₦airaland Forum

You do know that this lady will come for you again....especially if you made her sing hymns.

Generalizing, as you do here, is the mistake.

Have you gone to RCCG or Deeper Life? You will see megamillionaires and billionaires (in Naira) who detest makeup and flashy appearance.

Personally, my SO can dress however she wants, wear as much bling as she wants and makeup as heavily as she wants. She knows that's not what made me be with her. Furthermore, just as I am not turned on by these things, I won't be turned on by another girl's makeup, weavon, etc.

Yeah, marry at 40 and be dragging nursery school PTA at 50.

Marry and grow is the way forward.

Man wants to marry after just one month?

Anyways, stranger things have happened.

What does she like or even love about this new guy? What are the prospects of her bf? What are her own prospects?

If she wants to marry someone she already loves, she knows what to do. If she believes she will grow to love someone who is ready to settle down NOW, she knows what to do.

Another note of warning, some guys use this marriage request thing to tie babes down. They will say they want to marry within one month of meeting you. They can even get an accommodation for the two of you (1 month's salary) for 6 months or a year. In the end nothing.

Be wise. Marry for love.

Myzzyfrazzy:
she is 27 and her bf is 28 they both just graduated and will soon go for nysc. Many men have come with proposals but she rejected in the name of i dont like them.. now she met this guy working in nestoil they have been talking for a month now on phone and she finally met him in person yesterday and he was proposing marriage to her. she met him through her friend( brother) . now her bf is begging for her to wait for him.

Those are ONE dollar notes.

I'm not blaming OP for anything and if you scroll up, you'll see that I asked for more info.

The whole point of courting is to gauge the compatibility of the proposed couple. If a couple is dating or courting seriously for a significant amount of time (say 3 months), red flags and potential incompatibility faultlines will show up. Little by little but they will show up and you will notice them.

I won't reply again because we're derailing OP's thread.


Cheers.

midnighter:
People should definitely take note of red flags but youre making it seem like you should be able to predict absolutely everything somebody may become after the wedding. Sir, its impossible.

You would have asked her what happened during her courtship and if she saw any signs, instead of implying that she wasnt sure or she wasnt thinking clearly before the marriage. You cant be sure of what another human being is going to do

What omonikiba said answered your question, then you still went back and started blaming OP for not seeing some fictional red flags all over again

We don't know her history. If he's this brazen now and IF they had actually dates while before marriage, he MUST have shown of his immaturity and high handedness.

It's not rocket science.

In this case, he's asking her to leave the house, or he leaves. Did they live together before marriage? Even for weekends only? If they did, did he ask her to leave his house when he was angry?

It's a rad ridiculous to suggest that you can NEVER see red flags in a relationship? Is it lottery?

midnighter:
did you even read her post? So you think OP wasnt sure about the guy just because he has decided to show her his a$$ after the wedding?

Lol, oga.. there is no way you can know that your missing puzzle piece is going to drive you out of your house with your infant child up to 5 times because your mom sent you some palm oil, no way!

You cant know somebody until you know somebody, thats just the truth. Its not OPs fault if the man just started getting out of control... he's the one who needs to behave himself

I get what you're saying but at least every month, we see news articles of wives or husbands that were duped, toyed with or even killed by their spouses.

A spouse is someone you trust with your life and indeed the life of your children.

I think you have a responsibility to think very clearly and be very sure before the marriage and of course continue growing during the marriage. Especially if you guys didn't live together before marriage.

omonikiba:
Human beings unfold daily. Marriage is continous learning and the discovery of each other is daily.

Imagine, your hubby eat beans every other week, and then one day you cook beans and he's like 'don't we have food in this house?', and so many other funny attitudes. You can't know him in all areas during courtship. Whoever tells you you should know everything about him during courtship is not a realist.

Forget all these sweet mouth marriage seminars we attend oo. When you enter, you learn with real marriage experience.

If you we it all, no need to build after marriage. The bible says, only a wise woman build her home.

The poster will learn so many things from the man and she will begin to overcome those things that triggers argument with time. And the husband too will grow older to learn to stop reacting rudely to trivial things.

The rate at which marriages break nowadays, the best advise to give any young couple is just patience patience patience not reacting back in the same gesture.

It's still early my sister but you have to be the woman you want your children to be proud of. The woman you want to be proud of.

Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. I appreciate.

Truly speaking, i am just tired of it all.
I do not know how a very comfortable young girl, working in the health sector, traveling to different countries for conferences ended up here.

I feel like this is my life now, no light at the end of this tunnel

No my husband isn’t broke we earn really really well and i am not doing baldly either.

My biggest worry is for my child.
Also when is enough is enough?
I dont want to loose myself. I am just 26.

So sorry for ranting but it is better than talking to family members that will gossip about you.

How has your comment helped her matter?

If you have nothing to say, watch TV. What kind of a comment is "it's one of those things".

swaggylomo:
It's one of those things, try to do your own best.
Marriage is hard work

Is this not supposed to be done during the courtship period?

omonikiba:
My granma send me garri, dry pepper, oil from village, oh, let me not forget she sends yam and plantain too, even melon. Mama can send the whole village if possible.

My hubby enjoys it now. Initialy, he wasn't comfortable with it, I told him mama do that to all her children and am not an exception. She cant travel to your house empty handed, never.

What we do is we give her money in return, there are times i send her money to get me oil. Not an insult at all. All caring mothers do this and it's not because they want to disrespect you. The only thing is give them the cash, more cash to cover the food stuffs and more, buy them cloths and thing you know they need. Chikena.

On arguing, you guys are still new, stop running upandan. My hubby n I argued alot when we newly got married. I had to learn to laugh when he start, when I start my own he goes to bed because we never liked the way we argued. You both are still in that 'know me know' you period.

You want to look out, no good man out there ooo, forget getting love outside. Build your home.

Very important question. I hope she's not one of these 18 year old brides.

Perhaps that's why her dad did not ask her to go back to her husband.

Oksman:
If I may ask how old are both of you?

.ote]

Thunder might need to pay you a visit.

If her husband is constantly threatening to throw her out, where will she find love? No be for the outside.

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

I have two sisters, a twin sister and a younger sister.

If their husband ever tells them to leave the house, I'd advise them to pack out.

This is how domestic abuse starts. After this, it will be one hot slap and so on.

Please go for marriage counseling (preferably not religious) and if he continues, make contingency plans.

Sorry my sister.

Zhuhilat:
Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.


Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.


Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.



I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?
Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.
Emotionally, i am done.

Don't mind him. Shoprite makes billions in profits and can't pay a musician for his work.

This is very bad

dominique:
A lot of people don't read contents of a topic,they just read the topic and jump straight to comment section. The man submitted the song to Shoprite for jingle consideration, they have no rights to use it without his knowledge. Even worse he wasn't paid for it. Shoprite deserves the lawsuit, it's best for them to agree on an out of court settlement



Can't you pass your message across without sounding rude and uncouth? Your post reeks of ignorance, it's very obvious you have no idea how litigation works.

People are not stupid. She knows. She just doesn't have evidence. She knows he cheated. He knows that she knows but can't prove it. The guy is bad for her.

AfroKnight:
She didn’t catch him. And it’s her insecurities that probably drove him to seek fresh air outside.

Selfkontrol, you can marry her if you think she is not the type that would wake up one day and stab you before breakfast.

Me I can’t deal with insecure chicks. They will snap one day and break your head.

I prefer the new design.

Constant innovation bro.

Seun:
You prefer this?

Yo, give us some background.

Why did you marry her? It seems to me like you don't love her.

It seems to me like a divorce would make you happier and free you for a more loving wife.

Do you guys have kids?

I don't see the point in staying in an unhappy marriage. If it's not working, leave. Leave before you hurt her. Leave before you hurt yourself. Leave.

Beosten:
I'm not an introvert, and I crack jokes a lot. But my wife's temper is not satisfactory. Many people think I can't hurt a fly, and wish every husband would be like me.

My principle is that I don't engage in a shouting match with people no matter how outraged I am. But anytime my wife pisses me off, the only thing that comes to my mind is divorce. Within minutes, I would see myself as a bachelor that would shortly be free of marital headaches. But many people believe in me, and I know I will never be able to act on divorce because I see it as another shame. Note that marrying my wife is not a wrong choice, because she's the best available for her age and exposure.

Once I'm pissed off, I would need at least 3 days to be out of sight for me to recover emotionally. So, I took a step. I took up a second job in another city. I can run my first job from anywhere. The second job is like an agric extension in which I may choose to return home like 3 times in a week. But once wife pisses me off, I would stay back for a week.

With the first job, I pay family bills easily. After adding the second job, wife now gets pocket money every month. But she has started complaining that she can't afford not seeing me at home for days or a week and that I should leave the second job.

Note that one of the reasons I took the second job is for me to be able to cope with her stvpid temperament. At this juncture, my wish is to hurt her so severe that once my name is mentioned, she won't hesitate to release 21-gun salutes. All the demons in hell know that I can't try having a side chick. If it's possible for me to disappear from this planet without a trace, I won't hesitate to do that. That means you won't see my corpse in a coffin and I would be out of sight forever.

This is TERRIBLE advice.

greatnaija01:
hurt her by LOVING HER despite her behavior.... THEN SHE WILL WORSHIP YOU AS HER KING

He's not innocent. He's cheated before.

AfroKnight:
How many “bye” did I read in that chat log? Like 100 or so.


This girl suspects too much. Ah ahn. Innocent brother like this, you’re suspecting him. For what?

If you’re sure she can’t poison you later on in life, stay with her.


But this your breakup chat is too funny abeg.

This doesn't make sense.

If you use fvck, you can't complain about your girl using fvck.

Besides, in this case, she's venting at her so called by who has cheated on her before and was out on a date.


She said he was not man enough to be proud of his cheating.

AstroG1:
For her to use the word 'Fxck you' constantly without remorse,shows she's not worth ur stress

So next time sandra8 or funmisticqueen write nonsense, show them this thread.

Biglittlelois:
I'm so glad some guys here are really seeing things from the girl's aspect

So you HAVE cheated!!

Don't come here posting and acting all righteous. Why won't she be "controlling" when she knows that you're cheating on her.

What is the lol for.

Please break up with her let her meet a real man that won't cheat on her.

You have almost definitely killed love for this girl.

You say she's beautiful so there won't be a lack of suitors. She will probably marry someone just to get out of the house whether she loves him or not.

Congratulations. You have given women another reason, another example of why they should not trust men.

Clap for yourself.

Selfkontrol:
you are not wrong saying she’s rude and lack respect sometimes but saying I cheat lol. [b]Yes I might have [/b]but never in anyway has she ever caught me or seen me or have I rubbed it on her face. I’m too smart for that. All she does is suspect and assumes even when I’m doing nothing. You may feel she has caught me in the past but noo she has never. I have remained faithful to an extent. She’s just naturally jealous and insecured

THIS is the problem.

She's not working

She's staying with her parents.

Are her parents controlling?

Why doesn't she come and stay with you? Why doesn't she come and work in Warri? Or you in Lagos?

The idea in Nigeria that young adults, especially female, are still children is BAD for their mental health.

Have you guys thought of living together? If not, why not?

She does have feelings for you and like some others have suggested, you may be cheating or have cheated on her. If you have, her anxiety and fear is WELL-FOUNDED.

She's too old to be treated like a child. Not by her parents and not by you (she thinks you're playing on her intelligence).

Selfkontrol:
theres nothing I I haven’t done or say to make her trust me. Even considering the distance I still give her attention but she’s never satisfied. Her life is just so lonely, she absolutely got no friends. I’m like her best friend and bf she tells everything. She’s quiet and don’t even like to seek for advice. She’s not someone that can discuss things like this to seek for advice. She believes in her own judgment and think she’s right. No elder sister to advice her no good friend. I really feel sorry for her to be frank becos I try as much as i can to be a loving bf. She have had bfs in the past but non worked and I think it’s this same salty attitude. Sometimes I neglect somethings out of pity because trust me her life is somehow. Sometimes when she explains to me I just feel sorry for her. To the point she wants to rush me into marriage cos she’s tired lol. A girl of 23 tired of staying in parents house. Tired already she hasn’t gotten a job. Wants to use marriage as an escape route. It’s sad

You were dating someone that wasn't dating you.

You were forcing love with someone that wasn't in live with you.

Sorry bro, keep your dignity and move on. Maybe don't date or think of dating or think of women for a few months.

Date someone you can build with. A working lady. An independent lady.

Cheers.

That's the point of dating/courting. Know your stances and compatibility.

You have come again.

jakezebrax:
Why don't Yoruba women ever win beauty pageant?

generationz:

Everybody needs love.

Even if the girl isn't too tall, like 5'9; when they put on heels, they skyrocket to taller than 6'2". I'm 6' and they dwarf me. Especially if they rock 6 inch heels.

Come to think of it, most of the girls I've dated have been that height. I guess I'm #teamtallwomen.

The border closure is unsustainable. As one of the more developed countries in the region, with our booming youth population, we can't afford to increase the cost of living under any guise.

Do we know how much rice costs in other countries?? Much less.

Even in Canada. A developed country that does NOT produce rice locally. A country where even the poorest earn more than N400,000 monthly, rice costs less there per kg.

An 8 kg bag of parboiled rice costs $10 which equals N2,700. That is N337/kg. Whereas in Nigeria, a poor country, with incessant starvation and a minimum wage of N18,000 per month, a 50 kg bag of rice is now going for N21,000. That is a whopping N420/kg.


This border closure is bad for the people of Nigeria.

Welcome back to Nigeria.

Devalyn:
I recently moved back to Lagos and it’s kind of lonely not having friends here. I’m an introvert (An ambivert really, but more introverted than extroverted), and as you can imagine it’s not easy to make friends. I’m looking for people to hang out and have fun conversations with.
You can shoot me an email adeva01@gmail.com or pm me