₦airaland Forum

armadeo:
I just tire . Why even bother to start

I don't understand.

Some people seem to take the 'I don't want peace, I want vawlence' memes seriously.

Nation1:
Hello people,

Am married for 6 years with two kids. Some months ago, my wife started denying sex so much that we hardly have 2 times in a month. Because of this, I no longer disturb her this days cos it's better to let her be than to be rejected since most times I expected her to say no or give an excuse or the other which am always about 90 percent right about.

This days, I don't feel attracted to her sexually anymore. I have never cheated on her but this days, the thought of doing so is gradually creeping in. Have tried talking to her about this but no change. I don't want to start what extra marital affair but am tempted to.

I need your advise guys.

In this write up, you have not told us what she said or complained about when you brought up the dwindling sex to her.

If your sex life was fine for 5yrs plus and she suddenly stopped, you would agree that there must be a reason (note I have not laid any blame on you yet because we do not know why).

It could be you offended her, she doesn't find you attractive, she is not satisfied with your performance sexually, she has hormonal issues, she just wanted sex for kids, she is battling some personal issues, she has a lover outside, she has some hangups about sex, she is seeing religion in a different light, she is too knackered from chores and childcare etc.

Let us know her 'why' then we can determine the next steps.

Very apt.

iammo:
Why make 3 babies when you obviously saw hint and signs of divorce from the early stage

I thought you said in the other thread that divorce is not the answer

Newnas:
1. It's her responsibility to explain before getting married. If a part of my career requires something that I know could cause friction in my marriage then I make sure I explain it before marriage.

2. Is night duty a must? You're talking as if it's impossible to be a doctor or nurse without doing night duties.

It is her duty to explain before marriage? A lot of people don't have issues with night duty.

Aren't you the one who has an issue with night duty so should have researched the schedule of a doctor before proceeding with the marriage?

A doctor/nurse who would not be required to work night shifts would be scarce. If I remember correctly, a hospital operates for 24hrs and there must be personnel on site to man them.

Now you know, steer clear from a medical professional.

Newnas:
I'll get a second wife, it's as simple as that.
I can't be a part-time bachelor for a "your money is our money, my money is my money" woman.

Moreover, woman that doesn't have time for her husband at her youthful age, is she the one that will have time for him when he's old?!

She can't leave her career because of me, so also I can't leave my wellbeing because of her. I'll get a second wife ASAP!

Isn't it easier to marry a woman whose career doesn't involve night duty than marry one and start giving her hassles?

Are you allergic to soft loving with peace everywhere?

Why do you lots thrive on struggle love like this? Why do you like to marry people not your spec then break their spirit to suit your interests?

'I can't cope with night shift work'; marry a career that doesn't require such. It is a different thing if ten years down the line, night duty enters the convo.

But to start with a career that requires heavy duty night shift when you don’t want it?

I can't comprehend.

Persephone1:
Not wanting w Nigerian man goes beyond those vetting. In fact if I'm to really vet I will renounce being a Nigerian

I want to breed with men who think beyond what goes on in a woman's veejay.

I wish you goodluck ✨️

AutoConsult:
As in ehnn....traveled from Lagos all the way to Bonny Island, Rivers state, all for nothing.

And this dude thinks it's funny. I don't even like seeing the pictures in my gallery😂

Pele, you should have collected your transport fare from him.

😃 😀 😄 😁 🤣 😂 😃 😀 😄 😁 🤣

Chemlite:
[color=#006600]

And he decided to marry her instead of walking forward and marrying the woman that suits him?

Isn't that madness?

AutoConsult:
Succinctly put. Actually, some people should have no business with marriage until they've truly matured to have a partner. Lots of people out there just got married because they felt they were not getting any younger.

It never surprises me when they abandon the marriage just after three months. I've personally seen a marriage that lasted for just one night before. In fact I was the best man. I hate to recall I was part of that sham of a marriage.

It pisses me off when I see two people preparing to marry eachother despite obvious red flags around their courtship. Dey always do me like say make I dey beat them. They go through with it and as expected, things go south after a few months.

Make I just keep kwayet sha. Mtsheew

Pele, I can imagine the feeling.

After supporting the couple to ensure the wedding is successful, you realised they are unserious elements.

With the way we like marriage, you would think we would learn how to make it enjoyable.

It is well.

Newyorkitis:
Omo, see how ladies full this thread!

Back to the topic: Nigerian Ladies usually want to eat their cake and have it but our culture has put us all in check and it is not far-fetched.


Elsewhere, bride price was cancelled because it acts as a restriction against a woman's full right to own her body as she likes.

Let us use the South-East as an example: There's no way on earth your parents will collect 1 million naira for traditional wedding and you want to enter the man's house with your full rights.

You can't go there and tell the man that you don't like how he is pressing the tooth paste tube or you are just tired and don't love him anymore for no reason, therefore you want a divorce.


My point is simple. You can't use marriage as poverty alleviation programme and make any noise about gender equality.


Ladies, .if you want gender equality, start by fighting your parents, and not your husband.

Bride price reduces your equality status.... Work.on scrapping it and see.your full rights restored.

PEACE.

This has absolutely nothing to do with bride price.

Indians pay dowry to the husbands and they still have terrible husbands; the West abolished bride price & dowry yet they still have corrosive men.

If the South East has the problem of turning it into a poverty alleviation program, then it can be discussed and treated separately.

1Sharon:
Isn't that what submission entails 🥴

Submission by whose definition?

CuriousStudent:
This is the definition of the average naija man. That explains the reproach and rejection they face from us.

Religion, culture and stigma forces women to accept them.

😃 😀 😄 😁 🤣 😂 😃 😀 😄

Cromagnon:
It I longer throat and feminism that push foolish women to marry robbing mad men

For better for worse stands
Marry with sense






Marriage is not for enjoyment
It's for procreation

You can decide not to enjoy your marriage, your business.

Geovanni412:
Are there unreasonable men?

Yes, they are

Are there unreasonable women?

Yes, they are

In this scenario, it is unfair to judge without hearing the man's version of events.

What reason would warrant such behaviour?

The first poster is yet to answer.

newdawn2017:
wizards re gurus, healers, educated, & englightened. He was malignant demonic entity.

😃 😀 😄 😁 🤣 😂 😃 😀 😄 😁 🤣

Even you wizards are rejecting him?

Toor!

doggedfighter:
bukatyne, thanks. Well noted. No more slacking. I am going all out now

Cheers to that

pocohantas:
Yes na. Annie Idibia. I didn't o. I no wan vex.
I only wish two of them the best because strangely I love seeing them together.



I am sure that man hooked her as a young naive girl. Now I see why your church cares about age difference. Make them understand who is manipulating who.🤣🤣🤣

😃 😀 😄 😁 🤣 😂 😃 😀 😄 😁 🤣

Her case was so sad sha.

Persephone1:
Lol on top Nigerian marriage?

Nahhhhh

But you need these vetting if you are marrying a man from the moon na.

And they are not 'hard/ tedious' as they sound.

Persephone1:
Marriage to a Nigerian man is SUFFERING especially to the typical, uncultured, unexposed, unrefined, self centered, egoistic, chauvinistic, loud Nigerian man. Some are overgrown babies you wonder who raised them. Phew!


I jump and pass! Bite me

There are many sweet Nigerian men.

You just need spiritual, physical, physiological, emotional and financial vetting

pocohantas:
Look at Ahnie's hairline.
Even the late Osinachi.

Late Osinachi was tragic;

How can a man be defective in all parameters that make women overlook male madness?

Poor, ugly, short in addition to wizardy behaviour of all forms of abuse?

It was sad.

pocohantas:
Women and men are going through shege in Nigerian marriages, but the difference is, men are brazen about the shege they dish out. Women are hardly ever that brazen because they know the odds are not in their favour. I can't say the same for the sons of Nebuchadnezzar.

When a man sees shege, he is encouraged to get a divorce or side-chick for balance and he would most likely do that. With or without shege.

When a woman sees shege, she is encouraged to wear red pant and pray. This has never been a proven way to let out steam, so they become toxic and depressed with receding hairlines. Waiting for their kids to grow, then they go there to disturb the future daughter inlaw and the son who has failed to ask his mother why she is running from her own husband, would indulge her. Or maybe he knows why she is running. After all he saw it happen.

---

I am not moved by all the divorce topics in the UK or wherever. The problem is not the UK. The problem is the foundation of Nigerian marriages. We are a dangerous people. Home and abroad we are the same. Any country we enter en masse must start looking for how to close her borders. That is how dangerous we are. But we would hardly ever reflect and change. Instead we blame feminism, blame NATO, blame a Youtuber and blame Tinubu. Very anyhow people...

@bold:

I don't know whether to cry or laugh.

iammo:
You talk as if the man isn't tolerating her bad behaviors too or she's perfect

From the story up there am sure the man has several reasons for his actions, and he is the only one in best position to throw more light

Let's take the men's behaviors at face value:

What would make husband 1 an enemy of progress with the intent to ruin her career? He saw teachers who would be home every night, he did not marry; instead he went for a doctor.

What would make husband 2 a septic tank always giving his wife STDs like he is their chief distributor in Nigeria?

I would like to hear your justifications for their actions.

iammo:
Divorce is never the solution, marriage is not meant to be perfect

When they say for better for worse, they refer to challenges that life throws at the couple; childlessness, job loss, health challenges, issues from in-laws, special needs children etc.

They are not talking about one of the parties roving mad and becoming a witch/wizard to the other party.

It is this 'marriage is not meant to be perfect ' that enables you men especially to waltz in with stupid behaviours and lack of home training hoping to be tolerated and accepted.

While marriage a might not be perfect because life is not perfect and the challenges I mentioned above, marriage ought to be enjoyed by both parties.

So ask yourself: these behaviours I put up, would it make my spouse enjoy this marriage?

Life is already throwing challenges, why should someone meant to make our lives more beautiful contribute or sponsor the major challenge?

I have actually received four messages from them.

osazsky:
nope...a sessions is abt 16k or 10k depending...then he will b placed on specific drugs

The OP earns N25k in a month.

Who will pay for two sessions worth N32k monthly?

Mantilla:
Coming from a Yoruba person am not surprised.

That's what they do, they sell you out for nothing...

But when according to BAT supporting 'Yorubas', he sold out by supporting PO, it was fine.

ferhyntorlah:
You can say that again

I wonder how Mimiko would be feeling reading about the refinery inauguration.

It would have opened us Ondo state to another world of endless possibilities.

Very true

So annoying.

Klass99:
Lol 🤣. Na from nairaland I take know her because of the cooking challenge and from the get go I wasn't hyped or impressed but I thought she was a fine gal and a hot babe from one photo where she's in a decent red gown not that awfully short one where she's showing ikebe.

When I started seeing pictures like you (on this same nairaland again) I thought to myself......there was a good reason why you weren't hyped or impressed Klass and there it is. The girl is too thirsty for my liking! You are not a video vixen dancing in one of Davido's videos neither are you an underwear model so what's all the exposure for?

She is following the premium advice of having more than one source of income.

Rayban25:
1. Men are not entitled like you ladies are first..its her money and I wont complain if she pays for her first class while I stay in economy for whatever reasons best known to her.

2. In this part of the world your own definition of a man treating you with honor is mainly spending lavishly on you do know how much a first class tickets cost? Or if it was paid for him and just wants to have his family along?

3. Gender war have just clouded you peoples reasoning.

1. You know deep down that your first statement is not true. Most husbands feel entitled (and rightfully so) to their wives' resources (i.e. all she possesses). I am sure this thread would be filled with all sort of stupid redpilled theories if a wife did same. We would hear how wives don't do well with wealth and power or any other fluff they manage to come up with.

2. Don't mix me up with your family women mbok. We do not know the circumstances under which it happened although the OP said 'my husband always...... that doesn't seem like he was upgraded as a frequent user or his company paid for him. It seems like he has the fish brain mentality a lot of the guys on this thread have. That his wife whom he chose himself and married doesn't deserve it.

3. That sentence is actually for you guys. Because you twist and turn like earthworms in salt to always support men. BTW, I do not do gender wars. I look at each thread on its own merit.

rosamaris:
Is this really a problem?

I will advice you put this issue far away from your mind and just enjoy your marriage.

You have a man who loves you enough to always put you and your kids on a flight when traveling instead of allowing you go through the rigors of sitting down for hours on bad roads. You should be grateful. Many women will gladly trade places with you if it were possible.

And bringing it to social media is not a good idea. My opinion.

You mean there are men who would fly and put their wives in buses?

Who raise these kind of men? Who trained these kinds of husbands?

Owaincouncil:
Most of our ladies this days come to marriage with entitlement spirit.
His thing, our thing. But their things belong to them alone.
Like someone comment, what if he had gathered point from frequent trips.

It is entitlement to except your husband to treat you with care and honor?

I hope you also think it is entitlement for the husband to expect Same honor and care from his wife.