₦airaland Forum

They didn’t think far ahead enough. As they usually don’t. In their eagerness to oppress those who don’t believe in the Bible, they ended up passing a law that oppresses themselves too.
That’s why there’s nothing better than live and let live. Even the Bible says it. US conservatives want to be the Taliban so badly

nairalanda1:
Case of a law backfiring

The law was made to ban pornography and lgbtq materials.

The Bible is a great book but it is filled with depicitons of violence and strong language and seggs

That's why, speaking as a born again Christian, don't try to ban.books. Such bans affect everyone including your favourite books.

Instead teach your kids discernment.

The way you people have no shame about being vile and disgusting.

orikoku:
She dey somewhere dey enjoy gbola. She's fine, I can bet my balls.

YoungLionken:
Her photos suggest to me that she's a coded freaky freaky, but you guys are not aware..

She eloped with a man. Just wish she's not involved in an orgy...

Do you have sisters?

Klass99:
Coco & Buka, you people make my head spin when you go head to head like this, debating issues back and forth. It's like watching a Serena and Venus tennis match.

Sorry lol.

Unacceptable. I hope you guys reported her 🫤

bukatyne:
Took my husband once for a couple's massage and used female/female because we were in the same room.

Luckily, he did not listen to me completely and did not remove his boxers unlike me that likes to be nude.

Let's say it was catastrophic. Despite my presence, she was so unprofessional and caressing him and had the guts to ask for his number when we were leaving for 'follow up'.

Completely swore him off massages. Sticks to his pedicure jeje.

Hot stone/towel massage is awesome. Then nice music and heavenly aromatherapy.... I don't know if I am asleep or awake or still in this world. Then you finish and step out to the harsh reality

I should have been born as an ancient Egyptian princess. All I would be doing is massage and importing essential oils from all over the world

Akposy:
Breakfast… Akara/koose and Akamu.

I grated fresh ginger and squeezed in lemon juice into the Akamu. They tweak the taste

won’t the lemon make it sour?

bukatyne:
1. Doing better by worldly metrics is a function of systems which were created by stronger men and they are on a steady decline.

I guess time will tell

2. Lack of masculine men and feminine women leads to dearth in marriages/home which spills to the society and it is only a matter of time before it collapses. Nigeria is a good example. Due the dearth of masculine men and godly men, the women carrying the families for ages have said no more and our family system has collapsed which has lead to collapse in the society. That's why a 24 year old boy would connive with his mother to use his sister for rituals; that's why a 19 year old boy would buy Benz that his generation if sold cannot afford and he would be celebrated; that's why ritual money and yahoo yahoo is on the rise, a mother would take her sons to learn Yahoo Yahoo. That is we have a number of girls willing to sell their bodies for Iphone 14 and boys changing girls like someone changing underwears. A video of underaged boys booking girls in hotel was floating some weeks back. Imagine while growing up, which boy wouls leave his father's house and lodge a girl old enough to be his sister in a hotel? Even if he is mad to do so, which girl would cheapen herself to sleep with someone she should be backing for money? And which hotel would lodge such abnormality instead of calling their parents to pick them?

But this isn’t in the west and I was referring to the post where you said western men were not as masculine. I guess this shows that west or not, the times are different and it’s not a function of masculine or feminine energy. At least that’s what I think.

Or she can be with a man who’s okay with it 🤷🏽‍♀️ because marriage is unique to each couple and we can’t tell them it has to be a certain way that we prefer.

bukatyne:
. A woman who wants to lead or has to lead is better off single (I call them married but living single).

Okay. I definitely rock with the self care angle. Although I don’t think it’s gender specific.
I take my husband along with me to self care sessions. Couples Massages with hot stones and aromatherapy. Manicure pedicure. Facials.

Freshness is a must

bukatyne:
I believe I have stated earlier that I am not concerned about femininity and femininity coaches who think ALL women should become robots to fit a mold; they are ofeges (aka fake).

Nurturing your feminine energy starts with taking care of yourself. Pampering your self, indulge in good, soft music (for instance when I watch Toni Braxton's Spanish Guitar), I feel like the guitar after a while. Imagine me playing that after I have used my bodyscrub, rubbed olive oil over myself lightly and just laying nude on my bed. Soft life, no gra gra.

While, there is no universal way to act, there is feminine and masculine carriage. The thing that makes you see someone afar off and guess it is a woman coming; ditto a man.

Again, femininity might need 'Nurturing' when you work in a masculine environment. Imagine a lady who climbs towers to install masts; she would pick up masculine vibes, Channel her masculine energy in relating to people around her. She needs to remind her soul that it is feminine when she gets home.

And yes, there is a feminine way to talk. Not tone/pitch or whispering; it is by conjuction of sentences. That's why you read some people's posts here and assume they are male or female especially when they don't have the label. For instance, ladies calling themselves b!tches, baddies, guys, talking like agberos etc is unbecoming. Some masculine, some an outright insult to sensibilities.

bukatyne:
I don't make my 'conclusions' on western concepts from Nairaland.

Okay.

Western in this conversation refers to America and Europe etc right?

Do you sincerely believe all these countries who are doing better by worldly metrics lack manly men?
Also what does that even mean and why is it a bad thing? Because the only time I hear internet (NL and Reddit) people complaining of feminization of men, is when they are asked to respect women as they would like to be respected which makes me look at them and wonder why they think that’s a weakness.

bukatyne:
Depends on what you want to learn.

My previous post (just two posts prior) lists three femininity coaches targeting three different areas.

You could learn how to carry yourself better, nurture your femininity, relate with your husband to get better results aka to be more masculine, choose a masculine man, use your femininity to win at work etc. etc.

To me that’s still a bit vague. How specifically is someone going to nurture their femininity? It is by only wearing certain styles of clothing? Only speaking in certain ways? recalibrating their body language?

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

Now you know why he has never been married

On the topic of learning how to be feminine. Young ladies please make sure to ask yourself why do you want to go through the trouble of doing it instead of just being yourself? Is it to attract a man or to remain attractive to the one you’re already with?

To a lot of our men, (I’m sorry I have to burst some bubbles with this one) but a feminine woman is light skin with big butt. Don’t kill your self abeg. It’s just what it is.

bukatyne:
1 & 2: it is like repackaged gold digging and that's not the concept of femininity I am referring to. Folake4u has a chart down this page that talks about femininity and Masculinity. Unfortunately, our mothers might not be good examples either. Like Poco said on one thread (maybe even this), most mothers did not really understand men themselves so did not teach their daughters well. That is a topic for another day. Serious femininity coaches know that an ill behaved, cheating, disrespectful husband is bad news and would not let you rest in your feminine in the relationship/ marriage. How can you show vulnerability and trust to a husband you are trying to outsmart or monitoring his phone like a gate man? Those coaches that excuse male excesses usually think of short term relationships than marriages.

3. Bold: true

4. I don't know if the context of leadership is in the home. If it is, then a woman's best bet is allowing her husband to lead in his masculine while she follows and supports in her feminine else she would be frustrated and the man would still want to reap the 'dividends' of leadership Seen it happen over and over again. This doesn't apply outside the home.

At bold. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t see where you are coming from with that. That’s why when a Nigerian woman says she wants/supports strict traditional roles in her marriage, I don’t judge as long as she’s not in denial as to why any other method won’t work. The reason being that the men will not want to do the responsibilities of being the leader but will want to jump in when it’s time to reap the benefits. So I get it.

However, “lead in his masculine and follow in her feminine” are part of the new buzzwords making the go round nowadays which when dissected usually doesn’t come down to much except let him provide money and call all the shots while she takes care of the home. It may not be what you mean by it but ask the people who 100% agree with that and you’ll (maybe) be surprised that’s what they understand by home leadership and followership.

So no I don’t think that applies to all homes. If the woman is the better leader, the man would do well to defer to her and vice versa. In addition to what you’ve seen happening over and over again (which I don’t disagree with BTW) I have also seen homes where the woman who was clearly a better leader decided to let the man lead because that’s what she was expected to do and the man led them to ruins. Many dysfunctional homes today are not that way because the woman was leading. They are that way because the man was leading. Chromosomes do not determine leadership qualities. The only reason why some female led homes run into issues is because outsiders feel the need to tell them what to do, mock them, and put pressure on them to conform to traditions.

I think it’s best for couples to determine what works for them as they grow and age together. Then, apply it to their relationship regardless of what people think they should be doing. Like I usually add, as long as it’s fair and no one is carrying a larger burden all the time, it’s golden. 👌🏽

bukatyne:
.
Modern feminism and the West generally have continued to batter masculinity churning out feminine men.

This is nairaland rhetoric. It’s not a thing. It doesn’t exist.

Exactly.

I think the only thing I usually add as a caveat is that as long whoever you want to be doesn’t hurt anyone else. Or if in a relationship your partner is okay with it and it’s fair/equitable. It’s golden.

Persephone1:
Thank you at Cococandy for your last response. Let everyone be who they are and not who society wants them to be. It is exhausting. A man who loves to cook and care for his children may not do that because he doesn't want society to think his wife is controlling him. A woman who wishes to be a high flyer will limit herself because in a society the Man should be a high flyer. A man is expected to shut his anger, pain and emotions just to appear strong but when he eventually let all these out it gets grievous and detrimental to people around him. It's all nonsense to me.

I see. Pardon me. I saw your mention and responded. Didn’t know the conversation was ongoing before then. Just saw that now.

Going with the definition of high flyer being a career oriented lady, I’m guessing your question was how can a high flyer lady be feminine? The answer is by being herself. There’s no script written anywhere on how to be feminine. Granted some characteristics get picked up by the nurture of society around you but at the end of the day, your nature will shine through. If it’s not you then it’s not you. Trying to act it will only result in exhaustion.

If you’ve noticed there are many femininity coaches on tiktok and instagram trying to teach how to harness ‘divine feminine’ energy. They look and sound ridiculous because they are obviously trying too hard. Some even go as far as “don’t wear so and so colors. Only sit in a certain way. Smile like this.”

Exhausting!

folake4u:
Ohhhhh. It's buka.tyne that brought up the high flyer talk. I guess she means a career oriented lady.

Yes yes. I love your answers. Apt and spot on!

I do not subscribe to this current trend of luxurious lifestyle as being feminine.

If you even check my answer before yours, I also said that Women should be true to themselves cos what works for one woman might not necessarily work for the next.

But please add more. I'm loving your contribution.

folake4u:
Good evening ladies and happy new month 💋 😘 😗

I saw this Instagram post and decided to bring here for our discussion. What do you think? Especially for the writeup on the body of the post on IG?

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cs6lbidIvki/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Take away questions:
1. What do you understand by a lady being feminine or what I usually call (Queen and Princess state of mind here on NL)

2. Do you think a woman can be a high flyer and still retain her femininity

3. If yes to 2, how?

4. If no to 2, do you believe a woman can have a successful functional relationship without it?

5. Any other thoughts around the topic.

What’s a high flyer? I don’t want to assume I know what you mean by that to avoid misinterpretation.

But on the topic of femininity, there’s this new internet wave of what it means to be feminine where young girls are being led to believe that being feminine means you must be soft, demure and in deference to men. Literally what our foremothers fought against years ago is being repackaged and sold to young women as the new standard of femininity.

Hashtag soft feminine life.

Usually they use it when they are displaying themselves in what they assume to be a luxurious lifestyle provided by a man and in which they don’t really have to do anything except to be young and beautiful, cater to the man, allow him his excesses and be apologetic for their existence as long as he holds up his own end of the deal which is to give them money. Which is great if that’s a well informed choice they are making for themselves seeing as that would no longer be applicable as soon the lady in question turns 45-50 years old. Thus setting in resentment later in life.

Personally I believe femininity is subjective and no two women can be feminine in the same exact way. There are so many varieties of women. Quiet, soft spoken, strong, matronly, demure, quick witted and brave. Each person will display their femininity based on their personality and style. There are women who are born leaders even when amongst men. But because of traditional expectations that they defer to men, their leadership qualities are wasted on the alter catering to men’s “natural authority”. Which can lead to frustration.

Just be yourself. Do what makes you happy. If a woman has to put up an act to appear more feminine and more appealing according to what is expected of her as female, then that’s not her brand of femininity.

I’ll add more when I get a clear meaning of what high flyer refers to. Thank you for the topic of the day

Yugoslavia247:
Because their self righteous has not made them rich

This part

CuriousStudent:
I am more concerned that it is always women they project their stereotypes at. daughters of single mothers,daughters of divorcees, daughters of this and that etc

Like sons of this people are suddenly immune to a negative outcome of such conditions. It's one of those thinly veiled misogyny with the aim of convincing the world that women are more easily dented than men.

Shame though,shame

Yep always

Hathor5:
Don`t make me cry Coco o.

Not my intention. I’m sure you know

Don’t mind them. The way they are talking as if divorcees are not from two parent homes.

Klass99:
You are better off knowing and understanding the sort of woman you plan to end up with in marriage.

I grew up in a two parent household, my parents are still married and living together in their 70's, I never witnessed acrimonious fights that led to threats of separation or divorce.

However, I will not hesitate to divorce a man in certain instances like these;

1. The day I have to treat myself for an STD and I know I didn't step out on him.

2. The day he starts clamouring for anal sex and trying to manipulate me into it

3. And other instances I feel too tired to type.

Dem no use marriage swear for me! So where another woman will stay to endure nonsense and stupidity, I will be long gone like the wind.

Is there anything in this world that’s not a reason for them to discriminate against women?

isabi2lof:
What of males from divorced homes , so ladies shouldn't get married to them .

Only you said the lady is good , respectful and every other good qualities and yet you're not still convinced she's the one for you .

Nobody wish to get married and later divorced, it takes two to tango .

Will you act like her dad or will she act like her mom ??

CondenseMilk:
Divorce is very dangerous especially to the girl child.

Apart from the death of a partner, bringing up kids as a single parent should be highly discouraged

For some magical reason it only affects the girl 🙄🙄

Klass99 said it all actually and as parents who were once kids. We can all relate. If you didn’t like something that happened in your parents’ house as a kid, chances are your kids won’t like it. If it didn’t help you become a better person, why would you think doing it to your kids will help them?


As for me, what I have is not advice because everyone has said it all. But someone once told me “cherish and make a mental note of every time you hold your kids, because one day it will be the last time you ever held them. And you never know when that will be.”

No

xynerise:
Yes

Very interesting

XAUBulls:
Oh, wow! That's interesting.
So, you ate "Ukwu Nzu"... Lol
You must be referring to kaolin.

By the way, Ukwu Nzu (OR called by the original Yoruba name, Eko Afun, which means white chalk) is an Olukumi town (which was first established centuries ago by Yoruba trading migrants and warriors who arrived in waves from Yorubaland via the Bini kingdom and Esanland) in Aniocha North LGA of Delta State that has deposits of a white chalky substance that has been mined by the natives for some centuries now.

Tbh, the cravings you women have during pregnancies is on another level.
It just blows my mind away anytime I read about the inconceivable things you folks crave for. A woman even said she had strong cravings for the smell and taste of wet sand!

Congratulations

KanwuliaExtra:
Yes ooooo celebrating anoda doctor in the making . . . . Congrats to the newest EMORY MEDICAL DOCTOR WITH FULL SCHOLARSHIP!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉


This is how we do it!

Memories are for ever!!!!
Take your children to SEE, HEAR, TOUCH AND SMELL SUCCESS ALWAYS. . . . In the family!!!!💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

kiddkash:
Do they teach this during Ante-natal?

they should!

kiddkash:
I am confused, I thought they said pregnant women have more appetite

It’s not the same for everyone and it’s not always the same symptoms for all the months of the pregnancy. In the beginning most women usually have a lot of nausea and that can affect appetite.

Different people different symptoms

carinmom:
My last pregnancy was like that, no nausea, cravings, wasn't feeling anything except fatigue, but I lost the pregnancy at 11 wks

I’m so sorry love

xynerise:
I guess your baby came out white ?

because of the nzu?