₦airaland Forum

DailyNews: I know this may come as a surprise to so many regular users of nairaland who think and believe that DailyNews is always against women and supporting guys, anyway, that's my own cross to bear, but I just couldn't withhold the truth after observing this ugly trend amongst guys of nowadays.

for some time now, I have observed something ugly in today's world, especially in Nigeria, and I think Nigerian guys aren't saint by the day, how? Read on...

You are a guy with less than 100thousand naira savings in your bank account, and maybe u are also a student, an unemployed or under-employed graduate or even a school drop out, you are not handsome, not intelligent and not in any viable business or life train...but you want a girl like Kim Kardashian or let me say, Juliet Ibrahim to date u and also love u with all her heart, how and why?

In life, u must have something relative to offer to the other party if u want to be valued and treated like a king.

Most guys of nowadays don't cut their coats according to their length...they want a very pretty girl that's also fashionable and they don't even have anything to offer to her besides unnecessary sms and phone calls, and highest, sex.

Come on guys, be realistic, nothing good in life comes free, and if u get one free pls be watchful and tread cautiously.

If u want a hot girl, then try and be a hotter guy, simple!

You saw Peter of Psquare's wife, Omolola right? You want a girl pretty like her? Then work hard like Psquare and stop daydreaming.

Why should a very pretty girl agree to date and love u if I may ask?

Even if she accepts u out of pity or whatever u guys call it, believe me u are in for it if u don't up your game ASAP!
For instance, an ugly poor guy is permitted to dream of having a very pretty hot girlfriend but a beautiful girl is not permitted to wish or publicly declare her love or desire for rich guys, uh uh...that's really unfair guys!

We want girls to look very pretty, sexy and trendy, and we also want to date them for free and still expect them to keep looking cute and being faithful to us becos we are King Solomon without a palace

We guys don't want girls to cheat but we are cheats ourselves and not planning to change...jeez! Life is really unfair to women, I can feel your pains, sighs.

I just felt like telling u guys this for once pls...if u want a very beautiful and hot girl like the ones u see on billboards or on TVs or wherever, then work hard to make yourself a desired man and stop complaining of heartbreak and turn downs pls...cos it won't change anything, so get busy and stop wasting your limited time online chasing girls and daydreaming in the hope of getting a hot girl for free online.

And to the girls...this isn't a backup pls...if u want a rich guy yourself, then try and make yourself worthy for one...cos so many hotter girls are out there to snatch him away from u, that's the reality of our today world!

Goodnight all

Your post though trying to help just highlighted what is wrong in relationships.

Money is NOT the only value men bring to the table neither is beauty nor domestic prowess the value women bring to the table.

Nashville: I am sure you got a first class in school. If you didn't then I award you one. I do not buy this idea that if a guy calls five times a day to ask where you are and what you are doing, then it is a clear sign of abuse. Lets be real, shouldn't he ask? Whenever, I call my wife my first questions are whats up, how are you and where are you in that order. And if is in a strange place, I ask what are you doing there? Please how is that abuse? And she does same to me.

There are signs the poster should watch out for, e.g. the threat of violence but I am not clear how long they have dated and how often he says this thing. All she said was ONE DAY, he told me bla, bla, bla. May be it was once, may be more than once I am not sure. For me, I think she should deny him sex the next time and even more frequently sef so that she can see the true him. She might just be scared of the guy because of age, simple. May be the guy is 35!

By the powers vested in me, I Nashville hereby confer an honorary 1st class degree on Bukatyne!

Yeah! My Pali don increase

35? Is that the magic age?

I get ileobatojo's point anyways.

ileobatojo: Because what you're saying could lead a fragile, emotional, not very astute female to end up with an abuser. This girl is already more likely to end up with this guy than not. Your's and Nashville's misleading examples could well put her farther in the wrong direction. So that's why I'm quickly helping her draw the distinctions between her situation and you guys'.



So do I. Bluu's case is abuse. If you put the excessive calling and interrogations together with the sex threat, the text threats when she doesn't pick up her phone, it's easy to see where this is going.




Not on your case per se. Just some differences of opinion, daz all!

That's why we have you

I 100% agree that there is a thin line between these things and sometimes, it's so difficult to see it.

I am sure our various posts would help her put things in perspective

ileobatojo: Bluu, don't be confused by this. The bolded outlines the clear difference between Buka's guy and yours for this particular problem. Buka's guy's case is one of do unto others as you want done to yourself. Her guy's lifestyle is to share his every life detail with his girl and he expects the same. Weird, but not abuse since it is reciprocal, one party does not have a significant upper hand over the other.

I can bet my bottom dollar that your guy, Bluu, does not share his every move with you. If he did, you would not be complaining about it. Your situations are not the same. Don't get sidetracked.

Ile,

Why are you on my case na?

I told her that so that she can analyze properly. No two relationship is the same but some certain signs are universal and mean the same thing

It's good people always view everything in a whole before taking decisions. My guy is more like 'hi babe, I am on my way to work; back from work; to my friend's place; to church; to market' etc. If someone heard him ask me 'where are you' without hearing where he talks would think this guy 'abuses' his girl or is too controlling.

I want people to differentiate between abuse and individual differences

coogar: then you know nothing, absolutely nothing about men.

You are right, I know nothing about men and I don't give a damn!

I only know what love means and I care about only one man

bluuu: pls I av a complaint.i was discussing wt my guy one day n he said if I tell him no sex wen he wants(even if I try to convince him) it, dt he wil beat me,he ws serious with it. at tyms wen I dnt pick his call probably I was not there or didn't hear my phone ring,he wil send me text lik 'pick my call if u dnt want my trouble'. whenever he calls, he liks to enquire abt everything-where I am,wat im doing,who i'm with etc.he calls a lot n if I say no(not because I m doing sth bad but because I wanna prove to him to stop uneccessary questions),he wil start getting angry.
pls advice me,i love him a lot.
tnx bt pls no insult

Dear,

A lot of people have advised you.

However, I want to clarify the bolded. The fact that your guy calls a lot and asks about everything you do doesn't indicate abuse or control, it depends on the motive. It could be out of love. When I just started with my guy, he would always call and ask everything and I was like seriously? However, I noticed that he does the same too... I could tell his itinerary whether I was with him or not. He said does that so that he can perceive me (lol!) and imagine my day or what I am doing at a point in time. I remember when I fought with my cousin at school, , he called and told me that he felt something was happening to me and rushed to my house...

I am just saying like Nashville's post earlier; analyze and access everything well before letting go. It would surprise you that some things you do in anger would also be termed abusive. Nobody is perfect however, I will never condone or encourage abuse and the moment you can clear all doubts that he is an abuser/ potential one, please leave.

coogar: what he's trying to say is infidelity is different for men than it is for women. men are more susceptible to infidelity & a man can be very happy in a relationship and still cheat. it's extremely rare to find a happy woman cheating in a relationship. women mostly cheat because they lack one or two things in their relationship.

men cheat because they can - they don't have to miss anything in a relationship to cheat. as a matter of fact, men do really love their partners when they cheat because it's just about that 5 mins. men don't care about the girls they are cheating with - most of the time, they can't even remember her name or her birthday. he's just eager to scratch an irritating itch.

A man that cheats on his wife doesn't love her genuinely

tintingz: Are you saying these God chosen men are sinners?? Please show me where Jesus himself condemn their act.

God knew why he selected them, Adam never knew he's expecting a partner until when God told him.

Adultery is a sin, polygamy is not a sin but it is a sin when a man doesn't do the right thing and just between his wives.

And it does not occur to you that you will commit adultery before polygamy?

Yes, they were all sinners...

All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God Rom 3: 23

tintingz: There is no where God frowned at his chosen men for marrying more than one wife. We can't say if Adam ask God for another woman...David, Solomon, Abraham, Jacob etc all marry more than one wife there is no where God frown at them. There is nothing like time of ignorance to God chosen men, God knew there mind, future he chose them not for chosen sake but he knows why he elected them to be leaders and examples.

This are the polygamist men in the bible and Abraham is one of them, Hagar was his second wife. Abraham's wives were Sarah, Hagar (Gen 16:3, 21:1-13)

Lamech, Abraham, Jacob, Esau, Gideon, Saul, David, Solomon, Rehoboam, Elkanah, Ashur, Abijah and Jehoiada. Some interpretations also suggest Moses had a second wife in Tharbis. Other polygamists identified in the Bible include Ahab, Ahasuerus, Ashur, Belshazzar, Benhadad, Caleb, Eliphaz, Ezra, Jehoiachin, Jehoram, Jerahmeel, Joash, Machir, Manasseh, Mered, Nahor, Simeon, and Zedekiah.
www.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy_in_Christianity

Jesus didn't marry he didn't say much about marriage and family affairs.

Adam did not even ask God for Eve, how could he have asked for a second?

The Bible says in Romans that God winked at the time of ignorance...

People did a lot of things in the Old Testament due to ignorance.

Anyways, anybody who has the Spirit of God knows that polygamy, adultery and fornication is wrong.

I speak on the Christian's position.

tintingz: There is no where God frowned at his chosen men for marrying more than one wife. We can't say if Adam ask God for another woman...David, Solomon, Abraham, Jacob etc all marry more than one wife there is no where God frown at them. There is nothing like time of ignorance to God chosen men, God knew there mind, future he chose them not for chosen sake but he knows why he elected them to be leaders and examples.

This are the polygamist men in the bible and Abraham is one of them, Hagar was his second wife. Abraham's wives were Sarah, Hagar (Gen 16:3, 21:1-13)

Lamech, Abraham, Jacob, Esau, Gideon, Saul, David, Solomon, Rehoboam, Elkanah, Ashur, Abijah and Jehoiada. Some interpretations also suggest Moses had a second wife in Tharbis. Other polygamists identified in the Bible include Ahab, Ahasuerus, Ashur, Belshazzar, Benhadad, Caleb, Eliphaz, Ezra, Jehoiachin, Jehoram, Jerahmeel, Joash, Machir, Manasseh, Mered, Nahor, Simeon, and Zedekiah.
www.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy_in_Christianity

Jesus didn't marry he didn't say much about marriage and family affairs.

Adam did not even ask God for Eve, how could he have asked for a second?

The Bible says in Romans that God winked at the time of ignorance...

People did a lot of things in the Old Testament due to ignorance.

Anyways, anybody who has the Spirit of God knows that polygamy, adultery and fornication is wrong.

I speak on the Christian's position.

therealMcCain: our parents did & experienced the following
1.no engagement ring
2.in some cases, no white wedding
3.had premarital sex
4.our mothers did a lot of cooking, washing etc before marriage
5.our mothers endured a lot of crap from our fathers before marriage, this includes serious beatings, verbal assault kissing the bottom of inlaws etc

What was the result, long lasting marriage (20yrs above)

I know there are exceptions

Today we are clamoring for
1.engagement ring
2.bachelor party
3.court wedding
4.NO premarital sex
5.No going over to the guys house to cook, wash etc
6. if a guys hits u in courtship or relationship(walk out) etc

Where has it landed us

DIVORCE LEFT RIGHT & CENTER

pls keep clamoring for engagement, it's a sign of seriousness my foot

Married ladies ate taking off their WEDDING RINGS in Nysc camp

Married men are compositing adultery with their WEDDINGS RINGS on

you're equating engagement ring with seriousness or love, SMH

Even though I do not advocate for the craze for engagement rings and all,

I do not support abusive and crappy marriages

Our parents marriage is nothing to write home about in ref to the bolded. It is not how long but how well.

I think bachelor eves are crap though; why would I allow my hubby to be sleep with random women or get lap dances because he wants to leave bachelorhood?

Is marriage to me a bondage?

HisRib: Bride Price is tradition. It's something that has been done for years by our ancestors. Why are you trying to twist things? All this because of a mere engagement ring?!

Is this a sick joke? I can't believe we're even having this conversation. How in the world can you as a man ask for a woman's hand in marriage without a ring & feel good/okay with it? That's just crazy!

I refuse to believe I'm talking to grown men. You lot must be teenagers. I'm in complete disbelief.

A MAN does not run away from responsibility. A boy? Yes. But not a MAN!

So ring = responsible?

HisRib: I can't believe this man proposed without a ring. Who does that?

Every woman deserves to have an engagement ring. If he can't afford it, he shouldn't be thinking of marriage in the first place.

Sweetheart, my advice to you is, call it off and tell him you want a ring & if he won't give you one, go find another man who will have enough love and respect for you to give you one.

Him not having a ring is NOT a good sign. Just think of all the other things he will disregard once you guys are married. RUN while you can!

I beg to disagree that lack of a ring during proposal means the marriage is doomed to fail. Ring doesn't signify love and respect else no married man will cheat on his wife.

The most important thing is the sincerity of the man towards the lady and vice versa.

The ring is just an accessory. I am sure we know several people who did not propose with a ring and their marriage was/is blissful.

@OP:

Your concern should be his character and vision. if you are in need of one, you can air your concerns to him

tintingz: Yes God is not wicked...do you know if Adam didn't ask God for another woman?

Read the bible most men chosen by God marry more than one wife even Abraham father of faith married two wives God didn't got angry nor condemn them.

God understands the nature of man, men sexx urge is higher than that of female. That's why you hear of rape cases...na konji and na bastard

The Christian God looked at all He created and said ... 'It was good'

The men God 'loved' did several things because they were humans. David Killed, disobeyed God etc. so that is no point. The fact that God didn't 'complain' doesn't mean He endorsed it. It was more like a time of ignorance...

Like Jesus said, in the beginning, He made them male and female not male and females

I am talking from the Christian perspective

P.S.: Can you state where Abraham married two wives?

coogar: you really did not ask this question with a straight face, did you?

what exactly is ese guilty of? she's guilty of slandering, defamation of character, besmearing, causing confusion in the Lord's house etc.

How did you know that Fatoyinbo is innocent?
Is he the only MOG around?

In every rumor, there is an element of truth

Finally, if she is lying, he has nothing to fear

Marriage is the union of a man and woman to fulfill their dreams, ambitions and destiny together. For a marriage to succeed, the couple must have goals/vision,work towards them and fulfill together.

# When I say successful, I am not referring to the length or the wealth that exchange hands; I am talking of one they fulfilled the purpose they came together. They multiplied in all aspects and their home brings glory to God

Sorry, I do not have the Nigerian dictionary/Bible

RIP to the kids

Ajah, Ikota, Igboefon and Agungi need pedestrian bridges ASAP

Unfortunately, it seems one is being constructed at VGC

tintingz: LOLZ...I can see some guys saying men are not polygamous in nature?

Biologically men are polygamous, men are attracted to many women as many as possible and they are willing to sleep with them.

Guys you don't have to reject this it is already programmed to our nature even male animals mate around

We just have to control our sexx urge and lower our gaze which is hard for some men. @OP I will not make it compulsory for my wife to bear my name she can keep her father's name and also mine due to our culture I no want wahala.

I don't know the biology you are referring to but I believe that God is NOT wicked.

if He created man to be polygamous, He would have two Eves immediately or as many as is necessary...

He created them one for a reason

Thank God there is a light at the end of the tunnel

OP, it is well with you and home

Op,

As long as you think it is a man's world, men are polygamous and all women want is men's 'love and financial care,' men are doing women a huge favor marrying them

dinachi: You are the one being unreasonable.

Where is the proof that he did it? Where? And don't me you are taking Ese's word for it cos that will just be too bad.

You rush to judge the pastor so easily, why?

You really did not type this with a straight face did you?

Ese said she and the pastor had an affair; for reasons best known to you, you believe Ese...

Yet, in your warped logic, the pastor is innocent until he confesses...

Bia, if the Pastor is innocent (since he has not confessed), what exactly is Ese guilty of?

emekakelvin: My #Land mummy don't burst my head oh!
With this hailing mummy, i am sure there wont be any chores at home

See ya mouth!

Hot eba and ogbono soup is waiting....

[s]After you clear the sink and sweep the compound[/s]

We Nigerians desperately need a Nigerian dictionary in addition to the Bible we have.

The average Nigerian has another interpretation for happily married, responsibility, accountability, vows, marriage etc.

It's well

49cents: Got my Jamb admission letter in 1999 to study my first choice in UI at my first attempt.....truly hardwork pays!

These days all these boys are just day dreaming about how to poke this girl or that one and sagging their 2K jeans to show their dirty boxers instead of reading their books they rather look for short cuts.....somehow I appreciate that their socio-cultural milleau has changed drastically yet that is no ample reason to wanna put the cart before the horse! Every age had its own challenges too!

Sleeping with a girl in her early twenties is the easiest thing as many of the girls are really cheap, broke and empty-headed without a clear focus in life, peer-pressure and the psychological curiosity for adventure makes it a walk over!

Sad but true, You don't even need to have a car or a crib or cash sef all you need to have is the same empty-head that way the communication is easily understood!

But then the government should really put structures in place to get lads and lasses profitably engaged this will definitely abate this social misnormer

Mature peeps are individuals who have have ripened in self-awareness, sef-dignity, are capable of taking responsibilty for their decisions, are largely independent emotionally, economically and psychologically! You may find them in any age range as experience have shown me that age is but an indication of how long you have existed rather tham that which you have lived!

God bless you

Emekakelvin, my NL son, I can see you are doing us proud!

Keep the fire burning!

Lekewatt: As a child, we suffered father's neglect. My mum single handedly took care of us. Things were never rosy but we tried. She gave birth to 4 kids among which was a girl. Of all her kids, 3 were able to graduate frm d university n one is into skilled labour. D road was rough but with God we made headway. At our peak, our father now surfaced only to want to take d glory thereby relegating our mother to d background. Am one of d kids. Right now i am confused, reason being that, my wife just put to bed and the child's naming is on monday. The shocker is that my father is insisting dt it must be done in his house. I refuted n he said he will disown me. Please, what should i do? Mind u, my father is a muslim n am a christian. I told him that i would love my child to be christened by my pastor in my own house. This is where ur advices come in. Please, help me out.

Can you give instances your mum was relegated?

@your baby's naming, is it a tradition of your family or he just brought it up?

Sagamite: Abeg, I dey come.

That deserves a comprehensive address and at the moment I am busy judging many essays in the Family Debate section.


Anyway, a friend just messaged me about this Naija girl he just met, she asked for them to briefly meet up and chat. When he drove to her house to pick her up, this girl demanded they go to restaurant. She then selects an expensive-ish one and for this brief meet-up bobo don spend £55.

What makes this girl think a guy that is not your man should be spending such sum on you?

The Bobo has too much noni and might be probably thinking of how to sleep with her to recoup his 'investment'. Don't be surprised if the foolish boy cannot give his family that money. Like someone would say, 'the boy is good, apa lon je be'. I.e. a waster


I find it as absurd as a random guy asking me to cook for him.

.ike seriously?

De Beauvoir: Weekend assignment when you can just write the meaning here and get it over and done with?


I really hope you weren't insulting me in that post

Insulting you?

Why would I do that?

I don't do that!

andromida: Its getting out of hand this battle of sexes and i am even beginning to feel bad for them. Is it really this hard to get a nice woman? Like really?

I wonder o

They are in my prayers

De Beauvoir: What does this mean?

Weekend assignment

De Beauvoir: Thanks for understanding, this little post really lifted my spirit.

And thanks for showing support to women's empowerment and upliftment.
[b]Feminism loves and appreciates compassionate men like you [b]

O to ye e

Have a splendid weekend

dhabrio: i love ur post except that u should report her to her parents coz "to every area-boy/girl there must be an area-father/mother" Just be prayerful and ask God to change her. She might be influenced by friends. being the breadwinner or not ur hubby is ur hubby.

Lol!

It's not necessarily so all times