₦airaland Forum

Not MGT trying to sound she has sense

DissTroy:
The joke is on you. Everyone who trolled were right - she fled home to have freedom to live with a 'friend'.

How does it feel to have your virtue-signaling shoved in your face like mud? Feminazi!

orikoku:
She don finish enjoying the gbola and she's be found... I'm sure you're also like that when you're of her age. Ode

What brick brains like you doesn’t understand is that right or wrong you’re disgusting for talking sexually about children. It’s not even something that can be explained to you who’s rotten to the core.
Because whether you were right or wrong, you should not be discussing children in a sexual manner.

JeffreyJunior:
I'm not in her shoes right now but if I were, I'd deal with his mental state first before dealing with him.

Encourage him in whatever way to talk about what bothers him, help him start over by encouraging him to start applying for jobs.

Do every thing on my own to help push him up without involving outsiders until that I’m satisfied I've done my best

I’d bet she already did all that and anymore of it would actually be considered nagging.

So your solution is not for more jobs to be created for everyone to have equal access. It’s for women to leave so that men can have less competition

oweniwe:
It's a one sided story. Have you heard the man's side? Women will paint any story to make them look like they're the victim.

Women have taken over so many jobs men used to do before. Go to offices, civil service and banks and schools, over 80% of the staff are women.

They're taking all the jobs and still complaining their husbands are jobless. They still want a man to be running from pillar to post to earn to give them additional money. The entitlement mentality is too much.

I often wonder what is the essence of female education when at the end of the day, they will still be looking up to a man to take care of them? let them resign from their jobs en-mass and stay at home so there will be more vacancies for men. The way the economy is now, I can't blame any jobless man. You can't eat your cake and still have it

Better question is where’s the law that everyone must marry?

Jovialjune1:
Must the replacement be someone else's husband? Why not suggest a single man?

If you read her story she said she did everything even when he was working because he had one story or the other regarding his income even when he worked.

I don’t have any advice for her except for her to bear in mind that he won’t change and she should be ready to keep doing it all as long as she’s with him.

The decision is hers

unbiased2021:
Well, I support the woman to go away for sometime but not outrightly leaving the marriage.
This country is really hard and there are people who don’t know how to put their feelings into words. What if his job wasn’t earning him enough ? How are we going to agree with her the man has never tried without getting to hear from the man himself ? She could either be saying the truth or not saying everything.
Let her go away with the kids for sometime, believe me when he’s alone he will have some time for sober reflections….
People are different and you never know where your real motivations will come from . This lady is also at fault because she explained these were happening before marriage. So how did the marriage happen? Did she pay for the bills too?

GodPrince:
you're still insulting me even when I never insulted you? God bless you

Leave God out of this . He created black skin and you called it ugly. I’m pretty sure he’s side eyeing you already for uttering such nonsense. Face your low self esteem and figure out how to deal with it

So what’s the solution? Yes I agree divorcing him is her choice. No one can make that choice for her.

But in the meantime what should she do?


We all have issues to deal with but as soon as kids come into the equation, one has to buckle up and tough it out for them

JeffreyJunior:
No no no, I disagree with this.

That man may be going through depression which makes him behave the way he does. The signs are there.

It's hard for a grown man to always be on bed when his mates are out there struggling. I think we are dealing with a man who has subtly given up on life due to frustrations necessitated by lack of job and money to take care of his family.

His kids are close to him meaning he is not a bad person, kids are sensitive. He can't be a bad husband or person and still be a good dad to the kids.

I did not read anywhere he is being accused of abuse in any form which means that all he needs is a heart to heart talk and someone he can share his frustrations with.

Divorcing him is her choice though.

descarado:
How will she start the training.
Basic knowledge or science?
Which one comes first?
Nairaland

No seriously if you ask them to give specifics about how she’s supposed to do it. All they’ll say is “Talk to him. Call family meeting. Talk to your pastor.”

Well what if after that he doesn’t change?

Then their next solution is to “pray and continue suffering”. Just to avoid calling a spade a spade. If he doesn’t care he doesn’t care. If he cares he’ll make the effort

Period

Klass99:
We need to start changing the narrative for such men. I absolutely love how Realtalk tackled her own situation. She was practical, decisive and actionable. No time wasted praying and fasting for a dead beat to change.

The thing is that it’s not even knew . At least in my opinion I’ve been hearing similar stuff for so long. The woman is given all the leadership’s duties but she’s to submit.
She’s held to a higher standard and the man can do anything because his flesh is weak yet he’s the leader. How?

Klass99:
Lol 🤣. I can't deal with men who think that way or act that way. Weren't they created first to lead, subdue, dominate, multiply and be fruitful............long before we were ever created?

Aren't they meant to be the head and captains of their homes again? How do you even begin to submit to such men who want to be given reorientation and purpose by a woman? I can't deal ooo. What calibre of men exist today like this?

unbiased2021:
Sounds like you’re not married.
Well there are other ways to ginger the man up through negligence. If you ginger am, he go man up. Not divorce cos it’s not rosy out there as a single momma of 2 either

What else is she supposed to do for him? Since his parents didn’t raise him to have a sense of responsibility. She’s supposed to train him all over again?

What’s the meaning of woke?

seanwilliam:
I don’t know if your story is true, but verily I say unto you , if you divorce him , even though I detest irresponsible men, I swear there are 95% chances that you’ll regret it .

Single mothers are finding it hard out here, prepare your puna for general shagging wether u like it or not for crumb . I know this won’t go down well with u and you’ll want to claim “ mrs capable” but trust me, a bird at hand is better than thousands in the bush. Dem go knack u so tey, at some point, you’ll even wish to only bare a man’s surname. And if you genuinely love your kids, single handedly raising them is the greatest disservice you can do to them .

Don’t be fooled by this woke generation .

She’s his mother. Lol

Klass99:
What did I just read? Ehn ehn tell me something! As a husband what exactly is his role again? A woman should reorient and give a man purpose?

Didn't he know what his purpose in life was before taking on the responsibilities of marriage and fatherhood? Are you men not the logical gender who know it all and don't need us or marriage, except to procreate only?

Now you need us to also hand hold, baby sit and give you purpose too . There is nothing I won't read from NL men. Are his hands broken or is his brain malfunctioning? That man is just a lazy free loader fortunate to have found a woman who is willing to play her role and play his role too. Don't make excuses for him!

Klass99:
You are so badass.....I like👍. The part where he went to lie to the landlord that you will pay the rent just off me completely 🤣.

@ Cococandy, yes o the bot has banned me four days in a roll in that section. I can't comment on our thread without chopping ban and I have an interesting story to share in line with recent discussions. The incident happened in the US sef but I love how the lady handled the situation.

Was it the one where he wanted his grandmother to come stay with them?

As for the bot, yes as soon it’s banned you once for sharing a link or a website etc. it will keep banning you. Give a few days and try again without the link

Is Davido a dead beat dad?

Klass99 did you offend the anti spam bot?

Seems like you’re the man in question

See subtle threats and blaming the OP

Trizyd:
Leave your husband and that will be a mistake you will live to regret forever . You can mark my words.

It's only your side of the story I read, but even from the second sentence, I can spot issues coming from you yourself.

Be wise.

Trizyd:
Lemme leave my one piece for you my dear cos I believe your marriage is savable, it might require sacrifices and drastic measures.

There is nothing new under ther sun and it has happened to some women in the past and the strong ones survived and live to tell how good their decision where.

Level up yourself, dont be afraid to do some things, If I ask how ladies here "What they can do/say to get money from their beloved", they can list hundreds of pages for me I am certain, buh ask "Sure methods they have used to make their beloved earn money and give them" I'm not sure they will give me a page.

Don't be afraid to make more money that him if he is really irresponsible, you can do it. Infact for this issue to pain you this much means you have capacity, I feel your hubby will pick up once he sees that.

Trizyd:
Then why the big deal about it that's making you feel of leaving? You guys are having financial issues and he is not acting as a man there quite alright. As a wife you need to reorient him and give him purpose. Aren't you together to help each other in good and bad. He's in a bad spot and his will is crushed. You are to come together and find purpose. Unless there are other issues, you didn't mention him cheating or abuse you physically or he's a drunk or addict. Meeen!!! Our generation are weak now. Both male and female and none is ready to fight and be tolerant. You are telling you and your husband can't find a way to fight your financial issues?


If I keep going down the rabbit hole, I'll pull faults from both of you and who committed the worse sin doesn't matter here.

Trizyd:
Your husband might really be what claim he is, and I don't know at what point he lost his value and worth to you, but you are introducing him to people out here and you said "He is just two years older" .... just? Or you are ignorant of how that singular word changes the context of your introduction of this man? That word shows you don't place a value on the age difference between you too and that tells a whole lot on how you see him and consequently how you act to him.

Period. This is a new age and everyone who wants to survive must adapt.

descarado:
Even the practice in SE of man being trained from birth to be the provider is very flawed cos parents forgot to train their boys to be helper at home.
Reality now is that men and women contribute to the upkeep of the family almost equally in South East but men will never help in house work.
Wives end up getting househelps and transfer the aggression meant for the husband to the househelp. We see countless cases here. It's just transferred aggression.
In some cases, they don't need househelp but are forced to cos its hard juggling work, family life and pregnancy etc without breaking down. And these men look the other way. Always want to be treated as Kings even when wife provides also. I mean, I come from the east and its hard seeing guys cook or do housework.
(My extended family was a bit different cos each family has only one girl and they all got married early. I was the last in the whole family and grew up among many boys and Heck, they must cook else hunger go kpai them. So yes, guys in my family cook and do housework very well and this has helped all of them in their various families. I remember 2 or 3 of my cousins friends that learned how to cook in our house. Like my cousins literally make fun of them cos they can't prepare common eba)

And the funny thing is that ladies after passing through this, will still not train their boys to be useful around the house. What a useless circle.
Wish underage househelp should be banned and 18 plus paid at least minimum wage though they are live in.
It may make them wake up.

In my immediate family, I have reduced the stuff I do around house and assigned everybody to his task. Both papa and his kids. You don't do yours, we will swim in the river together.
Not ready to settle marriage problems when I should be travelling up and down having fun.

Just know if you continue you will do everything by yourself until the end of your lives. He will never change and he will never take on your responsibilities seeing as you’re taking his. Instead he will consider it insulting if you ask him to. So you’ll end up married but single. Decide what you want

1stGenAmerican:
The Nigerian side of my family calls it Concoction Rice, the Black American half of my family calls it Jambalaya—cooked a huge pot outdoors with plenty of chicken, beef, shrimp, pork, and sausage as my contribution to the Memorial Day Celebration.

Concoction with orisirisi. I’d devour that in a heartbeat

legitnow1:
THE ONLY TIME, I'M NO LONGER SCARED OF DIEING IS FOR CHRIST.


WHAT DO U THINK?

a simple yes or no would suffix

AmazonTopaz:
Exactly and the Black people that support these people are clowns honestly. Imagine a Black man against what "woke" actually means. Conservatives are aiming to turn it into something else to cover their racism and other rights of people they don't like.

Also what about the guns? How does protecting the kids not include heavily restricting guns which are the leading cause of death in America? Those people are so terrible.

Ugh. Don’t even get me started.
Kids keep dying in schools everyday due to gun violence but the “protect the kids” crowd keep voting for mass accessibility to guns. Make it make sense.

I just side eye any black person supporting them. Either they are massively ignorant and just jumping on the bandwagon because it’s an opportunity to hate on gay people or they are the worse type. The kind that were used during slavery times to keep other black people in chains. Now They are rooting for white supremacy in hopes that the proximity they get can give them access to power as well.

AmazonTopaz:
Since Trump came into power and Conservatives control 2/3 of the Supreme Court the Talibangelicals in America have amplified their voices. They came for Roe v Wade last year, SCOTUS may reduce LGBTQ rights in the 303 opinion they will release this month. They are more louder than ever because someone like Trump came to power and amplified their voices. The only good thing about the Trump presidency was that Democrats started to take elections seriously and realise that the Supreme Court is a political branch of government. I am glad younger generation of Americans like genZ don't share the same bigoted views like these hateful conservatives and may Trump or DeSantis not win in 2024.

You get the whole gist .

Nairaland Christians think their “hustle for heaven” type of Christianity is the same as what these white supremacist conservatives people are about.

AmazonTopaz:
Words on marble. I admire your intellectual submissions.

I’m flattered

Are you on the lord’s side?

legitnow1:
LOOK WOMAN, U EITHER ON THE LORDS SIDE OR WITH THE LGBT CREW.


I DOUBT, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO RESIST WHAT IS COMING.


U HAVE NO IDEA, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, AS USUAL.

Do you know their mantra as Christian parents is “we do not co-parent with the government?”

Seems that’s only convenient when they don’t want the government teaching them about other people who don’t share the same beliefs as they do. But as soon as they can use the government to force Christian values on everyone else, they don’t mind coparenting anymore.

Also I’m typing this as I’m getting ready for church. So yes there are Christians who are capable of seeing the systemic hypocrisy within the religion. Obviously not everyone is that way. At least you can see it too and I urge you to remain that way. It makes you a better Christian not a dogmatic one

nairalanda1:
True to some extent

But the average Christian parent in the US is a blue collar worker who works long hours. He or she probably does not have time to monitor whar their children consume. Laws such as the book bans are a quick way of 'assuaging fears'. After all since one does not have time to check on what the children read or consume, let the law do it for me.

But laws are not meant as a parenting tool.

If only they were really trying to protect kids though.it’s the hypocrisy for me. These law makers “trying to protect kids” have in their chambers child sex offenders who they wine and dine with. Who they campaign for. Their zombies chanting protect the kids go to the polls and vote for domestic abusers and child sex offenders.
It’s has never been anything but how to protect white supremacy. The minorities who vote for them align themselves with them because of homophobia and misogyny/misogynoir.

nairalanda1:
I'm a Christian myself, and i think the laws were made out of a misguided attempt to protect children from sometimes extreme material that mutated into a witch hunting and book burning exercise

Indeed one thing i hate hearing is 'We must protect the children ' because while that is true ( there is a reason why we have ratings systems) taken to an extreme it can lead to things like the above.

Banning books always backfires. Whoever does it

kelvindj98:
Religious people caused it when they started banning porn and LGBTQ books.

Let’s be clear. Porn was never accessible to kids at school. This is the language they use to make it seem as if some inappropriate thing was sanctioned and being taught to kids in school.

What they banned was any teaching that made it so kids are more aware and accepting of other kids from other races, family structures and religions. It’s the classic “give a dog a band name so you can hang it” situation going on here. But the summary is that it’s white supremacy trying to hold onto power using religion as they always have.

They even started false teachings saying that slavery was a choice and black slaves were treated like family. They are banning accurate historical teachings that portray their forefathers as the true monsters they were and hoping they can keep their kids on the path to upholding white supremacy