₦airaland Forum

Aguogba:
Graduation in Nigeria now is no longer a passport towards meaningful livelihood. It only ensures that the graduand can become a reasonable member of the society.
What you have to do is to invite your son for a talk.
1.Ask him what his passion is in life. As in, what is that one thing that he knows that he is good at. That thing he does with little effort and excels.
2. When he tells you and you're convinced that he got it right (of course you must have seen signs without being told)
Hmmm,still learning, great thanks.
3. Verify from him if he is motivated to chase that passion, if the answer is yes, your problems are halved.
4. Ask him to make a budget of what it takes to KICK-START that passion.
5. Make your own research to confirm if he did a good job with (number 4) above as you won't entertain hiccups after.
6. Provide that "LAST PUSH" and make it clear that it's handsoff from that point as long as economic parental support is concerned.
7. Follow up with advice when called upon.
8. Good luck to both of you.

Carlyboi:
Dear Sir Desusi!

I’m firstly gonna applaud you for constantly fulfilling your fatherly duties to your kids even though you owe them that responsibility being their progenitor but as soon as they become adults you’re not necessarily obliged and even young kids abound who have got only deadbeats Sperm donor to call Dad!

To your post I think you need to understand how unfavorable the economy is to people generally not to talk of someone who’s underemployed and a male child..we males deal with loads of pressure and responsibilities which sometimes can be overwhelming,but....I can’t absolve him of responsibilities especially if the bills have become a burden for you...so he needs to sit up and man up.

Let me ask these questions..do you deprive access to the house or visit especially females?second do you think he’s genuinely financially incapacitated or he’s just not willing to try?I asked bout the access cos he might spending money on entertaining women elsewhere if he’s into women and if he’s actually kind then you can’t go too hard on him...you can tell your daughter bout it and get her to see reason or anyone else you think can get through to him friends,relatives or lover(s)if applicable.

Then try and saddle him with the smallest bills to start with and try awaken that sense of responsibility in him,also don’t try push him or force him out,don’t put me under undue pressure,don’t denigrate or Shame him cos of his financial and employment status...that would do more harm than good and strain and scar your relationship for life.

At the end of the day if nothing changes do whatever you can going forward and prioritize your needs he would always sort himself out and also it’s only a matter of time he won’t live with your for life I’m here thinking 5yrs at the most he would find his footing and move in to his own apartment...if you can accommodate,groom and raise him for 29years of his life what is 5years less or more that you can’t bear and also put him in your prayers constantly,pray for him to thrive!

medriano:
He is a lazy and selfish man. Do not for a second think he’ll be if any assistance to you even if he earns good money.
At 29, he should be out of your house, hustling to assist you and his younger one.
You make him comfortable that’s why.
What you should do is this.
1, electricity bill, food and other little stuff in the house should be shared. If he doesn’t contribute, make sure he does not eat or even charge his phone. Disconnect the light in his room.
2, give him an ultimatum to leave your house. You have over pampered him.
Is it not obvious that when he marries, he won’t take responsibility of his own family?
Whatever you get now, use it for yourself only.

PrimadonnaO:
He won't know where to look, sadly.

Blastedholligan:
Mehn, this is so disheartening to even read. I'm so sorry about this sir. Why is he being oblivious to what is happening around him? I wish I had the best answer to give but I'm not a father so I won't know how to act in this situation. What I feel you can do best is reach out to any of his closest friend in confidence and tell him what's happening then ask his friend to speak to your son.

If I were son's friend, the kind talk I'll tell him ehn, he might not even want to be friends with me anymore.Thank you,my brother.

I'm so sorry about this sir.

MALIGNANTGuest:
OGA send him to us in the United States.
Here, parents evict their kids from homes.
IF kids don't generate Revenue and are only consuming & possibly causing troubles, they are immediately ejected.
In Fact, POLICE immediately issues them a restriction order from the house.

I know it's unAfrican.
But traveling has taught me a lot.
Just same way I will never advise a struggling Young man to marry a completely jobless lady.
No one does such Abroad.

He should be encouraged to get something doing, no matter how small.
Small is far better than nothing.
May be I may have to share my story too.

Tina001:
If not for anything, at least respect his age. See the way u talking to a 60years old man. Must you display your lack of home training I blame social media

udomonday:
the son might even kill him one day in other to inherit the house.I have seen cases like that.

Richy4:

Sir, u have done your part wonderfully well...
Since he is earning, use your church mind to calculate how much his take home is...Write a love note, stating what you want him to contribute clearly....

Since it's gonna cause a misunderstanding, put it in writing by telling him to contribute towards the upkeep... Example..

<<< Monthly electricity Bill... # 7000
<<<Saturday Lawn mowing... # 1000 or u mow the lawn by yourself..
<<< Food.. since I am your father, I will provide that..
<<< Water rates... #5000
<<< General house cleaning...#6000

Conclude by saying....Son, I want you to read this carefully.. U will only approach me over this subject matter if u want to negotiate only... But if u can not help me your father, Your certificate is enough to get u any where u want in the world... I want you to leave my house first week after Easter holidays...

Oga please type it... So that he will know that you are serious...do not right with pen...

Print your own copy as well just incase he wants to negotiate... It's called tough love... I believe anywhere he will be, he will pay rent and bills? Haba!!!

Beremx:
The current situation of the country made him to still be living under your roof. Don’t frustrate him and make him misbehave. He’s still a good boy unlike some sons who are jobless and shameless. Give him more time to look for a better job and let him move on

Kobojunkie:
Desusi, your son is a grown man and you and he can, as suggested here, have a grown up conversation about such things.

If you don't know how, watch some American family movies to get you an idea of what you can do.

Mooh247:




See wetin bad economy cause

You can't repay your father for raising you, you are still taking from him even at retirement

That's a crime


Use the method my mum used on us..

Note ; she is a retired Federal Government worker with my dad and they both earn good money from pension and house rent

Call all your children to have a serious conversation early in the morning...

Mandate each and everyone of them to take care of a certain bill or give you a certain amount every month so as to receive your true blessing

Start with little commitments for them

*filling of cooking gas
*service and fueling of Generators
*buying of pure water and water dispenser refill
*even your kid in school can afford to buy bread or live chcken every time he comes home if you mandate him to do so
*3k monthly subscription of internet or DSTV




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