₦airaland Forum

richmondefosa:
This image below is the highlight of my morning.

I get so busy that many times I forget to check my nairaland mail. I apologize sincerely.

Thank youuuuu Chinedu. Welcome to Stanbic IBTC Bank. I wish you a successful journey with us. We will definitely be sending each other official mails now.

This is another testament that what I'm doing on this thread is a good one and I won't be deterred by naysayers and negative minded people.

I'll help as many people as I can that need information on joining the group. God help me.

Good morning Nairalanders

Well done Richmond for the good work you did on this thread.

It is amazing and God would raise helpers and direction in time of need. Amen.

Are you still in Stanbic IT operations though? And is your moniker part of your official name? If yes, I might know you

I am more baffled why children think they have the rights to 'fight' their mother who is the co-owner of the wealth.

In chain of inheritance, the spouse comes before the children.

Apart from chain of inheritance, do the children know how the wealth was built?

Na wa o.

shantti:
On top bride price of how much bikonu, hia
R u aware that some bride price is #10
So what is #10 that u cannot allow her biological dad to collect

It is not the amount, it's the symbolism.

Why should a man who never partook in the care of his child be entitled to her brideprice?

Funny thread and funnier OP who has tasted both genders and all the marital situations in this life.

So some people marry with the intention to divorce

Advise dey NL sha!

No wonder miserable marriages are littered about.

Originalsly:
At 35 ... you see the path to marriage lined with red flags ... UT you don't know if to go ahead. He is 40 ... and his senior citizen 20th century mom is making 21st cent decisions for him. Really.... I believe you two would make a fine couple.... you deserve each h other.

@bold:

Hahaha

cococandy:
Unacceptable. I hope you guys reported her 🫤

In Nigeria about 8 years ago

Where do we start the story from?

Klass99:
Coco & Buka, you people make my head spin when you go head to head like this, debating issues back and forth. It's like watching a Serena and Venus tennis match.

Nor vex

cococandy:
I guess time will tell



But this isn’t in the west and I was referring to the post where you said western men were not as masculine. I guess this shows that west or not, the times are different and it’s not a function of masculine or feminine energy. At least that’s what I think.

The end of that post talks about some issues in the West and it is function of the dysfunction The family is the building block of the society, every one is from a family (functional or dysfunctional) and once it fails, the debris is falling on the society.

cococandy:
Okay. I definitely rock with the self care angle. Although I don’t think it’s gender specific.
I take my husband along with me to self care sessions. Couples Massages with hot stones and aromatherapy. Manicure pedicure. Facials.

Freshness is a must

Took my husband once for a couple's massage and used female/female because we were in the same room.

Luckily, he did not listen to me completely and did not remove his boxers unlike me that likes to be nude.

Let's say it was catastrophic. Despite my presence, she was so unprofessional and caressing him and had the guts to ask for his number when we were leaving for 'follow up'.

Completely swore him off massages. Sticks to his pedicure jeje.

Hot stone/towel massage is awesome. Then nice music and heavenly aromatherapy.... I don't know if I am asleep or awake or still in this world. Then you finish and step out to the harsh reality

I should have been born as an ancient Egyptian princess. All I would be doing is massage and importing essential oils from all over the world

cococandy:
Okay.

Western in this conversation refers to America and Europe etc right?

1. Do you sincerely believe all these countries who are doing better by worldly metrics lack manly men?

2. Also what does that even mean and why is it a bad thing?

3. Because the only time I hear internet (NL and Reddit) people complaining of feminization of men, is when they are asked to respect women as they would like to be respected which makes me look at them and wonder why they think that’s a weakness.

1. Doing better by worldly metrics is a function of systems which were created by stronger men and they are on a steady decline.

2. Lack of masculine men and feminine women leads to dearth in marriages/home which spills to the society and it is only a matter of time before it collapses. Nigeria is a good example. Due the dearth of masculine men and godly men, the women carrying the families for ages have said no more and our family system has collapsed which has lead to collapse in the society. That's why a 24 year old boy would connive with his mother to use his sister for rituals; that's why a 19 year old boy would buy Benz that his generation if sold cannot afford and he would be celebrated; that's why ritual money and yahoo yahoo is on the rise, a mother would take her sons to learn Yahoo Yahoo. That is we have a number of girls willing to sell their bodies for Iphone 14 and boys changing girls like someone changing underwears. A video of underaged boys booking girls in hotel was floating some weeks back. Imagine while growing up, which boy wouls leave his father's house and lodge a girl old enough to be his sister in a hotel? Even if he is mad to do so, which girl would cheapen herself to sleep with someone she should be backing for money? And which hotel would lodge such abnormality instead of calling their parents to pick them? The collapse of each society would be different; the West have their own problems with LGBTQ~, transgender madness, the length men go to outsmart their wives and keep their wealth, some ridiculous rulings etc.

3. A masculine man is secure in himself and has no qualms respecting a lady deserving of respect. Because he is a brand, he would also pick a respectable lady as his spouse/partner. Even throwing tantrums when told to respect women or treat them according to the way they want to be treated is a sign of a feminine man or a wounded masculine man.

PrimadonnaO:
LOL

After asking each of them what femininity means to them, abi?

Too much wahalurr!

Which wahalurr?

Just give them pen and paper and 50 mins to answer the questions

cococandy:
To me that’s still a bit vague. How specifically is someone going to nurture their femininity? It is by only wearing certain styles of clothing? Only speaking in certain ways? recalibrating their body language?

I believe I have stated earlier that I am not concerned about femininity and femininity coaches who think ALL women should become robots to fit a mold; they are ofeges (aka fake).

Nurturing your feminine energy starts with taking care of yourself. Pampering your self, indulge in good, soft music (for instance when I watch Toni Braxton's Spanish Guitar), I feel like the guitar after a while. Imagine me playing that after I have used my bodyscrub, rubbed olive oil over myself lightly and just laying nude on my bed. Soft life, no gra gra.

While, there is no universal way to act, there is feminine and masculine carriage. The thing that makes you see someone afar off and guess it is a woman coming; ditto a man.

Again, femininity might need 'Nurturing' when you work in a masculine environment. Imagine a lady who climbs towers to install masts; she would pick up masculine vibes, Channel her masculine energy in relating to people around her. She needs to remind her soul that it is feminine when she gets home.

And yes, there is a feminine way to talk. Not tone/pitch or whispering; it is by conjuction of sentences. That's why you read some people's posts here and assume they are male or female especially when they don't have the label. For instance, ladies calling themselves b!tches, baddies, guys, talking like agberos etc is unbecoming. Some masculine, some an outright insult to sensibilities.

cococandy:
1. At bold. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t see where you are coming from with that. That’s why when a Nigerian woman says she wants/supports strict traditional roles in her marriage, I don’t judge as long as she’s not in denial as to why any other method won’t work. The reason being that the men will not want to do the responsibilities of being the leader but will want to jump in when it’s time to reap the benefits. So I get it.

2. However, “lead in his masculine and follow in her feminine” are part of the new buzzwords making the go round nowadays which when dissected usually doesn’t come down to much except let him provide money and call all the shots while she takes care of the home. It may not be what you mean by it but ask the people who 100% agree with that and you’ll (maybe) be surprised that’s what they understand by home leadership and followership.

3. So no I don’t think that applies to all homes. If the woman is the better leader, the man would do well to defer to her and vice versa. In addition to what you’ve seen happening over and over again (which I don’t disagree with BTW)

4. I have also seen homes where the woman who was clearly a better leader decided to let the man lead because that’s what she was expected to do and the man led them to ruins. Many dysfunctional homes today are not that way because the woman was leading. They are that way because the man was leading. Chromosomes do not determine leadership qualities. The only reason why some female led homes run into issues is because outsiders feel the need to tell them what to do, mock them, and put pressure on them to conform to traditions.

5. I think it’s best for couples to determine what works for them as they grow and age together. Then, apply it to their relationship regardless of what people think they should be doing. Like I usually add, as long as it’s fair and no one is carrying a larger burden all the time, it’s golden. 👌🏽

1. Great

2& 3. While I agree they might be new buzzwords, the application has been from long past. I agree with you that what the average person hears with that tagline is what you described: husband major provider and call the shots; wife major homemaker then sprinkle in the allowance for the husband to do what he likes because he pays the piper. When I talk of leadership, I am talking of setting the tone of the relationship/marriage and the wife aligning with it. It is husband's duty to lead spiritually, protect his home (wife and children from internal & external intruders) provide financially (might not be a sole provider especially if you both met young), emotionally, mentally, be very involved in child training (Biblically the bulk even lies on him because he is called to train his household and instructed not to frustrate his children), provide an identity for the family, have the family vision and be capable of leading them there, ensure his children are confident because he has a healthy relationship with them (training/discipline/emotional support/guidance etc.). Nowhere has the man been the sole decision maker; even the Bible says one would chase 1,000 and two would chase 10,000. However, as the leader, the buck stops at his table when there is conflict of opinions and they both have 'superior argument'. That is one of the reasons he must be led by God. He can lead them to God in prayers, decide to go with his wife's suggestion, win his wife over to his side, or bridge both suggestions into a new one althogether. Ideally, such situations should not be common because they should be of one mind. The wife's alignment is supporting the husband in the shared family vision. For instance, if the husband believes the children should be beaten for code red offences and the wife doesn't, they should have the discussion. If the husband for instance beats the child when he/she does something considered code red, the wife (as tempting as it may be) shouldn't let the child feel it is a 'daddy's thing'. It is their punishment while she re-tables the matter. The wife would also use her gifts on supporting the husband to achieve their goal. For instance, she might be better in book keeping, she should be delegated to run the home finance; she might be the better holiday planner, she can handle that etc. Also, I believe there are male and female chores. Things like plumbing, repairs, maintenance, yard work, representation of the family outside like compound meetings etc should be handled by the husband. Things like home keeping is the wife's forte while the daily chores (laundry, cleaning, child care, cooking daily meals, homework etc) should be handled by both of them according to availability, capability and outsourcing.

4. It think my point about elaborates what I mean by leading and why I think a man should do it. Even if a man did not learn how to lead from home, he can learn from his local church, masculinity schools and the likes. A woman who wants to lead or has to lead is better off single (I call them married but living single).

5. As the marriage grows, I believe routine changes even if the core is the same.

Gosh! I have written an epistle.

PrimadonnaO:
Lol


I'm lost myself.


Concepts can get really confusing.

Now I've been thrown into a state where I'm critically assessing my femininity.

All I know is that I'm a woman who wants to always be a woman in all the lifetimes available.

Am I soft and demure?
Do I speak with a soft, caressing voice?

Lol

It's so funny to imagine, please.

I guess a man will have to answer on my behalf.

Ultimately, it would seem as though women are being taught to conform to a new standard . It happens every decade.

Perhaps we're leaving the age of feminism... to femininity.

@bold: 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 so funny.

Oya ask the men beside you let's measure your femininity on a scale.

cococandy:
This is nairaland rhetoric. It’s not a thing. It doesn’t exist.

I don't make my 'conclusions' on western concepts from Nairaland.

Klass99:
Guy 1 looked for trouble on his own o, and to think it was a queen size mattress . But I have learnt and I am still learning to make use of their masculine strength.

'A yam stronger than a woman no bi by mouth'.

folake4u:
1. I was totally pissed when I saw comments here on a Nairaland thread that "All career women have sugar daddies" and "She slept her way up the ladder". Such disgusting mentality. That's how I even saw on Twitter of how some people labelled Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Chimamanda Adichie an ashawo. If I wasn't amused that day, I'd be lying.

2. I will check for the Bobby Valentino song. Thanks for this.

So true. These days, there are feminine men scattered all over the place and I don't even know what to say about such.
I still prefer the traditional men though.

3. Hahaha. Sure thing. I'm very observant.

A. Yes yes. I love female Bosses a lot. I can say I'm privileged to have enjoyed all female Bosses I've been with in the past. The last one was a female Judge during my law school days, she was super nice to me and she mentored me till I was done doing Externship at her court.

B. Do you get??! Tell me which lady who doesn't love to experience the princess treatment.

C. Oh thankfully, you've experienced that in court. I always cringe when female Judges are referred to as Sir. I also hate when we're tagged "Gentleman in skirt". 😂😂😂Abi I kuku be cross dresser oh.

D. Lol. I always say my No with a soft, warm smile. My voice won't be domineering, it will be firm but always with a wide smile. It leaves people confused. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

5. Or a woman is a tigress with man A and becomes a dove with man B.

This!!!!!! This is my story, this is my song.

Well, you can't blame me. Man A made the masculinity part of me to jump out. Man B activated my feminine side and I'd be wondering how Tigress turn to cute puppy.

E. Lol no wahala.

1. If a young man had a working woman around him, he wouldn't think like that. It just tells me about your background.

2. Traditional men are bae. Funnily, I used to see myself & husband as nontraditional till I said seeing these crop of feminine men.

A. Cool, God bless them.


D. Nothing is as easy as asserting yourself while feminine. And people would sharperly comply.

5. Pele, can be so stressful. And they actually get to enjoy you when in your feminine because you are relaxed and thinking 'what can I do to make you happy '?

Nia69:
@Bolded 😂😂 I just wanted to make things clear so there won't be confusion.

Okay, thank you for listing them.

You are welcome.

I ought to charge you for this list . I gather some IG vendors charge for their plug list.

Klass99:
🤣🤣🤣🤣. I watched it o, that guy is something else.

The day I watched it ehn! It was like all the food he was calling should appear in front of me.

Chai!

He is the real foodie foodie.

You heard him: e ma jenu daada

Hathor5:
Bukatyne

You said that you can learn to be feminine in classes. Please give me an example of one thing people would teach/learn in these classes. I am very curious.

Depends on what you want to learn.

My previous post (just two posts prior) lists three femininity coaches targeting three different areas.

You could learn how to carry yourself better, nurture your femininity, relate with your husband to get better results aka to be more masculine, choose a masculine man, use your femininity to win at work etc. etc.

[quote author=Nia69 post=123533971][/quote]This your quoting pattern na wa.

Correct ones, just two or three I know . I would drop their handles here. Though I have never attended any of their private classes.

1. https://instagram.com/thefemmeguide?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

2. https://instagram.com/petiteandfeminine.ng?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

3. https://instagram.com/afrofemininemuse?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

1. General femininity, using it to win at work, life & relationship. Think levelling up. I think Black American

2. Target audience is single Christian women looking for godly masculine men. Nigerian

3. Target audience is wives in troubled marriages trying to turn things around. A firm advocate of 100% providing husbands. Kenyan.

Klass99:
1. I don't know or can't remember what his excuse was but it is a habit and recurring pattern with him, which is why I told him not to bother that day and went on my own. He is a Christian but in his mind patience looks good or better only on women. The nerve to still blame or accuse me when he was wrong was so annoying.

2. Abeg abeg abeg, I am not watching it. Boiled yam and palm oil takes minimal time and effort to prepare . Any other method will require standing in the kitchen to dice and chop up vegetables or blend, then fry a little, etc. That is too much time and effort for my lazy bum.

1. OK, Nigerian Christian, I get

2. Just watch it. It is not about yam porridge.

folake4u:
True. I agree that there are women who don't want to be disrespected by men.

That IG post you shared is a common reality these days. It's so sad. I see some women babysitting their Men and I'm always amused by such.

This thing is also common in the southern parts of Nigeria. There are communities in Edo and Delta that the Women are sole providers and the men cross legs and balance at home doing nothing. You'd be shocked.

In Agbor, Delta State, it is women that ride okada bike, keke and bicycles.

The first time I visited there, I was culturally shocked.

Lol. I like some comments from Ybaby. Na sabi woman she be.

I should have put the disrespect in quotes to show that it is just their trauma playing out.

I am not shocked; served in Akwa Ibom and saw ladies driving bikes about. The women farm and care for the crops then the men harvest, sell and keep the money.

Those not into farming, the women go to their business place while the men sit at home and buy fresh goatmeat with palm wine waiting for the wife to return and cook.

A lady was dating a fellow corper and she would cook with her money, bring the food to our lodge and sleep with the guy. I wondered what exactly she was gaining in the 'situationship' considering it is not a case of 'let me assist my man while he stands on his feet'.

Their women were so muscular! Would carry two white paint buckets stacked on each other uphill a stream while the boys were playing at home.

Same thing applicable in parts of Cross River.

When they say their women f.uck and feed their men, it is no joke.

I hailed my Yoruba brothers after that.

folake4u:
I can't fully remember the full details but she was like, elegant women shouldn't be caught wearing some type of colours and what not. And also made reference on hair colour for braids/wig.

And then she said elegant women shouldn't wear crocs. Na there I cross the line because I joined the Crocs family recently and it is super comfortable.

Yes yes. Femininity is also knowing your body type and dressing accordingly.

I found a website that allows one to know colours that will suit an individual. And it works perfectly for me.

https://colorwise.me/

You can check it out.

My colour guide is the Deep Winter Palette and these colours suit me best.

I would check it out, thanks.

Generalizing cloth colour, Winnie is on her own.

@Crocs: have no opinion really, never had one. I have neven thought of its elegance or lack of.

Klass99:
Example 2 - Is sort of tied to example one, let me explain. I am an action oriented person I like to get things done speedily when I set my mind to it. As such I don't like slackers or people who slow my runs, when I was ready to get that orthopaedic mattress I asked one of my friends in example one, if he could please accompany me to make the purchase and be a second pair of eyes for the best deal possible.

1. We agreed on a time for Saturday morning, then oga began to delay, after 30 minutes or more of waiting I told him not to bother. I took off to the store got the mattress, paid for delivery and went about other business. He still had the guts to tell me I lack patience and lecture me about patience being a good virtue for a woman to have. I restrained myself from insulting him that day ehn.

2. Additionally, your point four is not something I like or enjoy doing, but it is considered feminine and womanly by most. I hate cooking! I can have all the ingredients for a tasty yam sauce, yet, I would rather boil yam and use red palm oil, salt and pepper to eat it. I hate it when a man (friend or date) says......so when am I going to eat your food/soup or when am I coming to your house for lunch? The thing dey vex me die!

3. Again, it is the expectation that as a woman you will naturally take care of the people around you in any setting, by cooking for them or catering to their needs. But guess what I don't want to do that and don't assume because I am a woman I should automatically gravitate towards it. Allow me to take the lead or initiative on that, no dey ask me yeye question. You no know where dem dey sell food before?

1. Why was he late? No vex on behalf of my fellow late comer (Though he did not seem sorry. Is he a Christian? If yes, did his Bible tell him that patience is expected from only one gender? )

2. Abeg cook the tasty porridge joor. Watch this clip to ginger you: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CspGHBmIdHQ/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

3. 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄

Klass99:
Example 1 - I use a full orthopaedic mattress and it is heavy like hell. It took two grown men to bring it into my room upon delivery. I am able to lift that same mattress alone, by myself, remove it from the bed frame, lift the supporting boards and shift the main frame, to sweep and mop under my bed, then arrange everything back as I like it.

My bed frame is box-like in design I can't sweep or mop underneath unless I do that and I don't mind because I dread the mere thought of insects and cockroaches dying there unchecked. I once had a male friend visit in the middle of my chores, he saw what I was about to do and offered to help.

He tried to lift the mattress and struggled with it for a few seconds, while grunting and asking what kind of mattress did I buy like this? I told him to please step aside and not bother, in one swift movement I did what he couldn't and I could see from the look on his face and body language that he felt somehow.

Another time a different friend visited, I effortlessly lifted my Cway dispenser bottle to replace it with a finished one and he goes why would I do that when he is here, why couldn't I ask him to assist me? In my mind I am like I live alone and I am used to getting things done by myself, if you people are not here will I not do these things.

These days when I am in the presence of male company I kukuma act like a task is beyond me, I ask or let them take the initiative of doing the heavy lifting, before they continue to think this girl has issues

😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 🤣 😂 😆 I Imagine how guy 1 felt.

Guy 2 felt 'useless' at that point; they like to feel needed.

Funny resolution. Anyways, let them get their hands dirty; that's why God made them from sand (raw material) and we from refined bone (premium finished product).

Teespice:
They call it finishing school. Zeelicious foods even does a segment called Winnie's school of elegance.

To the topic at hand, I believe in staying true to myself. Damsel in distress or not, I am not afraid to ask for help when I need to. The highest I would get is a no and I would never be resentful of who tells me No because they have their reasons for declining to help.

That said, it gets tiring when you are being referred to as "strong". I don't want to be strong biko. I can't be strong at the work place and then still come to my happy place and be acting " strong". There are days I want to vulnerable but when you think of the fact that there are people who would want to take advantage, you will be left with no choice but to keep pretending which isn't good because for how long will one continue to pretend.

Las las, do you...everyone will adjust accordingly.

@bold:

Good piece.

You are very connected to your feminine energy; not afraid to ask/receive help and wanting to be vulnerable in your safe space.

True that there are many wolves wanting to pounce when you show that vulnerability.

Good luck in finding that safe arms where you can truly be yourself

Persephone1:
1. All human express needs and wants differently, all humans are different. It is not limited to men and women. All humans seeks different things from each other. Some men seek respect and peace, some submission and love, some a woman that turns them on , needs varies according to desires and what is missing in individual's life. Some women value peace , some provision, some respect again according to desires and what is missing. All humans differs , twins are not the same. Society (people) sieve out similar characters, promote it as a standard for a gender and shut out unlikely characters. Gender stereotypes? Exactly! They are stereotypes,they aren't true. People do not always fit into a box.

3) We were in school, I definitely won't bill a guy sponsoring himself while my parents provides my needs. I shouldn't have to ask if he wants me to enjoy his "sweat". Lol... Conditioning at it again. Okay let move on from this.

4) What is feminity, let's start with that.

6) It should be.

1. While I do not dispute individual differences, men and women are different as white & black and each sex wants certain things in a relationship either Yoruba, Igbo, Japanese or Togolese. For instance, men want respect. Where the difference comes is what respect means to each man, what respect means in that culture, if he loves you, if he is God fearing, if he is masculine etc. But the need is same.

3. I don't think I told you to bill him. I have never billed a guy myself. My husband while dating just knew it was his duty to spoil his babe whether with N10 sweet or N1k pair of shoes. Infact, then I was operating more in my masculine (learning to balance) so would never ask for anything. I said a masculine man gives (money, time, resources, advise, muscles etc) and a feminine woman must learn to receive her man's gifts.

4. Look at the chart in Folak.e4u's post on the previous page

6. Then you don't know your target men.

I feel this discussion is something you would get in future after more experiences, observation of relaionship dynamics with men and exposure.

It would make more sense to you then.

Nia69:
Good morning.

A. I'm shocked people take classes on how to be feminine.


1. Femininity and masculinity are both social construct and can be restrictive. But things are changing now. It's best to just be yourself.


2.Yes, a highflyer can retain her feminity by practicing self care; it's very important. Making meaningful relationships and knowing how to set boundaries.



Don't let the society norm limit you, be true to yourself.

A. Why? People take classes on business, faith, culinary classes, handiwork etc. I think more women should take femininity classes (correct ones o! Not sit like this, do neck like this, money is the only thing a man needs to have, don’t wear this colour classes). We have too many masculine women dressed in feminine bodies. Men also need classes on masculinity so we do not make the age long mistake of training on sex (especially the female) on relationship matters; it takes two to tango.

1. Look at Folak.e4u's chart on the previous page. Also note that this discussion is geared towards relationships/marriage. 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 @ things are changing now. There are a lot of coaches now in that area.

2. Thank you.

cococandy:
What’s a high flyer? I don’t want to assume I know what you mean by that to avoid misinterpretation.

1. But on the topic of femininity, there’s this new internet wave of what it means to be feminine where young girls are being led to believe that being feminine means you must be soft, demure and in deference to men. Literally what our foremothers fought against years ago is being repackaged and sold to young women as the new standard of femininity.

Hashtag soft feminine life.

2. Usually they use it when they are displaying themselves in what they assume to be a luxurious lifestyle provided by a man and in which they don’t really have to do anything except to be young and beautiful, cater to the man, allow him his excesses and be apologetic for their existence as long as he holds up his own end of the deal which is to give them money. Which is great if that’s a well informed choice they are making for themselves seeing as that would no longer be applicable as soon the lady in question turns 45-50 years old. Thus setting in resentment later in life.

3. Personally I believe femininity is subjective and no two women can be feminine in the same exact way. There are so many varieties of women. Quiet, soft spoken, strong, matronly, demure, quick witted and brave. Each person will display their femininity based on their personality and style.

4. There are women who are born leaders even when amongst men. But because of traditional expectations that they defer to men, their leadership qualities are wasted on the alter catering to men’s “natural authority”. Which can lead to frustration.

Just be yourself. Do what makes you happy. If a woman has to put up an act to appear more feminine and more appealing according to what is expected of her as female, then that’s not her brand of femininity.

I’ll add more when I get a clear meaning of what high flyer refers to. Thank you for the topic of the day

1 & 2: it is like repackaged gold digging and that's not the concept of femininity I am referring to. Folake4u has a chart down this page that talks about femininity and Masculinity. Unfortunately, our mothers might not be good examples either. Like Poco said on one thread (maybe even this), most mothers did not really understand men themselves so did not teach their daughters well. That is a topic for another day. Serious femininity coaches know that an ill behaved, cheating, disrespectful husband is bad news and would not let you rest in your feminine in the relationship/ marriage. How can you show vulnerability and trust to a husband you are trying to outsmart or monitoring his phone like a gate man? Those coaches that excuse male excesses usually think of short term relationships than marriages.

3. Bold: true

4. I don't know if the context of leadership is in the home. If it is, then a woman's best bet is allowing her husband to lead in his masculine while she follows and supports in her feminine else she would be frustrated and the man would still want to reap the 'dividends' of leadership. Seen it happen over and over again. This doesn't apply outside the home.

Persephone1:
Thank you at Cococandy for your last response. Let everyone be who they are and not who society wants them to be. It is exhausting.

1. A man who loves to cook and care for his children may not do that because he doesn't want society to think his wife is controlling him.

2. A woman who wishes to be a high flyer will limit herself because in a society the Man should be a high flyer.

3. A man is expected to shut his anger, pain and emotions just to appear strong but when he eventually let all these out it gets grievous and detrimental to people around him. It's all nonsense to me.

In examples 1 - 3, I think you have mistaken indiviual societal expectations with what femininity and Masculinity should be. Read Folake4u's chart again.

folake4u:
Yes. That's the question. Thank you sooo much for replying.

Seriously speaking, there's no script written anywhere written on how to be feminine.

The famous philosopher, Socrates once said "Man know thyself" and truly, it is in knowing oneself that we see and acknowledge what works (or not) for us.

I can't even pretend or act for long. It is exhausting. Faking a smile alone for me is a chore as my cheeks hurt really bad 😫😂 talkless of pretending to be what you're not.

I don't follow all those content creators on TikTok and IG on their nonsense write-ups. It is very obvious that they're trying too hard and only shows they're FAKE and not staying true to themselves.

I stumbled on this babe's page on YouTube @ Winnies school of elegance. Na she dey talk make women nor wear some certain colour or sit in a particular way. On her episode of "Elegant women should not wear these", I disagreed with some of the points she noted.

Personally, everyone does not have the same fashion taste and sense of style. And I found out also that insecure people try to fit others into their boxes so that they won't feel lonely.

It is really exhausting, to say the least.

@ bold: was she referring to ladies knowing the colour that compliments their skin tone e.g. colour wheel theory and other further maths calculations for colour or did she say all ladies shouldn't wear a particular colour? Winning does too much some times sha

A part of femininity is knowing your body type and dressing it up accordingly. Infact coping the reigning style if it doesn't suit you is fashion suicide. That's why see a lot of croissants wearing wriggle dresses and drums wearing crop tops.