₦airaland Forum

Blue001:
Hi Nairalanders,

Last year I lost my Job as an AfterSales Analyst at a multinational company called AlFuttaim in the Peak of the Covid scare in Dubai, UAE. This is when it all began, Paying my rent became a problem, feeding became a problem. At that time the frustration in the country was everywhere due to the lock down and lot of Nigerians joined some illegal activisties in the UAE.

Unlike other nations Known to me, the desperation of Nigerians is quite on the high side so most delved into Yahoo-Yahoo. So it was so rampant and obvious in Dubai then and even now.
The difficulty was much and the lockdown was highly enforced, not giving room for any means of making ends meet.
At that time I had to return to Nigeria, I stayed with my sister’s husband because he was alone during the lockdown hoping to return back to the UAE when the opportunity rises again.
I had to start up a POS business with a 50k support from a family member, but due to the location of the business which is a developing environment, customers traffic was very low, sometimes I made 400 naira daily as profit though the ironic factor was that the closest ATM for cash refill was 600naira daily.
So the business couldn’t thrive. I had to start an analytic firm just to be employed but honestly so many factors I can’t explain here hinders infant industries in Nigeria.
Now in Dubai, Nigerians already have bad names in the communities and employers weren’t willing to considering Nigerians. Though I kept applying to different organizations in Nigeria and in Dubai like wise.
I really never understood the Nigerian market also, when I got some interviews but was turned down as a result of under employment. Three organizations made this clear to me during the interview. So at that time I had to wonder if being qualified for a job is now a curse.
I have had Nigerian HRs contacting me via my LinkedIn portfolio but never landed me any Job.

Now the highlight of the frustration is that, I just got a Job at Dubai with AWRostamani another multinational as a Senior Data Analyst in the internal Audit department, and I am to be paid 9000aed which is like 1.4million naira. Two days ago made it three weeks the HR confirmed the Job as mine instructing that I go to their company’s platform to update my details where she will process my e-employment letter & Visa which I did immediately.
But I never heard from them, I sent mails informing them that I had already created my profile but yet to see an employment letter, yet no response. So on Tuesday (a day before yesterday) I had to call them and this is when the HR told me they are having difficulties processing my employment visa since I am a Nigerian and there is an on going ban on visa processes on Nigerians (aside Tourist Visas). I called some of my friends Nigerians and non-Nigerians living in Dubai to ask if they know any possible way I could go through to get this sorted out, they said it’s impossible because they are very much aware about the Nigeria situation in Dubai.

I dint know when tears began running down my eyes and my mum crying with me because she knows how bad I need a change.

Please Nairalanders, I am a data Analyst with over 5 years experience. Can you please help me with an opportunity or if you know a place I could find an opportunity.

08085257309

http://linkedin.com/in/solomon-adejoh-5a1991a7

All things work together for good bro. Move on. Keep pushing! Your time will manifest.

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

This is a serious issue! You're an hardworking guy. God will give you wisdom and knowledge that you will use to control the situation. Don't cut your parents off because the bible says honour your father and your mother so that your day may be long. I will advise that you pray and ask Holy Spirit for guidance on how to control the situation. God will intervene. Cheer!

Bola146:
Pele so gbo hope you have not climbed someone's pregnancy Ask for the meaning in Yoruba culture

Lol! Se make I tell am?!

Calm down bro. I understand and I know how you would probably feel concerning your situation now. But I want you to know one thing that someone has passed through what is happening to you currently before and they came out well. I have gone through a similar situation before. I would advise that you move closer to God and pray enquiry prayers to know the root of it.

Casalindal:
Thanks I keep hearing a voice in my head telling me to get up and run..

This must be the voice of the village people.

TheCalculator:
Source: https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/world-news/bar-worker-sliced-bosss-penis-24228538

The Bible says that if any part of your body wants to send you to hellfire, cut it off. The woman helped the man so that he wouldn't be a candidate of hellfire. Therefore! The woman should be released immediately.

stacyadams:
just three months after ur wife passed on,ur thinking of another woman already ....single mother for that matter with kids. una see as una dey carry divide una house ...better leave that woman alone.....she will be nice now but I assure u that u will still come back to lament on nairaland...let ur adopted daughter take care of d house as best as she can.......


Fear women...any child apart from their own child dey suffer am....u can c d red flags already and it's plenty

BRO! THINK ABOUT THIS GUY'S COMMENT! YOU CAN STILL HANDLE THE SITUATION NOW BY SENDING HER AWAY. SHE STYLISHLY ENTERED YOU BUT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE. YOU MAY LATER REGRET IT. ACT NOW BECAUSE OF THE FUTURE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

illicit:
Let me tell you the story of Nurse Titi....

After you finish telling him the story of nurse titi, I will also tell him the story of Nurse Amaka! This one is a thriller.

Horoyeencar:
What car will you suggest for a first timer, budget between 3-4M.

Toyota Venza.

LeeSantos:
This is really tough.

but I will advise you as I would to my sister..

It's not too late to call it off, for so many reasons.
but I will list some.
1. you will be deprived of enough finance to run your home. His money will be going to more women.

2. you're at risk of contacting vulnerable diseases. if he contacts HIV you won't know, because married couples don't do this test regularly after marriage.

3. You will be Derain psychologically and emotionally, thinking about so many things from how to keep your family intact, manage your husband's so he doesn't bring disgrace to the family, always thinking of the life you has always wanted.

4. There will always be regrets in you occasionally. "If I had known"

5. You life may be cut short due to his anger issues. most marital death had always being a mistake. it's the devil's work, I didn't mean to.

6 and lastly. just know you can be in a polygamous home knowingly or unknowingly. your husband can get other women pregnant,

7. it's very very hard for a man who commits adultery to change. very hard. in order for more to change there must be a negative encounter.

like a drunkard who was nearly crushed to death by a trailer, would easily quick. but even if you catch a promiscuous man In another woman's house that won't stop him.

Peace of mind is all we need to life long.

But if you think you can always fast and be prayerful. you should go ahead with the marriage, maybe one day God will answer your prayers

If you don't want to regret it! follow this advice! don't be worried about what people will say! it is your life and you have to be accountable for your actions.

JudgeKronos:
I stopped reading when I saw ‘you sent your nude pictures to a guy you met on Facebook ‘

Two things I don’t do with this uncircumcised generation 1. Argument
2. Advice

Please don’t quote me......

I will never quote you.

JudgeKronos:
I stopped reading when I saw ‘you sent your nude pictures to a guy you met on Facebook ‘

Two things I don’t do with this uncircumcised generation 1. Argument
2. Advice

Please don’t quote me......

I will never quote you.

bloggerblogger2:
YOU MAY AGREE OR DISAGREE.

A 100K monthly salary earner in Nigeria is better than a 400K monthly salary earner in the United States.

The luxury lifestyles some of us live here with 100K, cannot sustain us a day over there. We can’t try such in US and save a dim.

Some of our annual rent here is weekly/ monthly rent over there. Can you pay over 100K naira monthly house rent with 400K monthly salary here in Nigeria? You can’t do that, but you don’t have a choice over there. You pay or kicked out of the house.

Some of our people over there are becoming wiser now. They don’t mind sleeping on the streets, work for at least 5-10yrs, move back to Nigeria with their savings. You cannot survive with 100M living comfortably a year over there. Tax go finish you up. But you can live large with 100M for 5yrs or more here in Nigeria depends on your lifestyles tho.

You don’t pay unnecessary tax here. But in foreign countries you pay almost everything.
In naija you can own 10 cars..not in the United States because you pay for packing space for each car. You get the point now?

Some of our people in diaspora, once they earn $10K in a month or so, depends on the job, they’d send $9K down to their Nigeria account and keep $1K for their upkeep. Some would buy lands and build houses for rent or some other businesses.
If you don’t do that, you’d work all your life and come back with nothing. Those of you on this method are wise. But becareful of the people you send your money to here. Trust no one! Get a trustworthy lawyer involved.

U can make unnecessary noise or play loud music here. You can’t try such over there and not find yourself in police cell.

So you see….We are privileged here. We only need to get bad political leaders off the way. By getting involved in politics, national, state, LGA and community affairs. That’s how American youth you admire, do.

They don’t just fold hands, wailing and waiting for a miracle. They debate, disagree, challenge, involved and create. You get the point now?

I don't agree with you, until I get to USA and see for myself, then! I will know what to say.

Maybe you are the next Papa ajasco or Pa james! Just choose one

Olatomz1:
I was denied Visa to Ekiti state

This is the work of demon ooo

Olatomz1:
I was denied Visa to Ekiti state

This is the work of demon ooo

Jeff121212:
She's in her mid twenties and she said she doesn't want to settle down until she starts her business and gets it running.

Do the right thing and stop looting her shop.

Tallino25:
Am a lover of good music in church and I believe praise and worship being the principle that gets to the heart of God

a lot of churches uses that principle,but I will just present just 10 Pentecostal churches in Nigeria that can bring up that innate passion for worshiping and praising God

Note: All churches praise God in their unique way and it all appeals to God.

10. Dunamis: They are really good in praises likes of daniel ekiko and profit okebe will get you crazy,when it comes to worship,if you are present or if you listen to their midday worship you just get moved to worship God, all thanks pastor Paul enenche with his worship skills and spiritual prowess

9. OPM: One of the many churches in PH especially that take seriously the art of praising of God,it is well known also for Good worship too

8.Winners: They do well in praising God,most of their branches all over nigeria replicate their praise and worship skills,their mass choir is really doing good

7. Elevation church: Their praises and worship session is just really a place you would want to be in there is definitely a flow of the spirit

6. Salvation ministries: Just their mass choir alone can give you this heavenly feeling,their performance at the just concluded 5nights of glory was eccentric

5. House on the Rock: This church has a very nice style of worshiping and praising God,the church lightings alone gives you the feel of the presence of God around you can never be dulled

4. Daystar: This church is well known for their quality sounds and good instrumentalists they really make Good use of those sounds to praise and worship God in a way that is appealing,You just don't need to listen to gospel songs on your phone when you have Daystar church

3. COZA: Sophisticated church with sophisticated praises and worship,when they sing it seems like a record is playing,their praises is really club like so it appeals more to the secular world,their worship is so heart touching and makes you want to know God more,The church musical crew "The Gratitude" is a good replica of their music

2. Christ Embassy: We cannot list all these without listing Christ Embassy a great church with Great sound,Great music,Great choristers they are really one of the developers of the Nigerian gospel music,they have produced gospel artists that has changed the face of gospel music in Nigeria,When it comes to worship being in their service is really one thing you would want to do

1. RCCG: When it comes to praises you just need to leave it for them,Their diversity in praising and worshiping God is second to none,During their programs at the redemption camp the atmosphere is really a crazy one with lots and lots of instruments sounds all over the place with people taking the grounds for their dance hall,this indeed is replicated in all their mega parish branches across Nigeria,So if you want to worship and praise so crazy this is certainly your spot.

With this your rating, it shows that you don't know what you are saying and you don't know music. Go and do thorough research.

ChildOfDoom:
unhygienic behaviour

in a bid to impress, I do thoughtless things. three days ago I caught up with an old friend. in order to seduce her, I sucked her vagina. she hadn't taken her bath and was sweaty when we met. I even rubbed petroleum jelly cream on her boobs and sucked it off intermittently. naive and naughty me! I currently have issues with my larynx, abi windpipe. probably a growth.i can't breath well.

I also expose food and plates, despite knowing there are rodents and cockroaches in my room. sometimes I don't wash the plates before I use. I do not wash hands from the toilet before feasting. Lost passion for etiquette. I do eat roadside food regularly, exposed to flies (na Dem cheap pass). the list is endless. gamblers hardly pay attention to their health or well-being. I feel bad though that all Mama's advice and admonishment while growing up failed to reflect in my life.

I will stop here for now

Bro! I feel your pain! Pls don't commit suicide. Most youths are undergoing what you are going through now. Try and talk to people. Locate an MFM church near to your area and seek a deliverance pastor for counselling. God will deliver you. You can send me a message, so that we can talk privately.

boxer022:
You need to take things easy with yourself my dear, I have taken time to go through what you wrote and digested every detail. I like the fact that you stood your ground on not allowing him peruse through your privacy. I know for a fact that he will never agree to let you do same. I want you to know that the love you had for him was not reciprocated. You really loved him which he saw and took advantage of it. I am a guy and can't say such a thing to the girl I love. As I said earlier, take things easy with yourself, I know for sure that you will get over this and you will meet a good guy who will love you in return.

You are a good person just like me. Pls follow this advice.

DoubleEngine007:
You should have asked him.. "Baby who among your mom and his mom,he wants to come over"Then you wait for him to decide. He asked you as a trap,then the selfish you go fall put. Now look at what you have caused. Did you even say you don't know how to tell people that he visits or believes in native doctors
Don't try it please.. Someone above said ,you talk too much. I don't know how true is that,but if actually you talk too much.. Avoid telling the world the secrets of your husband, if you still do love your marriage.
The only thing that can safe you and your marriage right now,like the poster above me said is Prayers if you believe in God.

Good one bro. You shouldn't have told him your mom first, that's not fair. The only solution to this is prayer and fasting. if you don't mind, I can send you some prayer points to pray and everything will be fine, just believe that God can solve your marital issues. God will separate him and the native doctor.

amazing101x:
I'm in my early 30s, I'm a christian, i'm single , never married and never had kid. I would have loved to marry in my early or late 20s but after several years of chasing true love when my heart was still tender, i've come to realize that love is selfish. Ladies i loved back then don't usually love me and now that i'm financially stable, every ladies seems to love me but i no longer have a tender heart, please don't get me wrong, i'm not wicked, i'm a nice person and i respect women alot but i no longer believe in true love or soul mate.

Now that i've come of age to pick a life partner and get married. To think of spending the rest of my life with one woman is very confusing. But recently i've been thinking of marrying more than one woman , maybe atleast 2. I've talked to some ladies about it, some of them showed remorse and some gladly accepted it. I'm considering marrying educated ladies who won't think of harming each other with charm but would see each other as friends so we can build a family together. Each time i think of marrying more than one wife, i feel more convinced about marriage than thinking of marrying just one.

Please i need your advise.

Who told you that "educated women don't involve in charm?" I pity you! Na dem dey do charms pass.
Although you have the right to do whatever you like. Your not believe in true love is still not a good reason to have two wives. You better don make the mistake at the early stage of your life. pray to God to give you your own wife.

Odewaleadesoye:
Awwwwnnnnnn Take good care of the woman OO.
I'm happy for you man

Thanks bro. with the help of God, I will take good care of her.

Odewaleadesoye:
Sincerely speaking, year 2020 has been challenging and a lot of things happened during the year.

It was a year we experienced total lockdown in the world due to Covid-19 pandemic. The lockdown led to a lot of unspeakable occurrences.

I came up with this question and thread so that we can learn from you. Despite all odds throughout the year, you were able to achieve something and proud of it simultaneously.

As for me, I was able to complete my University's education and I graduated with first class in Accounting. I'm very proud of that. Despite all odds, I still made it.

What is something you accomplished this year that you are proud of?

We would be glad to hear and learn from you.

1. God kept me alive.
2. God gave me a good job.
3. God gave me a woman of good understanding and beautiful appearance.
4. God is preparing more blessings for me in the coming year 2021.

[quote author=Feddytune post=97209074][/quote]Lol! Are you jealous?!

BaddieFreak:
I was molested as a kid when I was six by a grown man 45-50 years. Before that incident, my father had left my mom when she was pregnant with me.

So I grew up without a father. I only grew up with my step dad who also harrased me sexually and regularly beat my mom to stupor. I got disgusted by any male, regardless of their age, after that. When I was in secondary school, a boy had a crush on me and confessed, and I hated him for that.

Anyone who confessed his love to me would disgust me. As I grew older and reached my teenage years, my friends would start talking about boys, and I would get left out since the topic wouldn’t interest me and I would walk out of the conversation.

As time passed, my desire to be in a relationship grew, but I couldn’t find a stunning guy I’d like to be involved with.

So I tried to start a relationship with men. I met this entrepreneur who made a decent living, had a 10/10 personality, is accepting, loving, responsible, initiative, young, rich, works out, has a six-pack, eats healthy food, travels but I couldn't feel any thing for him so I left.

I met another guy like that. He was arrogant and proud and was used to women chasing after him. I liked his carefree personality but disliked his irresponsible ways. He was more like a typical hooligan, too immature and irresponsible.

Even though I liked him, I decided that I wouldn’t date him since I thought being in a relationship would force me to be vulnerable and I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable with anyone, so I left him.

I met one or two handsome guys who were extremely rude and arrogant, self-centered, and expect the world to revolve around them. I immediately dismissed them.


I am surprised by women who fall in love with every single guy they meet all the time. Does anyone have a similar experience? How do you treat my case?

Firstly! Sorry for the molestation by your stepfather. secondly, I would advise that you should not worry about getting into a relationship for now until you are healed of the psychological wounds (molestation) done to you by your stepfather. Then try and see a good counsellor for counselling, be prayerful and let it go off your mind( It's not easy tho, it's a gradual process) so that your emotional and psychological healing can be fast. You can still fall in love my dear, I know how you feel.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Bro! this issue has been causing fight between some of the couples I know. my advice is that, you need to think deeply about it, have a heart to heart conversation with her, don't let your family and hers to decide or think for you.

Ochason:
A friend needs your advise.
My wife and I are having issues for over six months now. We live in the same house but she does not sleep with me or barely speak with me. And that is because she found out my indiscretion in March. I have been married for four years now. We were both virgins when we married. So, she is my first and I hers. Along the line, I got tired of having s*x the missionary style and wanted to try new things to spice up our life.
That was when my wife shocked me and refused to try other s*x styles like doggy or oral s*x. I was very disappointed but I love my wife, so I did not bother her. She say doggy style is painful for her and oral is against her beliefs. But,as a man, I desire these kind of exciting ways of making love and I watch films and I really get aroused seeing other people do it. One day, I gave two ladies from my office lift after work. I noticed one of them was trying to be close to me…I used to give both of them lift.
Then, one day, only one of them waited for me cos she could not find transport. We closed late that day and on the way, we got talking and it was getting interesting. I asked her if she was in a relationship, she said she just broke up with her guy. She wanted to know why I asked her and I said nothing just curios. However, she went further to say that she likes me and she wish I was not married. I smiled but then she also went ahead and said she miss her s*x with her boyfriend. All these, I know she was telling me because she wanted me. I told her lets hangout. She agreed. I took her to a hotel, paid the bill. That night …it was wild. All the imaginations I had wanted with my wife..I had with her…she was wild and gave me all the styles. For the first time,I felt I made a mistake marrying my wife.
That was how my affair with this lady started…until my wife noticed I was not bothering her again for s*x. She checked my phone and saw messages between me and this lady. She went crazy but I told her she pushed me to it. That her refusing doggy or oral pushed me to cheat. This almost broke us up but after much counselling, we agreed to work things out. My wife agreed for the doggy but not oral. She maintained its still a sin. Even the doggy,she just make me loose interest cos she will be behaving uncomfortable…not enjoying it.
I decided not to bother her again. When she noticed I am quiet… she will start making trouble…saying I am selfish and all I want is s*x and I don’t care what she feels. I don’t know what is so strange about a man wanting doggy or oral from his wife.
This is one reason a lot of men cheat on their wives. Side chicks are ready to give what the married ones don’t want to give. I feel so bad but since the situation is not getting better, I been thinking maybe its time to end the marriage.

There’s nothing I have not tried. I gave her books to reach, videos to watch…even paid for an online coaching class for her to watch but she still maintain her stance. I really do not want to divorce…I cannot bear to see my children go through this but if you were in my shoes, what will you do?
This has drawn me and that lady close. I am getting tempted to continue the affair with her…I really do not wish to…but my wife is being inconsiderate and I really feel she does not care about me as much as I care about her.

Please advise me…its almost end of year…I cannot continue in a marriage where we hardly speak to each other or enjoy s*x with each other…if she cannot compromise…I will continue cheating cos divorce is not an option…

What else can he do?

You need to change your mentality. Your wife told you that the style you want to practice with her is painful and you still want it by all means, you are a wicked man! Must you try all the styles you have watched in the pornographic movies with your wife? Marriage is a mutual agreement. Your wife is not Your slave or a prostitute that you can try those styles with. My advice is that don't let sex scatter your life and home. You may end up regretting it. Stick to your wife.

Kenog4real:
Hi NLders
Please mind my grammars. I have a lot to write but I'm just gonna go straight to the point.
My girlfriend/wife to be happens to be a rape victim. Thou we've been dating for almost 3years and by God's grace, we are working towards our wedding. The thing there is that there are issues with our sex lives. Due to her past experience, it's most times hard to have pleasing, fun and great sex. I met her to be someone not into sex because she told me she uses hot water to calm herself whenever she's in the mood; although she has a way to do things and we both climax almost together without penetration. Her reason for not giving in to sex is that there is always a flashback when it happens. As a man, you know getting inside the V and doing it as one like is the koko. By the time we started the main thing (sex)after months, I found out I don't last again and at the same time I don't satisfy her. Whenever we wanna do anything, the only pre-intimacy allowed most time is from the neck to the tummy region. Every other place is a no go/touch area(her excuse is that she get irritated and also scared of infection) except I wanna get in and also there is this facial expression from her that always makes me feel guilty and at the same loose focus which sometimes turns me off or makes me nut on time when things gets serious. I've always felt maybe it's the tightness, what we've both been doing before we started having normal sex that is affecting me or the issue is from me. I've tried to bring up the issue so we talk about it but it's always ends with 'I don't like talking about sex'. I brought up the idea of her going online to read up somethings about it so we know how to help each other, its still to no avail. During the lock down, we were home together for 5 months plus, there was nothing like sex.
I've not taken all these too serious because we aren't officially married yet and also I feel I might bring back her past, but I don't want all these to affect the both of us when we finally get married.
She's a decent, hard working, helping, and a supportive lady. In fact she worked my way out of Nigeria with her and we have been staying together since then.

My people, please what do I do. How do I tackle this because we are working towards our wedding already.
She doesn't cheat likewise myself.

Bro, Let her see a good counsellor for counselling. It is a psychological issue. Don't dump her. Give her all support she needs to overcome the challenges.
Pls note this: I do not encourage sex before marriage.

Gayatri:
I do not know how to start this but i will write as it comes... I was in a 2 year relationship that ended in march this year.. I was so commited in it like naturally when im dating, i DO NOT notice other guys and i DO NOT ask my boyfriend for financial assistance because i feel im not his responsibility,, what i do appreciate mostly were little things like, chatting, kindness, hugs, opening and closing of doors for me,, just little things, coz i adore them so much.. But anyway it ended.. And i vowed never to date again come what may.. During the break up process, all my friends (guys, hardly have a girlfriend) were there to help me pull through.. Calls and texts constantly because, according to them, they knew my type, thus the help.. Funny enough, i never got attracted to any of them (even the ones that initially asked me out when my friendship with them was fresh) and im not the sex sex type to just fall for any to satisfy my desire.. Though i got advice from neighbours to find someone else than staying alone, i said no especially as i am a loner but a happy loner.. I keep myself busy with work or any stuff that makes me happy.

Fine, two months later (june), some guy reached out to me even as he knew he's got a girlfriend, whixh according to him later, they were in an open relationship.. He stays in oshogbo, his girl stays in kaduna while im in sagamu..Before then, he reached out online by first stalking me on facebook (even though we did same online business), after a while he got talking with me.. At first, i was harsh, very harsh to him but he never minded.. At a point i stopped talking to him.. A month later he reached out again, asking if we were still friends.. I was like yeah, not nice to him at all but he was patient with me..

From mid-july we started talking well as friends, he was very open as i was to him. We flowed well that things were happening to us coincidentally.. Whenever he yawns, i do at my place, if im having a scratch, he does too.. There was just plenty of this connection that we never got tired of each other.. In the procesa of our been honest, he told me about his girl and how she was still keeping her ex and all whatnots... I didnt feel any iota of jealousy because i had not feelings for him yet.. I asked to talk things through with his girl and he says well if she gave the chance.. So laters, by august, september,october, feelings grew.. He got so fond of me... According to him, he has not seen my type before.. Fine! During my birthday, he wanted to do something for me, i said no, then two weeks to his birthday in nov, he asked that i visit him at their family house, that i did..

What struck me most was how the elder brother (married) took care of me... I was not allowed to do nothing.. The brother even cooked for me.. God, it made me fall more for the family.. The kind gestures i have never experienced in my life.. There are kindnesses but there is kindness, the real one.. I felt it.. Every thing that i want in a man, those little things, this guy has them all.. According to him, it baffles him that with the little he shows me, i do not take for granted even before he told me he's having a girl..

When i returned home, we continued our normal talks and he then said, that his girlfriend would be visiting during his birthday.. At that point i went silent.. (Meanwhile he met his girl this year but before me, also during her break up).. He was unhappy that i displayed this little jealousy.. So he says he has not broken up with his girl to start a new relationship and he is hurting that he is hurting me.. He's got feelings for me but he loves his girl.. So i said i was going walk, even though i never meant it, twas hard to even say that but i had to and he says no... That he's become so attached to me even his family thinks he's dating me.. That he controls his feelings for me, could i do same and i said no.. I could not be friends with him when i know that feelings are involved.. Finally, we came to terms to just flow with things since he was not engaged or married to her.. Even so, this guy just lost his job and he says unlike his girl, im the one pushing him to have something doing, he says i help him alot but i wouldnt know.. So we continued to let the whole feelings to flow until last week, when with my help, he was called for an interview in lagos..

As usual we talked and i wished him well.. I always pray for him.. In lagos, we talked well until the third day, our communication changed and before it did, my heart was literally aching, so i knew something was wrong.. I called to know why but he was telling me that he'd let me in when he got back to oshogbo, which he did.. He said his girlfriend who was having something to do with her ex, called him and wanted to settle things with him.. But the truth is, because this lady already had his facebook password when they were together in kadauna, she 3 days before her birthday on the 8th of this month wanted to know why her boyfriend was no longer perturbed over her behaviour, so she saw my chats with the guy and decided to do something,,, this now pushed to talk things out with the bf and apologise to him.. Then she asked him if anything was going on between is and he said no.. That we just friends,close friends.. He lied to her but opens up to me.. He says he doesnt want the girl to ask him to cut me off totally.. So the whole thing got him confused.. He says he's never double dated and he isnt happy that he's hurting me and im taking it... I asked him again if i should walk and he says no.. He does not want to lose me and i do not want to lose him either but i want to prove my love for him so that he one day sees that the girl, probably loves him but she's got no integrity.. And i purely love him.. But because i respect his relationship, i CAN NOT TELL HIM TO BREAK UP WITH HER but wanting him to see things himself but the question is for how long.. He says they are working things out now but he doesnt want to lose me esp as a friend... Difficult.. Out of God knows what, we agreed to let things flow since i will respect his relationship, like whenever his girl is around, i should make him believe that i will be fine.. Now, he isnt happy because he said if he hadnt met the gf, he'd have gone ahead to date me.. For me, i cannot sleep, ive been typing this since God knows when and this is 3:36am.. Since he is confused now, please people, friends, family, can i use love to make him see the difference between his girl and me.. He loves his girl, he is controlling his feelings for me and afraid to let it grow because he knows we'd bond, while my feelings toward him is real.. Money has not been involved in this.. We are 6months now.. I believe in true love and that it does not come easy.. Talk to me Y'll because i have no parents to talk to,, i would have talked to my mum now but she isnt here... I want to win with true love.. I turned 27 this past november and he turned 30 same november.. Thank You and God bless..

please move on! forget about him, from all that you typed here I could see that he is not a serious person. Don't be deceived and don t decieve yourself. tell yourself bitter truth. Don't waste your time with an unserious fellow that has no plans for you. Pray to God to give you your own man.

Kondomatic:
How do you know all these?



You concluded like you know the guy personally, like you've had a personal experience with him.


Do you even how cheap sex is these days? Why go through all these just to have sex if sex is the only thing he wants? The babe said they've been chatting for some time so she knows the guy enough.


I have had someone visit me from Facebook.


Lodged her in a hotel.


Passed the night in same room with her yet nothing happened.


The world maybe mad but everyone isn't evil.

I understand you very well bro. you are correct "The world maybe mad but everyone isn't evil." but the way the babe narrated the whole thing, I can bet with you that the guy doesn't love her.

jornwhite:
Are we been realistic here, if its that easy to figure the guy wanted sex what about the games women play or you want to pretend you're oblivious of that.
Who likes disappointment, what if he feels the gurl is not taking him serious enough, not every man would understand a woman that puts her career above everything ... because he is moody he does not love her, he should have hired saxophonist to show he cares
From the story, a guy that can afford 20k air ticket is certainly a big boy that can surely get hot babe if he is sex starved, wise men cherish what they know they have/own not what they aint sure of.
how is it wrong to be sexual attracted to a gurl you geniunely love. is she suppose to be a decoration or a thing in his house.

Noted sir! but just one question for you, if the girl was your sister, how will you advise her?

LucyB24:
I'm a 24 year old lady living and working in Abuja. My job is very time demanding. I'm usually very busy on weekdays, and sometimes on weekends I can get called to work if something important comes up.

There is a guy I've known for months now. We met in Abuja at an event and we've been friends since. He lives in lagos but visits Abuja occasionally. He's also a very busy guy and he hardly has time on his hands. We have spent sometime together talking and getting to know each other but we haven't been on an official date. Most of our interaction has been over phone calls and WhatsApp text messages due to the distance barrier.

I fell in love with him during the course of our friendship. He is everything I want in a man. He's financially stable, very good looking and smart. The few times I've spent talking to him have been a pleasure, both for my eyes and for my mind. I never thought I could ever meet someone who checks all those boxes perfectly.

Men like him usually get a lot of female attention and I've tried to tread carefully. I didnt want him to see me as cheap but I also don't want him to think I am not interested in him. The day he told me he loved me was very memorable for me because I felt the same way. Few days later I told him I loved him too. Due to the distance barrier we could only talk on phone. I'm a very decent lady with good upbringing but because of what I felt for him, I did things I thought I'd never do. One night we had a sex chat that ended in me sending nudes to him. I've never done this before. This made me feel vulnerable and cheap because even though he said he loved me, I never believed him because he didn't really act like someone who was in love with me. He wasn't the type to call everyday and there were periods where he would dissapear for days and ignore my calls and texts and then return like nothing happened.

Last week we planned a special meeting. I was to travel to Lagos to see him at his place on Saturday morning. He had planned to refund me the money I'd use for my airline ticket and even hire a taxi that would bring me straight to his place from the airport. The way he sounded I knew he took it as a big deal. I agreed to come see him in lagos. On Friday morning he called and I assured him I was going to come. He called me again in the afternoon and I assured him I was going to come.

Towards the end of work on Friday my boss informed me that I had to be at work on Saturday to complete a very important project. Immediately I got the information I sent him a text. I was too tired when I left for home and I planned on calling him later that evening. I was so tired that I took a quick nap and woke up to missed calls from him. I called him back and asked if he got my message and he said he didn't. I informed him of the change in plans and he got very furious. He accused me of being indecisive and playing games. He said he had cancelled lots of meetings and spent money preparing for my visit and was disappointed that I didn't take him as seriously as he took me. He ended the call in annoyance and I've not heard from him since. He isn't picking my calls or replying my texts. I've sent him voice messages on WhatsApp apologizing and explaining myself but he hasn't replied..

I really love this guy and I don't want to lose him. He probably thinks I'm lying to him or that I have someone else I'm seeing but that's not the case.

I want to advise you like my little sister, if you like follow, if you no like don't follow! I know what I am saying. The guy doesn't love you, take it or leave it. if he really loved you he will cherish you. He was furious when you changed your plan of not visiting him again because he had planned how HE WAS GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU LIKE A MAD DOG. believe me! He doesn't love you. He wants sex from you only. God used the change of plan to reveal to you the kind of person he is to you but your foolishness will not make you to understand it. forget about him or else it will end in premium tears.

bouncin04:
I have other girls that come around once in a while.. but issue is .. I've invested so much time and money on her ..just can't start all over with another girl ..

Bro! That's not investment, it is called wasting of resources (WASTAGE). if you still need your life, separate from her completely or else she might lead you to hell fire or complete destruction.