₦airaland Forum

sweetestguy: I knw,bt dia are some gals dat are totally against it,"holier than thou" its like u jus entered d thread nw, read previous posts,ul undastand,,dem go soon com finish u,lol

You still did not get my post

I was echoing the views of most people on the thread.

Most people think that if a lady doesn't cook for her bf, he will not marry her and if he does, their marriage will not last

coogar: why must we all think something would happen to the husband? then who mentioned sit at home for 15 years? i keep reiterating this is a temporary measure for the kids to bond with the parents instead of leaving them in the hands of strangers. the society is what it is today because majority of today's kids were trained by ekaettes.



so because it worked with your parents means it would work with everyone else? get out of here with your tunnel vision. there's a difference between coping with a situation & thriving in a situation. for instance, loads of nigerian students passed exams reading with candle lights......that they coped with such does not mean it should be the standard situation.




you need to learn the meaning of being selfish. a husband that wants to go it alone so the wife can manage the kids for the time being is selfless - same as the woman who's ready to sacrifice her career as a temporary measure to bond with her kids in their formative years.

i won't even waste words with a brainwashed specimen like you. you are a slave of the system:where working 9-5 is seen as liberation at the expense of innocent children. your 3 year-old daughter is probably at home now watching SAW 3 with the housemaid.

@bolded,

1. How long should the wife stay at home considering the fact that 0 - 5yrs is crucial and they might not have 1 kid and the wife has to stay at home till the last kid is 5?

2. If the society is what it is because Ekatte's raise the kids, who raised the parents who now use Ekattes to raise their kids? Do you mean that the youth and kids now are worse than the adults (who were 'Mama' raised?)

Will appreciate answers to my questions without long story

Thanks in advance

frosbel: The African idea of submissiveness is when the wife/woman becomes a doormat and in some extreme cases a punching bag - fail !

A woman submits to a man who provides true leadership , love and protection for his family as a sign of respect but not because the man is some sort of demi-god.

A man who abuses his wife , beats her and cheats on her will be a difficult beast to submit to.

Most women don't even submit in the first place....

They are been subservient

A woman submits to a man who loves her

As for the OP, I don't see the correlation between random strangers leading you across the street and been submissive.

A woman should submit to only her husband anyways but then,

This is Nigeria and we using the Nigerian Bible

sweetestguy: ure nt serious,lol,,wait for some girls to attack u, dem go finish u, na u carry ur hand go find trouble,,lol

I was responding to the post I quoted

This is just making the front page?

What has submission got to do with the OP?

Chillisauce: You can have it all.
Career, family, money, husband, kids, boyfriends....if you want .

Some ppl love Being stay at home mums, or dads...others wants a career.
Someone who respect you will respect you, with or without money involved.

According to Coogar, you can't

Why do we always equate 'career' to money making?

Why does it not occur to us that some people work or do what they do because they want to?

Have we not seen people who will do what they do for free?

Wislet: Lol. Seriously, some comments here are hilarious.

Did someone say you cook for a man at his place, not to prove you are marriage material or get him to marry you, but because you CARE FOR HIS WELL-BEING?
Seriously?
The person that said that, I say YOU LIE.

Are you trying to convince us that you spend months and even YEARS of your life cooking, cleaning, etc JUST because you care for his well-being? Seriously? Then please, do it for all his single male friends too, and all your male friends who are single.

Some comments leave you dumbfounded.

Lol!

Any woman who doesn't cook for her guy before marriage will not get married and if she does, her marriage will not last

NL!

[quote author=Slasha!]U're absolutely right. But, most of the time it's someone that u don't wanna chat with, looking at the dumb status update alone,not as if they will even spell correctly. I normally maintain the flow or change tempo like you said if it's a reasonable chat.[/quote]How will someone who you consider uninteresting have your pin or number?

This overflogged topic again?

Courtesy demands you entertain your guests when they come visiting

However, in a meaningful relationship, there are no hard and fast rules.

Whatever works for you both.

For those guys saying it's compulsory, I hope you are also prepared for pay her rent and other bills

[quote author=Slasha!]The answer to every question they ask is just fine,fine,fine,even include how far? Sup and others. Not like they av anything to say,conversations like that normally ends with a k[/quote]j

No rule says a guy must always start or maintain the flow of a conversation. You can change the tempo if you are not satisfied.

A simple what does your job entail/what is your course about works wonders.

Also ask a guy after his welfare like how are you etc. When he does same

All these arguments sef...

As far as we are not co - owning our kids or marrying each other, how we choose to manage our homes/kids is solely our business.

I know we will say that it affects our society but please, how many can we control?

If 0 - 5yrs is important and a wife is to stay,

How many kids will they have?

What space should be within them?

So we can total how many years the woman should really stay at home

byvan: @ Bukatyne, Definitely one must have anticipated challenges before choosing the route,Some married can still do all these.what if the lady isn't in geology dept?would it have made any difference?what if she is not interested in extracurriculum activities??

The University curriculum isn't designed for the married but some married fit in just fine.

I used Geology as an example; I am not even a Geologist myself.

The extracurricular activities was designed for a student to be rounded. However, if the person is not interested, fine afterall, not all singles participate.

Everyone should do as they deem fit. This is just my opinion and outlook shaped by my values and experiences

Considering the OP sef, choose marriage over what?

Well, whatever rocks our boat.

byvan: @ Bukatyne, marriage is not like doing grocery shopping where you get to choose exactly what you want to buy and at your own time.If the right man comes at 19 and the girl desires to marry,i see nothing wrong with that.A 19yrs old is an adult,thus she is responsible for her decisions.


There are some who can competently multi task, we are all wired differently. People do have different dreams you know,some want it fast, some want it slow,either way,the choice is ours.I can't condemn a lady for choosing to marry at 19 or 35,as long as it worked out for her.


Life has no express route,the people that died at 25 thought they ll make it to 26,so what's the wait for?Why do tomorrow,what you can do now?the motto should be SUCCEED while at it.

Ok, look at this, can a married student with one or two kids for a Geology excursion?
Can she participate actively in politics if she is interested?
As a Corp member, can she decide to serve anywhere she is posted?
Can she go for dance shows et al? (Christian shows like Root of David, DMD etc.)

If a guy decide to marry at 20 sef, it does not affect him; he can be dancing skelewu during his departmental dinner while his wife is in labour As far as he paid for her in a hospital in V/I, who will say he is a bad father?

The University curriculum was not designed for married people

Anyways, each one to his own (and our parents/upbringing does affect our views)

coogar: of course, she does!
she owns her own business, she doesn't have to answer to anyone or report to work at 8am. thankfully, mobile phones & e-banking plus debit cards have also helped in transacting business without necessarily having to move from one place to another.

You have lost touch with the Nigerian environ haven't you?

E-banking + debit cards for a woman that sells lace at Balogun market?

Will not be there by 8:00am when by 8:00am different women will be coercing you to patronize them meaning

They had arrived at the market,
Cleaned it up and arranged their goods...

All before 8:00am

LOL! once again that most market women have more flexible hours than working women!

[quote author=tpia@]How many young girls did such?

@ topic.[/quote]Good question and how many did it work for?

How many parents will let their kids marry by 19?

boarnerges: After reminencing on my previous post as regards the subject matter, some ideas also sprung up which i feel might be the reason for the 'rather bizzare' rat race and its this;
maybe an unmarried 'old lady' must have told them as layed in the little drama below
(aunty talks with little girl)
aunty:' see me, i am an old woman now and am yet to be married, men wouldnt like to look at us again. So when you are growing and your physical morphology begins to manifest...shine your eyes!( She blares) any man that come your way, just grab him.
Little girl: but aunty, at what age do you think is appropriate? Say 21 /22 or something?
Aunty: you better shine your eyes, immediately you finish secondary school and somebody comes, just cooperate. I am speaking from experience.
Little girl: aunty, is it that bad?
Aunty: its very bad, infact its endtime things. Do you know those my friends that come here,? Non of us are married. We just come and console ourselves any time we meet.
Little girl: its that so? Na wa o. I will not allow that to happen to me o. Infact, i will start looking for husband when i am in ss1. But aunty you are still fine na, God can still bring somebody.
Aunty: amen o.

You wicked o! LOL!

byvan: You don't believe they can all be achieved at once??

What is the hurry in life?

Why should a 19yr old be saddling babies in university when she can graduate and still marry at 23 or 24 if she desires to marry early?

I remember how active I was in school and NYSC; devoting my whole time to my students and church(during NYSC) and other activities. There is no way I would have pulled it off married or saddling babies. I also know how my experiences helped me mature more and be a better person.

I believe there is a time for everything and it's best one does the right thing at the right time.

I am not saying that if one sees a good man while in school she should pass in up because she is in school. I met my fiancée when we were in both in 100L. His uncle saw me and said 'this is a good girl' and went to tell his mum at that time. My aunts also defended him against my mother when she was complaining I was too young and stuff that he was a good boy etc.

With all our 'goodness', we both had to learn on the job and we are still learning. Our experiences around have shaped us to who we are.

I am not even talking about career because it takes a while to build so I don't think marriage disturbs it in anyway. Within a year of working, I believe the girl is good to go if she has someone

Anyways, I trust my parents; if I proposed such, they will beat the madness out of me

tintingz: Marrying early is not only good for your health, but for your relationship as well. It helps you look younger for years, keeps you happy, boosts your relationship compatibility with your partner and much more. So, let’s get to know more about the advantages of tying the knot early. What do we mean by an early marriage? An early marriage today should not be confused with premature marriages, the way we saw them in the popular daily soap, Balika Vadhu. In contemporary times, getting married before the age of 25 seems to qualify for an early marriage. As getting married when you are around 20-21 years is more likely to be looked upon as a slightly premature marriage, at least in the metros and urban suburbs.

1. Establishing your centre of gravity early

Most of you in your 20s are in a constant flux of discovering yourselves. Your jobs, relationships and family matters seem to churn your lives upside down repeatedly. During this time, having someone close to you, who understands your mental turbulence, and is genuinely interested in helping you, is a great idea. Having a soul mate at this stage of life sounds rather helpful, because you both grow together. You begin to know each other first and family responsibilities come in much later.

2. Better chance of establishing compatibility

With rising number of divorces of India, it becomes important to look at the psychology behind it. Especially in the urban India, by the time couples choose to marry, they have had already developed a mindset of their own. And, when two contradicting mindsets meet, clash is bound to happen. With age, it gets difficult for an individual to adjust with another. On the contrary, getting married a bit early means you are with your spouse during the process of evolving psychologically. This is parallel to a piece of metal being heated, which is more malleable at this stage. During the growing phase, adjusting to your partner’s habits or thinking is easier. This way it becomes easier to strike a compatibility.

3. Being more energetic parents

Parents, who marry late, constantly struggle to match up with the mindset and stamina of their kids. Getting married early means you are likely to have kids when your health is at its robust best. This can help you to take upon more challenging aspects of parenting. You can energetically participate with them in their activities and strike a bond easily.

4. Looking younger for longer Gynaecologists approve of the fact that post 30, sexual and reproductive hormones in a woman start diminishing steadily. Thus, becoming a parent early means giving your body a better chance to recover from the childbearing demands, which work towards preserving your youth. The early you conceive, the more fit you stay. Cesarean rates are higher in women who are above 35. Mothers at this age have more chances of a C-section delivery compared to women in their 20s. Marrying late also reduces the chance of conceiving a baby.

We don't want our young girls to be old cargos before they get married.

Did you read the OP at all?

We are debating a 19yr old marrying you are talking about marrying in 20s'

coogar: if the child does not feel loved, all the things you listed above means nothing. these ones are even the worst when it comes to rebellion - they are the type that will go to pakistan & yemen and join al-qaeda. tell us again what mutallab lacked - his flat in central london is worth £3m.



do you have difficulty interpreting simple sentences? i said there's no work out there that can substitute leaving my kids to strangers for unless my wife is a surgeon general. if we cannot afford leaving her job then we won't raise kids & she would continue doing her job - how does this translate to if she's not a surgeon general she cannot work?



10 million female graduates in the workforce in nigeria? you must be having a laugh - you surely have problems with numbers.



if a lot of these women do business & importation then it means they also don't have a routine 9-5 job & thus they are flexible & can stayathome when rearing their children. so what's the fuss about?

how come the minimum wage in nigeria is less than N20,000 if majority earn N100,000? how come the median monthly income(both sexes) in nigeria is about N50,000? we are talking about a country where there's a wide gender wage discrimination & you think majority of the females earn N100k/month?

please - rethink your points!

I laugh in Spanish!

A business woman has more flexibility than a 9 - 5 woman?

What will I not hear on NL?

Maybe you are talking about the women who have kiosks outside their houses sha

yellowpawpaw: Buky,
The truth is that I'm tired of everyday career woman this career woman that as if our mummies or great grand mummies were idle.
I used that example to tell them that from time imemorial, women have been up and doing and still manage their home front effectively.
The argument just don't make sense to me.
That u r a stay at home mum,career woman or a mkt woman is not a criteria for measuring a good mum at all.
We should know better.

The funny thing is that a 'career' mother has weekend to rest; most market women businesses boom on Saturdays and Sundays so what are we saying?

There is a different between career and working to earn a living

yellowpawpaw: I love this debate.

To those advocating that women should stay at home let's do a little flashback.

In d olden days, we don't hv career women rather we hv market women. In igboland for example, the women wake up very early to prepare to various town markets. Mind u they trek(no proper means of transportation then). Around 4 pm u c them parking their wares to head home (they r mostly in groups) by d time they reach home, its already dark. The next day, d cycle continues.
For most of us who don't understand what I am saying let me illustrate.

In igboland we hv 4 market days. Afor, nkwo,eke,oye.
Each town has different market days ascribed to their town market eg Eke Awka in Anambra state, Nkwor Nnewi etc. Market women have stalls or shades in those different town markets which they go to to buy and sell.

Invariably, they r mostly not at home and yet run their home affairs successfully.
I think such is still being practised by many.
They were equivelant to today's career women.
So my question is, if those our great grand mothers did that and succeded, pray tell me why today,s women can't be career women and still succeed in the home front.
Mind u also that in those days, men don't help out in d home like they do now. No washing machine, vacuum cleaner,dish washer, personal vehicle, and still go and do farm work. And they give birth like chicken too.
Where and what is the problem pls?

YellowP,

God bless you!

That one too far!

What of women selling at Balogun market?

What of women who buy goods from one village and sell in Lagos?

I guess their children are rotten!

Nashville: Working and having dreams of achieving something or doing something tangible with your God given talent does not mean you are being exploited by capitalists. A women can be an entreprenuer or even gainfully employed without being exploited. I know several people (women inclusive) working in the Oil and Gas sector who get home as early as 5pm. They have a fulfilling career and can spend time with their kids. You talk of women bringing in income with a computer. First of all, how reliable is internet connectivity in Nigeria? Secondly, how many such opportunities exist to run a functional business from home. I am not talking about people being slaves to their employers, I am just talking about women having a decent career or business and using their God given brains for themselves. This is not about consumerism as I see you want to argue on the extreme. Bros, if what you really want for your daughters is for them to be full time housewives, then stop wasting your money by sending them to school. Someone would marry them anyway and use them for homekeeping activities (cooking, cleaning and sexx)- they dont need any formal education or too much skill or brains for that.

The formative years are essential but after that, I am just wondering what the wife should be doing at home for 8 hours everyday looking at the sky for evermore. Maybe cooking and cleaning you will say, but seriously I do not want that for my wife or daughters. What if the children go to boarding school? How would you account for the wife's time or even when they get into Uni? Dont you think that is just a waste of brain cells?

In addition, a lady that knows she wants to be a full housewife should let other people use her admission space

Admission race is now a jungle market and a scarce resource that should not be wasted.

The assumption that a lady who doesn't marry at 19 will marry at an old age is quite funny!

Either 19 or 90

Choose your pick!

Mcbussy: no mind dem.....they cant even reason critically.....fallacy of irrelevant conclusion.

so if u want ur daughter to go to skul and bcome sum1 2moro,therefore u are encouraging her to sleep around and she too will keep sleeping around.as if we dont see d gals dat marry rich old men and end up paying small boiz for sex......wif their husbands money

I guess that is the plague in NL

How many ladies married at 19 marry a young man of 25yrs and below?

It is such women when they have just reached their prime and the hubby has expired will be looking for small boys up and down

To think that the poster is a lady is woah!

That means she is either under 19 and planning to marry by 19 or she is above 19 and she is sleeping around!

Nashville: Bros, people work to earn a living, to pay their bills and to also fulfill their potential. Now that is as important as almost anything else in life. The first few years after childbirth may be tough but once the children start going to school, nothing stops both parents from working. The kids normally come home around 4pm anyway because of school and its activitied. So why should one parent (i guess the woman), just sit at home waiting for the kids to come back? How does she account for 8 hours everyday? Should she continue watching Africa Magic all day everyday? Is that what you want for your own daughters after sending them to Harvard Law, Business or Medical School? Seriously?

What is the big deal if one parent comes back at 6pm and continues the family time with the kids, helping with homework etc. Is it the extra two hours they will spend with the nanny (4-6pm) that will completely ruin the kids lives? All the nanny does is probably prepare a meal and change their cloths anyway?

Parenting and career are perfectly compatible. I cant understand how they are not. And on connection between husband and wife, the two would always have to work on it, whether they are both working ot jobless. Do you think if both couple are jobless, they will be all lovey dovey?

100%

Lovely!

jimi phunmmy: which is better: to marry early and stick to one di*k,or to be going about taking diffrent di*k and spreading incurable diseases?

So every lady who does not marry at 19 sleeps around?

Every lady who marries at 19 is faithful?

It is only a lady who spreads diseases?

It is well o

Godvilla: [color=olive]God's tym came calling and we grabbed our opportunities[/color]

Good for you

Nothing like opportunity lost

Nashville: Coogar, please do not say they are incompatible, please dont say so, please, please!

Lol!

According to Coogar, they are not

Godvilla: [color=olive]Please endeavour 2 read between the lines.
Am talking about 4-6years ago....
Some of the ladies were probably 19-22yrs wen they got married.
U got anything else 2 say[/color]

Lucky you and them then

Leave everyone to make their choices

I thought you were preaching about God's time a while back?