₦airaland Forum

*advice not advise in this context.

Take your own education sir.

calgaryFriend:

so I laughed when I read what you posted .
You sound very ignorant so I will forgive you this time.

But let me educate you a bit, everyone has a right to their own preferences , the OP asked for advise and I gave my take.

You should probably have just given yours without making any form of reference or even if you wanted to , do that in a much civil manner.

At the end of it all, it is left to the OP to choose what he thinks is right.

Lastly good women are not hard to find, you only need to look in the right places. And also the term "good women" is relative, it has much do with our background and expectations and conditioning.

If you wanna discuss further on this I'd encourage you to be a little more civil and polite in your approach.

In the words of my Spanish friend ........ Gracias

Yo bro, treat her like a woman you want, age has no bearing here.

An Igbo family friend abroad has already bought his burial plots abroad. Not everybody wants to continue being associated with Nigeria. They left for a reason.

OP, please do not follow calgaryfriend and be an idiot. Calgaryfriend is in his 30s abroad and has not married. He's not even cloe to marriage.

You say you have seen a good woman but she's 5 months older than you. Abeg, respect yourself and remove ageism, age discrimination, from your considerations. Good women are hard to find. If this lady is a good woman and fits you, marry o.

Hey @ TheButterfly, don't mind calgaryfriend o.

Smile4mee01:
Dear Fam,

I am a little depressed today. I am a 34 yr old guy going to 35. Has a decent Job, drive a good car. Live in my own house. Well traveled.
I desire to get married and have children but I just dont connect with women so well. I loose interest in them almost as soon as we get along and everything is looking nice. I kinda loose my peace with the female vibes around.I dont have sex with them.
I am considering going for my Masters abroad to better myself but women in west ( Australia) is another kettle of fish.

There is a colleague of mine who has been in the picture kinda. But she will be 35 in 6 months. She is about 5 months older than me
I am worried she might have difficulty having a child as women struggle with fertility about that age.

I have come too far to make a mistake by marrying a wrong woman. I am worried.

Anti-retroviral drugs make it impossible to transmit HIV to your partner during sex, even raw sex.

Many women trick the people they want to marry them when they feel threatened. Not too long ago, we read if the lady who, when she felt her boyfriend was falling for another woman, drugged him and had marathon raw sex with him, got pregnant and he "did the needful".

Your wife did her own needful and now feels untouchable. If you seek redress, meet a lawyer first. They might be able to prove fraud and you might be able to get a clean break from her and even custody.

Sorry bro.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

Yes

Ilamina:
Are you from opobo

You don't hold him responsible by perpetuating flagrant disregard for human rights in Nigeria. The same illegal process you prescribe is used daily to throw women out of their own homes by police with no court order. The women are usually too scared or not knowledgeable enough to fight for their rights.

I said nothing about DNA results. She should go to a law court. A marriage court. That is where her grievances will be attended to. That is where the law will compel her husband to confess, take DNA tests, share their estate, etc; on penalty of "obstruction of justice".

Paying off a few policemen to illegally harass her husband will bring pain to her in the end if the man has a half-decent lawyer. Don't send people into deeper hot water in the name of revenge. What you suggested she do can get HER locked up.


Lawstudent and other lawyers on NL, please advise accordingly.

Lexusgs430:
You seem to care about the man, than the woman.... Someone put her in the family way, she mentioned a name, he denied responsibility......

Someone must be held responsible + accountable.....

Or you would rather await DNA results, which might not even happen, the man might have other plans when he realises, she is keeping the pregnancy.......

Why do some idiots in this country love oppression?

Wickedfacts:
Where do you see thugs on FG project sites in Lagos?

See, let Ndigbo better call these greedy paupers to order. If they allow this nonsense to continue, it would affect the project on the long run.

Lagos Ibadan is almost completed, same with Lagos Ibadan rail line, they are now moving to Badagry expressway.

FG should rise to the occasion and mobilize soldiers to the site. The project must be completed and greedy thieves should be shot.

You are advocating for a continuation of Nigerian Police Thuggery. If they do this and a good lawyer is involved, they will sue the police for damages and even sue the wife for kidnapping, conspiracy to commit kidnapping, etc.

The police have ZERO place in this matter. If they want to involve the law, it is through MARRIAGE COURT. Marriage court would most likely give them time or appoint a counselor and if nothing is resolved, grant divorce.

Lexusgs430:
I have not mentioned a crime was committed.... The person carrying the load, knows the person that packed the load.......

The packer of the load, is denying packing the load. How do you get the truth out, without using instruments of law?......

The mother said she was. Not all mother's know their daughters' true status on virginity.

sexiestharam:
Almost every advice I have seen on this thread makes me puke. She is 19 and was a virgin before coming to your house. Isn't it obvious your husband seduced or raped that girl? He was also the one that volunteered to take her to the hospital. Doesn't it mean he knew what he did? Op said her husband is a respectable man. I laugh. What's respectable about a man who sleeps or rapes his wife's niece? Your husband is a goat. Ewure. If you still want to stay with a goat, that's your business. To all those advising her to have the niece commit an abortion, what if that's not what the niece wants? It is her body, it is her child she would kill and her life is at stake here. What about the memories that would always be there. Aunty Op, do whatever you want. We all know in the end only you would advise yourself.

Arrested for what? Adultery? That is not a crime. The girl is 19 so it's not statutory take either.

Lexusgs430:
Get him arrested....... If you have daughters, he might turn to them soonest........

The public defender would get the truth out.........

This is another good point agneseze.

Such a scenario is quite common in African movies: Nigerian, Togolese, Congolese, etc.

I've also heard girls in those street interviews reason this way.

Be careful o.

Born2Breed:
What makes you think the girl is not lying?

Assuming its true,what makes you think this was not planned from the onset by the girl mother?

You made a mistake by bringing a full grown girl into your home,the day you did was the very day you brought in a second wife.

No matter what,you must stand by your husband,you need each other now than ever cos if its true,what has happened has happened,start making plans for the girl and her baby outside your home.

This is a weird angle.

Just because he (allegedly) had sex with a 19 year old woman does not mean that he will have sex with his own children.

bjbjbj:
You married a stupid man and claim that people respect him. Tell your husband to take responsibility for his actions and you are still with your husband I pity you. Please start talking to your kids before DADDY start having sex with them oo.

This is dangerous depending on the kind of people that they are.

They could use this as an avenue to insult, belittle or even badmouth her.

calgaryFriend:
But how does inviting the whole two sides of the family make him admit.
If she wants to go a step further, she could probably talk to her mother in law or father in law if they are still alive and have them talk and ask the husband, not inviting the whole 2 sides of the family like a mob action, even when the authenticity of the accusation is yet to be established.

Please confirm that it is or is not rape.

That is what you should be most concerned with right now.

Small quote I quote you, you don open a whole thread!

He is a legend, not just to Niger Deltans or indeed Nigerians but to the world.

When he was in the Carribean, the colonial officers there requested he be transferred out because the black people were ready to overthrow their masters and make this African King their new leader.

Jaja was a good leader to the Opobo people. He cherished education so much which is why Opoo people are known as the Academics in Rivers State.

I'm from Opobo and all the middle-aged Opobo men that I know who are based in Lagos, married Yoruba women. ilamina

So no single Nigerian woman from places other than Mbaise has cheated??

okokkk:


You have awesome parents. But you must be an ungrateful girl to question their wise counsel. Listen, there are no good men worthy of a deltan kpekus in Mbaise. Do not fall for their gimmicks. I once dated an mbaise girl. I loved her so well that I could kill for her. One day, her friend called me and said my babe was dying and in need of blood. I am O+. I donated blood at the clinic. The next day, I went back to the clinic only to see a guy lying beside her with a blood bag hanging over the metal hanger. I got mad. It was my blood that this Mbaise girl "donated" to her boyfriend.

Later, I found that she faked her admission at the clinic to make the guy feel she got ill from losing a lot of blood. The mad girl was also O+. Fear Mbaise people!

Your parents, like most Nigerians, are being tribalistic and racist.

The story about Mbaise is that they demand too much money when people come to marry their daughters. I've never heard anything about Mbaise men.

You are 26. You and this guy have been together for 3 good years. Do you want to marry him? If you do, carry on. With or without your parents' blessings.

No be dem go dey the marriage. If you say you will look for someone else, when will you find somebody you love like this guy? Will you now do rush rush marriage?

Don't marry him just because your parents don't like him o. Make sure you want to marry him before you do so.



Cheers.

Kcee14:
I am a girl of 26 years from Delta state. I have a guy I have been dating for close to 3years now and he is from mbaise. My guy told me that he is coming for introduction and I told my parents about it and they said over their dead body will they allow me marry from mbaise. Please,is anything wrong with Mbaise? Are there ladies here that are married to mbaise men and living happily. Please, I am really sad now. I need advice and answers

Aishat, the first girl, said "it's personal".

NFarms:
Bloggers and Lie!!!!!

Don't waste your time and MB watching the video

Where in this video did any person, male or female admit to frequent sex with bestie

Common sense is not common.

You were probably a bit insensitive with your explanation.

Also, it is not a woman thing. If your gf told you "Mbok baby, that thing you like to do, I no dey feel am" l, how will you feel?

Bellotelli:
Is not that I don't enjoy the moment, but my girlfriend always want me to express it while on the go. One day i feel uncomfortable and told her to stop pestering me with demands and questions while making love, but she got angry. I tried explaining to her, but as you know a woman will ever be a woman.

I get you bro.

Just don't let being a virgin cloud your judgements and do NOT marry someone JUST because they're helping out with sex.

There's nothing in it. After just 1 weekend, you become an expert.

Cheers.

life103:
i appreciate your advice... she's 20something. ok, i'll try and get someone more mature. i don't like professional prostitutes.

You've got to show enthusiasm because it cuts DEEP into a girl's psyche and confidence.

I try to mix fake noises with nudging her in the right direction.

However, sometimes (few), I make real noises. When I make real animal noises, know that the sex is unbelievable.

Being inexperienced, it'd be a good idea to have sex with someone who likes you and may know that you're inexperienced.

A girl that likes you will put your dick in her vagina instead of embarrassing you like that. Also, how old is this girl. Be open to dating 30 or 30+ year olds.

Frankly, if you just want to become better at sex and don't mind using a prostitute, be straightforward about it. I highly doubt that a night costs N20T. So you can get a classy sex worker and tell her you want girlfriend experience and that you're not experienced. If she says she'll help, go in. Don't form I too know. Calm down and learn.


Cheers.

Yes we do.

Ilamina:
Africans don't do that

Compliment your man yes but be honest.

And ladies, if your man isn't hitting it right, isn't focusing enough on you, isn't doing it right in za oda room, tell him in a sweet way.

Guys know when your noise is fake and if they don't yet know, they will eventually. If he can't trust you, it is over o.

When thinking about your SO brings dread to your mind, and if you're always looking for ways to spend time AWAY from your SO; it's time to move on.

People who can't handle what they dish out.

Glad to have you back!

Blackivy29:
some moniker was feeling foolish. Though i was S.African. Oversabee

another was for bashing a guy. He reported.[b] Who [/b]does that?

Then check and see what you can do)change/improve on to increase your CRS score.

Electroweb:
The tool is saying I qualify for express entry but when I simulate my CRS score, it turns out below 400.

What does pursuing mean? I don't consider the word "pursuing" and the phrase "showing interest" to be the same thing.

If you show interest but she's clear that she's not interested, why continue to disturb her.

If she eventually 'settles' for you, small thing and she might say "na you beg me to marry you".

I think you should marry/date people who have a genuine interest in marrying/dating you too.

Mryacks:
The key word for me here is not to be "desperate" like you said. But I don't think there is anything wrong pursuing a woman who is worth it and showing her true affection. If it's meant to work fine, if not, then move on after sometime is she is not forthcoming. But pursuing a virtuous woman is ok me thinks. It doesn't make you weak!

The other commenters are saying "Senegal" when really they should be saying "Dakar".

Dakar is the capital and is expensive. That's why I asked earlier if you speak French. If you don't, Dakar may be your best bet as it is cosmopolitan and tourist-oriented. If you do though, you can stay anywhere in the country.

Where exactly are you learning embroidery? Could you check if there are embroidery schools or trainings outside Dakar?

You can type your searches in Google Translate and paste the French translation on Google. Maybe search for Google Senegal and search in that website (Not Google Nigeria)

Acme45:
is there no other options for accommodation apart from lodging in a hotel?