doors and carry heavy loads, to ask a girl out on a date and pay the bill without expecting anything in return. I am encouraging my sons to tell girls when they think those girls look beautiful. I love that my boys want to surprise me (and eventually their partners) with gifts, and the spontaneous hug or peck on the cheek from time to time.

But, the latest campaigns by the feminist movement are telling boys they are wrong if they do these things, or anything else that would make a girl feel stereotypically "girly," or my sons to act stereotypically "gentleman-like." The FCKH8 Campaign would have girls tell my sons to "Bleep off" if they called them pretty or reached for their hand without permission.

Hollaback! sends the message that if my sons make eye contact with, or say "hello" to, a woman they don't know, they are a predator, or at the very least, a "creepy douchebag."#YesAllWomen wants my boys to know that the fact they have a penis makes them a threat. They cite the statistic that 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted, but seem to ignore that they are sending the message to little girls to assume 100% of all men are rapists.

#FreeTheNipples preaches to end "slut shaming," yet what they are really doing is flipping the shame of "sluttiness" from the girls who expose their breasts (and bellies and butt cheeks) to the boys who look at them. TakePart.com supports teen girls spin doctoring age-old terms like "boys will be boys," which is more about farting, burping, and falling out of trees than it is sexual harassment. They make claims like "dress codes are the result of boys not being able to control their sexual urges," but how about encouraging all students to simply dress with decency in a public institution designed for education and growth, instead of focusing on elevating social status and hooking up?

Teaching my boys that they are somehow wrong, perverted or bad if they look at what is being flaunted in front of them is also making the job of parents a thousand times harder to have that conversation about steering clear of "easy" girls. And, let's not assume for one second that there aren't plenty of them.

When the term feminism turned from being a message of empowerment and gender fairness to basically a list of rules, restrictions, idiosyncrasies, offenses and grievances directed at all things male, I tapped-out. I do not believe that opposite sexes can ever be completely equal, as there are very specific limitations for each gender.

I also believe that there is nothing wrong with many of the gender roles that have been honored throughout history. I want my sons to love unconditionally and I want their partners to do the same. I want my sons to choose a partner who honors their manliness, strength, valor, chivalry and masculinity, and I am raising them to honor the qualities and virtues in their partner as well, even if those qualities include being maternal, ladylike, demure, and feminine. I don't want my sons to ever have to submit to the anger of a woman who believes she is justified in treating him with disrespect based on the feminist movement.

I support fairness for everyone, but as long as being feminist means suppressing masculinity, it cannot possibly be called a "quest for equality." Respect is earned, not demanded. There will never be a time when I will tell my boys not to treasure, protect and admire the women in their lives because "Women don't need a man to feel valued." I say, "Value all people and the gifts they bring." Only then will the world be truly fair and equal. (Your Tango)[/b]

Source: http://www..com.ng/index.php/more-news/life-style-news/item/1286-i-m-a-mother-of-2-boys-and-i-can-t-and-won-t-support-feminism

OP, sorry I spoilt your market

SirShymex:
Agreed, it's a choice. However, do you think it's actually that difficult for women who have a plan, and know what they're doing, to have a career and a successful family?

Also, with most of the fields women are into, they can attain the highest professional qualifications in those fields by max. age 25-26. If they actually planned their lives, and not get too involved in distractions like most women do. Once you get that, it's just basically about working a job - and moving up the career ladder. Get married and the sky is the limit.

I just believe folks love making excuses for failing to plan ahead, and doing things the right way.

I think we just repeat some things we hear without actually thinking it over

A colleague of mine who has some professional certifications and married with kids still said 'it is difficult for women to combine their homes and careers' and I wondering what is the definition of a career?

I do not know the career you just jump into, work voom voom and get to the top gbam! It is growing consistently and it will not always be so time consuming. How many certifications can you do in a year? How many days do they take? Some are actually done online sef so why can't I be at home and study for it?

damiso:
I believe the head of our household is my husband because I am a Christian and that belief is an offshoot of my faith.

That said its not something that we constantly have to talk about or dwell on or that he has to keep shouting 'I am the head'.It also does not mean he gets to take all decisions unilaterally.We just get on with family life and work as a team to get stuff done.

We both have our strengths and weaknesses and we complement each other to work for the good of the family and home we are building.You will often hear him say 'I need to ask my wife as she is better than me when it comes to that' I think he even says it more than I do sef.He trusts my judgement (intially I used to say I told you so ALOT but I think I have matured abit now) and even though sometimes he does not agree with my POV alot of times I find out we tend to do things by compromising.I will give an example I am the one who is more hung up on the kids doing certain activities and I tend to drive my daughter alot.He used to leave me to it as he feels I have a better grasp of the educational system but he had to step in tell me off about me constantly being on the poor girl's case.He was the one who cancelled out my 1hr compulsory school work everyday after school (after swimming, kumon, ballet and soon drama school) we are even still arguing on whether to cut back on extra curricular she is not enjoying e.g Kumon (trust her to not enjoy the educational one ).He did not decree No more kumon as the head we just talk about it and both marshall our points and even I realised I had to chill as I guess the kind of family I come from makes me kinda hung up on educational achievements.

I always thought that is how it should be

Sometimes, NL makes it easier to be a Christian than to be a wife

Nice Thread

I have never really understood 'a man makes the final decisions' etc. because I look at it practically.

@Chillisauce and damiso, nice one

Mrsmansson:
In order not to reveal so much info I wouldn't upload the mail he sent
This was a very nice caring man few years ago oh
Marriage na wa sha

Okay whenever we ve a fight,he would always say the number of kids I want in this life must not come from you alone

So yesterday was another argument

He sent a mail saying;

"I have to tell you this today - the number of children I need as a man I will get and it not a must that you will be their mother; it is only an opportunity that a wise woman shall cease..."


This is not the 5th time he is saying this
I jokingly told him one day,that I need 2 kids,he said 4,the next thing he said is "you can give birth to your 2kids,I can get the rest kids from anywhere

The way I hate him now,I can even plan his death.have been plotting of a good strategic way to kill him,so no one would suspect me
How can someone who claimed he loves me,just turn out to say the most hurtful things to me
So I thought we were in love,I don't understand that opportunity part

How many kids did you plan to have during courtship/early marriage?

Have you gotten to that number?

Is your husband saying 'you must get to the agreed number (if you have not gotten there) of kids else he will have kids outside' or "He must have kids outside wedlock whether you birth the agreed number or not?"

Get a grip maám; when you are done with murder, you are going down for it. Are you 100% sure you are willing to sacrifice your lifetime for your hubby (because that is what you will be doing)

It is well with you